Page 3

Lena

I woke before the sun rose, excited and a little nervous about my first day.

I could hear Carrie outside my door moving through the space and visualized her making coffee and taking advantage of the stillness to do her morning meditation.

She had a lovely spot in the living room where she’d set up a yoga mat.

A singing bowl had been placed at one end, a few rocks and crystals were scattered along the edges, and completing her little serenity place, was a happy looking spider plant.

I showered and dressed in the uniform provided and with a last look in the mirror, left the safety of my bedroom. Sure enough, Carrie was sitting on her mat, a steaming cup of java before her and she was shuffling cards. I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat on the couch.

“Good morning, Lena, why don’t you join me.”

I slid to the floor and scooched over the two feet to sit close.

“What exactly are you doing?” I peered over her shoulder at the cards in her hands.

“These are called intention cards. Basically, you shuffle until you feel a pull or a card pops out of the deck and that is what your focus should be for the rest of the day. Look, I got ‘Faith’.”

She handed me the card and I read the message, “Everything I need always comes.” Hmm, interesting.

“Want to try?” Before I could answer, she handed me the deck. “Now close your eyes and concentrate on what you need or want.”

I shuffled the deck, my thoughts shifting from Daniel to what I wanted.

To feel safe in play with the hopes of one day finding the right Dom who offered the balance of protocol and love that I so desperately needed.

A card popped out of the deck, just like Carrie said it would. I silently read the card’s face.

Abundance–follow the Tao and serve something beyond the ego. Be abundant, do not chase it.

It was Carrie’s turn to lean over my shoulder. She smiled when she read the message. “What a great message for your first day. Does it resonate?”

Resonate? What the heck did that mean? “Uh, I guess so?”

Carrie giggled at my confusion. “I’m asking, does that sound accurate?”

“Oh. Yes. I, uh, have been on my own for almost two years. Before that, I spent six months with a Dom. Let’s just say my time with him left some scars and I’m here to… well, for a lot of reasons actually.”

Carrie squeezed my hand encouragingly. “I have no doubt you will find what you need here, Lena. Now, let me quickly change and we can get breakfast and then we’ll start our day.”

After a morning of laundry and towel deliveries to all the cabins, and rooms, as well as the Dungeon, I was feeling more relaxed.

I went back to my room after lunch to shower and put on my regular clothes.

I wanted to walk and smell the fresh air and mentally prepare for my first night in the Dungeon.

During my shift with Carrie, we’d witnessed lots of comings and goings. “It should be an exciting weekend,” she’d said then winked. “Who knows, Lena, maybe you’ll find what you're looking for.”

I thought about her words as I took a leisurely stroll around the property. The air was clean with the scent of fresh grasses and fragrant flowers. The sun warmed me, and I was hyperaware of the peace in my surroundings.

The message from my card played in a loop…

follow the Tao and serve something beyond the ego.

Be abundant, do not chase it. It was hard to fathom wanting to chase anything here as the environment just was.

A single blade of grass didn’t strive to be one with the others, did it?

The sky didn’t question its existence or the rock, but I sure questioned myself.

Partway around the lake I found a large flat rock and took a seat, mimicking Carrie doing criss-cross applesauce.

I wiggled my bottom until I felt as fully seated on the hard surface as I could.

I placed my hands on my lap and let the peace of the place roll over me.

Sounds, both close and distant became the backdrop to the gentle hum of the wind rustling through the tall grasses.

I felt a grin tug my lips. There really was something to this meditation thing. A new sound, filtered through, a drip of water from the babbling brook that fed the lake, close to where I sat. My body froze as I anticipated the next drip…

I was back in the punishment room. Why? Because a bead of wine had slid down the outer side of his glass when I poured it. I watched horrified as the single drop rolled down the stem and plopped onto the carpeted surface below.

“Sloppiness is weakness and I don’t keep weak things.”

My eyes flew open, and I almost fell off the sturdy rock.

My heart rate amped, my breaths came fast and shallow.

Crap! I quickly wiped myself off and practically ran from what had been a place of serenity.

I rounded the bushes and ran smack dab into something hard.

I bounced back and would have fallen on my ass if sturdy hands hadn’t reached out to stabilize me. I froze in the stranger’s hold.

“Whoa, you're going a little fast, aren’t you?” He wore a megawatt smile that put me on edge, especially when it disappeared as fast as it had appeared. “Are you all right Miss…?”

“Lena.”

He smiled, this time it was much softer and his eyes showed concern. He released my arms. “Are you? All right I mean. You seem spooked. Can I be of assistance?”

“No, Sir.” I dropped my gaze to hide my feelings, but I was sure my panting breaths gave me away.

“My name is Ethan. Why don’t we sit on this bench for a moment and you can catch your breath.”

His tone, while soothing, was also strong. He was a man used to telling people what to do. Despite my fright, I couldn't help wanting to be in his sphere. I allowed him to guide me to the bench. Once seated, Ethan turned his body toward me. He had perceptive eyes.

“Lena, would you be comfortable with allowing me to guide your breathing?”

My heart was racing like an out-of-control freight train. I needed my heart to calm down.

“Yes.”

He smiled kindly, changing his position to sitting cross legged on the bench the way I had on the rock. He was a tall man, and fairly muscular, but he bent better than I’d expected. I copied him and we now sat facing each other.

“Place one hand on your lower belly and one hand on your upper belly. The idea is to move your breath from your chest to a deeper place which allows for relaxation.”

I wondered if he knew Carrie, or did everyone at Rawhide know how to relax?

“Now count to four as you inhale, then slowly exhale. Let your belly expand outward while you breathe in and let it draw toward your back when you release it.”

I wanted to ask if he was some sort of meditation guru but I didn’t want to interrupt him. Maybe he’d get angry.

“You’re doing great.”

I felt a small blush heat my face. I wasn’t used to positive feedback.

“Now, Lena, I want you to hold your breath for a few moments and slowly exhale.”

I did what he said.

“Well done. Just a few more.”

We breathed together, in sync, and it was soothing. My heart stopped pounding and the anxiety that almost toppled me from the rock dissipated.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Much better. Thank you.” I stood up. “Thank you, Ethan.” His name felt strange on my tongue, and I couldn’t miss the nervousness in the way I said his name. He didn’t miss it either.

“You are very welcome. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

I nodded and hustled my way along the path and straight to my room. Carrie wasn’t home, thankfully, so no explaining why I was a complete mess. I closed and locked my door and sat down on the bed, taking those deep breaths Ethan had taught me.

Later that evening, I was in the Dungeon. The place was fairly full and for the first few hours I was busy helping the guests and serving beverages from the bar. When the rope demonstration started, the place had cleared out a bit and I was able to take a break and watch.

The Dom was nothing like Daniel, I observed.

He spoke gently with the submissive, asking permission and correcting form where necessary.

There were no punishments for a lack of perfection, and I felt tears sting my eyes.

This is how it should be. A power exchange fully encouraged and supported by both parties.

My gaze traveled to take in the other observers.

Ethan was among them, and I wondered how long he’d been here.

He must have felt me staring at him, because he looked away from the scene and glanced around.

When he saw me, he simply nodded and went back to the scene.

I was happy he wasn’t stalking me like a predator looking for a way to break into my personal space.

Even later when we passed each other, he respected my silence.

At midnight, I left the Dungeon and went directly to my room.

Carrie’s door was shut with the light off so I assumed she was already asleep.

My first day had been interesting but it felt good to be here among other lifestylers and still be safe within the confines of the Ranch and the house rules.

I could breathe here and not have to worry about being accosted.

I washed up and changed out of my evening clothing, deciding to sleep naked and let my skin breathe. I crawled into the comfy bed and was out once my head hit the pillow.