Page 87 of Lash

He sighs. "Myka has siblings with kids. We visited over the holidays and they tied me to a chair, forced me to watch Disney movies, and put a bunch of makeup and shit on me."

Tatiana snickers, covering her mouth. "And you allowed this?"

He grunts an affirmative. "Hard to say no to half a dozen half-feral little girls when they're climbing on you and begging you to play with them."

I grin at him. "Sounds like good practice for the future."

Rev scrubs his face with a blood-stained hand, smearing blood on his forehead, nose, and cheek. "That's what Myka said. I'm not sure I'm father material, though. Kids scare me. They're crazy, sticky, smelly, strange, unpredictable, and fragile. And I'm a fuckin' soldier. What the fuck do I know about raising a kid?"

I reach through the empty window frame and rest my hand on his shoulder. "I felt the same way when Ileana first told me she wanted to get pregnant." At his quizzical expression, I sigh. "Oh, right, I haven't told the rest of you. I was married. I had children,—infant twins. A corrupt Interpol official I was investigating at the time kidnapped me, tied me up, put a device on me that forced my eyes open, and made me watch as he burned my wife and children alive."

Rev doesn’t answer for a while. "Fuck, man. Jesus Christ. No wonder you kept that shit tight."

"Indeed," I mutter.

"You kill the motherfucker?"

I grunt a negative. "He is too well-placed. And I…I was too much of a mess for many years to put together a proper plan, and then I encountered Inez and joined you all."

"But you're going to."

I shake my head. "I gave the evidence I had against him to an agent investigating him. He will pay within the justice system. My need for revenge was eating me alive and preventing me from having anything like a real life. Now that I have released that desire for vengeance, I am free. I am no longer the angry ghost I was for long. I am Nicolae Dragos, and I have a future."

Rev is quiet for a while. "You're a better man than me, brother. Not sure I could let that go."

I reach in and grab Tatiana's hand, squeeze it. "It was Tatiana who helped me see a better way. She set me free."

Rev nods, eyes closed. "I feel that. Myka saved me, too."

"Anjalee forced me to face my past," Kane says. "A lot like you, Nicolae, I was hogtied to past mistakes. Lived half-dead, consumed by guilt. She made me face myself and the shit I did. I got forgiveness, and I forgave myself."

Tatiana clutches my hand, kisses the back of it. "I think I will like these women."

"I know you will," I respond.

Tatiana lets go of my hand and squeezes Rev's shoulder. "Rev, if my father can raise a child, so can you. He is…hewas—a” she clears her throat and starts over. "He was a criminal. A bad man who did bad things. And not always to bad people. He had bad things done to innocent people to send messages. But he loved me, and I never doubted that." She jostles him. "And Rev, you seem like a good man. I do not know you well yet, but that is the feeling I get. If you and your Myka have children together, I do not doubt that you will be a fine father."

Rev covers his face. Sighs heavily. "I…fuck. It's just fuckin' scary—the whole concept. Myka is the best thing that ever happened to me. But bringing a kid into it? I never had parents. I'm still figuring out how to be a good partner for Myka. She's a grown-ass woman. She can tell me what she needs, what I did wrong. A kid can't. What if…what if I lose my temper?"

I swallow a hot lump in my throat. "Rev, my friend. If you think loving Myka is rewarding, children are even more so. I only was able to be a father to Leonora and Leander for a very short time, but they…" I squeeze my eyes shut, grateful for the wind that snatches the tears away. "They lit up my life in a way I have not experienced before or since. It is a thing that is unique to being a father, I think. The love you instantly feel for them…it changes you."

Tatiana and Rev both reach out and comfort me, and I grab each of their hands with mine, unashamed of my sorrow—if Icannot share it with the woman I love and a man with whom I have shed blood, then…who?

"I'm so fuckin' sorry for what you went through, Nicolae," Rev says. "No one should experience that."

I nod, too overcome to speak. Instead, I squeeze his hand and let the sorrow flow out of me.

The moment it passes, I feel a lightness I haven’t known in years, as if a physical weight has been lifted from my chest.

"Look at us, bonding and shit," Rev says.

"Consider me part of that snuggle fest back there," Kane says.

Rev leans forward and rests a hand on Kane's shoulder, and now we have a four-way thing going on, Tatiana to me and to Rev, me to Rev and Tatiana, and Rev to Kane.

Rev lets out a long sigh. "Thanks, guys. Guess me and Myka gotta talk when I get back."

We arriveat the Brasilia airport with no further incident. Lorenzo called ahead to a friend in the Brazilian government and got us entry into the private flight section of the airport, so we were not subject to security—obviously a necessity considering the weaponry we carry.