Page 38 of Lash

"Yes, we do." I rise from the floor and go to the sink, rinse my mouth out. I look at her as I wash my hands. "Can I ask you something?”

"Of course," she says.

"How do I convince Lash that he's allowed to want me? That he's allowed to feel things for me."

Scarlett laughs. "Oh, man. You're asking the wrong bitch, Tatiana. Sol and I are still working that one out. We both struggle with emotional vulnerability. It's tough. I think you just have to be patient and keep repeating the message. Keep showing him it’s safe to show you that stuff. Especially after what he told us about what he went through, ontopof killer's guilt? He's gonna have a hard time. You just gotta give him a safe space to figure out how to get in touch with his heart again."

"He is very resistant."

"Wouldn't you be?"

I nod. “Yes, I suppose I would."

She ducks her head. "I'm still learning how to be the softness Sol needs. It goes against everything my entire life has taught me I need to be."

"What do you mean?" I ask. "The softness he needs?"

She tips her head from side to side. "I don't give a fuck about gender roles or any of that shit. I'm just talking about Sol and me. But what Sol needs is for me to be a woman—his woman. He wants to give me himself—and Sol is all man, right? Big, tough, hard as nails, scary as fuck. He's a killer. He's a fighter. A warrior. But that's notallhe is, right? Same for me. I'm not big, but Iamtough and I’m strong. I’m hard, I'm a killer every bit as much as Sol. That's been my life. But with Sol, I can be more. I can be a girl. I can put away Scarlett the operator, the badass boss bitch who can put a bullet in your fucking skull while eating lunch and not lose my appetite. I can be soft. I don'tmean physically, but that too—I can be affectionate, tender, all that shit. Hewantsthat. Heneedsit. And it took a lot of courage for a man like Sol to even admit that he wants and needs that."

"I suppose I do not understand what you mean when you say softness."

"Let's get out of here," she says. "We'll keep talking, though. We've been in one place for too long."

Since they're the professionals, I let them decide our next move—we need to get to Lyon, according to Lash's plan. But as I listen to them debating our next move and how to get to Lyon and then to Brazil where Sol's and Lash's friend and boss is being held, and I can't help but speak my mind.

"Lash?" I say, cutting through cross-talk as we stand on the sidewalk near the idling busses.

He looks at me. "Yes, lovely One?"

“I’m sorry, but I must ask."

He frowns. "Ask me what?"

"Are you putting your need to avenge your family ahead of your need to rescue your friend?" I rest my hand on his forearm. "This Pugli man. He is awful, and evil. I do not question your need to bring him to justice. But Inez is alive and she is in danger. I suppose what I am asking is if perhaps we should not focus on getting to Brazil and helping her instead of going after Pugli. I know he is evil and needs to be brought down. But Inez is your friend and she needs you."

His face contorts with anger, and he whirls on a heel, stalks away a few paces. His shoulders round with tension, and his head hangs, chin on his chest. "He burned my wife and infant children alive." I can barely hear him, even when I move up behind him, inches away.

"I know, Lash. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

He shakes his head. “No. No." He tugs on his beard. "You are right. I am being selfish. I am only thinking about myself."

Solomon cuts in. "He's still a problem, though. He wants you dead, and us by association. Killing him gets him out of the way, if nothing else."

Lash sighs. "But Tatiana is right. I have been focused on the wrong thing. We can just as easily find our way to Brazil as to Lyon. The problem is the same—enemies who want us dead, and will try to stop us and apprehend us. But Inez is alive. Pugli isn't going anywhere, but every minute that goes by is a minute in which Mercado could decide to simply kill her."

"Lash, I—"

He brushes a gentle thumb over my lips, silencing me. “Thank you, Tatiana. I lost sight of what truly matters."

"I didn't mean—"

"I know. I will always mourn my family. And Pugli must come to justice. Perhaps it will be me who does so, perhaps not. But right now, the priority has to be Inez. I owe her my life. We all do." He frames my face in his big hard hands. "I am indebted to you for reminding me what my priorities should be."

My eyes burn again—and god, I'm sick of feeling so damned weepy. "I don't want to take away your revenge, Lash."

He smiles. "But you should. Revenge does not satisfy the soul. It only perpetuates violence. That does not mean he does not deserve a slow, horrific death and given a chance, I will give it to him. But revenge will not bring my wife back. It will not bring Leonora and Leander back. It will not soothe the sorrow I shall always feel. But if something were to happen to Inez because I was chasing my revenge, I would never forgive myself."

Lorenzo claps him on the back. "Speaking selfishly, I am relieved. I am in love with Sophia. Every moment I am stuck on the wrong side of the ocean is agony, because I know far too well what Rafael will do to her."