Page 45 of Lash

"You have mentioned a brand and an oath before. What are they?”

He turns and pulls up his shirt sleeve so the light from the cabin illuminates the inside of his bicep and the raised tattoo there. Not just a tattoo, I realize—he used the word "brand," and when I touch the stylized broken arrow the skin is raised—the arrow is branded into his skin and then tattooed over.

"What does it mean?" I ask. "And what is the oath?"

"The broken arrow symbolizes the other men and me. We are all warriors, and our experiences have broken us. Before, we were arrows in the quiver of the military. We were weapons. Our lives, our whole purpose was killing—bad people, yes, but still." He lets down his sleeve and turns back to the view of approaching Ancona. "It is layers of meaning. We are no longer arrows. We have chosen a different life. And also, we are all broken in some way. Our employer, who we only know as The Boss, or sometimes The Guardian, rescued us all. We all had enemies who wanted us dead. We had vices, addictions, and secrets. We all have closets full of skeletons, pasts full of ghosts.”

"And your boss gave you somewhere you could…not hide, exactly, but just…get away, I suppose?”

Lash nods. "Yes, exactly."

"And the oath?"

He recites. "Once you're in, there's no going back. Never take a life. Loyalty to the brotherhood above all."

"And the others, they all swore that oath. But you didn't?"

I shake my head. "No, I did not. I swore loyalty to the brotherhood, but I did not swear to not take a life. I have never known why. I should have. I often wish I had. Perhaps if I had, I would not have been so consumed with thoughts of revenge."

"Perhaps it was an oversight?" I suggest.

He barks a laugh. "No. Our employer does not make mistakes. Neither does Inez. I took the brand last. It was just me and Inez out in the desert outside Las Vegas. I never told theothers that my oath was different. I was…ashamed, I suppose. Confused."

"Perhaps…" I trail off, hesitant to render my guess.

"Perhaps what, Lovely One?"

"Well, I know nothing but what you have told me, obviously, so this is only a guess. But what if he knew you would need to make the choice yourself?"

"What choice?"

"To pursue revenge…or not."

"Huh," he grunts. "You are a wise woman, do you know that?"

"It is the only thing that makes sense to me, that's all. I know nothing of the pasts of the other men. But I do know yours—what you have told me, that is. And if this mysterious man, your employer, does not make mistakes, if everything he does is with intent, then he had a purpose in removing that part of the oath only for you. What other purpose could there be?" I shrug. “He knew that someday you would have to choose to take your revenge against this Roberto Pugli or choose not to. You would have to be free to make that choice, and you would not be if you had sworn an oath not to kill."

He is quiet for a very long time, thinking. "I believe you are correct yet again." He snorts a laugh, shaking his head. "You have upended my entire life and everything I have tricked myself into believing."

"Lash, I—"

He twists in place, silencing me with a kiss. "I am indebted to you a thousand times over, Tatiana."

I shake my head. "There is no debt, Lash. Just…" I trail off, licking my lips. "Just…love me."

His black gaze is glittering and intense. "Tatiana, I—"

It's my turn to interrupt, to silence him with a kiss. "In time, Lash. We just met. I don't expect you to be in love. But thatis what I want. It's all I want—for you to love me, someday, if you can." I swallow hard, my damned eyes burning yet again. "I know I cannot have your whole heart. Your beloved Ileana will always have it. But I will accept whatever you can give me."

“You deserve all of someone, Tatiana."

"That is for me to decide, isn't it? If I decide part of you is better than all of anyone else, then what can you say? Nothing. We make choices in life, Lash. You rescued me from Filip. You have protected me. You have shared your heart with me. You have shown yourself to me when I know damned well that you do not do so easily, or indeed at all. So, I choose you. I know my own mind." I lean against him, giving him all my weight, and sling my arms around his neck. "I have often been called impulsive, rash, even reckless. But I listen to my gut, my instincts, and my heart. I rarely listen to my mind, for I know the depths of my ignorance. But I know what I want and I know what I feel." I lean in, kiss him. "So if I choose to accept however much of yourself you can give me, then that is my choice to make."

He holds my gaze for a long time. "I cannot bring myself to argue the point, even if part of me thinks you are cheating yourself. I am a broken man. My heart is in pieces."

"I told you already—I am good at puzzles." I shake my head, and nuzzle his cheek. "Lash, I choose you as you are. Right now. Broken pieces and all."

“I just…I struggle to understand why."