Page 37 of Just Heartbeats (Royalla Motorcycle Club #1)

Roma stopped into Kodiak's room, changed her mind, and turned around and entered her room, shutting the door behind her.

She leaned against the wood, eyes burning from the conversation she'd overheard outside the meeting room.

Kodiak had killed Nate. One minute he was alive, and the next he was dead.

It was over.

As much as she wanted Kodiak home, safe and sound, she felt an overwhelming wave of guilt about what he'd done. Killing a man would haunt him forever. And it was her fault.

Roma crossed the room and dropped onto the bed like she was twelve years old again and thought the world was going to end because she didn't get her way with her dad.

Back then, the world had seemed smaller and simpler.

Her dad had been alive, and everything had felt stable, even if she hadn't known what he was shielding her from.

She grabbed the pillow and pulled it to her chest, curling around it.

Hard facts made her nauseous. If only she hadn't played pool with Nate.

If she hadn't gone outside. If only she'd stayed inside.

Maybe Nate would've changed his mind about helping that man kidnap her, and he could've turned his back on Deception Motorcycle Club.

It might not have changed anything, or it could've changed everything. But she would never know now. She couldn't go back and make different choices. Kodiak would have to live with what happened, and his pain would always be linked to her.

Tears fell. She missed her dad. Missed the way his presence wrapped her in a bubble, shielding her from everything that happened in the club. Growing up, she never recalled her dad discussing club business with her. Now she knew better. She knew what being a Royalla member had cost him.

His life.

A fresh wave of fear crept up her spine. Would this be her life now? Loving Kodiak meant living with the possibility that he might not come back one night. Could she live with that kind of fear every day and night? Would she survive if she lost him?

The door creaked.

She couldn't find the energy to wipe her face or lift her head from the pillow.

Kodiak filled the doorway, outlined in the soft glow from the light in the other room. He didn't try to excuse anything that happened or lie his way out of what she'd overheard. He looked at her with a softness that he reserved for her.

She sat up and launched herself into his arms. Her body collided with his, arms winding around his neck like she'd drown if she let go.

Tugging at his vest, she squirmed in his arms, trying to peel back the layers, fighting everything that stood in her way. Underneath it all was Kodiak Black. She wanted the man, not the president.

"I need you," she whispered against his throat. "I need to feel you."

He set her on her feet and shrugged off his vest. As he removed his shirt, she took off her top and bra. The moment she was free, she pressed herself to him, cheek against his bare chest, counting the seconds as his strong heartbeat pounded under her ear.

Every minute mattered. Every breath, every inch of warmth.

Kodiak lived in a hard world. Anything could happen. Life was fragile. She wasn't going to waste a second.

His strong arms wrapped around her possessively. She closed her eyes, soaking in the heat of his body. So much of his life was now clearer to her. He and her dad. All the late hours. All the serious looks passed between them.

Back then, she'd never understood why her dad kept such strange hours.

Why would he nod off at the table only to get up fifteen minutes later for a phone call that took him out the door and had one of the other bikers coming into their room and crashing on the couch, babysitting her, so she'd get enough sleep to attend school the next day?

He always said the same thing when she asked where he was going. "Just a little Royalla business, princess. Nothing for you to worry about."

She'd trusted him. She'd believed in the strength of his hands, the careful way he peeled apples for her, the way his Harley always waited outside her school so he could pick her up and take her back to the compound—because the school bus wouldn't stop at the gate.

One fall evening, when she was around ten, she came into the garage where he was working, looking for her bicycle, and found her dad crouched next to it, patching a flat tire with fingers that were scraped and stained with grease.

He hadn't heard her right away, and she found herself studying her dad in a new light.

He'd looked tired. Older. Somehow different.

When she spoke, he startled, then smiled. That soft, tired kind of smile only a parent gives.

She swallowed hard, still able to hear him say, "Hey, princess. Just fixing your ride."

She'd knelt beside him, watching. "You always take care of things," she said.

His hands had stilled. "Someone's got to, Roma. Someone's always got to."

Now, curled against Kodiak's bare chest, that memory felt like the sunshine taking away her darkness. Her father had always known the danger, yet he still chose it. He decided to shield her from it, to the best of his ability.

But now she was the one who had to make the choice.

Choose whether she could carry that fear of losing Kodiak throughout her life.

Choose whether she could fully love him, knowing the world he belonged to could rip him away from her at any moment.

She'd already learned about the gut-wrenching grief that came from loving someone who chose freedom and brotherhood.

But she couldn't imagine a life without Kodiak.

"I miss my dad," she murmured, muffled words against Kodiak's skin.

"Me, too, baby girl," he said, voice rough with emotion.

She held him tighter, as if her grip alone could keep him there.

One more minute. Then another.

Then forever.

She pressed herself to him, needing the contact as much as she needed oxygen to keep her alive. His warmth, the solid size of him, reassured her in a way nothing else could right now.

"I can't stop thinking," Roma whispered. "What if...what if next time, it's you?"

Kodiak's arms tightened around her, like he could feel the quake inside her body. "It won't be."

"You can't know that."

"No," he said quietly, "but I can control who's around me. Who's around you? "

She looked up at him then, her eyes searching for the guarantees she needed. "What does that mean?"

"It means I'm done pretending everyone's worth trusting because they wear a patch," Kodiak said.

"Nate—he wasn't one of us. Not where it counted.

I only want Royalla people behind me. People who understand what loyalty fucking means.

That's how I keep you safe, Roma. By cutting out the weak links.

I'm not gambling every time someone approaches me, looking for a club to join. "

Her breath hitched, but it wasn't fear this time. Beneath the hardness in his words, she heard dedication and truth. His choices were made. He took the devastation and turned it into a stronger conviction for Royalla.

"You're going to close down the club," she said softly.

He brushed her hair back from her face. "Damn right I am. No new patches. We have enough men."

"You're sure?"

"I'd burn the whole territory down before I let something happen to you."

Tears welled in her eyes. He was ruthless, but she loved him.

"Promise me, you'll always come back to me. Always."

Kodiak said, holding her like he'd never let go. "I will always fight to get back to you."

She buried her face against his chest, letting herself believe in that promise. Whatever came next, she wouldn't face it alone.

All she wanted to do was hold him and take away the pain he'd gone through for her .

He sat on the edge of the bed. She curled against his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. She had no idea how long they sat there. He kept a tight hold on her while idly tracing slow circles along her bare spine.

For once, they had a mutual agreement. They both wanted a future together and refused to let anything stand in their way. She chose him, not because he had promised her dad to take care of her. The love she had for him had changed and evolved as she grew up.

He shifted slightly, enough to draw her attention to him. She leaned her head back to look into his eyes.

"You're not something I want to protect." His gaze softened. "I need you beside me to run Royalla."

"That's the only place I want to be," she whispered.

He brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. "Love you, baby girl."

That broke something in her—the final shard of distance she'd been holding onto. She curled closer, tucking her face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in until her pulse stopped racing.

Eventually, he rolled onto the bed with her, tucking her against him. Wrapped in his warmth, her fragile existence seemed stronger as he held her. No more walls. No more hiding her feelings. Just heartbeats.