Page 23 of Just Heartbeats (Royalla Motorcycle Club #1)

Kodiak hadn't even taken the first sip of his beer after being gone all day and most of last night when the hollow pull in his chest warned him something was wrong.

He turned his head toward the office, expecting to see Roma standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, pretending she hadn't worried the whole time like she always did.

But the office was dark and empty.

His jaw tightened. He handed the bottle back to Rusty without a word. "Where's Roma?"

"She was in the office earlier." Rusty shrugged. "It's after five, so maybe she left."

They should've watched over her while he was gone. A shrug wasn't an answer. She mattered to Kodiak. Everything about her mattered, even if he hadn't said it out loud, especially because he hadn't said it out loud.

He crossed the compound in a few long strides and stepped into the clubhouse. He headed down the hall to the sound of "You Learn" by that singer Roma always listened to, echoing outside her room.

That wasn't a song you blasted unless you were trying to drown something else out.

The memory of walking in on her with a vibrator between her legs had him lifting his arm and rapping his knuckles against the door. Only when she failed to answer did he try the door handle. It turned in his hand.

He kept walking, straight to the bedroom, and found her sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging her middle. Her face was red, streaked with tears. She didn't even look at him when he entered. Didn't tell him to leave. Didn't yell, point, or scream.

The music blared around them, angry and raw.

"Roma?" He stayed at the entrance to the bedroom.

She lifted her gaze and looked him in the eyes. "What am I supposed to do without you?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

She shook her head. "Even when you're here, I don't have you. They have you."

She grew up in Royalla and understood the way things were done. Club business would always come first. But when he had time for her, he tried to devote his whole attention to her

"Roma." He stepped forward.

"Don't," she snapped, standing up so fast the bed bounced behind her. "You walk around like I don't exist unless it's convenient for you."

"Bullshit."

"No?" Her laugh bordered on hysterics. "I waited all day, Kodiak. All day because you said you'd be back this morning . And you ride in tonight and go to them first, like I'm a second thought."

"Why would you think that?" He stepped toward her. "You mean more than that to me. You know you do."

She slapped his hand away when he reached for her. "Then why won't you show it?"

The sting in his chest was worse than her slap.

"I don't know how to be what you need. I've lived too long in this shit to come out clean, Roma.

I've seen things. Done things." His voice deepened.

"And Chopper gave you to me. You're... you're the only good thing I've had in a long time.

But that doesn't mean I'm good for you."

Tears welled up in her eyes again. "I don't care about the things you've done to others. I see what you've done for me. That's all that matters." She raised her hands and let them fall again to her sides. "I don't know how else to show you how much I love you."

The music failed to conceal the charge of electricity in the air.

Something broke in him. Every day, he was trying to keep the club alive, keep Roma safe, and deal with the bullshit. Most of all, he was tired of keeping his hands off Roma.

He crossed the room in two strides, grabbed her by the waist, and pulled her against him. Her hands latched onto his vest, holding on for dear life. He planted his lips on her mouth, roughly, desperately, and nudged her open, giving her his tongue.

If she wanted attention from him, he'd fucking give it to her.

She kissed him back harder. He grabbed her ass, lifting her off the floor. Roma caught his hair, holding him in front of her.

Roma's enthusiasm made him drunk. He staggered around the room with her in his arms, deepening the kiss. He wasn't walking away.

Nothing could drag him away from her.

Roma's lips lit a fire in their path. Kodiak wasn't sure when the tears on her cheeks had stopped—maybe when his hands slid into her hair, or maybe when her fingers tugged at his vest like she needed to feel skin underneath.

Her desperation matched his own. For every forcible move he made, she counteracted on her own. He squeezed her ass, needing proof that she was here, in his arms.

Roma pulled her mouth back, gasping for breath, and looked at him, studying him, not with the hurt showing in her eyes but the heat of a woman who wanted sex.

"You make it hard to love you," she whispered.

"I'm not very lovable." He rested his forehead against hers. "But I'm here, aren't I?"

She nodded—just once—and then she kissed him again, slower this time. Less anger. More ache. Without losing her mouth, he set her on the floor and shrugged out of his vest. Her hands dove under his T-shirt, tracing old scars and tired muscles.

He took her shirt off, barely getting it off her arms before she was right back to touching him.

The curve of her shoulder enticed him, and he kissed his way down her neck to the smooth skin.

It gave him time to undo the front of her jeans and push them over her hips.

He wanted that pussy available. Without even going down, he knew what she tasted like.

He couldn't forget. It'd tortured him every fucking day.

"Tell me you want this." He trailed his mouth to the sweet spot on her neck.

Her breath caught. "I've always wanted you."

He backed her toward the bed until her legs hit the mattress. He hesitated, searching her face for any trace of doubt.

All he saw was trust.

And that undid him.

They sank into the mattress together. His hands mapped her skin, marking his property.

She gasped when his lips grazed her collarbone and when his calloused fingers slid over her stomach.

He wanted her to experience it all, knowing he was the first to do so.

His heart pounded. He needed to slow down, give her time, and not rush her.

She shook slightly beneath him, but not from fear. He recognized her arousal.

"You okay?" he murmured.

"Yeah. Just... don't stop."

He didn't. He wouldn't. He couldn't.

Every movement rubbed him the right way.

She moaned, catching her lip. Damn, she was beautiful.

He tried to memorize every breath she took, every sound she made, every way she gave herself to him without hesitation.

And when she wrapped herself around him, heart racing, skin warm, eyes locked on him, he felt something solid grip him.

This wasn't lust. This wasn't comfort.

This was Roma. His Roma .

And for the first time in a long fucking time, he let himself believe he could have everything that he wanted. That he could be hers without any blowback from the club.

He took a moment to appreciate the sight of her, squeezing her hip, loving the smoothness of her skin.

Her nipples pebbled. He leaned over her, taking one into his mouth, feeling her gasp and arch into him.

His cock pulsed in his jeans, demanding more room. Needing more room. She'd never seen him naked before. He'd always been careful to protect her.

Her eyes locked on his as he unbuckled his belt.

He slid his pants down past his hips, revealing his hard length.

The whole time, he watched her. Instead of the fear or worry he expected, she licked her lips, a hint of nervousness mixing with her excitement.

He stroked her hip, letting her take a look at him.

"It'll fit?" she asked over the music.

"Yeah, baby girl, it'll fit. I'll go slow until you're used to me being inside you." He found his pocket and removed his wallet, where he kept a condom.

She nodded her consent. He rolled on the protection. That was all the permission he needed.

He rolled on top of her, widening her legs. Licking her pussy, he left enough spit behind to ease his entrance. Not wanting her to overthink and get scared, he put his cock between her legs and entered her slowly, savoring the tightness and the way she wrapped around him like a glove.

Roma squeezed her eyes shut. A silent scream escaped her lips as he took her virginity.

She reached up and gripped his shoulders, digging her nails into his skin.

He stilled. She pursed her lips, panting through the discomfort.

He wanted to make this good for her, but there were certain aspects they couldn't skip.

Her pussy pulsed around him. He briefly closed his eyes as they rolled back in his head. The pleasure was so intense it was almost painful.

Her thighs widened more. He looked down into her face. She no longer panted. He moved with the precision of a man afraid of breaking the most precious thing in his life. Each thrust brought a gasp from her, spurring him on.

He stopped, fighting against following his pleasure. It would be easy to plunge deep inside of her, feel her pussy hold him in its grip. Fuck. He was harder than ever.

But more than his desire to get his nut off, he needed her to experience an orgasm while he was inside of her. She needed to get used to his size. Because this wasn't a one-and-done fucking deal. He planned on having her again and again.

He rocked to the side without leaving her pussy, holding himself up with one arm while he moved his free hand between their bodies and found her clit.

"It'll start feeling better now." He kissed her lips and murmured against her mouth. "I promise."

He circled the small nub, taking his cues from her.

If her body jerked, he eased back. If she moaned, he kept the same motion.

To his surprise, her body quickly forgot the initial discomfort.

Hell, he hadn't even taken a virgin before.

With his dad running Royalla when he was growing up, he'd used the hoppers that hung around the club to lose his virginity—and that was a fucking long time ago.

She squirmed underneath him. He dropped down to his elbow and captured her lips with his mouth, continuing to rub the smooth nub slick with her arousal.

His cock pulsed with his heartbeat. The urge to move was almost unbearable.

But he needed her to orgasm, to relax, to expand, or he'd hurt her. She was too small. He was too big.

"Kodiak?" Roma said against his lips. Her hand grabbed his forearm, holding his fingers between her legs. "Oh, God."

He pulled his mouth off her, and his cock hardened even more. Her head pressed into the bed. She moaned, straining for or fighting off her orgasm—he couldn't be sure. He put his lips below her ear, needing to reassure her that he was here. That he'd make sure there was pleasure.

"Move," she mumbled.

"Not until you come."

"I." She panted. "Will."

He stopped, breathing hard. "Are you sure?"

She insistently nodded. "Yes."

He moved on top of her with the precision of a man who knew exactly what he wanted. His hips thrust, driving into her with a rhythm that matched the thunderous beat of his heart. Each thrust elicited a gasp of shock bordering on pleasure from her, spurring him on.

She hooked her feet behind his calves, pulling him deeper, and he could feel her muscles clench around him. The pressure was so intense that he wondered how he wasn't splitting her in two.

"There. Oh, God. What's that?" Her back arched off the bed. "Oh. My. God. Kodiak."

Spellbound, his body took over, fucking her at the rate she needed, while he watched her orgasm take control of her.

She brought him with her. He felt every roll of her body, every squeeze, every shudder.

The pressure on his cock grew. A coil of need tightened his stomach until it snapped.

With a groan, he ground against her with his release.

The warmth of his climax shot out of him, yet was contained in the condom.

She trembled beneath him. He went down to his elbows, cradling her head in his hands. His lips went to her ear as he caught his breath.

"Okay?" he whispered.

She nodded. He inhaled deeply, thankful that her first time was over.

"No more pain." He lifted his head to look into her eyes. "Next time, it'll be—"

"We can do it again now." Her hands came up and cupped his jaw. "Whenever you want."

Her eagerness wrapped around him. "You think?"

"Yeah." She moistened her lips. "Whenever I want, too."

He chuckled. That was his Roma. Curious and confident.

Shifting to the side, he put his hand at the base of his cock, not letting the condom slip, and reluctantly pulled out of her.

She whined and rolled, sliding her hand up his chest. He kissed her hard and then got up to throw away the used protection.

When he finished, he wet a washcloth with warm water and returned to Roma, placing the cloth between her legs.

"Oh, sweet Jesus." She exhaled loudly. "That feels wonderful."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I hurt you."

"No—no." She raised her brows before she dropped her gaze between his legs. "You're huge. Nothing like I imagined. I thought you'd be a normal size."

His cock pulsed, trying to rise again. He tucked himself into his jeans and fastened his belt. "Keep that up, and I won't wait until the tenderness leaves your pussy, baby girl."

"If you want..." She pushed herself to her elbows. "I could play with you."

"Play?"

She raised her hand and wiggled her fingers. "I want to touch you."

He leaned over the bed and kissed her hard, unable to keep his amusement in check. At that point, he wasn't even sure if he was entertained or fucking looking forward to her playing with his cock.

"I need to go out and talk to Cruz." He kissed her again. "When you feel better, you can walk across the hall and get into my bed."

"I'm okay now." She swung her legs to get off the bed.

He stopped her. "Rest. I won't come back to the room for a couple of hours."

He put on his shirt, his vest, and tucked his pistol under his belt. At the door, she called his name. He stopped.

"Thank you," she said.

His throat closed. He dipped his chin and slipped out of the room, needing to put a little distance between them. There were no regrets, but there were repercussions.

The members of Royalla wouldn't accept him getting involved with Roma. Each of them swore on the patch that old ladies, daughters, sisters, and mothers of any member were off-limits. And while Chopper was no longer around to look after his daughter, Royalla swore to protect her.