Page 35 of Just Heartbeats (Royalla Motorcycle Club #1)

Roma sat curled into the corner of the old leather sofa in the main room of the clubhouse, one leg tucked beneath her, the other bouncing in nervous energy. A football game played out on the flat screen, but she had no interest in watching.

A dozen Royalla members lounged around, their attention on the teams. Rocco and Vein smoked from a bowl they passed back and forth. Behind her, the clink and clang of pots and pans in the kitchen broke through the commentators' rambling about plays and defense.

Kodiak hadn't checked in with her in over three hours.

Her dry mouth nearly made swallowing impossible. Her anxiety was through the roof. The waiting only made her more antsy. She unfolded from the couch and headed into the kitchen. As she stepped in, Baker glanced over his shoulder.

If Baker wasn't attending club business, riding, or working in the garage, he spent his free time in the kitchen. It was where he was happiest, and it's probably where he got his road name.

He held up a half-loaf of bread. "You want garlic or plain bread with your lasagna?"

"Garlic. Always," she replied automatically.

He grunted with approval and went back to slicing. The savory smell of Italian seasoning, tomato, and cheese filled the kitchen, comforting her.

"You're doing okay." Baker's attention was on the task in front of him. "You might think your world is falling apart, and to you, it probably is, but I can tell you from experience that no matter how bad things seem, it will get easier."

"What if it doesn't?" she asked.

Her biggest fear was that she and Kodiak wouldn't make it through to see the other side.

For him, the club was everything. To have one of his men betray him had put him in a different place.

He second-guessed himself. He also became paranoid.

If it could happen to Nate, he believed it could happen to any of the members.

Of course, he never confessed to those thoughts, but she could read his mood. He was troubled. The longer it took to catch Nate, the harder it became for him to push away the negative thoughts.

She had all the time in the world, sitting in the clubhouse waiting. Her imagination went wild. What if Kodiak stopped trusting the members? What if he stopped trusting her?

What if he took this time to reevaluate his life and decided he wanted someone older and wiser who wouldn't run outside and get herself kidnapped?

Baker set the slices of bread on a cookie sheet. "It will all be okay."

She frowned at his back. For how much she loved Baker and respected the older man, she couldn't imagine what kind of experience he was talking about. For as long as she'd known him, he had never had an old lady or even a girlfriend. How could he understand what she was going through?

"Have I ever told you I'm married?" he said casually, as if reading her mind.

Roma blinked. "No. Never."

"Happened back when I got out of prison the first time.

She was nineteen. Pretty young thing. Smart mouth.

Got herself knocked up, and I was trying to keep my nose clean with my probation officer.

" He slid the bread into the oven beside the lasagna without looking at her.

"So I married her. Figured she deserved a name and some money in her mailbox every month.

It's been...hell, twenty years? I still send her money, but I haven't seen her since I took her to the courthouse and said, I do. "

Roma leaned forward slowly. "You have a kid?"

Baker shrugged. "Far as I know. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl. Never asked. Never went looking."

"But if you send your wife money, you know where she lives, right?"

"Nope." He shrugged. "Her sister gave me a post office box where I can send the money. That's all I have. I know she picks up the money."

Her throat tightened, not out of judgment, but because she imagined his pain was worse than anything she could go through, even losing her dad.

Baker had a child he hadn't even met. On top of that, he'd married a woman and walked away from her.

"Do you miss her or the life you could've had if you stayed with her? "

He reached for a dishtowel, wiped his hands slowly, then rested them flat on the counter.

"Sometimes," he said finally. "But... I'd rather know they were safe.

The life I had back then wasn't made for raising an innocent child.

If my enemies knew they were mine... it could've gone bad real fast, and I never would've forgiven myself if something happened to them on account of me. "

Roma's stomach fluttered. She knew exactly what he meant because she was in danger from the Deception Motorcycle Club due to her connection to her father, and now because she belonged to Kodiak.

As long as she was part of the Royalla family, she would always need to be cautious.

There would never be a time when she could walk out the door and go somewhere without others knowing where she was. She could never take a trip alone.

And maybe those points weren't as important to her. Maybe the people around her mattered more than the inconvenience of taking an extra step to stay safe.

"I'd still choose my life," she said softly. "Even knowing what it's cost me."

Baker stepped over and patted her shoulder. "Prez will do what needs to be done to keep you safe. Let him do his job."

She exhaled softly. "Can I ask you something?"

He grunted. "If I can answer, I will."

"When Kodiak found me..." She waved her hand. "Was the fire reported on the news?"

What she wanted to ask was if Kodiak got away with killing the man responsible for wanting her kidnapped? Was Kodiak still in danger of getting arrested?

"Yesterday, it hit the paper." Baker leaned his hip against the counter. "It was a house that was in foreclosure for the last two years. The authorities believe one of the homeless in the immediate area was squatting and started the fire."

Her heart pounded. "So, they found the man—?"

He shook his head. "They won't."

"But—"

"They. Won't." Baker raised his brows, ending the conversation.

The oven beeped at the same time a familiar rumble vibrated the kitchen. Her heart thudded with a blend of hope and dread.

Baker caught her gaze, already wiping his hands on a towel. He hitched his chin toward the door.

She rubbed her face. No matter what, she would never give up on Kodiak. She walked into the main room and waited with the others.

Moments later, the front door pushed open, and Kodiak stepped through, leather streaked with dust, eyes sharp but unreadable. Behind him came Cruz and Duke.

"Tell me," Roma said before Kodiak had even closed the door.

His gaze landed on her. "We found where he was holed up. But he's gone."

Gone.

The word dropped like ice water down her back. Would he never find Nate and end this nightmare?

Baker muttered something under his breath and left the room. The others stepped away, giving Kodiak privacy. He led her into the kitchen, following Baker. She slipped her hand into his, needing contact.

"He left fast," Kodiak continued, glancing at Baker but speaking to Roma. "Took only a bag and a bike. He knew we'd come after him."

Her upper lip curled. Nate hadn't thrown her to her kidnapper on a whim without thinking. He'd planned everything and was now trying to burn the bridge he'd already crossed.

Baker removed the dish from the oven. "We'll find him. Nobody can run forever."

Roma nodded, but her mind buzzed with unease. "And Deception?"

Kodiak shook his head. "Nothing yet. Their club's dark, like they've gone to ground. But we're watching. Nate will have to crawl back to them eventually."

She leaned against Kodiak, wishing there was more she could do for him.

Baker returned with plates and a grunt. "Eat. You'll ride again soon enough."

She pulled a barstool toward the counter, and they sat together, away from the others.

Kodiak shoveled the food into his mouth, never taking time to taste it, and kept his free hand on her thigh.

She picked at the food, willing her stomach to untie from the knot that had grown over the news.

They couldn't go on like this forever. Something had to give.

Before she was ready, Kodiak stood. "I need to get back out on the street."

She walked with him through the clubhouse. The others rallied around their president, ready to move when he made the order. The importance of the job showed on their faces. Inhaling deeply, she understood that no matter what happened, they'd follow their president through to the end.

Her loyalty was no different. She'd never walk away from Kodiak.

He hooked the back of her neck, dragging her forward and kissing her hard. There was nothing sexual about the kiss, and yet she felt him clear through her body to her toes. It was a promise. A possession. An ownership.

And that was exactly the confidence she needed. "Ride safe."

"Always," he murmured against her lips before slapping her ass on his way out the door.

The clubhouse emptied fast once Kodiak started his Harley. Roma stood in the doorway, arms crossed, and watched the taillights ride through the open gate.

"Step back inside, Roma," said Baker.

Closing the door, she sighed heavily. She hated this part—the waiting.

Roma paced once, twice, then settled into the corner of the worn couch. Baker put a mug of hot coffee in her hand. Curling her feet under her, she placed her phone on her thigh, face up.

She stared at it, willing it to light up with a text message from Kodiak telling her he was on his way home.

The odds of him calling if he managed to catch Nate were slim, but that hadn't stopped her from looking and waiting and hoping.

In the quiet, her mind slipped back to her conversation with Baker. He had a wife no one knew about, and a child, who was now an adult, that he had never met. A life he was given and had never taken, because he chose to protect someone from his choices in life.

That was a beautiful heartache that she hoped never to face.

Roma leaned back, gazing at the ceiling, letting the ache settle somewhere deep in her chest. She couldn't imagine turning away from the life that had nearly broken her. She wouldn't trade the sorrow. Not for safety. Not even for peace.

She loved her dad more than anything. He raised her when it would've been easier for him to walk away or give her away, but he'd stayed and loved her. It wasn't his choice to get murdered and leave her.

Maybe a small part of her refused to leave Royalla because she could feel her dad here. It probably sounded crazy to anyone else, but that's how she felt.

Then, there was Kodiak, who stepped up to fulfill that father role. He'd taken responsibility for her and made sure she lacked nothing.

There were times when she let her anxiety win, and she wondered if Kodiak was with her because he promised her dad.

She held her breath, letting it out slowly.

Her dad and Kodiak were close. Closer than brothers.

She remembered the bond they had, not only within the club but also the respect they had for each other.

Had that bond caused her to be an obligation to Kodiak? Would he still love her if her dad were still alive and he hadn't stepped up to care for her?

Her hand closed around her phone again. Still nothing.

She worried about what Nate's betrayal would do to Kodiak. He expected the men who wore a patch to remain loyal to Royalla. As far as she knew, Nate was the first one who'd gone against the club from the inside. Kodiak took responsibility for Nate's actions as if he'd kidnapped Roma herself.

Most of all, she feared losing him because the club would always come first.