Page 18 of Just Heartbeats (Royalla Motorcycle Club #1)

Bang. Bang.

Roma sprang from the bed and hurried into the other room, brushing loose strands of hair out of her face and smoothing her shirt down like she hadn't sat on her bed for the last three hours doing absolutely nothing but waiting for Kodiak to show up.

"Come in," she yelled. Please let it be him.

The door swung open, and it was Baker. "Prez said you hadn't eaten." He held up a takeout container and a two-liter bottle of orange pop. "Rocco went and got you food."

Roma swallowed her disappointment and forced a smile. "Thanks."

Baker stayed in the hallway and stuck out his arms, making her come and get it. "If you need anything else, you know where to find me."

"Wait." She tried to sound casual, but it came out sharper than she meant. "Where's Kodiak?"

"Gone." Baker patted his pocket and extracted a cigarette pack. "He took off an hour ago with Hunter and Cruz. They didn't say where or when they'd get back."

"Right." She failed to hide her disappointment. "Thanks again for dinner. Tell Rocco thanks, too, if you see him."

"Will do, sweetheart." He paused, like he wanted to say more, then dipped his chin. "Make sure you eat something."

Then he was gone, and so was the flicker of hope she'd been clinging to all day. She was sure Kodiak would come to her.

She put the food in the fridge, unable to eat. Instead, she paced her room, stared at the dark window, and scrolled through her phone without seeing anything. Minutes turned into an hour.

She checked her watch. At least the pent-up frustration and pacing gave her enough heart minutes to reach her goal for the day.

It was getting late. Kodiak was probably going to be gone all night.

Her smartwatch beeped. She looked down at her wrist. The relaxation breathing icon flashed, picking up her accelerated breathing and heart rate, and she sighed. Of course, she was stressed.

All the hope and adrenaline she'd held on to all evening started to agitate her. The constant thump of music from the clubhouse bled into her room. Usually, she was able to ignore the noise. But now it was like a heartbeat, not letting her sit and relax. Her watch was right. She needed air.

Roma grabbed her leather jacket and stepped out of the room, ignoring the crowd, and pushed through the door to the outside.

As she walked past the motorcycles, she headed toward the two picnic tables that sat across from the garage.

They were far enough from the main door of the clubhouse that the music from inside seemed to float on the wind rather than pounding in her head.

The night air blew her hair out of her face, quickly cooling her down. The weather had changed. Rain was in the forecast for tonight. She hoped Kodiak noticed the sky. It wasn't safe to ride when the roads were wet.

She sat on top of the table, legs crossed, arms wrapped around herself, and looked up at the night sky. There were no stars out, only a dark, ominous cloud covering everything. As much as she tried to calm down, her thoughts refused to settle.

Her unease wasn’t only about Kodiak not showing up.

Lately, the tension between them was thick enough to choke her.

She shivered every time he was near, remembering his touch—even though he hadn’t said a damn word about it since.

The way she kept thinking about him. Kept looking for him.

Kept listening for his voice. She blew out her breath, feeling her heart pound.

She was walking around having major anxiety.

Plus, anytime she was stressed, she thought a lot about her dad.

He'd been gone for two years. Sometimes she tried to recall his voice, but she couldn't quite pinpoint what made it so distinctive.

She was afraid of forgetting what he sounded like when he was alive.

She could imagine what he'd say if he were still here, but the sound of his deep voice faded more each day.

Sometimes, remembering him took her breath away.

And now, Kodiak had killed the man responsible for murdering her dad.

He took justice into his own hands. It was something she'd wanted to do.

She'd wasted so much energy hating her dad's killer that she should have closure or at least feel some sense of relief.

All she felt was blah, and she was more confused than ever about her lack of satisfaction.

Despite ending all the trouble and knowing Kodiak had dealt punishment to the man who'd taken her dad from her, she still didn't have her dad back. He was never coming home. Ever.

Now, Kodiak would have to live for the rest of his life with the fact he'd killed someone. She groaned. Guilt filled her. Had she forced him to get revenge? Would he ever forgive her?

Maybe this wasn't the right moment to show him how much she loved him.

Maybe the spark they shared was only a brief flare in the dark that, for him, fizzled out over time.

Perhaps it wasn't meant to last because she constantly reminded him of her dad, and Kodiak would never be able to heal after taking someone's life.

The thoughts swirled and tangled until her throat tightened, and before she could stop, tears spilled past her lashes and down her cheeks. Her sadness wasn't from heartbreak but exhaustion. She had no control over her emotions, even if she wanted to stop.

She wiped her face with the sleeve of her jacket, blinking hard.

And then she heard footsteps.

Heavy. Familiar. Boots on asphalt.

She swiped her cheeks with her hands and sniffed, hiding any evidence that she had been crying. When she lifted her gaze, there he was, standing a few feet away in the dark.

"I waited for you to come to my room," she whispered.

He moved closer. "Is that why you're crying?"

When he reached the table, he skipped the bench and sat beside her on the top. Close, but not touching. For a long moment, he looked up into the night sky.

"I heard Rocco and Baker made sure you got some dinner," he said quietly.

She glanced at him, knowing he was responsible for getting the others to buy her take-out for dinner. He was only making sure his orders were followed.

She pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them. "Why'd you leave?"

"I needed to get out. Clear my head." He exhaled. "I didn't think I was...good company."

She turned to face him. "Because of me?"

"Not only you." His jaw tightened. "A lot has happened lately."

"My dad's killer?" she whispered.

He nodded, without admitting anything. Her heart skipped. There it was. Maybe it was her fault. Kodiak would do anything for her. He'd promised vengeance, and she'd done nothing to discourage him.

"You did it for me," she said. "For my dad."

"I did it for all of us," he corrected, but his voice was softer now. "But yeah... for him. And for you."

Roma swallowed the lump in her throat. "So now you're shutting me out because you blame me—"

"I'm not shutting you out," he said. "I'm trying to keep myself from making it worse."

"It's already worse." Tears burned her eyes. "I sit in that garage every day, trying to work while keeping you in sight. I can't think straight. I see you, and I want to be near you. I miss you even when you're right here, Kodiak. And I don't know what to do with that."

He finally looked at her. Looked. And there was something there—regret, guilt, but also empathy. That pull that had never gone away.

"I don't know what to do with it either," he admitted. "But I don't want you hurting alone. That night I walked in on you." He inhaled deeply. "I should've let you be. What you were doing was...natural. Sex can give you the biggest high, and I walked in when you weren't thinking straight."

Roma shook her head. "I'm not afraid of what happened between us. I'm afraid it'll never happen again."

He reached out, finally, and touched her hand. Not a grab. Just a quiet, steady connection.

"You're not gonna lose me." He pulled her closer.

She leaned into his shoulder and let herself cry for her father, for Kodiak, for herself. Kodiak's arm tightened around her. He simply held her, under the cloudy sky, like maybe he needed it as much as she did.