Page 13

Chapter Thirteen

Josh

Holy shit, how did Campbell do it? I was sitting in the stands, and my heart was pounding out of my chest with nerves. I’d been to every home game, but this might have been the first time that it really sank in how much responsibility sat on Cam’s shoulders. Other players came on and off the ice throughout the three periods, but not Campbell. He stood firm at that goal, looking the size of a house in all his padding and equipment, face focused and determined, following the puck the way I’d followed my niece into the surf, like a life depended on it. The isolation of his position, the aloneness among a rink full of players and excited fans, had inspired me, and I’d started writing an article. I realized it was similar to Hunter’s position on the pitcher’s mound.

The opposing team was fierce, and once play started, I put my thoughts aside, only every so often talking an idea into the notes app on my phone while I watched the Badgers play. The opposing team was last year’s champion, and both teams were fighting for a shot at the Frozen Four, which is a thing I totally knew about after all the time Campbell and I had spent talking about hockey.

I’d avoided Cam since our last recording session. Much as I’d offered to help him out with stress relief, I couldn’t get through one make-out session without saying some stupid romantic shit about his stupidly adorable hair. So I’d kept to our usual schedule: I saw him in class, where we couldn’t help but sneak glances and smiles at each other, much as I tried not to, but I’d avoided him otherwise, not even texting or emailing him with my podcast ideas in the intervening week or so.

Did I want to climb Campbell like a tree? Absolutely, but I also wanted to protect him and make sure he was happy; hell, I wanted to be the one to make him happy. Those were not feelings I had ever had or could say I understood. And more importantly, they weren’t feelings Campbell wanted. He could barely bring himself to want the sexy, fun, touching part, the part I was supposed to be giving him, the part I was supposed to be good at. Maybe the best course of action was for Campbell to be a one and done like every other hookup I’d ever had.

Out there on the ice, taking a pregame lap to cheers from the crowd, or doing his adorable little dance thing to the beat of the music in front of his goal, and especially with a gaggle of grown men barreling toward him, yielding large, scary sticks, Campbell was in his element. Through all the rapid chaos of the play around him, he kept his focus, his calm, fierce, competitive focus. It was a marvel to watch. I had to remember that my confusing feelings were immaterial and not let them get in the way of the man who was then dominating the ice.

By the third period, the Badgers were leading two to zero, and Campbell had made some amazing saves. In that last period, it felt like there was a shot on goal every other second, and he blocked every single one. The crowd around me was going wild, and I stood on the bleachers along with them, screaming, cheering, and, as the final buzzer sang, chanting his name again.

I’d been busy with my writing before the game, but when the final buzzer rang, I scanned the crowd, hoping to figure out who the scout was. There were so many people there to support Cam that it was fruitless.

I drew my focus back to the ice as the teams were skating off in opposite directions, and I caught sight of Cam at the back of the line, circling to take in the cheering crowd before facing me, his eyes almost obsessive in their intensity, his smile the brightest I’d ever seen.

Campbell needed to be that happy every day of his life, and hockey was clearly the thing that could do that for him. After that game, even a neophyte like me knew the Buffalo Blizzard would be fools not to scoop up number fifty-nine. All I had to do was not cause the man any distractions, just like I’d promised.

My phone buzzed.

Finn: Holy fuck, Josh. Did you see that game?

Finn: Duh, of course you did!

Finn: Gotta go shower. I’m going to meet the scout. Wait for me?

He’d sent all three so fast I didn’t have time to reply. Of course I wanted to say yes, but Cam should be celebrating with his team. I hesitated but then decided I could tag along as the project partner once more, taking notes for our podcast. I responded: Sure I’ll meet you around back.

I stayed in the bleachers until the arena was mostly empty, furiously taking notes before heading out to hide in the shadows near the players entrance.

“Well, look who it is.” Diane had a knowing smirk to her voice and her arm around Noah’s waist.

I held out my hand to Noah. “Great game, man. Do you want to give a quote to the fake press?” I stuck out a fisted hand up to his mouth as if holding a microphone, hoping to play it off like I was there for my sports journalism class. Diane wasn’t having it.

“There’s only one person you should be writing about tonight. Your boy, Campbell. He was amazing!” She leaned in and lowered her voice, like everyone involved with the team didn’t already know what she was going to share. “And that scout was in the crowd tonight. Cam must be floating his way to the coach’s office.” She stared at me intently, awaiting a response.

Noah looked between us, and thankfully, broke our staring contest. “Hey, I had a good game too, babe. Scored that assist.”

Diane reached up to kiss Noah on the cheek. “You did great, babe. It really was an amazing game.” Her gaze shot right back to me. “Are you waiting out here in the cold for Campbell, or do you want to head back to Hockey House with us? Cam might be a few.” I remembered Diane teasing about the name Hockey House a few short months ago. But by that point, she was practically living there.

As if the fate of the world hinged on my answer, she stared at me again. “Nah,” I said slowly. “I think I'll wait for him here. Get his immediate reaction. You know, for the project.” She kept staring, and I kept coming up with more answers.

“We’ll be right behind you guys. If he invites me. He might just want to talk to me because of the project. I …”

“Hmm,” Diane said, studying me. I felt very exposed. “You’re invited to the party,” she finally decreed before pointing a finger at me. “And I expect to see you there. Understood?”

Her tone was so much like my mother’s that I almost responded, “Yes, ma.” I simply nodded instead to remain safe.

“Good,” she said before leading Noah off in the direction of the Hockey House.

My phone pinged as they walked away.

Finn: Come inside.

I looked around. I was alone, and the door in question didn’t even have a knob, it only opened from the inside. Did he mean for me to walk back around to the main entrance? I doubted those doors would be unlocked either. I was about to text him back and ask him how when a head popped out of the door.

“Are you Josh?” It was a man in a janitor’s uniform.

“Yes, sir.”

“Too cold to wait out there. Campbell asked me to come let you in. He’s still in the office talking to … talking to the coach. But you can wait right here for him.”

“Okay, thank you.”

I was in a cavernous gray hall, leaning on the wall and writing, ideas buzzing in my head, when I heard my name.

“Josh!”

I’d barely moved off the wall before Campbell came barreling toward me like a big, lumbering, happy puppy in his gray suit. He threw the jacket he held to the ground before he plowed into me, and I let out an oof as my back hit the wall. I was wrapped tight in his arms, and he’d buried his head in my neck, fighting layers of clothes to find my skin. He inhaled deeply, but excitement poured out of him the very next second.

“Oh my God, Josh. That game! Did you see it? I … It was like I played better under the pressure.”

I looked around, worried we’d be seen, and that Campbell was too lost in his exuberance to realize it. We appeared to be alone.

“Of course you did, Campbell. You’re an amazing player, and you played an amazing game.”

I didn’t think it was possible, but he tightened his grip on me and continued talking into my shoulder.

“And I met the scout and the assistant coach.” I felt moisture on my neck. Instinctively, I looked around again. Campbell didn’t need any complications. I was thrilled I was the first person he wanted to share this with, but I wouldn’t let that cloud my resolve to be what Campbell needed.

He heaved a sigh, and I let him collect himself, a few more tears hitting my skin before he let out one more sobbing sigh and lifted his head. He was looking right at me, and all I could do was look back, much as I wanted to scan the hallway one more time.

“Hi.” He smiled.

“Hey. Good game.” I smiled back.

“Thanks.” We just looked at each other for a few beats before we both started laughing, all of the excitement and energy of the evening manifesting in our shared joy.

“You have a party to get to. I’m pretty sure it’s in your honor.” I thought about Diane, practically insisting I be there. “Tell me about the meeting on the way there?”

Cam looked up and down the hallway, then he kissed me quickly, scooped up his jacket, and bounded back up before saying, “Okay.”

On the way to the group house, I heard about Campbell’s meeting with Denny Maltby of the Buffalo Blizzard.

“He kept everything very close to the vest, but he praised tonight’s game. So did the scout and Coach Weadner. Mr. Maltby said he would schedule another meeting with me. Suggested I bring my parents.”

“Oh my God, Cam, that’s amazing.” Cam had grasped my hand after holding the door open for me in that way of his, and I hadn’t even realized we were still holding hands until we got closer to Cam’s house and could hear the noise of the party up ahead. I let go, and Cam looked down as if he was surprised too.

We kept walking and spoke at the same time.

“You’re coming in, right?”

“Do you want me to stay?”

We turned to each other and laughed again, and much as we could see people milling about in front of Cam’s house, it felt like we were back in that isolated hallway, the only two people in the world.

“Okay, yeah, I’ll come in.” We continued moving forward. “Diane was giving me death stares earlier. Said I had to come.”

I was shocked by how casually Cam said, “Yeah, Noah said she suspects that I like you.”

I stopped in my tracks. “What? Cam! Are you worried about that? Maybe I should go home.”

“Huh? No, it’s okay. She can speculate if she wants. And Noah seemed cool with it. They both did, actually, which is really cool. I’m not worried.”

“You’re not?”

He leaned in close, his eyes infused with energy. “Tonight, babe, I’m not worried about anything!”

I stayed where we had stopped, but Campbell didn’t, and I watched his confident, bouncing swagger as he turned from me and walked closer to his house. Excitement vibrated off him. I’d loved being in the orbit of his energy from that first plowing hug, but I kept my distance as we entered the house, afraid that other people would notice how much I liked it, and more importantly, how much he seemed to too.

The door opened, and it was like a scene from a high school movie, everyone cheering and shouting at Cam in drunken unison. The party enveloped him. A drink was shoved in his hand but not the same red plastic cup that everyone else was holding. His was an oddly shaped beer stein emblazoned with hockey sticks. He took a big sip and smiled that smile that made me want to swoon.

His teammates crowded around him, and someone lowered the music. As I stepped into the living room, Diane appeared at my side.

My phone buzzed, and I replied to a text from Devon, asking if I wanted to meet the gang at The Valley, letting him know I was up to my own fun. On nights where we both might hook up, the very mature rule was that the first one back to the room got to use it. He reminded me of that, and I laughed, looking up to find Diane watching me.

“What?”

“Who’s that?”

“My roommate. Why?”

“No reason. Carry on.”

Diane ignored the funny look I gave her, and my attention was soon transferred to the group of players surrounding Campbell. He caught my eye and smiled as Ethan spoke up.

“Shut the fuck up, everyone!”

Noah followed up with a roaring, “Quiet!”

Ethan raised his plastic red cup and signaled for everyone else to do so with his other hand.

“It was one hell of a game tonight, for all of us. But for this man right here”—he clapped Campbell on the back, and people started chanting, Cam, Cam, Cam —“for this fucking powerhouse of a goalie, it was one for the history books. To Cam!”

“To Cam,” we all shouted, and Cam looked my way before the team closed in on itself in a huge group hug. The guys were starting to get a little rough when someone shouted, “Check it out, Cam, you made TV!”

The group quieted down as the music stopped, and the volume was raised on the TV. Shot after shot of Campbell deflecting goals flashed on the screen. The party went wild, shouting and screaming and crowding in on Campbell. I stood in my corner and took it all in, and once the feature was over, Campbell looked over his shoulder to find me once more.

I gave him a careful smile and ignored Diane’s scoff as Cam took off in the opposite direction. I silently nodded to myself, disappointed that he hadn’t come my way but understanding just the same. Diane started to talk about the game, and Noah joined us, casually wrapping his arm around his girlfriend. I’d been to hundreds of college parties even before I was in college, and never once had I felt jealous or left out when partners showed affection in front of me. Usually, I was too busy clocking the room and trying to pick someone to hit on. But watching Noah sidle up to Diane was like watching a slow-motion scene unfold in a movie. I watched as their heads slowly turned to offer each other a soft smile; I stared as his arm wrapped around hers; and I even leaned into an invisible warm body as Diane leaned into Noah. I hoped to shake it off by trying to find the old Josh, the one who would look around the room to see what willing guy might be checking me out, but I realized with absolute finality that I had no interest and no intention of finding someone to fool around with. I hadn’t for months. In that moment, I knew I had to find a way to make things work with Campbell, while at the same time not messing things up for him. In the same slow-motion fashion, a ton of bricks landed on me as I finally gave in to my feelings.

Noah and Diane prattled on about the game, and I nodded politely while my world inverted and turned into something else entirely.

After a few minutes, Noah pointed at me. “What are you drinking?” He extricated himself from his girlfriend. “Beer?” All I could do was nod as Noah turned in time to see Campbell heading toward us, a red cup in one hand and the silly trophy mug in the other. My God, his smile. He was directing it at me, but I knew it was about the amazing night he’d had and his talk with the guy from the NHL.

My heart smiled back, but all I did was nod at him until he extended his arm and handed me the plastic cup. I could barely contain myself after that, but I reined it in before quietly saying, “Thanks,” and smiling into my cup instead.

Diane looked from one of us to the other before saying, “Come on, babe, mine’s getting warm.” She and Noah took off for the kitchen.

Campbell and I stood there sipping beer and looking at each other. I don’t know who started it, but before long, we were both laughing again.

“Good day, huh?” l’d meant it as a joke, but Cam didn’t answer right away.

“I remember the day my financial aid information came in. That was a pretty fucking awesome day.

“If today had just been an exceptional game, or the day I met the scout, or”—he leaned in close to whisper in my ear—“or the day a guy kissed me in the back hallway of the arena, any one of those would have been a really good fucking day. Today … today, Joshua Marchetti-Gordon? Today was a great day. An amazing day. The perfect day.” He was standing tall and speaking out loud, that ridiculous mug, which I would later learn was in the shape of the Stanley Cup, held high over his head in victory. “Today was an amazing day!” he shouted.

The crowd cheered, and he was surrounded by the team again. The beer never stood a chance in that silly mug, and Campbell emerged from the group hug with moisture weighing his hair down over one eye and the shoulder of his dress shirt soaking wet.

Laughing and yelling at his friends, Cam shoved the mostly empty cup into one of his teammate’s hands and pulled out his phone as he turned and walked away from us.

My phone vibrated in my pocket as Cam yelled, “Thanks a lot, assholes. Now I have to go clean up.”

“We may be assholes, but we’re the assholes who just won against the defending champs while playing with a future member of the NHL,” Ethan shouted out, and the cheering and mayhem that ensued drowned out my gasp as I read my message.

Finn: You remember how to get to my room?

I did my best to shrink into myself as I found my way to the stairs, clutching my cup of mostly gone beer as I slunk up to Campbell’s room. He was exiting it as I arrived, holding a towel.

“I’ve got the key. Lock the door.” Campbell was back to being part confident sports god and part awkward college kid as he looked shyly at me as we crossed paths in his doorway and turned to face each other once more. “I’ll just be a minute.”

Laughter from below had him nodding toward his door before turning and entering the bathroom. I did as he asked and closed myself in Campbell’s room.

I sat at Campbell desk, distractedly placing my cup near the edge. I pulled out my little notebook, which was almost full from all the writing I’d done before the game. I took in Campbell’s simple surroundings, the solid-gray comforter, the desk that held a few books neatly stacked, the laptop, the few framed photos, including one of a smiling Campbell and his smiling brothers.

I started writing again, scribbling frantically as I heard the door open behind me. The noise of the crowd was temporarily louder before quieting down again. I finished my thought and was talking before I’d even turned in my seat.

“I’m going to write an article about you. I was thinking …” I did turn then, and Campbell stood before me, a towel around his waist, the tiny key in his hand.

He was holding the towel up with one hand and waving the key at me with the other. The excited energy that had surrounded him all evening appeared to have turned nervous or even anxious.

“I practically dropped it three times. It’s like my hands don’t want to work. Didn’t you hear me knock?” I almost didn’t hear his question since I was too busy drooling at the site before me. Cam’s skin was flushed from the heat of the shower, from his shoulders to his pecs. Moisture dripped from his hair and down his chest, like he hadn’t taken the time to dry off before heading back to his room. His hair was slicked back as if he’d run his fingers through it, with just a bit of his bangs hanging forward near one eye.

He crossed the room and placed the key on the valet organizer on his dresser.

“Huh?” I said to his back. “Now I get it when my dad or my brother Vance are in the zone. You can be talking right to them, and they don’t hear a thing. Interesting. Sorry. Anyway, while you get dressed, let me tell you about this piece I’m writing.”

“Oh,” Cam said, disappointment clear in his voice. I turned in the chair, hoping I knew him well enough to read his face. Other than Devon, there wasn’t anyone I thought I could confidently read. I wanted more than anything to figure out what was stressing out Campbell.

“Ohhh,” I said in return, understanding blooming. I stood quickly, causing his desk to wobble. We both watched as my plastic cup teetered and thought about tipping over before righting itself. I could have easily reached out for it, but instead I just stared at it, foolishly mesmerized.

I turned and was mesmerized again, looking at the biggest, most expressive set of puppy-dog eyes I had ever seen. They turned heavy as he spoke, his voice like tires hitting a gravel driveway.

“Tell me about your article.”

I stepped in front of him, all thought of my writing simply gone and replaced with thoughts of the mostly naked man in front of me. I listened for a few beats to the music pulsing from below us until I was confident any noise we made in his room wouldn’t carry. After that, all I could focus on was him.

“It’s about a hockey player.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And everything he’s had to persevere through to get where he is.”

“Persevere.”

“His upbringing, his family’s struggles, teachers who underestimate him, coaches who pressure him.” I took a tiny step toward him, which put me in his personal space. In my periphery, I could see him clinging with one hand to the towel at his hip. The other rose to grasp my waist.

“Upbringing?” His response had the note of a question to it.

“It’s a real rags-to-riches story,” I concluded, my hand meeting his on the word “rags” to grab the towel where he clung to it.

He let go, and I slowly pulled the towel off and tossed it away.

“Josh.”

I knelt before him just as slowly. I wanted to keep my eyes locked with his, but when his dick twitched in front of my face, all I could do was take it in as it hung between his legs, thick and pink and growing in anticipation. I looked up and smiled, and Cam moved his hands as if he didn’t know what to do with them. I swatted one away before he could grab his cock. “Mine.” I took his other hand and placed it in my hair.

Cam ran his fingers through it before stilling. I looked up once more and smiled and was rewarded with a look that melted my heart: his eyes dancing in anticipation, his smile unable to be contained. “Congratulations, Cam,” I said before I took him in my mouth, sucking and toying with his tip until that second hand met the first, and his fingertips dug into my scalp.

I relented then, working my way up and down until my nose brushed the bristles that surrounded his base. I was rewarded with a moan and a tighter grip on my head. My hands found purchase on the globes of his ass, and I began my work in earnest, sucking and bobbing, rocking on my knees so that my whole upper body was in on the action. When I deep-throated him again, Campbell lost his footing. I pulled off and guided him to the edge of the bed, my hands gently brushing his shoulders, encouraging him to sit. We were face-to-face then, and his was too serious and lust-filled to be smiling anymore, his eyes heavy and yet still full of energy, of connection. I wondered what he could see in mine.

I kissed him quickly, but passionately, eager to get back to my work, and as my knees found the carpet again, Campbell hesitantly spoke.

“I want …”

“Anything, my prince.” I could tell he was taking in the bulge in my jeans. His eyes snapped back to mine, but he didn’t speak.

“Anything,” I assured him.

“I want you to play with yourself while you …” He adorably lost his words and waved a hand near his now-turgid cock, which pointed up at him and seemed to spout additional pre-cum while he pictured what he wanted.

Happy to oblige, I unbuttoned and unzipped my pants.

“Like this, baby?”

He nodded as he watched me wrap my hand around my arousal. “I want us to come together.”

I stroked myself a few times, my cock going from interested to steel rod as Cam watched me. It was my turn to leak pre-cum, but I swiped some from Campbell’s cock instead, eliciting an enticing hiss. I used his juices to help slick my way. When my rhythm picked up, I went back to work on Campbell, my free hand gripping his base as I worked him over with my mouth and myself over with my hand. When Cam leaned back and began thrusting his hips, I switched my grip on my own dick, tugging and flicking the way I did when I wanted to get off quickly.

I wanted to pull off and urge Cam to let go, but I didn’t think either of us would appreciate it if I stopped at that moment, so I settled for a long groan instead. Campbell responded by intensifying his thrusts so I continued to moan and hum around him as Campbell stopped moving altogether and huffed through his orgasm. I strained my neck without releasing him to watch him as he became overcome, his face so beautifully flushed, his head hanging back, his muscled chest taut and rocking softly as I swallowed the last of his cum. I pulled off with a pop and stood between his legs. Cam raised his head from his position, balanced on his arms, his chest still displayed before me, his legs spread wide.

It only took a few tugs, my eyes locked once again with his, until I was coating his stomach as I grunted out my release. My eyes closed, and the world went dark for a moment, but as I came to, the pulsing beat of the music below invaded my senses. We had both instinctively been quiet as we came, but I think we both realized in the same moment what we’d done with a houseful of people partying below.

“You did lock the door, right?”

“Shit!”

I scurried over and locked it then, picking up the discarded towel and tossing it to him.

“Get cleaned up and get back downstairs. I’ll slip down in a few minutes. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them I was looking for a bathroom.”

“No!” Cam’s emotions got the better of him, and he had shouted it like it was the most important exclamation in the world.

“No?”

“Wait, please. I’ll be right back.” Cam wiped himself off and wrapped himself back in the towel, shooing me away from the door before slipping out. When he returned, he had a dampened washcloth.

“For your …” He did the waving thing again. I had tucked myself in but used it to clean my hands.

“Can I use the bathroom?”

“Of course,” Cam said before opening the door a crack and making sure the coast was clear as I had done when we were in the dorm.

I slipped out of the room, my heart beating with worry that I would be caught. I could care less if anyone saw me sneak out of some guy's room, but I didn’t want to do anything, ever, that would compromise Campbell. The coast was clear as I crossed the hall to the bathroom. When I was done, I thought it best that I leave. I pulled my phone out to text Campbell before opening the door to the bathroom and heading for the stairs.

“I thought I heard the door.” He opened his eyes wide, doing that thing where I had to brush past him to enter, which he clearly wanted me to do.

“Cam?”

“Please.”

He had changed into a pair of plaid, flannel pajama bottoms and another HU Hockey shirt, this one baggy and well-worn, with bleach stains on it. He looked much readier for bed than to head back down to the party. I looked around even though I knew we were alone and nodded, brushing past him to find more clothes on the corner of the bed.

He closed and locked the door, then walked past where I stood, stupidly, to hand me shorts and a T-shirt.

Arm extended, he spoke. “These are small on me. I thought … I want to hear about your article. And I want …” I waited him out by not responding other than to remove the clothing from his hands, bringing myself closer to him. He dropped his eyes before confessing, “I want you to stay. It was so amazing sleeping in your arms the other night.”

“But, Cam?” As if to punctuate my unanswered question, a cheer arose from downstairs.

“I texted Noah. Told him I was beat and going to sleep with my earbuds in. He said he’d look out for you and let you know, so he doesn’t know you’re up here.” He retrieved his phone from the desk, where he’d stacked it on top of my little notebook. He continued to avoid eye contact with me. “I was going to text him and tell him you said goodbye while I was on my way up to shower. Unless … If that’s okay with you.”

“You want me to stay?”

His eyes held raw, open emotion. I wondered what he could see in mine.

“I want you to stay.”

I changed into the way-too-large clothes, and Campbell turned down the covers on one side of the bed before walking around to the other side, stopping at his desk for my notebook.

We climbed in, my heartbeat feeling as intense as the noise coming from downstairs. Campbell wrapped an arm around me, surrounding me in warm heat and encouraging me to draw in close before handing me my notebook. Sated and tired as my body was, I felt this odd, overwhelming surge of … something. It electrified my whole body even as I was relaxing into Campbell, a sense of peace enveloping me, enveloping us, I thought, as we curled in on each other.

He tapped the notebook. “Tell me about the article.”

We talked for hours, Campbell even getting up and bringing his laptop over so I could take notes as we chatted. Eventually, I started writing in earnest. A few minutes into it, Cam reached over and grabbed a tablet.

“I’m …”

Cam shook his head to stop me. “You’re in the zone. Don’t let me stop you. I’m going to read.” Sometime later, I looked up from my work to find Cam asleep, his head back and the tablet resting on his chest.

The noise had subsided from downstairs, and a glance at the time on the computer showed that it was almost four in the morning. Not the first time I attended classes with little to no sleep. I set an alarm on my phone, gently pulled the tablet from Cam’s sleeping grip to place it on the table, then rested my head on Cam’s shoulder. In his sleep, he wrapped his arm around me again, and again I felt this alien sensation run through my body; it pooled in my groin for sure but also found its way to my heart as I settled in for what amounted to a short nap.

When my phone blared, Cam shot up, all confused sleepiness. “What, huh?”

I snuggled in tight and sighed. “I set it for five forty-five. Figured you’re going to the gym before your first class?”

Cam growled at the thought, hugging me to him before his body stiffened. “Yes, yeah. Shit. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll get the guys out of here. I’ll text you an all clear.”

“Okay.”

“God, Josh. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to do this.”

“Cam, you know I’m okay with it.” I sat up and tilted my head toward him, asking for a kiss. In giving it, I could feel his body relax though his mind still seemed to be whirring as I looked into his eyes. “Besides, I kind of like it in your closet.” Campbell moaned but then moved quickly.

Twenty-five minutes later, I had a text that everyone, including Diane, who had joined them for breakfast before an early shift, was out of the house.

Finn: Lock the front door behind you. I’ll see you soon.

I’d never felt so energetic and excited during my morning walk of shame. I’d also never had a night before that had ended with me essentially doing homework.

I bounded back to campus and up to my room before heading out for the day. At the other end of a day of classes, I was still feeling an odd floating sensation, like I was a schoolgirl skipping to class and not a sleep-deprived student.

I returned to my room without a care in the world, floating through the door and letting it slam behind me. I found my roommate finishing up a phone call. I was too late, though I did try, to catch the door and stop it from slamming. Effing door , I thought at the same moment Devon said the words out loud.

“Just got off the phone with my parents,” Devon shared before informing me that his brother wasn’t going to make it home for Thanksgiving. Devon’s family lived in California, and he had always flown home for the short holiday break. With his twin bailing, I worked on convincing Devon to stay in town and join my family for the holiday.

“So?” I questioned. “What do you say? Turkey Day with the professor and the dean?”

“Oh! And we can go to the stragglers’ party. It’s supposed to be epic this year. I heard both the hockey team and the football team are basically required to stay here and practice. Oh, and did I tell you about that guy in my class from Spain? I’m going to talk him into coming. It’s going to be epic!”

I was already texting Campbell while Devon continued to speculate on who might be attending the epic party that was about a week away.

Shelley: I finished my article check your email.

Devon and I went to dinner and returned to the dorm, and I still had no response. I woke up the next morning and pulled my phone from the charger first thing. Still nothing. I checked my emails, and Cam had replied there. “This is really good, Josh. You should see about getting it published in the school paper.”

I replied via text: I’m waiting for the conclusion. I know you’ll hear soon. Until then, this is just SJ homework.

I waited a few minutes, but received no response, so I reached out again: C3 tonight after practice?

Finally, Campbell responded.

Finn: I can’t tonight.

The dots kept bouncing, and I followed them, mesmerized, wondering what Campbell was going to say. If we were face-to-face, I was sure his expressive eyes would give it away.

A few minutes later:

Finn: I don’t think I can before Thanksgiving. I’ll edit the next podcast recording and send it to you before the holiday.

I watched more dots float.

Finn: Ok?

Okay? No, it was not okay. My body still felt all weird and floaty every time I thought about him and even sometimes when I didn’t even realize I was thinking about him. I’d given him one of the hottest blowjobs of my life the night before, and sure, when I thought about that, it did things to my dick. But the floating feeling? That had very little to do with having sex and everything to do with being held by him and looking at him and knowing what he was thinking. Hell, it was like my insides housed a roller coaster just thinking about us simply sharing a bed while I wrote and he read.

So no, everything was not okay. None of my swooping feelings matched clandestine hookups and secret affairs and not seeing each other until after Thanksgiving. They weren’t the stuff of See you whenever for a little bit of fun . My feelings had grown so much bigger. They were so much more.

I understood why Cam was keeping his distance, though. I mean, he was basically keeping to the pattern I’d established of only seeing each other after his games. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal that he was too busy to meet when there were only a few more days of school left and with everything else he had going on. But after the night we’d had, it didn’t occur to me that he would be the one to pull back. He didn’t even want to see me to work on the project. I was frustrated at Cam’s decision not to meet, but mostly I was frustrated at myself for allowing my hopes, my feelings, to cloud my judgment when it came to what Campbell needed.

“My feelings,” I said out loud, staring at Campbell’s texts. I could fully, if somewhat reluctantly, confess that my feelings were the stuff of new relationships and wanting to spend every minute together and wanting the world to know it. That clearly wasn’t what Campbell wanted or needed, and I needed to remember that.

I’d promised to respect that one thing, and I needed to keep that promise to him.

Good thing he couldn’t hear my sadness and regret through a text: Of course.

Or my hopefulness: CU at the stragglers’ party?

I was falling for Campbell Ryan. Truth be told, I had already fallen for him. And knowing that there was no way for us to be together, it simply hurt. With Devon around for the Thanksgiving holiday, more than once I almost started to tell him, but then I remembered how deeply Cam was in the closet, and I stopped myself.

I was alone in my feelings, ghosted by the man himself and with no one to talk to. I vowed to put it out of my head for the holiday, but that proved impossible.

Campbell sent me a thumbs-up later that day, which I took to mean I would be seeing him at the stragglers’ party. I obsessed over how to play our meeting there. Could I pretend to be causal and uninterested, his class-project buddy? I might be able to pretend in front of the stragglers, but could I pretend in front of him?

I had days to think about it because I didn’t hear from Campbell again until Thursday, when I discovered a “Happy Thanksgiving” image in our text chain. He’d sent it early in the morning, and I pictured him up before the rest of his family to work out. Then I remembered that he lived on a farm, and that his whole family was probably awake and getting their workout in by tending to horses, sheep, and cows.

At the Marchetti-Gordon household, we had a strict no-phones-at-the-table policy, policed by one very observant seven-year-old, so I didn’t see the text until my entire family, including a somewhat-shellshocked Devon, were in the living room watching the traditional Thanksgiving Day Parade.

“Your family is very loud,” Devon whispered as my siblings bustled around us. I smirked distractedly as I responded to Campbell, cautiously optimistic that he had reached out to me.

Same to you , I responded.

I snapped a picture of my older brother Vance, sitting on a beanbag chair on the floor, my niece, Vera, in his lap and added a second one of the TV, a giant balloon filling the screen.

Our holiday is shockingly lacking in cows and crops. how’s yours going?

I was immediately rewarded with a selfie of Cam and an actual cow.

Finn: Keeping busy if not warm.

I can do this, I thought. Be friends with Campbell Ryan. I could put aside the roller coasters and the electricity and focus on two guys who just happen to be in the same class.

I could be friends with Campbell like he needed me to be.

With that new resolve, I continued to narrate our lazy Thanksgiving Day for him. Well, at least I was having a lazy day. I discovered, while sitting in a pop-up tent in the den, having a tea party with Devon and my niece, that Devon had snuck out of the living room earlier to help my mom prepare an apple pie.

“I didn’t sneak out,” Devon countered. He was prone on the floor of the tent opposite me, his legs hanging out. “There were like seventy-five people in that room who saw me leave. Just because you were too busy texting doesn’t mean I snuck out.”

“I was …” Devon and I had been friends long enough to call each other’s bullshit. “I was just checking to see who all is coming to this party tomorrow.”

“Uncle Joshy. You need to drink your tea.” I took a pretend sip from a tiny yellow plastic cup.

“Can I have a piece of Devon’s apple pie too?” I asked my niece, hoping to return to the previous topic of conversation and hoping that my snarky tone went over her head.

“It’s not my pie. It’s your mom’s pie. Jamie and I just sliced the apples!”

“It’s Daddy and Devon’s pie,” Vera said, but really, it was the bright-yellow stuffed rabbit she held in one hand telling its baby-blue twin in the other. Vera looked back up at the two of us. “You may have a piece of pie. But only because it’s a special occasion; usually it would be too early for sweets. We just had breakfast!”

I couldn’t help but lean in to kiss my niece, who I’m sure was repeating something my mother had said to her on more than one occasion.

“Yes, ma’am,” I responded before pretending to shovel pie into my mouth. Then to Devon, I tipped my pretend fork. “Good job, bro,” I joked as my phone buzzed, and I grabbed it quickly.

“No phones at the table,” Devon muttered, and Vera repeated it in a take-charge tone that reminded me of her late mother.

“No phones at the table, Uncle Joshy!”

“I don’t see a table here,” I teased, but I put my phone in my pocket just the same.

After dinner, Campbell and I texted the entire time my family watched a movie. It was a classic, and I shared funny lines with Campbell. He sent a picture of his brothers, standing in front of a barn in matching sweaters, scarves, and hats. His hand was in the picture, holding a third hat.

Finn: I may be getting a little old for this.

Shelley: I attended a tea party with stuffed animals today. YOU CAN DO IT!

I sent a hockey-stick emoji and a winter-hat emoji and ignored the fact that I wanted to send a page worth of heart emojis.

I could be his friend.

The movie ended while I was staring at Campbell’s fingers in the foreground of a picture. I looked up to find Jamie carrying his sleeping daughter out of the room. Devon, who sat next to me, was also watching my brother leave. I was about to joke that Devon should stop staring at my brother’s ass because one, he’s straight, and two, ew, too weird, but my sister, Hillary, plopped down next to me before I could get the words out. Thankfully, that was enough to distract my best friend from ogling my brother’s butt. Ew.

“So, I heard about the stragglers’ party tomorrow. You guys are going, right? Caid said he’ll come with us, and I think I’ve even convinced Vance to go.”

“Vance? Marchetti-Gordon?” I queried. My brother was the shyest and quietest of us. He was four years older than me, and though technically still a student at Hampstead University, I’d never once hung out with him at a bar or a party or a school event. Hillary was unconcerned about that fact.

“Yeah! It’ll be fun! When’s the last time you heard about Vance going out and having fun? I told him he had to come. I tried to see if Jamie or AJ wanted to join us, but AJ’s still recovering from smoke inhalation, and Jamie reminded me that he’s in his forties, and that it might not be appropriate for him to attend a college party.”

“I’m guessing AJ didn’t have those same issues?”

Hillary laughed and leaned into Devon. “AJ’s policy is, no one younger than twenty-one, but damned if he can’t pick a twenty-one-year-old out of the crowd every time.”

“He’s the firefighter?” Devon asked distractedly, and I followed his gaze to see Jamie exiting the half bath across the foyer from the room we were sitting in. Devon watched him head toward the den he and Vera were sharing until we couldn’t see him any longer. “Huh?” he asked though I hadn’t yet responded.

“The straight firefighter,” I reminded him. My phone buzzed then, and I laughed at the photo Cam had sent, this time of him and his brothers pretending to fight in their matching clothes.

Finn: I think we’ve got our Christmas card.

Devon’s gaze was fixed on me, and I snapped the goofy smile off my face.

“What?”

He tried to lean over to look at my phone, but I hugged it to my chest. “You’re acting weird.”

I looked from Devon to the bathroom door and back again. “No, you’re acting weird.”

Devon’s distraction continued into the next day, but at least he had an excuse when he discovered that he’d been moved from the waiting list and granted a spot in a one-month winter internship at Welling Financial, the prestigious Wall Street firm.

Campbell had texted earlier that he’d arrived back in town in time for a nine-a.m. practice.

Finn: Coach let us sleep in.

He’d sent a picture of himself leaning in front of a microwave in a quaint-looking kitchen. The time on the equipment read four thirty. Campbell’s eyes were tired, but they still shone bright, and that smile I thought of as mine fought the sleepiness in his look as well. Before I could think to stop myself, I’d downloaded the image to my phone.

His dedication reminded me of Hunter’s, who that same morning dragged my dad out to the indoor sports park to throw some pitches, insisting that he’d gone too many days without practicing.

“Weren’t you at the park when Devon and I got here on Wednesday?”

Hunter just shrugged as he heaved his duffle bag over his shoulder. My family was together for dinner again that night, enjoying leftovers and horror stories from the members of my family who’d ventured to the outdoor mall in our town to do some holiday shopping.

After dinner, Vance, Caid, Hillary, Devon, and I bundled up and walked to the Delta Tau fraternity house. I was anxious to see Campbell and had spent a large amount of time during the day reminding myself that we were only friends. I really, really missed my friend’s smile and his smell and his paradoxically flustered confidence.

By the time we entered, the party was raging. I walked in with Vance, who blanched and looked like he wanted to turn around and leave. A table was set up in the large foyer of the fraternity house, piled high with coats. Our group tossed ours on top. Vance was wearing a beanie, and instead of tossing it along with his coat, he pulled the woven material down over his ears as if it were a helmet that could offer some protection from the battle he was about to enter.

He looked forlornly at the exit. I shook my head and hooked my arm in Vance’s.

“Come on, Vernon .” I teased him with his pen name. “Let’s find the beer.”

Vance rolled his eyes at me but let me lead him through the crowd, arm in arm. Hillary and Caid had taken off, and Devon walked in front of us. I scanned the room for Campbell but came up empty. We fought our way through the main room and found the kitchen.

“Vance!” A tall man with a British accent joined us and was introduced as a member of the class where Vance was the teacher's assistant for that semester. The man looked as relieved to see a familiar face as Vance was, and the two began talking about the book they were reading for class.

Devon had lined up at one of the kegs and was filling a cup when I arrived. He passed it to me and filled two more. I returned to Vance and his student and leaned in close to his ear, hoping the student wouldn’t hear me. “You good?”

Vance nodded and gave me a small smile as I passed him a beer. I wished I felt as comfortable as my usually awkward brother seemed to be as I scanned the party. I was more anxious than I ever remembered being, with the possible exception of one fateful day when I had broken my finger. My heart pounded, and my head pulsed along with the beat of the music from the other room. I desperately wanted to see Campbell and was desperately worried that I would mess up and be too obvious in my feelings for him.

Devon waited for my gaze to land on him, and he handed me the other cup, shooting me a questioning look. I ignored it and looked behind me in time to see Campbell turning around in the opening to the kitchen and heading the other way. It was like I had sensed him there. I watched him fight through the crowd with his back slumped.

“Campbell!” I yelled. I mean, I had to, right? To be heard over the crowd. And I know he heard me because his back straightened. He stopped but didn’t turn. From behind, I pictured him trying to decide what to do. It reminded me how well I could read him, which in turn reminded me that I had to be just his friend, no matter how in tune I was to his feelings or his moods or his mere presence in a room.

“Isn’t that the star of the hockey team?” Devon remarked. “He was all over the school’s social media last week. Apparently, he had a really great game or something. Lots of touchdowns or whatever.” Devon was standing close and yelling this directly into my ear over the sound of the music and the noise of the party. “He’s the guy from your sports journalism class, right?”

I stood staring at Campbell’s back as he began to walk away, and Devon continued to talk over my shoulder. “He looked like a big puppy in the photo they used on TV but look at him, Josh. His shoulder span is wider than you are tall. And those thighs. I mean, I think those are supposed to be baggy sweats. They are not baggy on him. And that hair. His hair was not that long in the photo. You have a thing for longer hair, don’t you, Josh? Remember that barista that worked at Arise last year? I never see him anymore. Did he graduate? Did you and he ever …”

Campbell had been swallowed up by the crowd. I pounded my drink before turning and grabbing Devon’s, stacking my cup in his and drinking that one down in one gulp as well.

“Yeah, we did.”

Devon raised a hand to high-five me. “One and done, baby,” he said, like we had a million times before, but he didn’t sound as sure of it as he used to, and I knew I wasn’t as sure of it when I smacked his hand and replied.

“One and done. Come on,” I said, and I returned us to the keg for refills. Vance seemed to be in heavy conversation in the corner of the kitchen. Leave it to my literary brother to find someone to talk to about books at a raging fraternity party. I watched him for a minute. As far as I knew, Vance had never been in a relationship. There had been a time when I was younger that he had been part of the hookup scene, but the Vance chatting with that guy that night was a man who wrote, jogged, went to school, and didn’t do much else. He was already a published author and was studying to be a teacher. I didn’t think he would hook up with one of his students, but he seemed happy enough to be talking about books in the corner.

While I watched him with the guy, I pounded another beer and was on my fourth when I finally said, “Vance seems okay. Come on.”

Devon followed me out of the kitchen, and I scanned the party, looking for Campbell, hoping Devon was scanning the party for a hookup so that I could go to Cam alone. Surprisingly, when I caught Devon’s eye, it seemed like he was just watching me.

“What?” I insisted.

“Oh, are we doing this again, weirdo?” he countered.

“No, you’re definitely the one acting weird. Are there any guys here you want to hit on?” I asked hopefully.

Devon shrugged and sent a perfunctory glance around the room. “Keeping my options open. You?”

“Same.” I went to take a sip, but my cup was empty. When had that happened? I was peering in the empty cup when Noah approached us.

“Hey, guy from the party.”

“What party?” Devon asked.

Noah grasped my cup over my hand and peeked in it. “Empty. brB. Cam’s in the other room. Wait for me.” He let go of my hand and pointed at Dev. “Hey, man, I’m Noah. You need a refill?”

Devon gave an up nod, a perplexed look on his face. “Devon.” He looked in his cup. “Nah, I’m good. We just refilled,” he said pointedly in my direction.

My ears were ringing, and the room was pulsing. I thought that was at least better than if it had been swaying.

“Who was that?”

“That’s Noah,” I said obliquely.

“Okayyy.” Devon drew the word out.

I scanned the crowd and found a guy looking our way. He was Devon’s type, not too tall, not too built, a little punk, a good dancer. Hell, there was a time he might have been my type. He was dancing near one of the members of the hockey team, but I knew the woman on the other side of him was that guy’s girlfriend. “Someone’s clocking you,” I informed Devon, giving him an up nod.

Devon shrugged and let out a noise that sounded like meh .

Noah returned, hugging three drinks. “Hey, Josh, grab them both. One’s for your boy, Cam, anyway.”

I took the drinks, then stood frozen for a minute as Noah walked away from me. Devon turned to follow, keeping his eyes on me. They asked the question he didn’t need to verbalize and one I wasn’t ready to answer.

I stared at the two red plastic cups in my hand, eventually turning and following Devon.

I couldn’t help it when I saw him. I swear to fucking Christ, it was like one of those romance movies—as if all sight and sound ceased. There were no crowds, no blaring music, no nosy best friend. There was just Campbell and me and that floating feeling. It had been a dull pulse since I’d last seen him. As the world faded around us, the pulse returned in full force. I had missed him; my body missed him. My smile missed his smile.

My face lit up. And yeah, the look was probably too huge and probably conveyed way more than it should have. At least that’s what I attributed the scowl on Campbell’s face to. I hid mine behind my cup and took a few deep breaths to get myself together. I also guzzled more beer, and that floating feeling became heavier as if it had turned into a raging sea. My ears buzzed, and I could hear that my words were heavy, like I was fighting past a handful of marbles to say them.

I kept the smile off my face, though, so bonus points for that. It was easy. I just matched Cam’s really, really angry scowl.

“Hey. Happy Thanksgiving,” I muttered from behind my cup.

“Hi, yeah. Thanks.” Campbell’s nod was so tense I thought his shoulders might shatter.

“Thissh is Devon. My mate, my roommate. My ... Devon.”

Devon and Campbell both looked at me expectantly, but I was too focused on tempering my face and trying to find a complete sentence. I glared at Devon before stealing his drink and throwing it back.

“Josh!” Devon chastised.

“Hi. I’m Campbell. Josh and I are working on a project together for sports journalism.”

“Oh, right! The podcast. Josh told me about that. I knew the project was about hockey, but he didn’t tell me he was doing it with the star of the hockey team. Congratulations on that game last week.”

I’m fairly sure no one heard me scoff, “Ha, doing it .”

Devon and Campbell continued to chat like perfectly respectable college students, and Noah sidled up next to me.

“You okay, Josh?” I grabbed his drink and handed him my collection of empties. “Maybe don’t …” He didn’t bother to finish, because his beer was already mostly gone.

“Devon?” Noah called over my head. “It appears we’re both in need of a refill thanks to this guy. Walk with me?” Devon, who still looked like he was missing pieces of the puzzle, agreed. “Hold on to yours, Cam. This guy’s a thief.”

I immediately took Devon’s place next to Campbell and may have reached for his beer. The fucker raised it over his head.

“Ooh. Another beer shower.” I could tell I was drunk even as I continued doing stupid things. Luckily, Campbell could see my stupid thing coming from a mile away, and he sidestepped my attempt to push him. Then he took a sip of his beer and put it down on the floor next to him.

“How wusshh the farm?” Shit, was that me, mooing?

Cam leaned down close to my face.

“Fuck yeah, hi.” I attempted a smile, and even I knew my face was a drunken, but hopefully adorable, mess as I greeted him.

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m drunk!”

“And you just left that guy.” Definitely drunk because I hadn’t left any guys; Devon had left me. I had no idea what Cam was talking about.

“What are you talking about?”

I had never seen Cam angry before, at least not since he huffed into physical therapy months ago, and I’d never seen him look so hurt. Those two emotions being aimed at me? They took all of those floating feelings that I had come to cherish, and they tore them from me, like the best parts of my heart and soul were being tossed to the ground and stomped on.

“Campbell, please.” I was asking so many things. I wanted him to explain. I wanted him to stop looking at me like that. I wanted him to stop stomping on my heart. I wanted him to just smile his puppy-dog smile and not be upset.

I wasn’t sure why, but I was sure I was the one who’d made him angry. “I’m sorry, Cam.”

His gaze rose above my head, and soon Devon and Noah had rejoined us, looks of concern on their faces.

“Noah said you introduced him to his girlfriend?” Devon asked.

“Not exactly,” I spat out, by which I mean I actively spat and had to wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “She wusshh Cam’s PT. He invited us both.”

“That’s why this guy is the guy from the party.” Noah tried to keep the conversation going, grasping me by the shoulder. “Cam and I share a house with some of our teammates. It was before school started and …”

“And the rest is history,” Devon provided, staring at me like I was a stranger.

“Yeah.” Noah smiled.

I knew Devon was looking at me, but my eyes were fixed on Cam. He looked agitated and uncomfortable and took a subtle step back as if hoping the wall behind him would swallow him up. Devon looked back and forth between us and narrowed his eyes at me. I spared a quick second to glare at him before turning back to Cam, who was even further away from me.

Our group was quiet for some time. I racked my brain for something to say but only found ringing ears, pulsing music, and the strong need to talk to Campbell alone, so I said nothing.

Devon looked from Campbell to me again, watching me as I stared intently at Cam even as I knew I shouldn’t be.

“So.” Devon filled the silence. “I know nothing about hockey. I mean, I know you’re playing now because this guy is all over social media.” He pointed and smiled at a scowling Cam. “How much longer is the season? What positions do you play? And by what positions do you play, I mean, explain all the positions to me as well as the rules and the scoring system because I’m clueless.”

We proceeded to talk about fucking hockey for a really long time. Devon tried to include me in the conversation, but every time he did, Cam clammed up, and Noah had to jump in and fill the awkwardness. He and Devon were doing a lot of heavy lifting to keep our conversation going.

Eventually, I gave up, standing to the side and avoiding looking at Campbell, stepping out of the conversation entirely. I could feel the anger coming off him, and I hated it. Every time I looked at him, it was like he was purposefully looking anywhere but at me. My ears buzzed, and the room swayed, and I wanted to yell at them to shut the fuck up about fucking hockey.

Eventually, I muttered the word “bathroom” and escaped to a long line. When I was done, I found my brother talking to a small group in his corner of the kitchen. More importantly, I had open access to one of the kegs. I downed one drink and filled my cup again before heading over to Vance.

“Hey, Vern!” From behind me, someone had grasped my arm, hard.

“Cam,” I almost whined, but it was Devon’s voice in my ear, and he spun me to face him, dragging me away from the group.

“Do not out your brother’s pen name while he’s hanging out with his students. Christ, did you have another drink?”

“Two,” I said, flashing two fingers before booping him on the nose with one of them.

“For fuck’s sake, I’m getting you out of here.”

“I need to talk to … my project partner guy. There are only a few weeks of school left.”

“Yeah, well. I saw you two when we came back. I don’t think that guy wants to talk to you, Josh.”

“Why, Dev?” God, who sounded so desperate? Was it possible it was me?

“I don’t know, Josh. I’m sorry.” He clamped my upper arm again and took my drink from me, taking a sip himself before sighing and putting it down.

“Keep your fucking mouth shut until we’re out of this place. Do you understand?”

Devon was being very stern. My face could be stern. I twisted it up and nodded. “Mm-hmm.” Devon cracked a small smile but turned serious again. “Not. One. Word,” he said before starting to walk forward and saying, “Vance.”

My brother and his gaggle of enamored students looked at us. “Josh and I are leaving. The twins are still here, fleecing frat guys out of their money at the pool table.”

Vance laughed. “Sounds about right. Good night, you two.”

“Goo nigh, Ver …” Devon interrupted me.

“Night, Vance. We’ll see you back at the house.”

I don’t remember much after that, other than that I woke up fully dressed the next morning on the pullout couch in the den, the bed my brother Jamie was supposed to be using, to the sound of laughter and one chatty little girl coming from the dining room.

I shuffled to the bathroom, then to the coffee maker before joining the family around the table. I took one glorious sip of hot, black coffee, then folded my arms and put my head down.

My family bustled around me, eating breakfast and planning their day. Devon showed up eventually and dodged my mother’s question as to why I had slept in the den, and he and Jamie had shared a room instead.

For some reason, my family started talking about football, and all I could think was that I couldn’t escape stupid, manly sports. I may have been dozing off, not thinking about how Cam looked when he was roughing up the ice in front of his goal, when Jamie grasped me by the shoulders and gave me a firm shake.

“What do you say, Josh? Some fresh air? A little family competition? Good for what ails ya’.”

“Ungh,” I responded to what appeared to be a question about playing a family game of touch football.

“Excellent! Uncle Josh is on my team,” Jamie said, looking at his daughter.

“Can I be on your team too, Daddy?”

“Of course, little one.”

This was going to require lots more coffee, I thought as my phone buzzed in my pocket. I swiped my mug, which had cooled down a bit, and chugged it as passionately as I had chugged a beer or two the night before. Oh fuck, I thought. How many beers had it been? Definitely more than two. I didn’t remember ending up in the den. What else didn't I remember?

I took the opportunity of refilling my mug to check my phone.

Finn: Who is he?

Oh, fuck. What had I done?