Page 11

Chapter Eleven

Josh

What in the actual fuck? I thought back over the past semester. Had it really been since before school started that I’d been with someone? Shit. I was usually out all the time, with Devon or on Guys4Guys. When I thought back over the past semester, sure there were still nights out with Devon and our other friends, and much of my free time had been taken up by my stupid fucking finger. But other than that, it was time with my family, including baseball games with Hunter and … time spent with Campbell: in class, watching him play, in our little study room in the library.

Holy fucking fuck. I’d been spending all of my time either with or thinking about one guy, and without even realizing it, I’d put my sex life on hold. Had I put it on hold for him?

I couldn’t even look at him. That adorable face, those imploring puppy-dog eyes, that floppy fucking hair. I wanted to climb him, again, like we’d done before we were so rudely interrupted by the pizza delivery.

Of course, he was having doubts. I couldn’t let my confusion get in the way of Campbell working through all of his big feelings. Because my feelings, they couldn’t mean anything, right? I was just busy, and injured, and preoccupied with a particularly interesting class. My feelings had never been big before, they’d always been here , now , more! They’d never, ever been you . They’d never been anything when it came to the guys I’d hooked up with.

So what the fuck did I want from Campbell Ryan, and why the fuck, in that moment, was my heart pounding so hard it was practically painful?

I had to get out of my own head and focus on the man in front of me. This whole hooking up thing was all about him, after all. And if he decided he wasn’t into it, then I fucking well knew another way to get out of my head. I clung to my phone, which was sitting in the pouch pocket of Campbell’s sweatshirt. Guys4Guys always came through for me, and it could again if Campbell decided to leave.

My heart pounded against my rib cage.

“I don’t know what I want, Josh.” He leaned on the desk, slouching, his legs out before him, one hand brushing through his hair before he used both to support his weight.

“I know, Cam.”

“It’s supposed to be easy.”

“No, it’s not.”

I stood then and walked toward him. His posture put us eye to eye, and I straddled his legs so that we were face-to-face. I tried to get out of my own head and think about Cam and what he was going through.

“Sex is complicated and messy and wonderful. I can’t protect you from the complicated and messy parts, but I can try not to contribute to them. I don’t want to make it worse.” If I could keep my pesky feelings from getting in the way, that was.

I kissed him gently, feeling odd not to have to stretch up and disappointed because it meant Campbell didn’t have to scoop me up and hold me again. I caressed his cheek and brushed my lips to his but kept my distance otherwise.

When I pulled us apart, I dropped my hand to where his was grasping the edge of the desk, tension evident in the white-knuckled grip he held it with.

“Come here.” I wrapped my hand around his and stepped back, walking toward my bed. No surprise, he yanked his hand away.

“Trust me?” I begged. He stared into my eyes for one beat, then another before he found the answer he was looking for and nodded.

I quickly threw some laundry on the floor and straightened my bedding before climbing on. I slid all the way over to the wall, propped up my pillows, and patted the bed. Campbell kicked off his shoes and followed me, leaning back against the wall, my pillows for support, his arms crossed in front of him. I lifted the one closest to me and tucked myself under his arm, my head on his chest. He didn’t fight me, but his arm rested over my shoulders without tightening around me or drawing me in.

“What was it like growing up on a farm?”

Campbell started to talk about his parents, his little brothers, and the farm they ran. I was surprised to find that the farm was organic, and that his parents were trying to drum up agritourism.

I popped my head up to look at him. “Really?”

“Really. You sound surprised.”

“I guess that’s not how I pictured it.”

“The farm? No? How did you picture it?”

I wanted to tread lightly and not say like something out of the nineteenth century because you think you have to be in the closet , so I dodged the question.

“I guess I didn’t ever really picture it. Other than that it must be beautiful, based on the picture of you and your brothers in front of that pond with all those tall trees.”

He finally tightened his grip around me and drew me closer to him, encouraging me to rest my head on his chest once again. “It is really beautiful and a lot of hard work. I think you’d like it.”

“You do?” I could feel him shrug. He didn’t respond, so I lifted my head again to see him blushing. It was his turn to change the subject.

“You don’t have any family photos in here?”

“Yeah, I guess it never occurred to me to print out pictures and hang them up.” I sat up and wiggled until Campbell made space for me to turn and sit facing him. I crossed my legs, and one draped over his thigh. I could feel the firmness of his muscles, a reminder of his dedication to his sport.

I stopped myself from running a hand up and down his leg and pulled my phone from the borrowed sweatshirt instead, scrolling until I found what I was looking for.

“Here we are at the beach. This was when we first got there, so before my finger got fucked.” I rattled off names, pointing at each face in the picture and ending with, “And that’s Vera, of course.” I swiped through a few pictures until I came to one where her smiling face took up the whole screen.

“She’s the first and so far only grandkid. Not just for my parents but for two other sets of grandparents as well.” Cam shot me a quizzical look, so I delved deeper into the Marchetti-Gordon family tree. “My dad was divorced when he met my mom. Dad and his first wife had two sons, including Vee’s dad, Jamie, and my other brother AJ.” I swiped back to the group photo and pointed out my two eldest brothers to Cambell once again.

“My dad’s ex-wife lives in England with her husband. My mom and dad, obviously, live here, and Vera’s other grandparents live within driving distance of the happiest place on Earth, down in Florida. So this sweet, smiling girl? Absolutely spoiled rotten by her Hampstead grandparents, her England grandparents, and her Florida grandparents.”

“She’s adorable.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“It’s really sweet how much you care about her. About all of them. It’s really special.” Campbell opened his arms, and I returned to the crook, nestling in. Campbell reached over with his other hand to tug on the hood of my—I mean his—sweatshirt.

“I’m gonna need this back, you know.” I snuggled in even more, tucking my hands in the pocket and burying myself deeper into Campbell’s firm, warm, huge body.

“But it’s so cozy,” I whined as I tucked my legs, one underneath his thigh, one over.

“It’s one of my official warm-up suits,” he explained, and I may have let out a pouty little grunt.

Campbell wrapped me in his arms then, and we went back to exchanging stories: about our families, our time growing up, our college experiences, and professors, friends, and acquaintances we had in common. That eventually led us back to sports journalism, and we fell asleep making plans for our podcast.

I awoke as I’d fallen asleep, snuggled tight against Campbell, keeping time to the beat of his heart as my head rested on his chest. He’d slouched down a little, and I’d followed as if sleeping Josh couldn’t bear to be anywhere but glued to sleeping Campbell.

We remained above the covers, and the warmth emanating from his big body helped keep the chill of the dorm room away. I lifted my head an inch and opened my eyes to peek out the window, the curtain open just a sliver and letting in the soft glow of the walking path pole light, which was just below my window. It was still nighttime.

I was reminded of times I’d fallen asleep during a hookup. If I’d been in some other guy’s room, I’d have been thrilled to have woken up before sunrise, hopeful that I could sneak out without waking up my bed partner. I was equally careful not to wake Cam but not because I wanted to sneak away. I just imagined that he could use the sleep after his game and our long night after it.

Slowly I extricated myself from all that warmth and crawled to the foot of my bed, slipping off with as little disturbance as possible. I’d gotten good at it over the past few years. The sliver of light from the window and below the door provided enough light for me to get around. I took a quick bathroom break, careful to close my dorm room door softly. Then I sat on my roommate’s bed, my small reporter's notebook in hand.

I turned toward the wall and pulled out my phone to use as a flashlight and saw a text from Devon that assured me I wouldn’t be seeing him until after classes the next day. Using my body to block the light, I scribbled out some notes from our brainstorm a few hours earlier, ending with a note to ask Campbell about his sleeping habits.

I wanted nothing more than to climb back into my own bed, and I might have risked it if, when I shut off the flashlight and turned back toward him, he hadn’t picked that minute to nestle down further onto my bed and turn on his side. I got myself comfortable, hugging one of Devon’s pillows and mirroring his position. Then I watched him sleep, or so I thought.

Not much time passed before he said, “You’re staring at me.”

“Shit,” I whispered as if I could lull him back to sleep with the expletive. “You’re up.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt. Were you doing homework?”

“No. Yes. Sort of? I was just jotting down our ideas for the podcast.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost four. I’m really sorry I woke you.”

“I don’t think you did.” In the darkness of the room, I could just make out a smirk on his face. His hand moved down his body from where it had been hugging the pillow, but I didn’t dare take my eyes off his face to discover where it roamed.

Whatever that hand was doing had him closing his eyes and letting out a sigh that was equal parts sexy and frustrated, and I tried really hard to focus on the part where he felt frustrated, not wanting to put any pressure on him and not wanting to think about how enticing he sounded or looked in my bed.

“Jesus, Josh. You could have been out with anyone last night, and instead you waited here for me. All I did was fall asleep, and then you got up to do fucking homework. I am so pathetic and so, so sorry.”

His hand was back in my line of sight, combing through his hair.

Without a second thought, I told him the truth. “I’m not. I was right where I wanted to be.”

“That can’t be true. You’re this out-and-proud person. I'm sure no other guy would ditch you to go hang with his bros at the bar. You don’t have to sneak around. You don’t have to pretend all the time.” His voice rose in frustration as he continued.

“It’s okay that you’re not out, Campbell. I can keep a secret.”

“You like to … you could have been hooking up with someone else. No strings, no baggage, no closet.”

My heart was pounding hard in my chest, much harder than a healthy young man should expect when he was lying down in a darkened room. The truth came out of me, and I understood my anxious state as soon as I said it, honest and raw and scary. “I didn’t want to do that. I don’t want to do that. I wanted to be with you. I want to be with you.”

“Josh.” The exasperation was still in his voice, but it had gotten heavy, too, and I loved the way it sounded, the tremors of it traveling through me, grabbing hold of that pounding heart and pushing the pulse of it through to my core. My dick tightened, and I finally forced my eyes away from his and allowed them to travel the length of his body.

As I’d assumed, his cock was straight and proud and pointing right at me through his official Hampstead Hockey warm-up sweats.

“Josh, come here, please.” You’d have thought I would jump at the request, but I didn’t. I hesitated, focusing on the thumping of my heart. And it wasn’t because I was worried over Cam. It wasn’t him I wanted to ask Are you sure? , it was me. Because all of sudden, or maybe not all of a sudden, maybe since the day we’d met, Campbell wasn’t some super-hot hookup, nor was he a friend I could help out with losing his virginity.

Without fucking realizing it, I’d gone and caught feelings for Campbell Ryan. Lying there, on Devon’s bed, I watched myself turn from an AJ to a Jamie, the party boy gone in favor of becoming a one-man guy, my heart gone, Guys4Guys already mentally erased from my phone.

And I may have even embraced it if I’d thought for a second it was what Cam wanted or needed. The simple truth was that it wasn’t, which meant that I had to keep my fledgling feelings to myself and do what was right for Campbell. And what was right for Campbell was for me to do as I had promised.

“Josh?” He sounded confused, and he started to move as if he was going to get up.

“Wait,” I said, standing up myself and pulling his sweatshirt and my shirt up over my head. I was sure the pulse in my neck was a visible thing, and I was glad for the silvery darkness surrounding me. I took a step forward and slipped my shorts and briefs off next. My semi-hard cock fell between my legs, and in the gray shadows I could follow Cam as he first watched my clothes fall, and then as his eyes traveled to take it in.

He sat up then, and his gaze raked over my whole body. Even in the near darkness, I could see the fire in his eyes as it surged. From his seated position, he lost his shirt, pulling it from the back of his neck with one hand. Despite his bulk and size, it was like every move he made was fluid and graceful, and I pictured him on the ice, relaxed and in his element, comfortable in his own skin.

It was overwhelming to think about trying to give him all of that for his first time. But Cam was like this precious prince, the crown heavy on his head with the expectations of his family and his team and the NHL scouts. He deserved the best, and I would do my best for him.

He tried again to stand, but I didn’t let him, taking another step toward him and saying, “Lie down for me, my prince.” His eyes went wide at the endearment, and it stopped me in my tracks but only momentarily as I remembered that my whole goal was to make him feel comfortable. If I freaked out over the things my mouth said without the permission of my mind, there was no way my fragile prince wouldn’t freak out too. Fragile Campbell ; his name was Campbell.

I took the last confident stride toward him and said again, “Lie back down for me.” He looked up at me with those big, imploring eyes, and I saw his hand twitch like he was going to run it through his hair again. I took it as a win when he didn’t. He nodded instead and did as I had asked.

“I want this to be so good for you, and I want it to be what you want. Do you trust me?” He looked uncomfortable under the heat of my gaze, but I could tell when he nodded that it was the truth.

I traveled to the end of the bed and gently lifted one of his legs, pulling off his sock. “I’m going to need to hear you say it, Finn.”

“Yes, I trust you.”

“Good.” I tossed the first sock and scrambled onto the bed, kneeling at his feet and lifting his other leg. I cradled it on my hip and pulled back to yank his other sock off. “But that being said, if you say stop, we stop.” Our eyes locked, and I hoped mine only showed concern and resolve and not whatever feeling my pounding heart wanted to convey. His serious expression matched mine, and he nodded earnestly.

I worked to lighten the mood with a smile as I gently laid his leg back on the bed and stroked the inside of his calf, pushing his pant leg up as far as it would stretch. “And if inspiration strikes”—I smiled—“and you feel the need to take over, you have my permission. I can’t imagine there’s anything you’d want from me that I wouldn’t give.” I continued to stroke his leg, tickling as high as I could reach.

“Josh,” he choked out, our eyes locked, the fingers of my left hand dancing and massaging the calf and ankle he had twisted, thinking about that first day and the air of exasperation that had surrounded him when he’d walked into the waiting room, and how it had dissipated as we’d talked and commiserated and joked with one another.

His huge body took up most of the small dorm-room bed, so I was half on top of him as I crawled my way up to meet him face-to-face. He kept his eyes on mine.

“Hi,” I said, my legs straddling one of his, my hardening cock pressed up against his thigh, his sticking out at an obscene angle, stretching and straining the soft material of his sweatpants.

“Hey.” He smiled back, and I think he thought we were going to snuggle again because he opened his arm as if he were offering up his chest as my pillow once more. I took that big arm and placed it over his head, where it rested angled on a pillow. I stretched to wrap my hand in his, which left me hovering over him, face-to-face still, my dick dangling and in danger of knocking against his.

Those puppy-dog eyes dove into mine, and I could see anxiousness and anticipation and hunger in his gaze as if I was in tune with his every emotion.

“Finn,” I whispered, shaking my head back and forth. In my mind I was saying no to whatever feelings were having a boxing match in my stomach, but I hoped my quirked lip and light eyes conveyed more of a what am I going to do with you feel to the tormented man below me.

“Shelley,” he returned, and then his patience was lost. His neck strained, and even that bulged with strength and health as he angled up and met me for a searing kiss. I kept my arm locked so that I wasn’t lying on top of him completely and tightened my grip on the hand that rested above our heads, but that wasn’t good enough for Campbell, and before long, he released my grip and wrapped both of those strong, warm arms around me.

I was flush against him then, chest to chest, my arousal trapped against his stomach, his brushing my thigh. I ran my fingers through his hair, and his hands found their way up and down my back. I was in a haze just from the taste of his lips and his hands tickling my spine, but eventually, I realized that Cam was hesitating. While he seemed all in on the kissing, his hands never ventured lower than the small of my back, his lower body remaining tensely still as if he were afraid for his dick to get in on the action.

“Campbell,” I implored, pulling back just enough to look into those expressive eyes, one hand holding his hair away from his face, the other running up and down his chest as if it had a mind of its own. I had to force my body to stop rocking atop his.

“Josh,” he countered and leaned up again to find my lips, but I lifted back slightly, and Campbell gave up the chase.

“I want you to touch me if you want.” I sat up. “I mean, you can if you want. I meant it when I said there wasn’t much I wouldn’t want with you.”

He looked so serious when he nodded. Nodded but didn’t speak.

“Sit up, my prince.” Fuck, my friend . Get with the program, brain, he’s our friend . Hopefully he was about to be my dick’s friend as well. “Against the wall.”

I caught the disappointed look on his face, so when he sat up, adjusting the pillows behind him and leaning back, I jumped on him, thrilled to finally be climbing the big man again.

I kept my weight off him and held him firmly by the shoulders, which left enough room between us for his gaze to wander. I could feel pre-cum dripping from my tip.

I didn’t bother to catch his eye, instead leaning to whisper in his ear, “Is this okay?”

I pulled back to watch him nod. “Gonna need to hear it, Cam.”

“Yeah, yes,” he croaked. I gave him a quick, filthy kiss, keeping my weight off him and ending by his ear once again, where I teased the spot behind it. I felt Cam relax into the sensation, stretching his sexy neck to grant me more access, his arms back around my waist, his calloused hands taking up residence at the small of my back.

“Is this okay?” I asked again as I put my weight on him, positioning my ass so that his cock found my crack. I put just a little pressure on it, and Campbell leaned back, eyes closed, hair flopping, a debauched hiss causing his eyes to pop open as if in surprise. He kissed me then and allowed his hands to cup my ass, positioning me on him, causing that hissing sound again.

“That’s it,” I moaned into his mouth, both of us chasing each other's sounds, capturing them and giving them back. Cam’s cock stiffened with each grunt and moan, and mine leaked onto his stomach. Before long, Campbell pulled back in frustration, those chocolate eyes practically black, his cheeks and neck a candy-apple red.

“Josh,” he practically whined, and I think his tone surprised him because he pulled away, and the vulnerability was back.

I was having none of it. I kissed him again before saying, “Tell me what you need.”

“I don’t know,” he confessed, and I nodded, lifting off him and tucking myself in the narrow space between his body and the wall. I dragged a hand from his pec to the waistline of his pants.

“Lift up for me, prince,” I said, giving up on keeping the foolish nickname out of my mouth. I leaned over him, stealing another kiss as I did so, my dick hanging over his thigh and staining the material.

I hooked my fingers of both hands in his waistband and held still for a beat, waiting for permission. “Oops, you’re gonna have to wash these before practice.”

He smiled and nodded, and the intensity in his eyes told me the nod was my green light. I slid his pants and underwear down his body, his arousal springing out and pointing straight up in the air. Campbell looked at it as if he were embarrassed, and I hoped my sharp intake of breath as I ogled it helped to erase that concern. Campbell was big all over, his thick, average-length cock standing tall and proud and so, so ready.

His eyes were on it like he was focused really hard on what it had to say, but when I moved to straddle him again, his gaze shifted from his cock to mine. I settled back in his lap, letting my ass nestle against him once more, and when Campbell’s head righted after another sexy, neck-straining hiss, I ordered, “Touch me.”

“Josh.” His anxiousness had returned.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want. But what I want are those big, warm, hot hands jerking me off.” I kissed him quickly before pressing my ass down on his member and leaning back on one hand to offer my cock up to him.

Campbell’s anxiousness was no match for the lust and hunger I saw in his eyes as he took one hand from around my waist to grasp my throbbing member, holding it tight and firm. It was my turn to throw my head back with a hungry hiss.

Cam slowly ran that tight hand up and down my cock; after a few tugs, he swiped at the tip to run pre-cum up and down the length.

“Yes, my prince, yes.” I started to rock into it, taking his cock along for the ride. I touched him then, shoving him more firmly into my crack as I rocked between his hand and his cock, holding it to me with one hand while I held my weight up with the other.

It was just a hand job, and yet I was blissed out like some madman, thrusting, clenching, and grunting above Campbell. I opened my eyes to find him watching me above him, and he looked embarrassed as if he’d been caught. I stopped my motion, and Campbell’s hand stilled, back to holding me firmly in his tight grip.

“Say it, prince. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

I was thrilled when he didn’t let those nerves get in his way. “So fucking sexy, babe. This is so fucking hot.” He thrusted up against me, and I bunched my glutes in return.

Campbell moved to continue stroking me, but I put a hand over his. “Wait.”

I jumped off, leaving a confused, sexy, primed Campbell Ryan watching me as I scurried to the dresser on the opposite side of the room. Fuck, I thought I had lube in my top drawer, but I couldn’t find it. Luckily for me, I knew where Devon kept his. I returned from rummaging through his side of the desk with a bottle in hand.

A breath caught in Campbell’s throat. “Is that for you or me?” That question didn’t tell me what Campbell thought about penetration. We’d have to talk about that at some point.

“It’s for both of us,” I explained though his confused look confirmed that I hadn’t explained well at all. It was beyond adorable.

I climbed back on top of him, finally putting my full weight over his larger body, lining up to kiss him first before I slid back down to line up our cocks and wrap them both in my hand. We both keened at the sensation, and I opened my hand quickly, pouring the liquid on our twin members and my palm. I tossed the bottle and squeezed tight, leaning back down to kiss Campbell again, but before I could, he rose up to a seated position.

“Wait,” he said, positioning himself, then dragging me back into his lap. I wrapped my legs around him and wriggled into position. “Now.” He smiled before kissing me.

I had to pull back to collect us back up, and then finally, I began stroking our cocks together, Campbell once again running his hands up and down my back, daring to go lower and cup my ass, lifting me up and down as I jacked us off.

I got the message and bounced above him, my hand working hard. I wanted to kiss him, but he’d started thrusting himself, and while we were moving in sync, we were moving too frantically to catch each other’s lips.

I settled for watching as Campbell started to lose it, his lap thrusting up, his cock pulsing next to mine, grunts and nonsense words coming out of his mouth. Only the words didn’t sound like nonsense to me. “Yes! Fuck! Harder!” were all there, but so were, “Babe,” and, “Mine,” and, “Only one.”

I tried hard to chase him for a kiss, wanting to put a stop to those words, but I couldn’t connect.

He, however, managed to lock eyes with me, keeping up as we bounced in tandem. “I never thought it could be like this.”

That alone would have been enough for me, but after he said it, he ran his hand over our tips, collecting up the slick liquid there before he swatted my hand away and took over, his tight grip bringing me right to the edge as Cam’s other hand splayed itself over my back, drawing me in close, his hot breath in my ear, moist and urgent and sexy as hell.

“My God, Josh. I never knew. Even when I saw you. Even when I knew you were the one, I never knew it could be like this.”

And yeah, I shouted, “My prince,” as that tightening in my balls burst forth and sent a wave through my body so overwhelming that the world went blank for a beat. Blank except for those words echoing in my brain as my seed spilled over his hand. I came to, catching him releasing us and swiping some of the mess from my dick, continuing on his own.

Through my haze I tried to grab it, but he slapped me away with a, “No! Watch me, babe.” He was up on his knees, looming over me, my weightless legs still wrapped loosely around him.

“I’m gonna fucking come. I want you to watch me, baby, please!” The desperation was back but only for a flash as he began to grunt, his animalistic sounds peppered with the words, “I! Never! Knew!”

His cum landed on my stomach, and my dick, and in the crease of my thigh on one side as Campbell kneeled before me in awe. I dragged a finger over my stomach and tasted it, Cam’s eyes going wide at the sight. I extricated my legs from around him and lay down on the wrong end of the bed. Cam followed and dropped on top of me, whispering in my ear again, “I never knew.”

I loved having his weight on top of me and I wanted to keep him there forever, but I knew he would want to be up in a few hours to head to the gym. I wriggled until he lifted himself off of me.

“Get back up there,” I nodded toward the head of the bed. “Get comfortable and I’ll be right back.”