Page 23 of Jordan’s Breakthrough (Unexpected Love #3)

JORDAN

W hile Miles showers, I open my phone to text Declan, ready to beg for a day off. Instead, he beat me to it.

Declan: Just a quick question. How long is your guy here for? Because I’m covering your shifts. Don’t bother saying no. I owe you this after all you’ve done for me.

My throat tightens.

Me: He leaves Tuesday morning. So I’d just need tonight’s shift covered, if you can. His name is Miles, btw. I’ll fill you in on the rest later.

Declan’s response is instant. You got it, man. Bring him over for dinner tomorrow. We’d love to meet him. Miles obviously makes you happy, and that makes me like the guy already!

A strange, warm feeling settles in my chest when I think of Miles at the table with my friends.

Would he like them or be comfortable around them?

Declan and Seth can be notoriously teasing after a few beers.

Plus, he’s so different from them. Would he even fit in?

Or would he feel out of place? I want them all to like each other.

I’ll see how today goes before bringing it up with Miles.

“Well, I feel better,” Miles says, coming into the room. My cock stirs a little at the sight of his damp hair and freshly-shaven face, but the burning desire I’d felt last night isn’t there. I still want him, but in a different way.

I smooth my shirt down as I stand. “Ready to have some fun?”

“Maybe.” He folds his arms across his chest. So sassy, but I adore it. “You still haven’t told me what we’re doing.”

I laugh. “Did you expect me to have a plan, showing up out of the blue like you did?”

“So we’re winging it?”

“Totally winging it.”

His expression softens, attention darting to my mouth like he’s thinking of kissing me again. I kiss him instead, tugging him to the door.

We go for a drive with the windows down and music up. I won’t admit it, but I need air. I need space and time to process what him showing up means to me. Miles not only came here, but he bought me food. Not just some food, either. No. He’d restocked my entire fridge and pantry. Who does that?

Someone who cares about me, that’s who.

It seems impossible to think we could have this deep of a connection already, given how short of time we’ve known each other, but I felt it last night, and this morning.

Miles cares for me. Deeply.

Which means I owe him the truth before we go any further. He deserves to know what he’s getting himself into.

After showing Miles some of the prettier parts of town, I swing by the hidden botanical garden tucked behind a community center. It’s my favorite place in all of San Diego. There are no lines, no guided tours. Just bees, bougainvillea, and an old man in a bucket hat taking tickets.

Carlos perks up when he sees me. “Ah, Jordan! You’re back.”

I hand him a twenty. When he tries to give me change, I wave him off. “Add it to the donation box.”

The older man’s sun-kissed face breaks into a radiant smile. “We miss seeing you around here. You’re always welcome to volunteer again.”

Guilt clenches my chest. I haven’t volunteered in over a year. “Yeah, I’ll try.”

Miles and I walk for a while in silence, winding between shaded paths and succulents that are larger than my arm span.

It smells of soil and heat and honeysuckle—everything I love.

Miles enjoys it too, commenting on floral archways and decorated birdbaths.

We both pause to watch two lizards skitter up a large cactus, then Miles turns to me, glasses pushed up from how big he’s smiling.

He hasn’t stopped smiling all morning, and it’s starting to twist a knife in my chest. I don’t want to ruin his joy. Or mine. I’m still floating just from being near him, and I know the moment I talk about my past, it’ll invite the darkness in.

“Did you grow up in San Diego?” Miles asks as we start the second loop. He brushes a hand over a massive elephant ear leaf.

“No. Actually, I grew up in St. George, Utah.”

He whips his head around. “Really?”

“It’s a city just north of the Arizona border.”

“Yeah, I know. People at work have talked about it. It’s close to the Grand Canyon, right?”

“Kind of. It’s a couple of hours away.” Too bad I never visited. Dad never took us. He never did much of anything, now that I think about it.

We come across a shaded bench under a pepper tree, worn smooth by sun. I sit down, and Miles sits beside me, close but not touching. I long to reach for his hand, but in this heat?

Miles points to a few bees hovering in the flowers, and a hummingbird whizzes past, its green wings iridescent in the sun.

“We didn’t get hummingbirds in Michigan,” Miles comments.

“No?”

He shrugs. “Not many, no. I think it was too cold, or the summers weren’t long enough? I don’t know. But I saw my first one when I took a job in Georgia. Thought it was so pretty. The way they fly is incredible.”

“Yeah, they really are beautiful.”

The silence is longer this time, but not uncomfortable. It gives me the courage.

“Miles?”

He turns.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while now, and now that you’re here, I think I need to.”

His smile fades slightly. “Okay.”

I look at my hands, noticing the veins under my skin. All the scars on my knuckles. Every little thing is an anchor to keep me grounded in the moment. Proof I’m still here.

I haven’t even shared this with Declan or Piper, but the truth is, it would be unfair to keep it from Miles, especially with the way things are going.

He feels this connection just as deeply, as strongly, as I do.

I can see it. I mean, Miles called me boyfriend this morning while we ate, as if it had been the easiest thing in the world.

He wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t already feel that way about me.

And I want it. I want to be his boyfriend. I just don’t know if I’m capable or worthy of it yet. I don’t know if I can be a fair and true partner because of my depression. I might not have it in me.

But I want to try.

“When Graham died, everyone said I was grieving. That his death was the reason I was depressed. And I let them believe it. They didn’t know how long I’ve suffered before, you know. Since we weren’t close. So all they saw was the depression.”

Miles doesn’t speak. I glance over. His brow’s furrowed, like he’s already bracing for something.

“But I wasn’t just depressed. I wanted to die.”

The words come out like shrapnel, tearing a piece from me along the way. I exhale hard, gripping the wooden bench with white knuckles. I hate myself for inviting the darkness in, but Miles needs to know.

He is still quiet, but I can feel his gaze on me, waiting.

“I, um. Fuck, this is hard,” I mutter.

Miles scoots closer.

“I even had a plan. To end my life,” I say finally.

“I picked a time and a place. I knew how I was going to do it. I didn’t leave a note or anything, but I remember thinking it wouldn’t have mattered anyway because nobody cared enough to know I was dead.

I even…” I swallow hard. “I even thought they’d be relieved.

That Piper and Declan, I thought… things would be easier when I was done wasting their energy and taking up space. ”

Miles doesn’t move. I risk a glance at him. He’s not crying, but his face is completely still, like even blinking might break something.

“What stopped you?” he asks, barely above a whisper.

I answer honestly. He deserves that much. “I don’t know.”

The green hummingbird returns, hovering over a red bloom. I watch it, aching to feel some joy again.

“Something tilted, I guess. The day came and I got up, fed Clematis, looked around, and suddenly the thought of leaving made me angry. Like, red-hot angry. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I thought of my life, the unfairness of it, how I suffer when others don’t, and I don’t know.

It fueled a fight in me that wasn’t there before.

So I got up and went to work. That’s it.

No big redemption moment. I just… chose to stay. ”

That was also the day Declan and Piper asked me to get help. Whether it was because they saw me at a breaking point or not, I’ll never know.

Miles splits the silence after a while and says, “Jordan. Baby, look at me.”

I don’t know if I can. I’m afraid of what I’ll see.

It takes effort, but I finally do. He doesn’t recoil. He’s not awkward or in shock. Not scrambling to fix me with a hug or a speech. He’s just here, blue eyes full of something dangerously close to love.

“That is a big redemption moment,” he says simply. “You chose to stay, and that’s everything. You hear me? It is.”

I try to believe him, but it doesn’t sit right. I focus on a rock instead, digging at it with a toe. “Anyway, I just thought you should know that if we’re going to call each other boyfriends.” I give him a weak smile.

His cheeks bloom pink. “You heard that, huh?”

I bump his shoulder. “I liked it,” I admit. “But, just so it’s clear, I haven’t been that bad since, and that’s the truth. I started my meds soon after.”

Miles shifts, leaning forward to capture my attention. His voice is careful when he says, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“What meds are you on?”

I hesitate. “Lamotrigine and Wellbutrin.”

He nods slowly. “Okay. That’s a solid combo for some people. But it’s not working for you. Not fully.”

I scoff. “I’m still here, Miles.” He’s mentioned this once before, about changing meds. And it grated on me then, too.

“I know. And I’m so fucking glad.” His voice cracks slightly.

“But Jordan, surviving and living aren’t the same thing.

I know you’ve been trying, but… sweetheart, look at last night.

You said it yourself that you’ve never felt that way before, and that you didn’t even think you were capable of it.

” His tone is gentle. “Last night is proof you are. Even if it’s not all the time, but sometimes. You deserve more. Don’t you want that?”

I can’t reply. I don’t know how.