Page 14 of Jordan’s Breakthrough (Unexpected Love #3)

MILES

J ordan and I have only talked a few times in the last couple of days, and only through messages. No video. He hasn’t called me, and I haven’t called him. I don’t know if he wants me to.

He’s been… distant, I guess. His messages clipped and brief.

Does he regret what we did? Did we make a mistake? Did I ruin a good thing?

I feel worse the longer I go without seeing his face. The doubt creeps in and makes me restless. I shouldn’t have pushed him.

“Why the long face, dear?” Ruth asks me as I check her IV. She’s doing much better now, after having two surgeries. One to remove some large kidney stones, another to remove a mass on her stomach wall. The mass came back benign, thank goodness.

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

Ruth blinks at me, large brown eyes full of concern.

I force a smile. “Really. I’m fine. It’s just some silly relationship trouble is all.”

“There’s nothing silly about relationship trouble. If someone hurt you, tell them.”

“He didn’t hurt me.”

“Well, have you talked to him?”

My chest tightens. I shouldn’t have said anything or brought her into this. She’s my patient. Not my friend.

After hanging a new IV, I touch her shoulder. “It’s time for me to go. But I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

She catches my hand. “Our problems always seem silly the further we get from them, and sometimes, if we go too far, it’s too late to fix it. Don’t let it come between you, whatever it is.”

There is nothing silly about potentially pushing the guy I like to masturbate with me over the phone, especially with his history. I should’ve asked again, made sure he was okay with it.

The rawness in her tone catches my attention though, like she’s cracking open the window to her soul just a little.

“Is that what happened with your daughter?” I ask gently. “Did you let something come between you?”

Ruth looks away. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t call her now.”

I gasp. “Ruth! You haven’t even called her?”

“How can I? It’s been thirteen years!”

I take her hand. “You pick up the phone, and you call. That’s how. I’m sure she would love to hear from you.”

Ruth doesn’t reply.

I squeeze her hand. “Get some rest, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ruth’s comment lingers in my mind. When I get back to my hotel room, I kick off my shoes and sink onto the bed. Lily immediately jumps off to go to the window.

“Still mad at me, then?” It makes my heart ache. “I can’t handle it if you’re both mad at me, you know.”

Sighing, I pull my phone out and type out a message to Jordan.

Me: Be honest. Did I push you too far on Monday? You’ve been so quiet since then, and I just… IDK. I’m worried I messed up.

It’s a long few minutes before my phone buzzes with a reply.

Jordan: You did push me, Miles, but I needed it. We’re okay. Give me a min to finish eating, and I’ll call you.

That just makes me feel worse. What does that even mean? That he needed it? It makes no sense.

Settling back on the bed, I wait for him to call. When he does, I greet him with a tight-lipped smile. It’s all I can manage.

I hear the crack of a can being opened as he greets me. “Hey.” Jordan’s hair is tied back as he takes a swig of Pepsi. “Have a good day?”

I shrug. “Mostly. You?”

“Eh.”

There is so much emotion in that single word, it makes my heart stop. He isn’t happy. Not like the last time we talked. Are we really okay?

The camera shifts as he walks through his house. He stops in his bathroom, then continues to his bedroom. “Shit, I meant to change. Give me a sec.”

He tosses his phone on the bed for a moment, and when he comes back, he’s no longer wearing a shirt.

My attention is drawn to the leather cord around his neck, where a circular emblem of some kind rests above his sternum.

I hear a soft meow before white fur blocks the screen as he settles himself on his bed.

Jordan turns the camera to show Clematis against his chest.

“Say hi, pretty girl,” he says.

Clematis does not seem thrilled to be forced to socialize. Still, it softens the tension in my chest.

“Cutie pies. Both of you,” I say weakly. “Lily is currently in the window. I think she’s daydreaming of running away.”

Jordan snorts. “She wouldn’t. She loves you.”

“I don’t know. I forgot to pick up canned food when I went to the store yesterday, so all she has is kibble. She hasn’t forgiven me.”

“Oh, yikes.”

“Exactly. It’s criminal.”

Jordan drops his head back against the wall. “Okay. So. Something to know about me? Sometimes I crash after socializing. It can last a day or more. I never know.”

“Crash?”

“Depression,” he says simply. “The darkness, it… it just swallows me, Miles. Like a cloud. It literally chokes me. Even if I had a good time, it just—I don’t know. Sucks me dry. I can’t explain it. And when that happens, I just…” He shrugs.

“You don’t have energy to talk,” I say, thinking of the time he’d stayed quiet on the video call.

He nods. “I fucking hate it.”

I let out a breath. “And that’s what happened? You crashed after the day with your friends? I was worried I messed up.”

“You didn’t, and I’m sorry I didn’t communicate. Tuesday was our quarterly poetry night at work, and we were busy as hell. So between my friends on Monday, and then that… I just kinda drowned. Anyway. I’m sorry. It wasn’t you.”

I let out a breath. “O-okay. Good.”

He kisses Clematis. “What are you doing tonight?”

I lift the skein of yarn. “I was going to work on the owl again.”

“You’re not done yet?”

“I’m very close, actually. You want to see?’

“Of course.”

I tap the button to flip cameras. “It’s not stuffed yet. I’ll do that once I’m done with the legs. But look! Isn’t it cute? I even added sequins to the wings.”

“Holy shit. That’s impressive. Makes my mice look like… well, mice.”

I laugh. “The fact that they look like mice at all, and not a turd with a tail, is a good thing.”

He laughs softly. “Guess so.”

Jordan is quiet for a moment, petting Clematis, so I pull the printed pattern out and find where I left off. After seeing Ruth this evening, I am more determined than ever to get it done.

“How is she?” Jordan asks.

“Ruth? She’s doing good. I think she’ll be discharged tomorrow, which is why I’m trying to finish this.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“Want me to let you go?”

“Nope.” I flash him a smile. “I’ve missed you, so you get to keep me company no matter how boring it is.”

He snickers, but his eyes lighten, like my words mean something.

In the time that Jordan and I have been chatting online, he’s quickly become one of my favorite people.

“How about you? What are you doing tonight?” I ask.

“Well, I was going to show you something I got in the mail today, but if you’re crocheting, I might not.”

“You can show me.”

He chews his lip, then looks away.

“Wait. Are you blushing?”

He doesn’t reply.

“Okay, now I’m really curious. What did you get?”

“It’s nothing, Miles. You’re busy.”

“So! You can’t tease me like that and then not show me.”

Jordan shifts, then angles his camera downward. At first, I’m confused because holy mother of… Jordan is showing me his crotch! Why is he showing me his underwear?

But then I see the pattern on the underwear and I understand.

“Wait, are those ferns?”

“They are.” He chuckles. “Aren’t they cute? I bought a full set. Ferns, leaves, and… something else. I can’t remember. But anyway, I couldn’t resist.”

“Oh, my god. You’re such a dork.”

“Hey, you’d wear them too. I know you would.”

“Oh, I totally would!”

When I see his face again, Jordan gives me one of those rare, private, and completely unguarded smiles. They don’t happen often, and I’ve learned to appreciate them.

“I actually ordered them on Monday. After we… you know. Like, right after, I mean.”

I drop my crochet hook. “Really?”

When Jordan speaks again, his voice is quiet, almost timid. “You gave me a push to have some fun, and I wanted to hold on to that while I could. So I was hoping it would motivate me, you know? Or… us, I guess.”

I stare at him, yarn and crochet hook completely forgotten. “Are you… Jordan, are you asking me to do that again? Because if you are, the answer is a big fuck yes. I’d love to see you, all of you, again.”

He belts out a laugh, camera shaking.

“But I don’t want to pressure you either. Don’t feel like you have to!”

He pulls the camera close, still smiling. It’s another one of those real ones, and it makes my pulse quicken. “I need the push though, Miles. That’s what I said earlier, remember? You do that.”

I just don’t want to push too far. You mean too much to me.

Giving up on the owl, I lie down, curling on my side and staring at the gorgeous man a thousand miles away.

“Show them to me again,” I say.

Jordan chuckles but does as I ask, lowering his camera to give me a close-up of the underwear. The design really is cute, with painted green ferns overlapping on a black backdrop.

Jordan spreads his legs, tugging at the underwear like he’s trying to smooth it out. “You like them?”

“What’s the one in the center?” I ask, noticing one fern looks slightly different.

He traces it with his finger. “Oh, this? That’s just the brand. Pervy Plants.”

“Pervy Plants,” I snort. “For real?”

“Yeah, look. There’s little dicks on some of them.”

He zooms in on one, revealing dick-shaped leaves on one plant.

“Oh, my God. That’s adorable! I definitely need some.”

“Right?” He traces it, then moves lower to touch another one. “This one has some too. Anyway, you like it?”

I chuckle. “Mm-hmm.”

Jordan goes lower, tracing the one above his balls. “I personally like this one.”

“I definitely agree. It’s very, um… traceable.”

He gets the hint and keeps tracing the design, his cock hardening by the second. I bite my lip, enjoying this.

“I think I want the whole view again.”

Jordan pulls the phone back, letting me see his whole glorious package. The bulge is unmistakably hard, straining against the fabric.

“It’s, uh, very… big.”

Jordan laughs hard, pulling the camera away.