Page 36 of Jonas (Silver Team #4)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

The vibe in the basement was weird.

Could’ve been due to Derrika and Lore’s conversation outside and everyone wanting to kick that ball further down the road and suss out what an offense would look like.

Could’ve been, I wasn’t the only one unhappy with Lore essentially threatening Derrika.

Could’ve been, we lost access to the Peterson home when the neighbor called in hearing gunshots and the police arrived before we could get anything.

Could’ve been, that Lou’s driver was dead and he was our only lead to finding out who Keith Mitchell was.

Could’ve been, that with Anson and Lou dead and Karen White and her husband on the run, we’d lost valuable witnesses.

Could’ve been a mix of all of that, plus Zane’s upcoming meeting with POTUS, and Trent Graham being a wild card.

“You’ve got ten minutes until I leave for DC,” Zane boomed. “Let’s talk offense.”

I should’ve known there would be no hesitation from Derrika.

Regardless of Lore’s threat before they’d come down to the basement, Derrika stepped closer to Lore and launched right in.

“We’re playing defense, and by doing that we’re playing into their hand. They want us distracted, right? Chaos, fear, disorder. As long as we play their game they get what they want, and then when they have the US cowed and scared, they take what they really want.”

Zane nodded. “What’s offense look like to you?”

“Call them out.”

Kira, who had been typing away, stopped and looked at Derrika.

“Call the Chinese out?”

“Yes. President Graham needs to publicly call them out.”

“Um. Yeah,” Nebraska started. “That would cause chaos, fear, and disorder.”

“Controlled chaos,” Lore entered the conversation. “Derrika’s right. The Chinese need to know, the President knows who’s responsible. He needs to force their hand.”

Everyone in the room except Derrika gawked at Lore. Well, Theo didn’t gawk, he frowned. But Smith, Easton, Kira, Nebraska, and Zane all looked at her like she’d grown a third eye and was wearing a clown suit.

“And if their hand includes nuking us?” Theo inquired.

“They’re not going to nuke us.” Lore sighed. “This is a power play, not the beginning of Armageddon.”

“I agree with Lore,” Derrika put in. “They want Senator Rutte in the Oval, not to start a war. They’re using Maddon’s blueprint as the diversion.

Whatever the Pentagon was storing on the Delcon servers, it’s the plot point we’re missing.

One of the thirty-four defense agencies working there has specific high-value intel the Chinese need.

They invested a lot of time and money into infiltrating Delcon. ”

“I don’t disagree,” Easton said. “Right now it looks like they have a clear path. But like any operation, they’ll have contingencies. And one of those could be a military assault. It doesn’t have to be nuclear. There are other effective ways to attack us.”

Derrika was nodding her head.

“Agreed. But I still think the best way forward is offense. Force them to operate in the light. Put them on notice. We need them on defense, wondering when the US is going to strike back.”

Zane glanced around the room before his eyes landed on Derrika.

“Risky and dangerous,” he noted.

“I know.”

“And if I can’t get Graham to agree?”

“Then we leak the information,” Lore rejoined.

Fucking hell .

The woman wanted to land us all in jail.

Zane eyed Lore.

What he didn’t do was disagree.

“Scorch the earth it is,” Zane declared. “Let’s roll.”

I heard Theo sigh.

“Ivy’s gonna kick my ass,” he muttered.

“Hazards of the job,” Easton mumbled.

Kira and Lore moved to the stairs. Nebraska gave her man a kiss before she followed. Zane waited for the women to leave the room before he turned to Derrika.

“Watch your back with that one.”

Obviously, Derrika knew who ‘that one’ was.

“I will.”

My boss’s gaze sliced to mine. He gave me a chin lift, and he followed the women.

“Smith and Cash are on their way back. They’re stopping for food at Five Guys,” Easton announced. “You two hungry?”

I was fucking starving but I’d rather have alone time with Derrika than takeout with my team.

“I’d murder a cheeseburger with pickles and no mustard. And a large fry wouldn’t go unappreciated.” Derrika put in her order.

“Same, but with mustard.”

Derrika scrunched her nose at my condiment choice.

“And here I thought you were perfect.”

A fire lit in my chest at her offhanded comment.

I let that burn spread and savored the heat while Theo and Easton silently stared at me.

“Jonas, perfect?” Easton broke the quiet. “Just wait until you taste the sludge he tries to pass off as coffee. Shit’s so thick you need to cut it with water.”

Before I had a chance to defend my coffee, Theo launched in.

“Forget the coffee, who the hell likes burnt popcorn? He smokes out the office with that shit. He calls it crispy, when in reality it’s charred.

And if you ever need a report and he’s not in his office to give it to you, good luck finding it.

His house and truck—spotless. His desk a holy hell nightmare. ”

“You can stop now,” I demanded.

Derrika flashed me a beautiful smile.

“Oh, no, please continue.”

“Let me get this straight,” I sighed, already resigned the shit-talk fest was going to continue whether I wanted it to or not. “You’ve got my boys to give you the dirt on me and I’m left to discover yours on my own.”

As soon as I finished, I regretted my comment. It was an in-your-face mention that I had people in my life, who were close to me, and she didn’t.

Derrika didn’t take it that way. She used it as a way to run down her dislikes.

“Fair. I’ll give you the highlights so we can get back to Easton and Theo giving me the goods.

As you now know, I hate mustard but also relish is nasty, too.

I’m not a clean freak mainly because I don’t have time but even if I did, I still wouldn’t make my bed every morning when I’m just gonna mess it up that night.

I hang up my wet towel after I use it. If you toss yours into a laundry hamper for it to get musky I’ll bitch about that.

I rinse out my recycling before I put it in a bin.

If you don’t, leave it on the counter and I’ll do it.

No one likes a stinky trash can. Oh, and burnt popcorn bits are yummy, but warning—I’ll make fun of you if you catch the bag on fire.

I’m not a fan of laundry but if clothes on the floor bother you, I can toss them into a hamper.

“I eat whatever’s put in front of me as long as it doesn’t have mustard on it or relish or onions, but onions I can pick out.

When I get overwhelmed or my feelings are hurt or I need to figure something out, I pull into myself.

I’m an emotional introvert. I know this is a trauma response.

I know it’s my way of controlling my environment when things are spiraling around me.

I’m not someone who wants to talk things out until I’ve sorted them in my head on my own.

Neither do I need or want to talk things to death.

That might be annoying to some. The flip side to that is, life’s too short to bitch and whine and nag and be unhappy.

So if something is bothering me, I don’t sit on it for months and stew, then one day explode.

I come right out and say what’s on my mind and I appreciate when I get the same back.

I hate guessing games and I think life would be so much easier if people would just share what’s on their mind and what they need from the people around them.

“As you know, I want kids, but I do not want to raise them in the city. I want them to run around and be kids. I want them to climb trees and get cuts and scrapes and I want them to bicker with their siblings. I want them disciplined but also free to learn by doing and making mistakes. I’m a horrible singer but that doesn’t stop me from singing, and if a song comes on the radio that I like, I’m jamming out and I don’t give the first fuck if anyone sees me dancing in my car.

I’m not a woman who likes to dress up and primp but I have an unnatural obsession with perfume and purses.

I have a lot of both and if I can continue to afford it I don’t ever plan on curbing that obsession. ”

Seriously, where the hell had this woman been my whole life?

“Oh and I apologize in advance, I hog the covers when I’m cold and kick them off the bed when I get hot. But other than that, I’m a peach to be around.”

She ended on a shrug like she didn’t have an audience to her soliloquy.

“Do you snore?” Easton probed.

“Not that I know of, but I’ve never slept next to anyone, so maybe.”

Christ .

“Oh, look,” Easton drawled. “They’re like a matching pair.”

I cut my eyes to my friend with a warning not to continue down his current path of my sex life or thoughts on sleeping next to a woman.

“What? I’m just saying?—”

“How about you say less?”

Easton gave me a halfhearted smile and it dawned on me then, he was using this as a way to distract himself.

“You okay with Nebraska seeing her parents?” I asked.

“She says she’s okay with it, so I’m fine.” His frown proved those words a lie. “But still, I’m not thrilled she’s seeing them without me. But she can handle herself and if either of them piss her off, she’ll make her displeasure known. Also, Lore will be there to have her back.”

Lore. Not Kira or Zane.

That was surprising.

“You trust Lore?” I pushed.

“Fuck no. But with this, absolutely. Nebraska is the closest thing Stella has to a friend. I’ve heard the stories, or at least I’ve heard them from Nebraska’s point of view.

Lore’s a survivalist. Nebraska doesn’t know why Lore is the way she is, or how she got into the game, or anything about her past, but more than once, Lore’s had Nebraska’s back.

More than once, she’s gone behind Nebraska’s back to clean up a mess Nebraska couldn’t and in doing so acted in Nebraska’s best interest. I don’t get Lore’s brand of loyalty because she’s also screwed Nebraska over and made her job harder, but there’s no doubt Lore feels some sort of affinity towards Nebraska.

So if Pidgeon or Charlie say or do something out of line, Lore will take my woman’s back and likely the way she does it will be extreme. ”

I felt Derrika’s eyes on me. When I turned to look at her, she had a strange expression on her face.

“What are you thinking?”

“I was thinking about Lore’s warning and how desperate she is for someone to bulldoze their way past her walls.”

“Baby, that can’t be you,” I pointed out.

“You’re right. But not for the reasons you think.”

Theo’s brows rose.

Easton tipped his head to the side, and got in there before I could, “What’s the reason?”

Derrika’s focus skidded to Easton. “I don’t know her past or her trauma, but whatever it is has dug in so deep she can’t see through it.

It’s taken over in a way she’s made it her shield.

The force it will take to break down her protective barriers will only come from someone who is stronger than she is.

Someone who will make her feel safe. She needs to be chosen, overpowered, dominated.

And that dominance needs to be powerful enough to quiet her demons.

“The thing is, she’s desperate to find it.

I missed it earlier when she was watching you and Nebraska.

But when she asked me about Jonas for a second her mask slipped and for a woman like Lore, it would take something extremely painful for her to expose something she hadn’t meant to show.

It's not jealousy, not envy, it’s straight-up yearning.

She wants what Nebraska has with you. She wants what she saw I have with Jonas.

It’s not about having a man, it’s about having a man who overrides sensible thought and silences the past. It’s about knowing you’re safe to be you in a world that is so unsafe you have to live behind layers of fortification.

The only person who will break through will not come as an equal, he will come with an energy and force that is so devastatingly powerful she’ll be powerless.

The only way a woman like Lore will find peace is with someone who will carry her burdens.

And when she finds that person, only then will the real Stella be safe to come out. ”

Jesus, fuck me.

She might’ve been talking about Lore, but everything she’d said described her and me.

I’d been waiting, without knowing that was what I was doing, for the woman who would render me powerless against her presence. Powerless to fight her pull. Powerless to deny my feelings. Powerless to hide from her.

“Baby,” I muttered on an exhale.

Derrika slowly turned to look at me. It was then I saw it, the depth of her affection. The warmth in her eyes fueled my soul, fed the deepest parts of me, cleansed the darkest corners.

In that moment, I was reborn.

In that moment, I knew I’d carry her burdens, I’d make it safe for her to be her—whatever version of herself she needed to be. I stand next to her, behind her, in front of her—wherever she needed me to be, that’s where I’d stand.

I was hers.

Until my last breath.