Page 28 of Jonas (Silver Team #4)

I misread her expression thinking she was going to give me shit about the shower a second time.

Instead she gasped, “Your phone.”

“Waterproof,” I told her. I hadn’t felt her phone on her but I still asked, “Yours?”

“Left it in the cabin.”

That was good news.

As soon as Derrika was back on her feet I pulled out my phone. The screen immediately came alive. I tapped in my password and went to my text from Cash.

Dude! I appreciate porn as much as the next guy. BUT I do not want to see your pasty ass drilling your girl. ABORT MISSION!

I ignored the ‘your girl’ part and the funny feeling in my stomach at my friend seeing me kiss Derrika.

How do you know my ass is pasty? Maybe I sunbathe nude.

Cash’s reply was quick.

Now I have questions. If you sunbathe nude does that mean you have a brown wiener?

I couldn’t hold back my bark of laughter. I was tapping out my reply when his next text came through.

All I can picture is the stale, wrinkly hot dogs at 7-11 in the spindle warmer thing.

I gave up replying when Cash blew up my phone with rapid one-liners.

Do wieners peel like your back after a sunburn? eggplant emoji

Does aloe work on a burnt cock? fire emoji

Do they make sunscreen for cocks? rooster emoji

I sent back a middle finger emoji and shoved my phone back into my pocket.

“Is everything okay?”

No, everything was not okay. I’d inadvertently given Cash fodder for his next ball breaking session. Though I’d rather him bust my chops over tanning my cock than hear about him watching me make out with Derrika.

“Yup.”

She eyed me with something that resembled suspicion—not full blown distrust but a hint of wariness. I understood skepticism. I understood not wanting to trust someone. I understood it in a way that I knew the last thing I wanted was for Derrika to have any reason to doubt me.

That’s why without hesitation I pulled back out my phone, unlocked it, and handed it to her.

She shook her head and added a hand in front of her, waving off the phone.

“Take it, Dee Dee.”

“Jonas—”

I kept the phone on offer and asked, “What are we doing here?”

“Here? Like right?—”

“That kiss, the one before it, you opening up, telling me about your family, me telling you about mine. Here. Now. Is this us feeling each other out, seeing if there’s something to explore or are we blowing off steam?”

Derrika shook her head and mumbled, “No.”

“No?”

“No, I’m not blowing off steam.” I whooshed out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “But, also, no I’m not feeling you out.” That felt like a kick to the balls. “I think…I think…”

She trailed off and when it was obvious she wasn’t going to say more, I prompted, “You think what?”

“Nothing, it’s stupid.” She reached for my phone and I debated pushing her for an answer.

I let go of my phone and told her, “I’m gonna give you that play, baby.

But I’m gonna do it telling you nothing you have to say is stupid.

If this is where we’re at, and we’re both at a place where we want to explore if there’s something between us, not only do I want to know what you’re thinking, I gotta know.

I get you wanna feel me out—that goes both ways.

I get you wanting to protect yourself—again that goes both ways.

But with our histories, for this to work, even in the beginning, we gotta lay it out. ”

I glanced down at my phone then back up and held her eyes, giving her more truth.

“I lived in dysfunction. Chaos. Selfishness. Screaming, yelling, drunken fights that ended with fists and bloodshed. Everything outside the four walls of my house was a lie. I lived that lie and hid the truth until my brother bled out on the kitchen floor. Saying that to say this—as we feel our way through this, the only thing you’ll get from me is honesty, and I expect that back.

Knowing that, you wanna rethink your answer? ”

There was no hesitation when she answered, “No.”

I waited for more, hoping she understood I was willing to let her slide on not giving me her thoughts, but it cost me.

Then she said, “I was going to say, that kiss wasn’t me feeling you out because I’m already beyond that.”

“That’s not stupid, Dee Dee.”

“You’re right, it’s not, but admitting that puts me out there, especially when I tell you I’m beyond that, because I knew the moment I met you there was something different about you.

I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I knew being close to you would be dangerous to my heart because with the barest hint you were interested, I’d hand it over.

“So it might not be stupid, but it’s scary how easily I open up to you when no one else in my life outside of Utah knows my past. I might not be able to put it into words why I feel like my soul recognizes you, but it does.

You’re also right—with our histories, the only way to build trust is to simply give it to the other person.

There would be no earning it with either of us.

I wouldn’t let you in, not really, because I wouldn’t believe in it.

So there it is, I know where I’m at. I know when this is over, I don’t want us to be over.

I want to see if what I feel is right and true.

” She paused to smile. “Or I could be feeling what I’m feeling because you’re hot. ”

Right around the part where she said she thought there was something different about me, my heart started pounding against my ribcage.

By the time she admitted she was scared, my lungs were burning.

When she rightly stated the only way for us to trust each other was to give that freely, I felt heat lick up my spine.

I was savoring that burn until her pause—then the burn was replaced with the overwhelming need to kiss the smartass off her tongue.

But doing that might lead to me flashing my pasty ass, something I’d rather not do.

So instead of courting making a homemade porn starring me and Derrika, I smirked and asked, “It’s the beard, isn’t it?”

I thought she’d at least smile. She didn’t, she whispered, “It’s your eyes. Or more to the point, how you look at me. I feel seen, and for a girl like me who’s never had that, never felt it not even for a second, not only is it attractive and a total turn-on, it feels beautiful.”

Well fuck .

I leaned forward until my forehead rested on hers and warned, “Never thought I’d say this but I’m fresh out of control, baby. No more talking.”

I stepped back, snatched her hand not holding my phone, and sent us in the direction of the path that would take us to the cabin.

Thankfully, we made the trek in silence. I did not lie, my control had slipped. One more word from her sweet lips and I would not care who saw what when I showed her exactly how I felt about her laying herself bare.