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Chapter 16

Songless

BIRDIE

T hree Months Later…

“Ms. Grey, how are you feeling today?” The nurse comes in holding my meds and I smile even though I don’t feel like it. I just want to get out of here, even if that means pretending to be okay.

“Good, thank you for asking,” I respond politely.

“I’m glad to hear that. Your outbursts have completely ceased, and the doctor approved your release,” she says the words I have been waiting to hear for the past four months. Finally, I can leave this place… I can leave this place and visit Saw.

“Good. I’m glad.” I keep a mild reaction, scared that if I react too excitedly the bitch might lie and say some shit about me having an outburst again, causing me to stay in here longer.

“Wow, so behaved!” she beams, handing me the prescription and I take it, holding the pills in the corner of my cheek where my wisdom tooth is before I open my mouth for her to check until she’s satisfied.

I sit there, annoyed as the pill starts to dissolve while she reads over my discharge papers, but I don’t give a fuck about none of that. I just want to go.

By the time she’s done talking and leaves the room, I jump up, spit the pills out, and take my coat. I leave the room and head to the lobby where I pause in my tracks when I see the last person I thought I would see through the glass windows out front. Detective Woods stands there holding a bouquet of roses.

What the fuck… I head out frowning and he immediately stands straight, fixing himself.

“Robin!” He runs his hands through his hair smiling, and I cautiously go up to him.

“Detective Woods? What are you doing here?” I look him over as he holds out the bouquet.

“Congratulations on getting out,” he states, surprising me and making my eyes go wide.

“Oh! Th-thank you…” I awkwardly accept the roses, smelling them, feeling a bit nice that someone cared enough to come see me. My family stopped visiting once the press got bored of me not talking and once I said I wasn’t suing to get a cash grab. Detective Woods was the only person who visited me weekly.

“It’s my pleasure,” his face goes red, and I see that same look of desire on his face. I’m tempted to tease him, but I don’t want to go down that road when I know he’s interested in me. I know where my heart lies, and I know what would happen if Saw were to find out. They can say he’s dead all they want… I know he’s out there.

Woods is a good guy, and I’m all too aware that Saw would body rock his ass if I let him lay a finger on me. I squeeze my legs, thinking about the scene in the woods with that other cop that thankfully they didn’t find, or I’m sure the questions would have been way different than what they were.

“You’re sweet, Detective Woods, but I’m sure you’re not supposed to be doing this…” I tell him, looking into his eyes, and he swallows, looking away.

“I… yes, I’m not supposed to, but how can I help it when there’s a beautiful woman that has caught my attention?” He looks me over and on God… I wish I felt something. A nice man like Woods would be perfect. I can see it now… he’d marry me within months, and he’d take care of my unborn baby. He’d set me up so I never had to work. Not to mention sex would be fire… he indeed looks like he’s packing heat.

But I don’t want it. My mind body and soul were captured by a beast, and I can’t let it go to a human. I don’t want a white picket fence, I want a cage. I don’t want desire, I want all-consuming lust. I don’t want fire, I want a nigga to take me to hell and drag me by the neck while doing it.

I have never found myself saying I’m a stupid woman, but in this case, I know damn well I’m stupid as hell. But my fate was sealed the moment Saw walked out and our eyes met. He is the only one who can feed this dying flame inside me.

“You are treading dangerous waters, Detective Woods. I highly suggest you stop there, lest you find yourself in a whole heap of trouble,” I warn him smirking, and he swallows.

“Ms. Grey, you’re not still believing that Saw is still alive, right?” he frowns, and I smell the flowers once more before handing them back to him.

“I don’t just think it, Detective Woods… I know it.”

“HE’S DEAD, ROBIN… PICK ME!”

“I could never pick you, Detective… you’re too sweet,” I admit as a sad smile permeates my face. “You want to hold me, love me, everything you think I deserve. You want to be gentle with me an?—”

“I do… I desperately do, Robin. Please… for the love of God, pick me.”

My heart aches, though not for Detective Woods. It aches for the version of me that would have fallen head over heels in love with him had she not fallen captive to a monster.

“Detective…” I sigh. “You think you want me, but you’d just wind up hating me…”

“I could never hate you, Robin. I fell in love with you even before we met.” That’s sweet… but…

“Detective… could you pull my hair and ram your dick down my throat to the point I can’t breathe?” I ask and his eyes go wide in shock.

“I… w-well… n-no…”

“Could you hogtie me to the bed for days, feeding me only grapes and spanking my pussy until it’s tinged red and dripping cum?” His face goes beet red as his mouth gapes open and closed as if gasping for air.

“Wh-why.. would I… why would I d-do such a th-thing…?”

“Exactly… you didn’t fall in love with me, you fell in love with what you thought was me. Only a monster can recognize his prey. You should stop trying to save me. Saw is mine just as I am his. His darkness became my sanctuary, and I found a perverse comfort there. His control was my freedom, his demands were my privilege, my body was and will always remain his playground. I want him,” I choke out with tears in my eyes, feeling as if my heart will break, but I hold that shit in.

“He’s dead, Robin…” he rebuts but I grit my teeth.

“He’s not.”

“Then he’s trash for making you go through this alone,” he says. This time I stagger backwards because that unlike anything else… that hurt.

Detective Woods is a good man… so I turn on my heel and walk away before I do something I’d regret.

“IF… IF WHAT YOU SAID IS YOU WANT THEN I’LL DO IT… ROBIN PLEASE!” he shouts desperately, and I wave goodbye, going over to the bus stop where thankfully it arrives immediately.

I don’t have the heart or mind to deal with Woods right now. I need to get my life together… I have a baby coming… we have a baby coming. When the bus pulls up, I step on, grateful there aren’t many people in it. I fish out the bus pass the facility gave me in case someone didn’t pick me up. They even give me a card for a shelter in case I didn’t have anywhere to sleep, but I still have my home and job.

My job gave me paid time off after hearing about the ordeal, and my bills are auto drafted so my mortgage is paid automatically. I even have a cleaner that comes in and handles my housework. I know I still have enough in my savings to purchase a car off the lot comfortably after paying that high ass deductible but, do I even want to go through all that?

“Aren’t you that girl that was kidnapped and raped by that escaped inmate?” I hear next to me and see a lil ol’ white lady sitting next to me. I cut my eyes to her without saying a word and she balks, offended, but keeps going. “Well, aren’t you rude!? I was just going to tell you that you should get rid of that devil spawn. It already had you in an insane asylum.

You had better abort it before you really lose your mind. Here,” she pauses and pulls out a pamphlet that says, “Jesus loves you,” and I sneer, knowing there’s nothing Godly about this bitch, “You know the sins of thy father carry ov—” I smack my hands against the seat and start barking.

“ARF ARF AWRF ARF!” I growl like a rabid dog, shaking my head as she screams. “ARFF ARWFFF GRRRRR AWRFFFF,” I growl, pretending to foam at the mouth, scaring the old bitch into leaving her seat, even desperately clicking the stop bottom before she runs off the metro, clutching her chest, crossing herself.

She pants and stares at the window and I smile, pointing the middle finger at her, sticking out my tongue. She staggers back and falls to the ground just as the bus rolls away. That’s what you get, you old bitch.

The entire world knows I just got out the psych ward, so I might as well use that shit to my advantage. When I get off the bus thirty minutes later, I quietly walk down the street to my home, ignoring the stares of my neighbors… I hate it.

I wish any single one of my family members would have come to pick me up. After all the shit I’ve done for them… hell, even now I’m regretting not asking Detective Woods for a ride, but I don’t want to risk that man dying for a ride. Saw ass that petty. It’s best avoid him all together.

While walking, I pause just out front of my house, horrified when I see exactly why shit has been so quiet. There are news crews and cameras surrounding my place as my parents and siblings are holding a fucking press conference.

Numb… I feel fucking numb. They could have come pick me up, but they chose to bombard me at my home… I want to throw my head back and laugh to keep from crying, but I can’t even do that because I feel something splash on me. I glance down horrified when I see red all over…

I’ve smelled this before… this ain’t no fucking paint. This is blood…

“FUCKING CUNT! YOU LAID WITH A MURDERER! YOUR CHILD DESERVES TO DIE!” a guy with glasses shouts in my face and I stand there horrified, waiting for my family to step down from the damn podium to help me, but nothing. My mom is still crying fake tears, my brothers are standing here holding her, and my sisters are talking to the reporters or paparazzi…

I protect my belly as they jeer at me, but a group of people thankfully blockade me and protect me.

I hate them… I hate them… I hate them! I hate this! I want to ki ? —

“Robin!” I hear behind me and feel someone place a blanket over my shoulders, but I can’t see who it is. I just feel myself being packed and before I know it, I’m being carted over to my house and set on the porch.

I don’t see who it is, nor do I care. I just run into my house, go straight to the shower, and wash off.

My thoughts shut off and bitterness consumes me. I hate this… I hate this! I fucking hate this… Daddy where are you?!