Page 42 of In the Long Run

KNOX

You know you’re in a good mood when you run twenty-six kilometres and your smile doesn’t waver.

Eugene’s settled back at home, Alizée’s was cleared to reopen and our tapering runs for the marathon are well underway. But the best bit? I’ve spent every night with Gen in my bed. There have been some memorable afternoon naps in hers too, but we didn’t sleep much.

Things are good.

No, they’re great. This is the new beginning I’ve been waiting for.

‘Oh my God, this burns.’ Violet grimaces, one knee bent over her other leg as she leans into the stretch.

‘But a good burn, right?’ I ask.

She laughs. ‘Yeah.’

‘How are you feeling? About everything?’ Brigitte’s Run is only two weeks away.

‘Pretty good. Not looking at social media has really helped.’

‘You’re going to smash it.’ I have no doubt she will.

Every single person from Croissants and Kilometres who lines up on race day has done everything they can to succeed.

But if the race goes another way (and sometimes that shit’s inevitable), then we’ll be here afterwards to build them back up.

Remind them that – Jesus, I might make myself throw up a little bit here despite how true this saying is – it’s about the journey, not just the destination. And there’s always another race.

‘You look like you just smelt something bad.’ Violet laughs.

‘These runs are getting to me. I’m getting soft and sentimental.’

She snorts. ‘Or maybe you’re really happy?’

My gaze drifts over to where Gen is standing with Bernie and Meredith, her hand on her sister’s little bump. She looks up and catches me. Her smile hits me in all the soft places that I’m finding easier to embrace. ‘Yeah, it’s that too,’ I say.

‘When does your leave finish?’ Violet asks, and that’s all it takes to knock the wind right out of my sails. Five little words that cast a shadow on everything good.

I pluck a blade of grass and roll it between my fingers. ‘After the run.’

‘You’ll come and visit us, won’t you?’

The club’s already choosing which run to do next. That’s the thing with events like this, they become addictive. And when you share them with people you like, who always encourage you and push you to be your best self? They’re more fun than I could’ve ever imagined.

‘Of course.’

Gen comes over and sits down next to me, her hand landing on my knee, her shoulder against mine.

If everything follows the plan I’ve been refining for the last few days, while I wait for my CO and career adviser to return from leave, I won’t need to visit for too long.

Because I’ll be back for good.

Eugene’s kitchen is filled with so much laughter I almost don’t hear my phone ring.

I scoop it off the bench with one hand and drag the other across the small of Gen’s back.

She continues sifting icing sugar over the top of the mille-feuille she and Eugene made this afternoon.

He’s been testing potential cookbook recipes in a normal kitchen, rather than Alizée’s, because his readers aren’t going to have access to a professional one.

‘I have to take this,’ I whisper, stealing a kiss from the spot behind her ear that always makes her hum contentedly. ‘Knox Watson,’ I say as I open the door to the courtyard and step out into the balmy evening air.

‘Forty, finally. How’s it going, mate?’ Tegan Brown says. We went through Duntroon together and have been posted to a few of the same places, but I wouldn’t say that we’re friends. Which is unfortunate because I’m about to ask her for a hugely inconvenient favour.

Leaning against the tall side fence, I breathe in the lavender. ‘There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.’

‘Heard the rumours, have you?’

I stand up taller, my grip on my phone tightening. ‘Rumours?’

‘They’re true. You’re off to Washington D.C. next year, mate.’

What?

‘But I’ve got another year in Brisbane,’ I say.

And I want to move to Melbourne. This wasn’t supposed to happen now.

‘The guy we were sending put in his discharge.’

‘But it’s a Major’s position.’

‘Which leads to the next bit of good news. You’re getting made up early.’

My head spins.

‘How quickly can you get back to Brissie?’ Tegan asks. ‘It’s time to start tying up loose ends.’

This is everything I’ve been working towards for the last ten years.

And exactly what I don’t want anymore.

‘I’m on leave for another couple of weeks,’ I protest.

‘And we’ll give you some time before you go.’

‘I …’

There’s a long silence.

‘What gives?’ Tegan asks. ‘I thought you’d be wetting yourself with excitement over this. I had to fight to get this for you.’

‘And I really appreciate that, but—’

‘No buts. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t take it. I know it.’

It pisses me off that Tegan thinks she knows me. All my Army ‘friendships’, except for Yeti, have been purposely kept at surface level. To protect myself from unwanted attention. To let me fade into the background, get my job done.

‘I wanted to talk to you about a transfer to Melbourne.’

Tegan’s laugh is confused. ‘What? Melbourne? Why the fuck do you want to go there? Snagging a Military Attaché posting has been listed on your career progression plans for years. What’s changed?’

Everything.

‘Do you know how many people would kill for this posting?’ she continues.

Great. Send one of them.

The screen door opens and Yeti waves hello while letting Madeleine and Chouquette out.

The two dogs rush around my feet, sniffing me like they haven’t seen me in years, not minutes.

I crouch and pat them, ruffling their fur and scratching their chins.

When I stand, my gaze snags on the scene inside the apartment.

Celeste is setting the table, while Yeti annoys her.

Eugene’s watching them both, his laugh lines more pronounced than ever.

Gen’s next to him, typing something on her phone.

It’s all right there. The picture of what I want my future to look like.

‘There’s nothing in Melbourne for you, mate,’ Tegan says.

Not true. Everything I want is right in front of me.

‘I don’t want to go,’ I say firmly. ‘Plans change. People change.’

‘Listen,’ Tegan talks over me, ‘take a day or two to think about it. Talk to your CO. Get some perspective.’

That’s the last thing I need. It’s taken me thirty-two years to figure out what I want. I can’t keep second-guessing myself.

‘Who was that?’ Yeti asks once I’m back inside.

My mouth answers before my brain can catch up properly. ‘My career adviser.’

That gets his full attention. He looks up from where he’s slicing the corned beef I put in the slow cooker this morning, his eyebrows quirked.

I lean back against the kitchen counter, facing the lounge room with my hands braced behind me.

There are so many thoughts swirling around my mind.

Yeti comes from a massive military family.

He might be able to give me advice on how to get out of this.

Lowering my voice, I say, ‘They want to send me to Washington D.C. at short notice.’

Recognising the seriousness of what I’ve just said, Yeti sets the knife down. ‘Holy shit,’ he cries out.

Thank fuck. Yeti can be a bit clueless sometimes, but he gets it.

I turn towards him. ‘Do you think I can—’

‘That’s so awesome, Forty! Man, I’m jealous.’

Okay, he doesn’t get it.

‘What are we celebrating?’ Celeste asks from across the room.

‘Forty’s moving to Washington! The city, not the state!’

‘What?’ Gen half stands from her stool, hands gripping the countertop.

‘It’s not—’ I start.

Yeti slaps me on the shoulder. ‘Don’t be humble right now, Forty. Get braggy. This is a huge win for you.’

‘Is this the posting you’ve been talking about for years?’ Celeste wants to know.

‘Yeah. The one I was in line for after this current posting cycle.’ Each word tastes more like sawdust. Gen sinks back down onto her stool. I need to talk to her without an audience.

Yeti slings an arm around my shoulder. ‘My brother’s mate did it a few years ago. Said it was the best posting he’s ever had. He was a Major when he went, though. Wait, are they going to make you up early too? Jesus, this gets better and better!’

‘Can someone please translate for those of us who don’t speak Army?’ Celeste asks, casting a wary glance at Gen.

‘Basically, Forty’s a lucky fuck and he’s about to get everything he’s ever wanted. You’re looking at the future Major Watson.’

‘It’s not luck,’ Eug says firmly. ‘Knox has worked hard for this opportunity. For years.’

‘I’m so stoked for you, man. This is the kind of opportunity that could set up the rest of your career.’ Yeti beams at me, his expression faltering when no one else joins in.

Now he’s catching up, I think.

‘I’m really happy for you, Knox,’ Gen says, filling the silence as she packs up her laptop and diary, all the stuff she brought over earlier to get some work done before Eug convinced her to cook with him. ‘This really does sound like an amazing opportunity.’

I move forward, ready to reach for her but Gen steps backwards, putting more distance between us.

‘Nothing’s confirmed,’ I say. You should never believe an Army posting until you’ve been in location for at least two weeks. That’s how much things can change. That’s what I should tell her. Actually, no. I should tell her the truth, but how quickly she’s pulling away knocks my confidence.

‘I’d love to stay and hear more, but I’ve got dinner with my family,’ she says.

I trail down the hallway after her, scrambling to find the right words, but Gen pulls open the door and she doesn’t look back.

When I pass Eugene the remote, he frowns at me. ‘You really think we’re going to watch a movie now?’ he asks.

‘I was hoping we could.’ I’d like to check my brain at the door and not think for a little bit.

‘Seems like there might be somewhere else you should be.’