Page 38 of In the Long Run

KNOX

Eugene’s waiting for me when I get home, like I knew he would be. I take my time changing and hang my wet clothes over the base board of my bed. My thick socks aren’t that wet, so I leave them. It feels necessary to be uncomfortable right now.

Eugene pats the spot on the couch next to him when I enter the living room. ‘I don’t like it when we fight. Never have. Never will.’

‘Neither do I.’ I sit down carefully, stretching forward so my elbows rest on my knees.

‘I shouldn’t have said what I did.’ In my peripheral vision, Eugene exhales slowly and crosses his arms.

‘I shouldn’t have gone behind your back.’

‘No,’ he sighs. ‘You shouldn’t have, but I understand why you did. Doesn’t mean I’m not still upset about it, though. But I’m not angry with you. I’m angry with myself for letting it get so bad.’

I bow my head and stare at my feet. The wet tips of my green socks are a shade darker.

‘I didn’t tell you for a number of reasons,’ Eug says. ‘I knew you’d want to help. That you’d feel obligated. Try to carry the weight of my failure for me. And you carry so much already.’

‘But you wouldn’t have been in this position if it wasn’t for my family. Your mum would’ve been able to afford her nursing home. You’d have been fine.’

Eugene shakes his head. ‘Not everything is connected, mate. What happened with your parents was twenty years ago. People make mistakes. How they deal with them is the measure of their character.’

That feels like something that gets mass-produced and printed on cheap wall art in chain stores, but I keep my mouth shut. Doesn’t mean it’s not true, my mind whispers.

‘I was scared to disappoint you,’ Eugene says.

I jerk backwards. ‘Me?’

‘You’ve been disappointed by so many people in your life, Knox. Nothing has ever come easy for you. I just didn’t want you to worry. And then I made an even bigger mess of things. I’m sorry.’

‘ I’m sorry. I only wanted to help.’

He clicks his tongue. ‘I’m going to pay you back.’

I shrug, because I don’t care if he doesn’t.

‘And we’re going to tell each other the truth from now on.

About everything.’ His hands are shaking, so I cover them with my own.

‘I can’t manage Alizée’s on my own anymore.

I’m tired. It’s been too much for a while, but I didn’t want to admit it.

It’s going to take a long time for my foot to get better, and I don’t think I’ll be able to work the way I used to.

And I can’t be there and not be all there .

It’s why I haven’t been back before today.

I couldn’t face it. It’s time to sell.’ He pauses, then looks at me. ‘Your turn.’

‘I’m thinking of seeing if I could stay here. Get a transfer, maybe.’

‘Because of Gen?’

My chest tightens. ‘Because of everything.’

He tips his head to the side, freeing a hand to squeeze my knee. ‘Sounds like something you should talk to her about.’

‘I will. When the time’s right.’

His eyes turn wistful, and I know he’s thinking about Alizée and the patisserie. About all the change that’s coming both our ways. ‘Just don’t wait too long.’

I turn off the tap when I hear the doorbell and dry my hands, leaving a trail of dish bubbles on the tea towel hanging off the oven.

‘Hey,’ Gen says when I open the door.

‘Hi yourself,’ I reply, leaning against the doorjamb.

I take a minute to drink her in. The red spot on the tip of her nose from the cold.

The pronounced curl of her still-damp-from-the-shower hair.

She’s gotten changed into yoga pants and a …

buttery yellow Croissants and Kilometres hoodie.

The ‘c’ is a croissant with eyes and stick-figure arms and legs with running shoes.

It even has a sweatband around its head.

And the ‘o’s are stopwatches. Alizée’s and Get Fit, Get Strom’s logos are underneath it.

‘Where did you get that?’ I ask her, gesturing at the top.

‘Meredith. I’ve got one for you, too.’ She pulls it out from behind her. My name is embroidered on the back. Along with the words ‘Founding Member’. ‘Brought you guys some of Caleb’s chicken enchiladas too.’

I take the dish from her other hand and put it on the little hall table. ‘You want to come in?’

Please say yes.

‘Sure.’ She steps inside, a hand trailing across my stomach as she passes me.

‘Hey,’ I say to get her attention, and she stops.

‘Thanks for coming by. I missed you.’

Looping her arms around my neck, Gen presses her torso against mine. I’ll never get over the way we fit together. ‘Of course.’

I tilt my head towards hers as she tips her chin up. Our kiss is lazy, languid. The kind that doesn’t reflect any of the turmoil or urgency that’s overwhelmed my whole day. It’s familiar. Calming. Gen knows exactly what I need, and she gives it to me.

‘How’d you get on with the police?’ she whispers once we’ve broken apart and are making our way down the hall.

‘The crime scene’s been released. They’ll be in touch with any developments or discoveries. Celeste and I cleaned up what we could, got most of the water out of there. We need a plumber to come and clear out all the pipes.’

Turns out whoever is responsible didn’t just put patisserie items down the toilets. First they tipped bags of oats down them.

‘Why would someone do that?’ she asks. ‘Do they have any leads?’

I don’t want to ruin this little slice of niceness in my otherwise shitty day by addressing the unasked part of her question. Was it him? The last thing I want is for her to feel responsible as well. ‘They’re still investigating.’

‘I can help clean up too.’

‘Thanks.’

‘How’s Eugene?’ she asks quietly.

‘He’s gone to bed.’

‘But it’s’—she checks her watch—‘five thirty.’

I rub my thumb across the top of her hand. ‘Been a big day.’

I want to tell her that we had a fight. That I’m feeling raw and exhausted from the fiery words we exchanged and our honest discussion afterwards. But I hesitate, because sharing my feelings is still so new, my plan nothing more than a few hopes.

‘You okay?’ she asks, her eyes searching mine, and I remember my promise to myself. To try my best.

‘We had a fight. Everything’s okay now, but it sucked.’

‘I’m sorry that happened.’

‘Me too.’

She rubs my shoulders, her hands trailing down my arms until our fingers are linked together. ‘Do you want to come to my place for a bit?’

‘I really do, but I don’t want him to wake up and me not be here. Stay with me?’

‘Of course. I want to be wherever you are.’

It’s easy to picture coming home to her every day, nights spent on the couch, or mornings spent running or working out together.

I kiss her, sliding my hands into her hair, angling her face exactly how I want it, pushing my tongue into her mouth.

She follows my lead, and need and desire lick up my spine, making me lightheaded.

A swift attack from Madeleine and Chouquette to the back of my knees drags me back to Earth. When we pull apart, Gen’s smile is so soft and shy, the pleased little curl to her lips just begging to be kissed again and then a thousand times more.

‘Let’s walk these two quickly and then cuddle.’

It sounds like exactly what I need.