Page 9 of Icy Heart, Empty Chest

W ednesday came and went. I occupied myself with the grout on my tiles, trying to forget cold words from strangers and a mentally absent father.

I did what I could to avoid remembering the last few years.

I had missed Damien those years badly. He had been my sun all that time, till I eventually got burned.

Eventually that turned to hatred and then resentment. It was easiest that way.

We’re fourteen. It wasn’t the greatest of days.

I got my period a few classes ago and now, before we go home, I just need to tackle gym class.

I’m not the worst here; some choose to be on the sidelines for failing grades.

I’ll at least play. They’re playing soccer and keep rotating our positions.

Damien’s on the other team, his passion for sports evident as he’s beaming, streaking up and down the grass.

His team is doing admirably; mine, not so much.

With a whistle blow I grimaced and got moved into the goal.

Another whistle resumes gameplay. He goes sliding and jumping around the other kids who are clear that this was just high school gym.

He slows a bit as he spots me in the large goal, and takes off again.

He suddenly passes to a teammate who kicks it, bouncing off a goal post. I throw it back into play. He passes by with a wink.

Coming out of the showers toward the buses I playfully poke him in the chest.

“You gave up that goal. Don’t think I didn’t see you.”

He dropped his arm around my shoulders. “Maybe I was just being selfless and passing to a teammate. Or maybe I didn’t want to score on my best friend.”

I snorted. That would be like him.

“Dad’s making chicken later if you want. He said to extend the invite since you quote ‘live here pretty much anyway.’”

“Wouldn’t miss it! See you after swim practice!” He bounced away as my face burned.

Thursday I was back to being my calmly masked planning self.

I told Amy I had to take the next few days off for an active police investigation.

She grumped at me but I’d only ever called out once while actively vomiting in the years I’d been there.

I had plenty of paid time off built up. I took till Sunday off, hoping that this saga wouldn’t go further than that.

I sighed and thought back to every playdate we had as kids, in and out of the same classes.

He chose to be with my father at our small house as often as his father allowed.

If we weren’t there, we were at the park or playground, in the school yard, library or museum. We were the definition of inseparable.

Being around Damien could be amazing. He made me feel witty and smart, laughed easily. He was sweet, levelheaded. He made your soul lighter. But history is a hard thing to forget. He wasn’t there when I needed him most. Still, gorgeous didn’t even begin to cut it.

I told him to meet me at five at my house.

A thrill went through me when I heard the door knock, and I was unsure if it was out of nervousness or anticipation.

I had changed into a black long-sleeve shirt and leggings, with a black peacoat thrown off to the side.

I needed something to move in without sweating to death.

He looked pretty sinful in a similar long-sleeve black T-shirt, highlighting his extensive muscular figure. Honestly, it’s just distracting.

“Breakaway pants?” I questioned.

“Those maintenance suits can be really warm. I didn’t want to be sweating my balls off— damn, sorry.” A flush danced across his face.

I laughed. “You don’t have to censor yourself. I just got this image of a stripper in those pants on stage.”

He shook his head and stared. “I would kill to know what parts of the city you’ve been in.” He paused. “Do you think I could be a stripper?”

Heat flared into my face. “Getting off topic.”

He continued to grin, cheekily.

“We go in disguised as a couple going to visit their sick child. Once in, we’re going to head to the second-floor bathroom, north side, change there.

The supply room is around the corner. We’ll grab a cart and some cleaning supplies.

May have to grab a badge or two on the way.

We’ll start at that floor and work our way down.

” I grabbed my coat and a small backpack.

“I doubt there will be security for non-clinical areas like research labs. What?”

He was staring again. “I doubt I ever told you this enough but you’re pretty amazing.”

I let out a small chuckle. “For a miscreant law breaker. Please save the compliments to the end of the presentation.”

“You know, I can still get us there faster than any cab. It’s really not that weird.”

“We’re looking for as normal as possible, whatever that means,” I argued.

He nodded.

I picked up my phone and called the cab company. “Twenty minutes.”

“Perfect. You have time to tell me a story.” He settled into my armchair and I mirrored him adjacently in the armoire, twining my fluffy hair into a braid.

“Oh? What story? I know some absolutely filthy ones.”

He crossed one leg across the other. “How you got started in this— this life.”

I cocked my head, regarding him curiously. “How about a one for one? You tell me a truth and I do the same.” Maybe I was curious about what my old friend had been up to for all this time. Maybe.

He flashed a brilliant toothy smile. “Deal.”

“It was about a month after my father got out. Money was short, very short. I was rationing, eating about one or maybe two meals a day max. I had dipped heavily into my trust. I had to keep the power on, had to keep the water going. It wasn’t easy. Vending machines were my best friend for a while.”

He stilled in my chair and frowned.

“Someone who knew my father called me. It was a particularly bad day for Dad. Too many nightmares, woke up yelling. So when, let’s call him Caesar, called me saying he had a proposition for me, to take on a job with him, it was hard to say no.

I’d pose as his step daughter, sneak around the site and grab the item when he signaled.

I was nervous but it went off easily. The money I got from that set us up for the next month and a half.

” I tied off my braid, regarding him cooly.

“All that mattered was Dad. I could feed myself enough to get to work, feed Dad, keep him warm and comfortable. I’d used a bit on college but when you drop out, they don’t give refunds. So, this was a blessing, in a way.”

“I presume that this Caesar ended up calling you again?”

I nodded.

“I’m small enough to fit in odd places and I can make myself relatively inconspicuous.

Eventually I started taking on more jobs by myself, even traveling a bit.

I wasn’t bad at it. Even after Dad was gone, I didn’t want to stop.

I still felt connected to that world. Mind you, I never did anything but art or jewelry.

No kids, no drugs, no trafficking. I was OK with a few people, OK with being on the outside looking in.

I just wanted enough of a bolster to figure out life. ”

A beep sounded from outside.

I gathered the long peacoat and buttoned it up around me. “Go time.”

He nodded and got up swiftly, putting his coat on.

I locked the door behind us and as soon as we cleared the front of the complex, Damien grabbed my hand. The sudden warmth shocked me slightly.

“Couple, right?” he asked earnestly.

He opened the door to the cab for me. I smiled and climbed in.

As soon as our seatbelts were on, I instructed the goblin driving to get us to St Christopher’s, the children’s hospital.

As the tires started to roll, he took my hand again.

I didn’t mind it. All part of the cover, right?

It felt nice. I hadn’t really had many boyfriends in my life.

A hook up or three. When I was a dumb kid, it had just been him.

The light had shown out of his ass and you couldn’t convince me otherwise.

When that changed, a part of me hardened away that I never expected.

Never really felt that way again.

I took our combined hands and lightly thumped them against the seat to get his attention.

“Your turn.”

He looked puzzled.

“Story time?” I added.

“Oh,” he laughed. It was a sweet sound. “What do you want to know?”

I thought for a second. “How did you get on the force? I thought you once told me the MF was the last thing you wanted to do.”

He took a deep breath and contemplated. “You’re not wrong.

Dad…was a factor in me joining. So were you, in a way.

You know I swam in high school and college.

I joined the academy but in a different division than him.

He was obviously disappointed that I elected for search and rescue, the dive team, volunteering with special ops, going to incident sites.

I needed to be around people who needed help.

I liked what I was doing but that wasn’t enough.

He hated that I wasn’t doing ‘white collar’ crime like him.

I never really cared about the prestige of his position.

He thought I was an embarrassment to the family, again.

He wanted me to make detective by a certain age, glad hand all the ‘old boys.’ I couldn’t do it.

It just wasn’t me. The MF just ended up working for me. ”

I nodded.

“I guess that makes sense. You were always more extroverted than I was.” Damien could easily charm people but he was oblivious to how. He could sell ice to a polar bear and genuinely thought the bear could use the ice.

“You could fake it though. Just liked your space.” He wasn’t wrong. I do OK surrounded by the common folk but interacting with too many gets painful.

“You get tired of faking it after a while. It gets tiring.” I paused and thought for a second. “Wait, how did you get on the scene of the alleged forgery if you do search and rescue?”

He groaned slightly. “Dad requisitioned me on that one. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t have a choice.”