Page 20 of Icy Heart, Empty Chest

U nsent email:

Dear Cor,

I don't know why I still type all this out but I think it helps a little. Your father’s funeral was yesterday and I really hate everything.

You looked so tired and defeated. I hated how you looked at me, like you didn’t even know me anymore.

You were so angry and heartbroken. Something just cracked.

My father just gave me a nasty smile as he walked away.

He knew he had defeated any other rebellious uprising in my soul.

You were the last piece and now you were completely gone.

I did everything he wanted, got the degree, got into the MF, passed everything with flying colors.

But I lost you. I lost your dad too; he actually gave a damn about me.

I don’t think I’m ever going to be the same.

I should have been there for you. I should have thought of something.

I never wanted to smile and pretend like I didn’t want to be friends with you anymore.

This feeling in the pit of my stomach isn’t going away. I love you so much, Cor, but I can’t be in this much pain forever. I don’t want to die but I don't want to live with all of this guilt and agony forever.

Deleted from unsent inbox: 2:28am