Page 29 of Icy Heart, Empty Chest

I looked up at Damien’s apartment with a tug of guilt. One of his neighbors had taped some plastic over the window I had shattered to get inside.

He saw it and raised an eyebrow.

“Remind me to give you a key.”

I nodded. “It may simplify things in the future.”

He picked up a rock from the garden and in a compartment underneath was a key. I probably should have known he’d have a backup.

He inserted the key into the lock and turned it, making a face of disgust. I caught the whiff soon after. Trash long past when it should have been taken out was off gassing us out. Same with dirty dishes.

“That’s mildly disgusting,” I commented. “You get your clothes and stuff, I’m going to work on that.” I gestured with a grimace to his kitchen. He nodded.

Empty containers went into the trash. A window was immediately cracked. Trash was double bagged and deposited in its designated bin. I opened his fridge hesitantly.

“Dae, I swear on all the gods there are, I’m teaching you how to cook. You’re a grown-ass man with mustard, ketchup, eggs and a spoiled milk in here.”

He emerged with a stuffed duffle and wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

“I can do the basics but my hours are weird.”

“We have a month together,” I said, shutting the fridge door. “I’ll turn you into a respectable chef if it kills me.”

I glanced back. “Shoulda left the scrubs on.”

“Cora, do I want to know why you have scrubs in my size?” There was note of temptation in his voice.

I turned to go shut the window. “No. But you looked good in them.”

“Doctor fetish?”

I snorted. “Not even remotely.”

Back at my place, I eyed the clock. Despite the nap I still felt ragged.

“One or two games and then I’m done.”

“OK then. Truth or dare?”

“Are you serious? I have actual games and card decks.”

He shook his head. “Nope. Humor me. Truth or dare?”

I rolled my eyes, sighing. My competitive spirit was pouting. “Fine, truth.”

“What did you mean when you said my friends tortured you?”

My face flamed up and irritation crossed my features. “Really? Now?” I snapped. I was hoping to avoid poking the gaping scar across my memories.

“It’s my only unanswered question.” He crossed his arms and made his way to my couch. “Cora, I need this. I need to understand.”

“You’re an irritating pain in the ass.”

“Yup. Spill.”

I sighed loudly. “Fucking kelpie bastards.”

I made my way to the couch and flopped down dramatically.

“Where should I start? OK. So elementary school was mostly fine. No one really had hormones then. Then middle school. You met Hanna, Seb and Ky. They were in our homeroom. They all took to you instantly. Why wouldn’t they? However, they were not a fan of me.”

Dae frowned, interrupting. “They liked you well enough.”

“Their actions said otherwise, Dae. Anyway, in your presence she was fine but Hanna froze me out almost immediately. She thought I was romantic competition, as only school-age girls can. She’d bump into me in the halls, make me drop my books, she’d steal my gym clothes out of my locker, making me get a lock.

All the while she’d tell me that I wasn’t good enough for you and no matter how much I protested saying we were friends, it just seemed to enrage her more.

Ky was her cousin, right? Family sticks together.

Tripped again and again. We had several classes together and if I was distracted by something, he’d go in my bag and steal pages of work.

Hanna would tell me I was nothing. Ky’s favorite was your father’s as well, filthy nymph.

Seb was the worst though. If I was talking to you, he’d bump me out of the way to put his arm around you and then remove me from the conversation.

He’d take every opportunity to beat me down.

Not physically, but by destroying what self-esteem a girl in high school can have.

‘Blue again? Not really your color, is it?’ ‘Maybe if you actually tried to look like a girl, someone would like you.’ ‘Damien just feels bad for you cause you’re so pathetic. He doesn’t even like you.’” I quoted.

I looked at him frankly. “I wish I could say it got better as the years went by but by all the gods, no. My father’s trial added fuel to the fire.

‘Damien doesn’t want to be friends with the daughter of a thief.

’ ‘Are you as much of a criminal as your stupid father?’ ‘He’s better off without you, anyway.

’ That’s the gist of it. I remember trying to talk to you about it but you seemed convinced that they were good friends.

I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

Damien’s light green face went pale then flushed red. “Cora…”

“What, Dae?” My mood had soured at the point. For so many years, I never felt worthy of him. Of his friendship. Of his love.

His face was going through an evolution of changes.

“On your father’s grave, I never knew. Every single one of them complimented you to me, said that you didn’t like them, no matter what they tried…” His breaths were coming faster now. He looked like I had just punched him in the stomach. A squirm caught in my stomach, twisting.

“They weren’t wrong.” I got up to put the leftover pizza away.

He caught my hand. “Please. Cora. Kids are cruel. I don’t know why they did that. I swear.”

I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. “I didn’t think you knew. I hoped you didn’t. I hoped you didn’t think the same things that they did.” My tone was soft, reserved.

“I would have stopped it.” His voice rose several octaves. I recoiled and pulled my hand away. Anger was usually a foreign thing to Damien. He tended toward sadness over anger. I pulled back a few steps, unsure.

“Please. I’m sorry. I got enraged thinking about how some assholes got in the way of talking to you for so long.

Especially if I could have done something about it.

” Damien’s face was crushed. His entire body language looked weighted down.

His arms were hanging down, his posture dissolved into a hunch.

I turned, with my arms hugging myself. His face was pure pain.

“Is that what happened with the lake?”

Fuck. I had almost forgotten that. I had tried to, at least. “The lake was the last straw. I told you I couldn’t swim ages ago, despite being a nymph.

It was embarrassing enough saying it and how nymphs ‘came from water, are natural swimmers.’ And you told Seb.

So when I got a note to meet you at the lake at three that day, I did what I always do, got there early, put on some music.

I remember wandering around, settling on the dock.

I kept checking my watch, 3:10, 3:15, nothing.

When I finally got up to leave, one of them pushed me.

I could hear laughing as I broke the surface.

I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see. I thought I was going to die.

If you hadn’t jumped in to get me, I would have. ”

Damien nodded. “When you pushed me away, screaming, I didn’t know what I had done. They told me it was a prank and I remember yelling till my voice was hoarse. You actively avoided me after that. Those few weeks felt like the beginning of the end.”

“Of course. What’s worse than literal death? They won. They got you. I lost. I had to focus on my father.” I shrugged.

“Hearing you ask what the fuck was wrong with me and then punching me, stuck in my head forever.” He was looking down at the couch and appearing mildly green.

“Can you come back to the couch for a second?” His tone was almost timid.

I walked back slowly to him and plopped down. I felt exposed, open.

“I carried the guilt from that for years. I didn’t realize how bad it was.

I wish you had told me more. Or maybe I didn’t get it.

Maybe you couldn’t. I feel so fucking stupid not seeing any of that.

The irony is, I lost contact with them after senior year.

They did all of that stuff, why? ’Cause they could?

I am glad you told me. It makes more sense now.

I needed to understand. I don’t think I did before. ”

I kept silent. I didn’t have words at that moment.

“Cora, can you ever forgive me? I think out of everything in this experience I just wanted you to forgive me for everything,” His voice cracked.

I nodded. “Dae…I already did,” I said softly.

He leaned forward to envelop me in a bear hug. I got crushed by his warmth and scent. He was home to me. I really couldn’t deny it anymore.

“I told you before. I never really hated you. I couldn’t. Anyway I think my turn is long over.”

He released me and blinked. “Turn?”

“Weren’t we playing a game?”

A fledgling smile broke across his face.

“Yeah. Rest assured I have no more burning questions like that.”

I let out a large breath. “Thank the fucking gods.”

“I choose truth,” he said with a bemused smile.

“Hmm, damn, I was going to make you streak my neighborhood.”

“Later. Ask me something.” His face was open and unguarded. I decided to start off easier.

“Do you have a favorite memory of me?” We had spent so much time together as kids, I wondered what had stuck in his head.

He chuckled. “A few. Something more recent? I was at the cafe when that frog-faced gnome was bothering Marie. You let her handle it until he grabbed her hand. I had barely gotten up when you came over with a fresh pot of coffee and put it down on the counter. You broke his hold on her and put his arm down, told him in an even voice that you had no issues giving him scald burns in exchange for assaulting your coworker. He had a choice of leaving now and never returning, or, if he did decide to come back, that you had the means to haunt him all over city.”

“I didn’t even know you were there. I just kind of saw red. She’s a kid; she needs to be protected.” I remember that time, spring last year.

“It was a weird little wake up call for me. You were always kind of shy and unassuming and then bam, mother bear instincts.” He leaned back and slung his arm around the couch, looking entirely indecent in the lower light of night time.