Page 9

Sigh . Unfortunately, none of my imaginary scenarios actually came to life.

Instead, I drained the tub and took a quick shower.

Once done, I took myself to my unshared bedroom to get dressed.

It didn’t hit the same when I had to put the nappy on by myself and snap my pajamas.

I pulled out my plastic tote from under my bed, grabbed my pacifier, and then gathered all my babies to bring them into the living room.

“Peasebottom, you in charge of the toys?” Peasebottom was hard to hear, but I was sure he said yes.

Dian, the gorilla, wanted to argue a little, but Curie convinced her it was okay to let Peasebottom be the boss for one night.

While they sorted it out, I went back to the tote and got my coloring books and crayons.

I swallowed down my sadness that tonight’s coloring pages wouldn’t find their way to a place of pride on the fridge.

It was still chilly this early in the spring, so I grabbed the blanket Brennen always used, which smelled like him.

It was too easy to indulge in the silly notion that Daddy B would like me to use his blanket because I missed him.

The struggle was real to keep my droopy eyes open.

With my pacifier firmly in my mouth and Peasebottom firmly clutched to my chest, I lay on the couch to finish my movie.

It was so quiet that the ping on my phone startled me. The only person who regularly texted me was my dad, and it was way too late for him. I’d never been good at making friends. Hope bloomed in my chest that it was Brennen.

Please. Please. Please.

Brennen

You up?

Ellie

Sorta, watching a movie.

Brennen

Anything good?

Ellie

Pete’s Dragon.

Brennen

The old or the new one?

Ellie

Old one is way better.

Brennen

Agreed. I got distracted with the movie—what do you mean sorta?

Ellie

I was lying down. It was a long day.

Brennen

You feel okay?

Ellie

I’m okay, just tired. The equipment room got sanitized, and I need more muscles. It wore me out more than I thought it would.

Brennen

Gonna need to agree to disagree.

Ellie

What are you talking about?

Brennen

Ignore me.

Ellie

Did you win?

Brennen

Nah, we got a 1-1. Those fuckers got by me.

Ellie

You did your best.

Brennen

Yeah, but not good enough.

Ellie

Do you want to go further with hockey?

Brennen

You mean like the minors? I’m not good enough and I know it. After college, it’ll be rec league for me.

Ellie

Does that bother you?

Brennen

Nah, it wasn’t ever my dream.

Ellie

You’re a sociology major?

Brennen

Yeah, with a minor in criminal justice.

Ellie

Going to law school?

Brennen

Nope, I’m hoping to go to Tannenberg and join the sheriff’s office.

Ellie

That’s a very specific answer.

Brennen

Yeah. I’ve had this plan since I was a kid. You said you’re tired. You should head to bed.

Ellie

I’m okay

Brennen

Nope, you’ve got class in the morning. I don’t know why, but our flight was delayed, so I won’t be back until tomorrow, hopefully in the morning.

Ellie

Ugh, that doesn’t sound fun.

Brennen

Peasebottom keeping you company?

Ellie

You’re silly.

Brennen

Yes or no?

Ellie

Yes

Brennen

Good. We’re pulling up to the hotel. Tell him I said hi. Good night.

Ellie

G’night

The pragmatic part of me knew that Brennen checked in with me because he was bored, but I could pretend that it meant more.

I snuggled in under the blanket, wrapped in Brennen’s scent, sucked on my paci, and finished my movie.

When it was over, I’d get at least one more chapter in on my current fantasy book.

The dragon theme was strong today. Brennen would be home again tomorrow and the vaguely empty feeling in my chest would go away.

Even though I reminded myself over and over again that I couldn’t fall asleep on the couch, that’s exactly what I’d done. Brennen fumbling with bags, gear, and keys was the only thing that woke me. If I were a nice person, I’d help him, but that wasn’t happening.

I was surrounded by my stuffies. Not ideal, but it could be handled.

I was in a onesie. But I’d seen people around campus in baggy jumpsuits, so I could potentially bluff my way through it and claim I’d bought the wrong size.

The real problem? I was wearing a nappy. No plausible explanation would help that make sense.

Rather than open the door for him, I swept my stuffies into my arms and raced to my bedroom.

Never had I been so glad that the locks in this apartment stuck so much.

I was two steps away from my door when I heard the lock turn over.

Instead of wasting time breathing, I held my breath to take the two steps and slammed the door behind me, which naturally bounced open on impact.

Rather than risk it again, I pushed it closed and then leaned against it to keep it that way.

“Bro, what was that about?” Brennen called from the living room. He sounded tired, but not annoyed.

Think. Think. Think.

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you back so early. I’m not…um…dressed.” Lame, but it worked.

“I shower with the team every day. I don’t think I’m going to faint at the sight of you in pajamas.

Unless you’re not wearing pajamas. Is that what’s going on?

” I heard the laughter in his voice. Still, that knowledge didn’t stop the happy dance I did on my side of the door at the realization that Brennen Tate had put me and naked in the same thought.

“No, I have some on.” I didn’t have a plausible explanation for why it mattered, since he saw me in pajamas all the time, so I kept quiet.

“If you say so,” Brennen answered in a sing-song. “I need you to come keep me company while I fix breakfast. The food on this trip sucked, and I’m staaaaarving.” Silly Brennen was my favorite. It made me feel like we were real friends.

“Do you have time for that?” I needed to stall and distract him so I could ditch these clothes and leave my bedroom properly dressed.

“Yes. And this is the worst part—I got stuck hanging out with Matty and my brain needs to be disinfected.”

“I like Matty.” For some reason, Brennen made noises suspiciously like a growl. Weird.

“I question your taste. C’mon, nakey boy, you gotta move or you won’t have time to eat before class.”

Brennen Tate called me nakey boy. Brennen Tate thought of me naked.

My day could not get any better.