Page 3 of I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I’m Trapped in a Rom-Com (Cosmic Chaos #1)

Maybe he should have just eaten me. It would’ve been better than trekking through this madhouse of a jungle on an empty stomach. Our fearless alien leader hadn’t stopped for what seemed like hours. The sun was setting in the distance, yet the big guy showed no signs of tiring. On the other hand, my feet were on fire. My throat was dry, and I just wanted to sleep for a week.

It wasn’t even just the endless walking. The years I spent studying wildlife biology at SUNY ESF had trained me to recognize all types of flora and fauna. Most of my training pertained to modern-day Earth, but put a bunch of animal nerds in one place and it’s only a matter of time until someone brings up dinosaurs. Tie it with the fact that one of my professors was an insanely hot paleontologist who would get all starry-eyed as soon as someone uttered the words “Cretaceous period.” Gods, the rabbit holes of research I used to go down just to get that man to glance in my direction.

Anyway, I knew a lot about dinosaurs and animals. Which is how I knew for a fact that this fauna did not match its flora. Like, at all. Case in point, the stegosaurs eating dandelions along the path. “Toto, I’m losing my mind,” I said.

He followed my gaze to the giant herbivore and sniffed. “I know what you mean; that’s the ugliest rhino I’ve ever seen.”

“It’s not.” I sighed, then pinched the bridge of my nose in an attempt to stall the oncoming migraine. “That is a stegosaur, a creature of the Jurassic period, and it’s eating flowers.”

“So?”

“Flowers didn’t exist back then. Well, I should say that it’s hotly debated that there might’ve been Nanjinganthus, but sure as hell not the dandelions he’s munching on. Never mind the fact that we just escaped a mosasaur, which is from the Late Cretaceous period.”

“You’re saying a lot of human words again.” He groaned.

“I know, just…I just don’t understand what’s going on and it’s driving me insane.” My breathing sped up as my voice grew more and more frantic. “None of this makes any sense. Why would a bunch of aliens bring us to a weird dinosaur land?” I took deep breaths, trying to calm down. “And where did he come from?” I yelled, pointing to the alien.

The man in question turned back to me, scowled, then motioned to keep walking. I tried to keep my chin up, really I did. It worked for a few minutes. For a few measly minutes I was able to shut my brain off and ignore the fact that a pterodactyl from the Jurassic period calmly flew overhead, while tiny alwalkeria from the Triassic period scurried along the jungle floor. When a feathered dino I didn’t recognize leapt from tree to tree, I looked the other way.

But when we passed by a giant ground sloth, I lost my shit.

“YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!” I screamed at the elephant-sized megafauna. The sloth in question paused his avocado pilfering to look back at me. “You belong in open woodlands during the ice age. Why? Why are you in a jungle with fucking dinosaurs and an ocean with a goddamn mosasaur?”

Slowly, the creature brought an arm up to scratch at its face, then decided I wasn’t worth the trouble and kept eating.

Toto came to stand at my side. “Yeah…I don’t think he knows, Dory.”

When the alien came to hurry us along, I kept moving. We walked and walked, and just for a change of pace, he carried me over a river for a bit when I refused to get in. But can you blame me? I don’t know what’s in the water on this planet. Could have been a giant snake.

Pass.

As we charged through the dense foliage, my senses were overwhelmed by unfamiliar sights, sounds, and scents. Each step felt like I had cinder blocks tied to my legs; they were so tired. The alien, seemingly impatient with my slow pace, kept urging us forward.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we stumbled upon a small clearing. The dense canopy overhead allowed rays of sunlight to filter through, casting a soft, dappled glow on the forest floor. There, in the midst of the natural oasis, sat a car of all things.

It wasn’t even weathered and rustic like you would normally think an abandoned car would look in the middle of a random jungle. No, it looked like someone had just parked their brand-new sedan, with shining red paint and glittering windows, in the middle of a random jungle. Vines were snapped and crumpled under wheels, yet no tire tracks could be found around it.

“Odd,” I said, curiosity tugging me forward. I approached the abandoned vehicle cautiously, stopping only when the alien grabbed my arm.

As usual, he was frowning. He pointed back onto the path we were following and said something in a biting tone.

“Yes, yes, I know, we need to keep moving to wherever it is you’re dragging me off to. We’d get there a lot faster if we had a car, though, so…” I said, shrugging him off.

He huffed dramatically, swishing his tail back and forth in a similar fashion to my aunty’s cat when she didn’t get her way. “Volbrukan ru lo,” he said, pointing to the sky.

I looked up into the clear blue sky, waiting for some kind of signal. Finding none, I repeated the words back to him to see what he’d do. His face brightened into a smile as he motioned back toward the path.

“Hmm, you’re kinda cute when you smile,” I said, grinning back at him. “Too bad I’ve always favored curiosity to men.”

The look of indignation on his face when I went back to the car was almost worth the alien abduction.

Far too exhausted to err on the side of caution, I marched up to the car and flung the door open, hoping against all odds that it wasn’t a stick shift.

It was not a stick shift. It wasn’t anything. Nothing but a hollow shell devoid of any seats or recognizable car parts.

“EMPTY?” I screamed. The sound carried through the canopy loud enough to scare tiny raptors from their nests. One fell from a tree onto the metal roof of the car before it scurried away, leaving tiny footprints of pollen on the red paint. “Wha—” I leaned in farther, peering into the depths of the car, hoping to find some hidden clue, a secret button that made all the seats and steering wheel appear. Or maybe a hidden camera where some celebrity asshat was watching me just before he jumped out of the trees to yell, “Punked!” Yet all I discovered was a barren expanse.

“Ugh, I quit,” I said, slamming the door shut.

“Agreed,” Toto growled. “Does Gray Man ever stop? I need to nap and my leg is really starting to hurt.” The lion stretched, then moved to a shady patch of grass and plopped down with a groan. “I’m not moving. You can’t make me.”

“I would never try to,” I said, walking over to him.

The alien paused when he noticed we weren’t following and turned back. He stomped his way over to us, motioning back toward the path. “Buldan fu yanku,” he said.

I stared up at him with tired eyes. “Whatever you just said, no. I’m done. I’m not meant for whatever bullshit this is. Just let me die here.”

“So dramatic,” Toto said.

“Call me whatever you want. Honestly, I don’t understand how you’re not freaking out.”

“Eh, a jungle, a jungle. I’m sure I’ll find my way back to the desert eventually. Or maybe there are a few lionesses around here. I was hunting for a new pride anyway. This morning I found a small pride of three females. They had a male, but he looked small, so I could have taken him. You were actually going to be a gift to them after I killed their mate.”

“Charming,” I drawled.

“I know. I had it all planned out. Very romantic.”

“Toto, I don’t think we’re on Earth anymore. You’re not going to be finding lionesses. We’re in some strange land or a new world with freaking dinosaurs, aliens, and who knows what else. I know you’ve never seen a movie, but trust me when I say the Black woman always dies first. Why not just save myself the trouble and give up here?” I lay down next to Toto, my muscles screaming with the exhaustion of the day. “I quit,” I shouted petulantly. “Spread my ashes by the seaside with a tasteful eulogy.”

The lion snorted at my antics, then rolled onto his back. “Take a nap, cranky thing.”

A pair of dark gray hooves stopped by my head. I peeked an eye open to see the alien staring down at me with his fists on his hips. “Net hullden,” he said.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to die.”

The alien looked to the sky, then ran a hand along one of his horns. Whatever he saw must’ve been unpleasant. He glared back down at me before he slapped his tail against the ground and repeated himself.

I blinked up at him, then turned onto my side and got comfortable. When neither of us made a move to stand, the alien stomped off. If I’d still had any will to live, I would’ve gotten up and followed him. Yet when I so much as tried to move my legs, they screamed in protest. I couldn’t take any more walking even if I wanted to. Lids heavy, I gave in to the exhaustion and closed my eyes.

The sound of clomping hooves returned, but I ignored him. Let him snarl and huff. Unless Gray Man came back with food and water, I wasn’t interested. I supposed I could try sneaking a few avocados away from that ground sloth. On second thought, he was rocking some wicked claws on his forelegs. Never mind, I didn’t even like avocados.

“RELEASE ME,” Toto roared.

My head snapped up to see the alien tying a vine around Toto’s legs. The lion bit into the alien’s forearm. Gray Man hissed in pain and shook Toto off, then grabbed his snout and tied another vine around it.

Panicked, I shot to my feet and tried to get away. Yet a large hand clamped around my ankle like a vise. I screamed, kicking at his solid chest. It did nothing, and soon I found myself bound and slung over his shoulder. He knelt low and picked up Toto, securing the thrashing lion in his arms before taking off at a run.

I wheezed when his shoulder knocked the breath from my lungs. Thanks to the vines binding my wrists, I could barely grip his coat for purchase. “What’s the big idea, asshole?” I snarled.

Thunder rolled overhead. I looked up to see the sky suddenly turn black with ferocious-looking clouds. “Ohhh. That’s the big idea.”

Lightning flashed so bright that the world turned white. In the next second, it was pouring. Like monsoon-level pouring. Wind whipped so fast, I nearly blew off his shoulder. The body beneath me heated as the alien swore something in his strange language and ran faster.

Thunder boomed so loud it made my teeth clench. I shielded my eyes, trying to save them from another flash of blinding lightning. All at once, the rain stopped. Gray Man slowed to a halt inside a cave, where he laid Toto and me down. The large alien moved to lean on the side of the cave and catch his breath. Like the rest of us, he was completely soaked, the long jacket he wore sticking to his sides. His bun was half unraveled, leaving streaks of orange hair to fall around his face.

He shifted to take the tie out of his hair and shook it loose, sending droplets of water all over the floor. Next, he stripped himself of his coat and hung it on a hook on the wall. To my unexpected delight, the linen undershirt came off next.

“Wow, okay, several questions,” I said to Toto. “One, why is the alien so hot? Second question, how on earth is our anatomy similar? I mean I’ve heard of convergent evolution, where two species develop similarly despite having no common ancestor, but his muscle structure is incredibly similar to that of a human male. Albeit a very cut human male.”

And I did not hate it.

Toto murmured something, but it was muffled by his restraints.

Gray Man’s muscular structure was a little more pronounced than that of the average human. Especially around the chest cavity. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say his lungs were probably oversized. His cloven hooves made me think of a mountain goat. It was possible the cloven hooves and larger lung capacity were an adaptation to a mountainous homeland. That long tail probably helped him keep his balance as well.

Orange spots, the same shade as his hair, dotted along his shoulders and back like large freckles. On closer inspection, it looked like his horns were smooth and covered in skin. If I hadn’t been bound, I might’ve reached out a hand to touch them. The long, thick tail coming out his back had a row of large darker spots lining the top side of it, while the tip resembled a tube.

Fuck, I wished my friend Stacy was there. As a paleoanthropologist, she’d have a field day trying to record the similarities of our species. “Oh! Dammit, I should be recording everything,” I yelled, mentally kicking myself for not thinking to jot down everything I’d seen. If there was any chance at all that I got back to Earth, any number of these discoveries would change the face of science as we knew it.

Gray Man shifted away from the wall and made his way over to us. Stopping a foot away, he crossed his arms over his chest and met my gaze, as if daring me to start fighting again.

“I’ll be good,” I said obediently. Then, upon remembering he couldn’t speak English, I smiled brightly.

The alien sighed, unsheathed a knife from the holster on his belt, and cut me loose. I rubbed my wrists and watched as he did the same to Toto.

The lion growled low but didn’t swipe at Gray Man when he was free. Instead, Toto snarled and slinked over to sit beside me. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Doubtful,” I replied. “What are you thinking?”

The lion lowered his head and fixed the alien with a hungry stare. “I’m thinking we should eat him.”

“Wha— No! He saved us.”

“From rain. He tied us up and threw us around because of the rain.”

“More like a monsoon.”

“It was rude and he should pay for his crimes. Besides, look at him. I’ve never eaten…whatever that is before.”

“Is that why you tried to eat me?” I asked, voice rising with my ever-growing concern.

Toto ceased eyeing up the alien in favor of putting a paw on my leg. “No, it’s not like that at all. I’ve mostly gone after people since my mouth started hurting. Humans are soft prey. No offense.”

Yup. Not gonna think too hard on that.

“What’s wrong with your mouth?”

His face scrunched. “Something is digging into my gum, but I can’t get it out.”

“Oh, want me to get it out?”

He gasped up at me, wide-eyed. “Would you?”

“Yes. If it means you don’t fucking eat us.”

“Of course. It’s over here somewhere.” Toto opened his mouth wide and tongued at something on the bottom right of his jaw. The area was inflamed and red. Something poked out from between his teeth.

A small tendril of fear wound its way up my spine. Steeling my nerves, I reached into the lion’s mouth. Toto winced. The angry snarl he let out damn near made me scream, but I reeled it in. With one hard tug, a piece of aluminum came out. “Were you chewing on a soda can?” I asked.

The lion groaned before flopping to his side. “Sweet playing lionesses, that feels so much better. All right, Gray Man can live.”

Outside, the storm raged harder. The trees swayed back and forth, one even snapping and coming down. When the rain picked up, I could barely see a few feet out of the cave. I clicked my tongue and turned back to Gray Man. “So, uh, thanks for getting us out of that.”

He merely narrowed his eyes at me in response, clearly annoyed we had put up such a fuss when he was just trying to help us get out of the storm. In my defense, how the heck was I supposed to know that? He’s not exactly a man of many words.

Still, I couldn’t deny that I owed the man my life—several times over by this point. Swallowing my pride, I stood and flashed him a grin. “You and I got off on the wrong foot. Let’s start again. Hi, I’m Dory.” I tapped my chest and repeated my name, then pointed to him.

His mouth formed a thin line as his tail swished behind him. After a moment, he tapped his chest. “Sol.”

“Sol,” I repeated excitedly, then held out a hand. “Nice to meet you, Sol.”

He stared at the offered hand, then glanced back at me. Feeling awkward, I chuckled and began to draw my hand away. “Right, you probably don’t understand handshakes.”

Sol dug around in his bag and then placed a biscuit in my hand. Then he took a pouch from his belt and offered that up as well. I heard liquid sloshing inside and I nearly cried from joy. “You had water this whole time?” I asked, snatching the bag. Opening it quickly, I greedily drank my fill, groaning in relief when the water soothed my aching throat. “Oh Mylanta, I could kiss you! As a matter of fact—” Overcome with relief, I slung my arms around his shoulders and gave him a quick kiss.

His eyes grew wide. “Oops, sorry,” I said, scratching my head. “Got a little too excited.”

“Whatchu got?” Toto demanded, peering at us over his shoulder.

“A biscuit and water,” I said, breaking the biscuit in two. “Want half?” I asked, holding out one half for him.

“Is it meat?” he asked, eyes widening with interest.

“No, sadly, just wheat. Wait, lemme check.” I bit into my half of the biscuit, checking to see if there was any meat filling. “Nope, just bread.”

“Humph. Prey food,” he said, turning away.

While I enjoyed my biscuit, Sol made his way to the back of the cave and brushed leaves and debris away from a small corner. Then he pulled out a stack of logs and a blanket. He moved to a spot where the rocks were sunken in farther and arranged the wood in a stack. With a flick of his wrist, he tossed the blanket next to me, then grabbed some leaves from the debris used to cover his bounty and stuffed them between the logs. The dark spots on his tail glowed orange before he spat a ball of fire on the wood.

“Holy shit, he breathes fire,” I mumbled around my biscuit. “Guess that’s how you saved us earlier? What a crazy adaptation; I wonder how he does it.”

Still, the warmth of the fire was a welcome sight, as the rain had chilled me to the bone. It didn’t help that my clothes were soaked as well. I took a note from my alien companion and stripped off my cargo pants and T-shirt, then hung them next to his coat.

Sol’s gaze burned into my back, but I ignored him. It was only fair, seeing as I was checking him out just a moment ago. Besides, it would be weird if he wasn’t a little curious about my body. We were completely separate species after all. A small twinge of self-consciousness wormed its way into my brain, and I stomped it out—the one trick my therapist managed to teach me before I fired her.

With my clothes hung up, I went to sit next to him by the fire and kicked off my shoes.

“GAHH!”

I turned to see the alien crab-walking away from me looking terrified. His back hit the wall of the cave before he pointed a finger at my feet. “What in the twin moons is wrong with your hooves, woman?” he hollered.

“He can talk now?” Toto gasped.

Shocked, I whirled around and asked, “Can you understand us?”

“I…yes?” he asked, gaze still locked on my feet. When he glanced up at me, his eyes grew sorrowful. “You poor thing, do you have hoof rot?”

“Hoof rot?” I asked, tilting my head. “Oh, you must mean my feet.” Lifting my foot, I wiggled my toes at him. Only to stop when it looked like he might throw up.

Sol’s body lurched, and he covered his mouth. “What are those disgusting appendages?” he asked, wiggling his fingers to match the movement of my toes.

Damn, I’d never been a big fan of feet myself. But from his reaction, you’d think I just took off my shoes to reveal a three-headed slug. “It’s not that bad,” I said, wiggling them again.

The alien dry heaved and waved a hand at me. “Stop that!”

Giggling, I set my foot down. “Oh, come on, I didn’t make a big deal out of your hooves. That’s pretty weird for me.”

Sol’s body remained stiff, as if I’d leap and attack at any moment. His tail twitched behind him. “Are you sure you don’t have hoof rot? I can’t bring you back to my village if you’re going to infect everyone.” His eyes grew wide before he jerked to stand up, then put a fist over his chest. “Don’t worry, we were able to save a few healers from the Calamity. We’ll set up a hut for you on the outskirts until you’re fully healed. We have warriors patrolling the perimeter. You’ll be perfectly safe.”

“Sol,” I began slowly, “I do not have hoof rot. I have feet. And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop staring at them like they were going to jump off my legs and bite you.”

“I might.”

“Shut up, Toto.”

“Right,” Sol said, clearly unconvinced. “How can I suddenly understand your words? A moment ago both of you were speaking gibberish.”

Shifting to one side, I put a hand on my hip and thought for a moment. “I think it’s because I kissed you. Now that I think about it, the same thing happened when Toto licked my mouth.”

“What is a kiss?” he asked.

“It’s where you put your mouth on someone else. It’s a sign of affection or in our case gratitude.”

“Without biting?” he asked.

“Why would we bite out of gratitude? Who would do that?”

His brow furrowed. “I didn’t know what you were doing. Suddenly you just launched at me.”

“I…All right, fair. Well, on that note, what are you?” I asked.

Sol bumped his fist against his chest. “I’m a monster hunter of the Night Ridge clan. What are you?”

“Well, I’m a wildlife biologist from Georgia, but I meant your species,” I said, gesturing to him. “My species is called human.”

“My kind is called Sankado. Are humans the native species of this planet? We haven’t seen any of you since we’ve been here.”

His question caught me off guard. I bit the inside of my cheek. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question? This must be your home planet. I’m pretty sure it isn’t Earth.”

Sol crossed his arms, frowning. “No, what was left of my people was dropped here by small feathered creatures roughly ten years ago.”

Toto leapt up. “Oh! The sour birds!”

“Sour?” Sol asked.

“Don’t ask,” I said, waving a dismissive hand. “To make a long story short, I’m pretty sure we were dropped here by the same feathered creatures that brought your people here. What do you mean by what’s left of your people?”

The alien’s face grew somber. “Most of us were lost in the Calamity. About a decade ago, my home planet was struck by a giant spaceship. In one fell swoop the continent of Dulrock was completely wiped out. If that wasn’t enough, noxious fumes rose from the spaceship and poisoned our air. Those strong enough to withstand the fumes were left to die in the aftermath of a poisoned world. We thought all hope was lost, until those sour birds, as you call them, beamed us up into their spaceships and dropped us here.”

My hand flew to my mouth as I imagined the horror he must’ve faced. “Sol, I…I’m so sorry.”

He held his hand up. “We don’t need to speak on it any further. Was your planet destroyed as well?”

“Not to my knowledge,” I said, uncertain. “At least I hope that’s not why I was beamed up.” Slowly, a ball of dread formed in the pit of my stomach. “Nope. Not thinking like that,” I said, shaking the dark thoughts away. “Still, if you aren’t native to this world either, then that doesn’t leave us with a lot of answers. Did the birds say anything to you when they dropped you here?”

“No, they didn’t speak like you do. After we were dropped, most of us formed bands and split off. My clan settled near the lake about another six hours’ walk from here. We have spent most of our time here clearing the area of those monsters.”

“Right, we’re in a dinosaur world.”

His eyes brightened. “Then you know what they are. Those monsters came from your planet?”

“Technically yes,” I said, tilting my head. “But they were before my time. Like millions of years before my species even existed. Today’s the first time I’ve ever actually seen a living dinosaur.”

“Hmm, that doesn’t give us much information to go on if neither of us knows why we’re here.” Sol got up and joined me by the fire. “Were you and your beast the only ones they brought here?”

“Who are you calling a beast?” Toto snapped. “I am the top male of this pride!”

“I see.” Sol’s voice hardened as he eyed Toto. “You are her mate, then? The differences between your species’ sexes is…unique.”

Toto and I looked at each other before roaring in laughter. Wheezing, I wiped the tears from my eyes. “Are you kidding? Of course we’re not the same species. Hell, he tried to eat me this morning.”

“It’s true,” Toto roared, laughing along. “Tore her throat right out, I did.”

“You what?” In an instant, Sol was on his feet hooves and put his big body between me and Toto. The darker patches along his tail lit up into a bright orange. Whistling air came from the tip of his tail and the orange patches grew brighter, some shooting off small sparks of flame.

Toto recovered from his laughter enough to eke out a response. “It’s fine, we’ve moved on and formed a pride.”

“Yeah, that was so last morning, we’re over it,” I said.

Sol eyed the lion warily but relaxed enough to sit back down. “If you’re sure.”

“I am,” I said. “To answer your previous question, no, there were other humans on the ship before we escaped. Toto and I were the only ones to make it on the escape pod, but I think I saw at least twenty of these tube things with humans in them. Though I don’t know where they are now.”

“This is deeply concerning,” Sol said.

“You can say that again.”

He quirked a brow at me. “Are you hard of hearing? I said it was deeply concerning.”

“No, sorry, it’s an expression.” I scooted closer to the fire and held my hands up, trying to warm them. Worry and exhaustion weighed heavily on my body. Staring into the flames, I thought about the woman with the braids I saw in the tube. Was she even still alive? I was so caught up in all the panic I didn’t think to even check. Not that there was anything I could have done even if she was. “Well, damn. Now what do I do?”

“You will sleep,” Sol said firmly. “In the morning I will finish my task and return for you. Then I will bring you to my chief. He will know what to do.”

Under normal circumstances, I would not allow a man to decide whether or not I slept. But who had time to be difficult after what I’d been through? If he wanted to get all caveman on me and protect me, then I wouldn’t say no. It wasn’t like I had much of a chance without him. “Your clan doesn’t, like, eat women, right?”

“Do you honestly expect me to tell you if we did?” he asked.

“You know, you could just say, ‘No, Dory, you’re perfectly safe with me.’?”

He raised his voice, mocking my higher pitch. “No, Dory, you’re perfectly safe with me.”

“…Rude.”