Page 2 of I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I’m Trapped in a Rom-Com (Cosmic Chaos #1)

“Fuck, I’m dead?” I snarled, gazing down at the desert. A bright light was pulling me farther into the sky. Which was probably good, right? I’m not the religious type, but I think the general consensus is that up is good.

“All right, not all bad, I guess?” I turned to have a look around, taking in the sights before— “THE FUCKING LION!” I screamed, trying to kick away my murderer. The sandy-brown fur of its mouth was stained a telltale red. I put a hand to my throat, flinching when pain erupted. My hand came back covered in blood. “All right, so you definitely didn’t miss. What is going on?”

The lion ignored me; instead his eyes remained transfixed by what he saw above us. I stilled and looked up to see the clouds shimmering. A darker spot opened up in the sky. A greenish light sparkled out of it until the force pulling me sped up to a breakneck pace. The light became blinding, and I…I must have fainted.

The next thing I knew, I was in a tank. My body felt too heavy to move. There was a tickling sensation on my neck. Reaching out, I tried to touch the glass front of the tank but couldn’t reach it. When I cried out, bubbles floated uselessly out of my mouth. I wasn’t sure how long I was floating as I drifted in and out of consciousness.

Muffled chirping met my ears. I struggled to open my eyes, but the room was so damn bright.

Why…why do I smell cotton candy? Am I having a stroke? I thought that was burnt toast. Dammit. I knew I should have taken that CPR class. What smell meant you were having a stroke?

A sharp zap to my neck shocked me awake. Birds were chirping all around me. I struggled to get up. Something dug into my arms, so I thrashed. Strings lined with suction cups snapped off my arm with little pops. The birds’ chirping grew angrier as I pulled my other arm free. I blinked and looked around to see what looked like…owls?

“What the fuck?” I asked. Mutant-looking owls with large fluffy ears fluttered around me, chirping and fussing. Their feathers ranged in color from simple blacks and grays to the colorful blue and orange plumage you would normally find on a tropical bird. Which, frankly, is a wild range of colors for one species to have. I wonder if it’s gender based.

Focus.

Macaw-like beaks took up a third of their face. Their flapping wings ended in tiny three-fingered hands. One of them was dressed in a white robe and it was trying to probe me with some horseshoe-looking gun thing.

I smacked it away from me and got to my feet. “One of you better start chirping in English,” I warned. Fear and rage caused the threat to come out in a stuttered shout.

The birds were unaffected.

Unfortunate.

I touched my neck, unsure if I’d truly died and gone to some bird hell. But all I felt was smooth skin. When I inspected my hand, not a drop of blood was found. I checked the other side; still nothing. “If I’m not dead, how am I healed?”

The room was lined with rows of cylindrical tanks filled with green liquid. I peered closer at their contents to see the face of a sleeping woman floating in the tank. Her round face looked serene. Long braids fanned out around her face. A few tapped their beaded ends against the glass. The hair rose on the back of my neck as I took in each tank, noting that every one of them held a person. I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake up from the nightmare. Yet when I looked around again, the pods and their occupants remained. Worse still, I noticed that all of them were women.

Reality sank to the pit of my stomach. I was on an alien spaceship. Those aliens only felt the need to capture women, and I’d just woken up on an operating table. If this wasn’t hell, it was about to be.

Screaming, I stumbled away from the nearest alien, then snatched a tray off the counter next to the table where I’d woken up. Glass vials and unsettling-looking tools crashed to the floor when I flung it at the nearest alien. Two slightly bigger Owlish came at me with what looked like cattle prods. I grabbed hold of one and kicked off its owner, then swung wildly at its partner. The bird’s squawk was cut short when my stick hit the side of its head, sending the creature flying back. Not knowing what else to do, I just swung at any of the little aliens that came within striking distance.

Farther into the room was a dome-like door leading to a hallway. I leapt over two of the Owlish, caught my foot on one, then tripped and fell on my ass. The fall knocked the stick out of my hand; it ricocheted off the ceiling and slammed into a glass case lining the wall. Blue goop spilled out all over my hair. It weighed down my wild red curls until they felt like rivers of slime. “No! No strange alien goop in my hair, dammit!” I wailed, scrambling back onto my feet. “Fuck, my ass is gonna die. I’m so gonna die.”

One of the Owlish squawked like a penguin and stomped closer to me. I jumped up, shoving it aside before I sped down the hallway. My vision blurred, causing me to stumble against the wall. The slime dripping down my head grew hot, and the skin where it touched tingled. “Oh, gross. This better not be poison,” I said, wiping it away quickly.

I burst into the first room I encountered to see that it was full of bigger penguin-looking bird aliens and slammed the door shut. “Nope.”

I swore all the way down to the next room and locked myself behind the door. Then I looked around to see that I had made a poor, poor decision, as this room was full of so many more Owlish, some with the cattle prods, and, of course, the motherfucking lion.

My murderer was floating in a ray of light on a table, completely unaware of his surroundings. Flapping noises beat on the door at my back and the Owlish in the room began chattering angrily. Those with cattle prods advanced.

…Fuck this.

“You know what? If I have to die”—I raised a finger to all the bird fuckers in the room—“we’re all gonna die.” I grabbed the nearest Owlish and threw it at the others charging forward. The creature squawked as it hit its comrades.

I darted around them and advanced to the table that held the floating lion. My boots skittered to a halt next to the control panel. Wasting no time, I pressed literally every button I could get my hands on. Red, green, blue, yellow, didn’t matter, I pressed the shit out of it.

Light flashed all over the room. The green ray of light holding the lion swayed, the enormous head of the beast bobbing along before the light faded. As soon as it died out, the lion dropped to the ground with a thud, startling him awake. The Owlish flew into a frenzy and began flapping around and pointing their cattle prods at the lion.

Now, to be clear, I’d been studying meerkats the past year, not lions, but I’m pretty sure pointing a shock stick at one is a great way to piss it off. My theory proved correct when the beast launched all five hundred pounds of himself on the first Owlish. Purple blood sprayed into the air.

My vision blurred; a wave of nausea had me stumbling against the control panel. I rubbed my eyes and ducked low. After a few seconds the nausea faded. The cacophony of chirping warped into words. “Lion, obtain.”

A reddish Owlish fluttered toward another room. “Forget that, get to the escape pods!”

“We can contain them just fine!” a green Owlish screeched behind me. “They’re just dumb animals; we’ll have them under heel in no time.”

“Well, this animal knows what ‘escape pod’ means,” I muttered to myself. With a snarl the lion pounced on another Owlish. When the little creatures flocked toward the larger predator, I bolted, using the opportunity to shove my way down the hall where the other Owlish motioned to the escape pods.

I forced my way in to see three oval-looking pods lining the room. Each looked wide enough to accommodate roughly six people. I made my way to the center pod and ducked in. The interior floor was covered with a fuzzy blush-colored carpet. A window lined one half of the dome, while the remaining sides were kept bare, save for a green button that flashed on the far side of the wall.

Panting heavily, I stumbled over and pressed it. “Holy shit, I didn’t think I’d make it this far. Yay me!” When the pod started up, relieved giggles burst out of my throat. Soon, I was slumped on the carpet laughing like a nervous maniac. Heartbeat hammering in my ears, I leaned against the wall, gulping in air.

“Okay, Dory, deep breaths. So, we’re on an alien spaceship. But hey, look at you, girl, you made it to the escape pod. Maybe you’re done.”

A roar made my body freeze. The doors of the escape pod slowly began closing as if they didn’t hear a fucking lion running toward us.

“No, no, no!” Panic had me racing over to shove at the door, trying to speed up the process. However, there was no handle to be found and my hands slipped uselessly against the smooth metal. “Close, damn you! Please, any and all gods, just close this motherfucking door!”

My cries fell on deaf ears as the lion jumped through the door at the last second. His claws tore at the carpet as the pod lurched away from the spaceship. The lion righted himself and locked eyes with me.

This time no stillness came over me. No ice chilled my veins. Instead, a hopeless rage had me sneering at the big cat. “You know, this never would have happened if you just let me film my meerkats in peace. Do you even know how long it took me to get accepted into the Kalahari Research Centre’s internship? Four years of my life, lion,” I spat, balling my fists at my sides.

“Four years of schooling. This internship is the last thing I need to get my doctorate. I could have been on the streets hoeing myself out with my friends and having a great time. Could have taken a train to New York City and gallivanted around Broadway like my cousin Jubilee! Or just married that boring Harvard doctor or whatever the fuck he studied like my mom wanted. But noooo, I had to have dreams, I had to have aspirations of saving the stupid fucking planet. My research team gets funding to help protect your whole environment, and you just…you just kill me!”

My murderer tilted his head at me; red blood mingled with purple before it dripped from his mouth onto the proud ruff of his mane. Those little drops added insult to injury, as their source should have been the blood in my neck.

“I’m just—so done. I’m so done, and I hate you,” I hissed, shaking my fist at the lion. “I hope you choke on my bones after you eat me! I hope they find this escape pod and probe your ass. May your entire family line be cursed with hip dysplasia! I hate you, lion!”

The world tilted. I slammed against the side of the oval. The lion sniffed and crawled closer, tucking himself against me. When I didn’t feel his fangs sinking into my neck, I peered down to see his head nuzzled against my chest. “Um, sir?”

The lion untucked his head from my chest to look me in the eye. My gut sank, eyes watering at the beast’s horrid breath. He grunted, then a large pink tongue shot out and licked me square on my mouth.

“Ew, that’s so nasty,” I said, wiping his spit off my face. He shook his head, his nose curling as if he tasted something he didn’t like. When he licked his chops, I noticed his gums had turned blue before fading back into a healthy pink.

The escape pod picked up speed. Sharp claws pricked at my side as the lion clung to me, keeping me tight against him as we slammed against the side of the ship. I pried his claws off me and scrambled up to look out the window. We were plummeting toward the rain forest below at a frightening pace. I screamed, trying to brace myself against the wall. The lion yowled and curled up against my feet, as if I could protect us from the bitch slap gravity was about to deliver.

By some miracle, the escape pod lurched up, narrowly avoiding a tree before it skittered across the surface of a lake. My body flung back like a rag doll in a washing machine. The lion and I rolled forward as the ship bobbed before balancing out to flow calmly amid the waves.

“Braying zebras. I almost shat myself,” said a deep voice behind me.

I paused, then looked at the beast. “Did you…did you just talk?” I asked.

His ears perked up as he turned to face me. “Did you just talk?”

My mouth fell open as we stared at each other. “How—?” I began, but couldn’t find the words.

“A talking human,” he said, eyes widening with the same shock I’m sure I was showing. He closed the distance between us and sniffed at my pants.

“Stay away from me,” I snapped, pushing myself against the wall. The ship rocked in the water, causing us both to stumble.

“Don’t move around so much,” the lion hissed.

“Fine. Just stay on your side.”

“Why?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Why?” I parroted back. “You tried to eat me! That’s why.”

He snorted. “You’re going to need to let that go. It’s in the past.”

“My blood is still on your mouth.”

The lion groaned. “Look, you and I just went through a very traumatic experience together. An experience like that forms a bond. We’re basically brothers now. More importantly”—he sat down and grinned—“I’m a lion. Meaning I don’t know how to move this”—he looked around the ship before turning back to me—“box. The only reason I followed you is because I know your kind is good with this sort of thing. You’re always riding around the desert, singing your songs and shouting,” he said. Rearing back on his haunches, he waved his front paws in the air, no doubt mimicking an excited tourist. “Now, be a good brother and move us to shore.”

“Sister.”

He cocked his head, eyes shifting over my hair. “Oh, I assumed you were male because of your mane.”

Instinctively, I tried patting down the wild curls. Both my mom and sisters kept their hair relaxed, but I vowed never to do that again after a terrible reaction to the chemicals left me bald at fourteen. It grew back in time, but teens are cruel. “Hey, it’s hard to keep it moisturized in the field.”

“Well, if you’re a female, then this is perfect.” The last word came out in a delighted hum before he puffed out his chest. “That means I’m top male. And I’m not gonna eat you. I promise.”

“Oh well. I feel perfectly safe, then,” I said, sarcastically.

Unfortunately, it would appear that talking lions don’t understand sarcasm, as my new companion made that chuffing noise big cats do when they’re pleased about something. “Good. You catch on quick—I like that. So, talking human, got a name?”

“Umm, my name is Dorothy.”

“Good to meet you. I’m—” His sentence cut off into a growl.

I wrung my hands together, unsure if I should try to repeat it and butcher the name of a creature who’d only recently decided not to eat me. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can pronounce that.”

He snorted. “All right. Give me a human name, then. But make it strong.”

Gods, I hate being put on the spot. Nor did I have the mental capacity to come up with a name a lion of all things would consider strong. Not after spending the day getting killed, then abducted by aliens. If anything, all I could think about was Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz .

My mom named me after Dorothy Vaughan, one of the three Black women who played a vital role in sending the first American astronaut into space. Don’t be fooled—that, too, was for her image. Which was fine, but as a kid, I didn’t care about space and math and latched on to The Wizard of Oz , as the main character and I share a name.

Having been beamed up by a spaceship and tossed about, I couldn’t help but see the parallels between my abduction and Dorothy’s tornado. Though thankfully it looked like they’d just dropped me somewhere in a rain forest, not a strange new world. I was pretty sure the lion in that book was just called Lion. But Dorothy had a little dog…

“How about Toto?” I asked.

He repeated the name, tasting it on his tongue, then nodded. “All right. I’m Toto.”

I snorted.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I say we join together until we can find a way out of this box and safely back on land. What do you say?”

Water slowly rocked against the ship in an almost soothing cadence. Toto waited patiently, his body relaxing enough to kick his foot out as I pondered my answer. Finally, I let out a breath. “Well, it’s not like I have any better options.”

“Now you’re getting it,” Toto said. He came over and nudged my side affectionately. “I’m sorry I tried to eat you.”

“I’m sorry I cursed your whole family with hip dysplasia,” I said, scratching his ear.

“You what?”

“It’s in the past; we’re moving on.”

The lion chuckled and lay down. “You’ll be able to move this thing on your own, right? I’ve seen your kind roll about the desert in the bigger ones. Just steer us back to shore and wake me when you’re done.”

“Do you mean our vans? I have my license but I don’t think it will be the same as driving an alien escape pod.”

Toto licked his paw. “Then how do you propose we swim past any crocodiles or hippos in the water?”

“Oh shit.” I forgot. Bodies of water in the desert are full of animals that just really get a kick out of tearing you to shreds. Wait. I looked out the window into the endless sea of greenery on the shore. “Toto, I don’t think we’re in the Kalahari anymore.”

He followed my gaze to shore. “That doesn’t look like anyplace I’ve been.”

“Do you think maybe they dropped us somewhere in the Congo?” Depending on how long I was asleep in that tube, we could be anywhere in the world. There were plenty of rain forests in Africa, so it was hard to tell which one this was. It all just looked like endless trees to me.

“You keep saying these human words like I’m going to know what they mean,” Toto growled. “What is a Congo?”

“Sorry, that’s the name of a big rain forest north of where you were.”

“Right, and I know this is much lower on our list of problems, but I despise getting wet.”

“We can’t have that, then,” I said. My fingers felt along the walls, checking for any kind of hidden panel that could lead to a steering wheel.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking for the controls. All I see is the green launch button. Well, it’s red now,” I said, gesturing to the blinking red button.

Toto looked at the button, then back to me. “What’s red?”

“Wha— Right. You’re a lion, you can’t see that.”

“Why not?” he roared. His tail flicked against the wall harshly.

“Calm down. Your eyes just don’t possess the cones necessary to process the color red.”

He snarled.

I peed a little.

Toto’s claws dug into the carpet. His large body rumbled as he growled, “My eyes have the perfect amount of cones!”

“…Correct,” I said soothingly. “We’re getting off track. There’s gotta be another button around here somewhere. Help me look around?”

He snorted, but shifted to his feet, then began sniffing around. The murky water lapped against the metal walls. When the ship dipped, Toto froze from his sniffing. “What was that?” he asked.

A cacophony of teeth burst from the water, clamping down on the pod with a sickening crunch. I screamed, watching the bits of metal cave in under the monster’s impressive strength. It shook us violently, tossing us back and forth.

Toto let out a terrified yowl as the monster gnawed into the metal. Water sprayed in from the cracks. Each new breach in the pod’s walls caused my heartbeat to speed up until the organ banged violently in my chest.

Frantic, I slammed my fist on the red button, hoping for a way out before we were crushed. Finally, the window lining half the ship opened up. With Toto close behind me, I plunged into the murky depths. Salt water stung at the cuts caused by Toto’s claws. A fin passed by me, dragging me farther into the water in its wake. I kicked and struggled, trying to force my way back up to the surface. But my heavy boots and saggy clothing didn’t help. Panicked, I thrashed harder, kicking at the fin when it passed by me again.

Something grabbed my arm, and I screamed, precious air floating out of my mouth in a sea of bubbles. I nearly tried to kick it away until I felt the brush of fur. Toto hoisted me out of the water and then spat my arm out of his mouth. “I can’t drag you the whole way,” he snarled. “Go, or I leave you!”

Needing no further invitation, I swam for dear life, coughing up a bit of water from my lungs. The escape pod flung over our heads to smash on a rock formation near the shore. I turned back around to see our attacker.

“Is that a fucking mosasaur?” I screamed. The massive finned lizard twisted its body around with a roar. The surrounding water sprang off in tidal waves that damn near took me under once again. Catching sight of us, the beast sank under the water.

“Mosa-whatever or giant crocodile god, I don’t know,” Toto roared, not looking back. “Just keep swimming!”

“Oh shit, oh shit!” Tears welled in my eyes. Toto and I paddled frantically through the water as the mosasaur surged toward us, its jaws gaping wide enough to swallow us whole. I could feel the water churn beneath us as the monster closed in, its massive body slicing through the water like a knife. “We’re going to die!” I wailed. “We’re gonna die and I’m never going to get my PhD!”

A ball of flame shot past us and struck the mosasaur in the eye. The monster howled in pain, its jaws snapping shut just short of my foot. Toto yelped next to me but kept moving.

I caught a glimpse of a figure running on the sandy shore. The dark figure raced onto a cliff, using the higher ground to shoot fireballs at the mosasaur with deadly precision. Each time he struck it, the monster writhed in agony, its resolve weakening with each passing strike.

Toto and I swam as fast as we could toward the shore. The mosasaur continued to thrash and flail in the water, sending waves crashing toward us.

Finally, after several direct hits, the monstrous lizard gave up and retreated into the depths. We collapsed onto the shore, panting and exhausted.

“Great fireball in the sky!” Toto wailed, dragging himself farther away from the water. “It’s all over me. My MANE!” The distressed lion let out a pitiful cry and shook like a dog, water spraying all over the sand.

I rolled to my back, letting the tears of relief fall freely. “This can’t be happening.” Mind reeling, I sat back up and rubbed my eyes, blinking away bits of sand before I scanned the water for the monster. Sure enough, the long tail of a fucking mosasaur rose above the waves. “That thing is supposed to be extinct,” I said, getting to my feet.

“Well, why don’t you go tell it that?” Toto said petulantly.

“A video!” I shouted, digging around my soaked pants for my phone. Despite our swim to freedom, my phone lit up with no issues and I pulled up my camera and hit Record . “I knew I was right to spring for the waterproof tactical case! Wait, dammit, I should have gotten a video of the aliens too.”

By some sheer stroke of luck, the mosasaur breached for air, giving me a clear shot. “Holy shit, this is the greatest discovery of a lifetime!” I gushed. When the beast dropped below the surface again, I cut the video and pulled up TikTok. “Fuck, no signal. All right, no problem. I’ll just post it when we get back to civilization.”

“Hey, do you know that gray human?” Toto asked.

I followed his gaze to see a man walking toward us on the beach. “Oh right, the flamethrower guy. I got so distracted by the dino I forgot about him. Hey!” I called, waving to him.

He paused, then lifted a hand in turn and continued toward us. Something about his gait seemed off. The lower part of his legs looked bent back, while something swayed behind him. He wore a long dark coat with green and red patterns along the side. Light tan pants ended above what looked like furred boots. Odd, seeing as it was hot as balls. As he grew closer, I noticed a pair of long arching horns rising out of a head of orange hair.

At my side, Toto growled low in his throat. “That doesn’t smell like a human.”

I swallowed, taking a nervous step back. “He doesn’t look like one either. Should we run?”

“Can’t,” he said solemnly. I looked over to him and noticed he was favoring his back leg. Blood gushed from a cut above his ankle. Toto set his paw down, trying to put weight on it, then growled and lifted it again.

“Shit.”

The lion’s eyes turned murderous as he crouched low. “If he thinks I’ll be easy prey, he’s got another think coming.”

“Wait, hold on,” I said, holding my hands up. “He just saved us from the mosasaur; maybe he’s on our side.”

“Denalbu,” the stranger called. He pointed toward the water and shouted something I couldn’t understand.

“Take another step and I’ll rip out your throat!” Toto snarled.

“Wait, let’s see what he wants before we start a fight,” I pleaded, stepping in front of Toto. I turned back to the stranger and gave a friendly grin. “Hey there.” My grin died when I took in the size of him. I didn’t even reach his shoulders and I’m five eight. Please be friendly.

The gray man stopped a few feet from us. Gold eyes narrowed as he looked us over. His face looked relatively human. Actually kinda hot as far as strange alien faces went. He had high cheekbones and a brow that was a little more prominent than normal. Sharp golden eyes flicked over me, no doubt trying to sort me out as well. A line of gold paint ran from his lower lip to his chin. Bits of another gold pattern adorned his forehead, but most of it was covered by his hair.

Oh, and he had a tail. Great, of course he does.

I looked down to see that his legs were in fact bent back and his boots weren’t boots at all, but hooves.

Fucking hooves .

“What are you, an alien satyr?” I asked, dumbfounded.

He growled something in another language, then looked at Toto. His lip curled when he noticed his bum leg. The alien dug into the bag on his hip, then said something else to me.

Frustrated, I wrung my hands together. “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand you.”

He clicked his tongue, then approached Toto, who snarled in response. Unfazed, the alien grabbed hold of the lion and flipped him onto his back. I screamed and Toto flailed around, trying to rake his claws against the stranger. Before he could land a blow, the stranger wrapped his tail around Toto’s front legs, then put a hoof to his throat to keep him still.

“GET HIM OFF ME!” Toto roared, thrashing.

I froze, too terrified to do anything but stand there like an idiot. The alien snarled, showing dangerous-looking fangs. His warning only enraged the lion more and Toto thrashed harder. “You gray bastard, I’ll eat your heart and shit out your dreams. Let go of me!”

The alien sighed and pulled something out of the bag and poured it on Toto’s wound. The lion hissed and resumed his threats. “YOU RUNT OF THE LITTER, I’LL KILL YOU!”

I came around to see what the alien was doing. When he reached into his bag again and pulled out what looked like a salve, I calmed down. “Toto, Toto, wait, man, I think he’s just healing your leg.”

The snarling ceased, and Toto tilted his head to look at his leg. “Oh?” he asked through panting breaths. His body relaxed as he watched the careful way the alien bandaged his leg. “Hmm, well, he could have warned me.”

When Toto’s leg was safely wrapped up, the alien released him. Toto stood and tested his leg. “Not bad. Fine, I’ll forgive you this time. Next time you grab me, I take a hand.”

The stranger regarded us both with a menacing scowl, then barked out another word and turned to walk away.

“Hey, wait, where’s he going?” Toto asked.

“Wait, come back!” I called. When he kept moving, I jogged over to him and placed a hand on his arm. Damn, he smelled good. A mix of wood, vanilla, and gingerbread. Almost like tonka beans.

He flinched and looked down. “We have no idea where we are,” I began. “I know you can’t really understand me, but is there any way you can guide us to the nearest town? Hell, I don’t even know if we’re on Earth anymore. First the alien birds, then a freaking dinosaur tried to eat us, and now you. I’m sorry, but I can’t just have you save us, then walk off into the wilderness.”

“Right,” Toto said, walking up behind me. “You can’t just save us and not adopt us. What’s that word humans use for those animals that always stick around them? Pets? Yeah, that’s it. We’re your pets now, so you’re stuck with us. Feed me.”

“What, are you forming a gang or something?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. With a look that implied I was very simple, Toto nodded up at the alien.

I held up a hand. “Now, hold on, I haven’t agreed to be anybody’s pet.” Turning back to the gray man, I gave a polite smile. “Though if you have any food I would not say no if you wanted to share. I kinda rushed through breakfast. And lunch.”

Fuck, did I eat today?

He patted my hand, then continued down a path into the jungle. We followed closely, hoping he’d take pity and lead us to a taco shack or something. Movement in the trees caught my attention, and I turned to see a bright green creature zip past us.

“I’ve never seen a lizard that big,” Toto remarked.

“Okay.” I sighed, doing my best to keep my shit together. Several more green raptors shot past us before they darted after the first. Terror pricked its icy needles under my skin. I swallowed and flexed my hands to keep them from going numb. “That was definitely another dinosaur.” My breathing grew rushed. “I’m following a strange alien with a talking lion—”

“Hey, from my perspective, you’re the one talking.”

“And there are dinosaurs everywhere. Great, perfect. Totally normal. Starting to think I’m not on Earth anymore. But it’s cool, it’s fine. We’re rolling with it. Cool, cool, cool.”

Toto eyed me warily. “You’re looking lighter brown than you usually do. You’re not gonna—”

My voice trembled before a sob escaped. Giving in, I shielded my face with my hands and just broke down.

“Yup, there it is.” The lion sighed.

The alien turned back to me and stiffened. He shouted something in his rough language, then grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my face. Taking my chin in his hand, he turned my face back and forth. When I kept crying, he lifted my arm to inspect my side.

I screamed in anger and shoved him away. “I’m not fucking hurt, I’m freaking out. Don’t touch me!”

“There, there,” Toto soothed. He came to brush against my hip. The wetness of his fur chilled my side, but the comfort was nice. “You’re wailing like a cub. Knock it off.”

“Excuse me for not being able to roll with the punches after I got kidnapped by aliens,” I snapped.

“Yeah, but look on the bright side.”

“What’s the bright side?” I asked.

Toto grinned and nudged me. “I could’ve eaten you.”

Laughter escaped through my tears. The sharp panic ball sitting on my chest felt a little lighter at his teasing. “Yeah, you could have eaten me.”