Page 10 of I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I’m Trapped in a Rom-Com (Cosmic Chaos #1)

When we finally reached the edge of the forest, my jaw fell open at the sight. Not at the cluster of houses dropped in the middle of nowhere, but the rainbow mountains that surrounded them. A kaleidoscope of colors swirled around the peaks while rocks splattered bits of blue and yellow through the valleys, as if a struggling artist had grabbed buckets of paint and a handful of shrooms and just said, “Fuck it.”

The colors were so vivid and fantastical that they seemed to belong to another dimension. Fiery reds and blazing orange raced against waves of ocean blue, creating a swirling pattern that almost looked like it was about to swallow the houses nestled in the center.

“Well?” Intern asked, flying to my side. “Did we get the houses right?”

“Forget the houses. Look at those mountains!” I crept forward on Blossom’s back, grabbing her shoulder to get a better look at the way the grass beneath her bled into the first wave of yellow rock.

“What is this place?” Sol asked, looking just as awestruck as I did.

“You’ve never been here?” I asked.

Lok rode to our side. “Of course he hasn’t. The Night Ridge clan are harvesters. If you dragged them too far from the safety of their borders, they’d probably faint.”

Not even Lok’s gentle ribbing was enough to take Sol’s eyes away from the sight before him. But that didn’t stop his smart mouth. “Yes, forgive us for not charging headfirst into dangerous unknown territory for the chance to shave a yix.”

“Ah, but you don’t even know what beautiful dangers you’re missing!” Smiling wide, Lok sped ahead of us and gestured to the painted landscape. “Welcome to the Mirage Mountains!”

“It’s incredible,” I said, snapping a picture. I tucked my phone back into Blossom’s saddle, leaving just enough of the solar-panel case exposed to pick up a charge.

Intern groaned and waved impatiently at the cul-de-sac. “Yes, yes, sandstone mashed together by tectonic plates makes a lovely picture. Now the houses, go look at the houses!”

“All right, we’re going. Don’t molt over it,” I said. I gave Blossom a gentle kick, and the duckbill resumed her march.

Lok pulled a waterskin from his pack and took a long drink before tossing it to me. “If you think this is nice, just wait until you see the Fuchsia Grove on the other side. That’s where we’ll rendezvous with my men tomorrow to hand off the herd. A word of warning, though: there are dangerous predators out here. Be sure you stay close to me, Stardust.”

“Worse than the velociraptors and the pink T. rex?” I asked, taking a sip. The water tasted sweeter than candy on my parched throat, and I guzzled down more of it, only to choke on it. I covered my mouth and tried to rein in the coughing fit before water spilled all over my shirt.

“What’s a T. rex?” Sol asked.

“Oh right, you two were too busy fighting to see it.” I turned around in my seat and stuck my arms to my sides, mimicking a T. rex’s tiny arms. “It’s the giant raptor dinosaur with tiny arms and huge teeth. A pink one sniffed at me this morning, then walked away. Nearly had a heart attack when it snuck up on me.”

Sol looked ashen; his voice was barely above a whisper. “Was it missing an arm?”

“Yeah, do you know it?”

“You’ve seen the Gruulorak.”

I shrugged. “Guess so.”

His eyes widened. “You guess so? Dory, I’ve been hunting the Gruulorak for weeks. That gluttonous monster slaughtered ten of our best warriors and feasted on our cattle until it grew fat.” He looked me over as if he were speaking to a ghost. “How are you still alive?”

“I don’t know. She sniffed my hair and it made her sneeze, so she left.”

“You made her sneeze?” he asked incredulously. “You get approached by the terror that stalks the dreams of my clansmen at night, and you live because you made her sneeze?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, man. She’s not a fan of hair in her nose.”

He ran a hand through his hair and let out a breath. “Why didn’t you call us for help?”

“You were busy punching each other in the face. A lady never interrupts.”

Lok roared with laughter, nearly falling off the saddle in his hysterics. “A woman who looks death in the face and shrugs it off. Gods above, you’ve stolen my heart already.”

I flashed him a thumbs-up. “I do my best.”

Behind me, my dour companion looked ready to give up on the world entirely. “You two are going to be the death of me.”

* * *

My eyes lingered on the bedroom, taking in the eccentric decorations with a mix of amusement and confusion. It was as if Intern and his little friends had spent too much time scrolling through a witch’s Pinterest board and running with every bizarre idea they found. The walls were a dramatic, deep shade of purple, adorned with hanging pentagrams that added to the overall occult aesthetic.

It was certainly an improvement over the gaudy cowboy chic design of the neighboring house. Despite the different exterior appearances, each house shared the same floor plan—marble countertop kitchens, oversized flat-screen TVs that were really just metal boxes with still images of a football game, and the giant bedroom that took up the entire second floor of each home. Which led me to my latest frustration. “Intern, all of these houses only have one bed.”

“Correct,” he chirped happily.

I searched the ceiling for the patience that escaped me. “Why do all of these houses only have one bed?”

“Our research shows that the ‘only one bed’ method is a tried-and-true way to get humans to mate! Thankfully you’ve been rather agreeable when it comes to mating, but we’ve added a few incentives to hopefully trigger more obstinate pairings to come together.”

Lok clapped his hands together. “It’s perfect.”

“Of course you think so,” I hissed. “Look, I know this is a breeding program hell-bent on getting me pregnant, but I’m going to need some privacy from time to time.”

“Do you think you’re pregnant yet?” Intern asked, eyes sparkling.

“No, I do not.”

“Pity.”

“I’m so scared to ask this, but where did you find that research?”

“We found one of your planet’s mating guides. Cost a fortune to find a linguistic team skilled enough to make sense of it, but what’s a pleasure cruiser’s worth of credits in the face of scientific advancement?”

With a deep breath for fortitude, I asked, “What mating guide?”

He pulled up his screen, flipped through a few tabs, and read aloud, “ Romanceopedia: A Guide to Writing the Ultimate Romance . It references something called an ‘only one bed’ trope no less than six times.”

I nodded. “Sure. Why not, right? It’s got ‘romance’ in the title. Must be true.”

His head tilted to the side, large lime-green eyes studying my face intently, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was how the meerkats felt when I studied them. Unnerving to realize that I was now on the other end of the camera. “Your tone suggests that it is sarcasm. Which, from what I understand, means you do not actually agree and are making a jab. Why do you jab? This was said to be very well received on your internet forums.”

The hopeful look on his face was as irksome as it was adorable. As easy as it would be to light this house on fire just to spite the research team, I could tell Intern was genuinely proud of his involvement with this project. It wasn’t his fault he was tasked with re-creating the homes of an alien life-form with nothing but three days’ worth of data. My hand sank into the bedding, and I pretended to take great care in testing the level of softness, before wandering around the room with a critical eye.

Toto shouldered past Lok and leapt on the bed before stretching out. “Oh yes. I like this. This is nice.” The lion flopped down onto the pillows and settled in.

Intern watched, unblinking. Each stop I made was mirrored by shuffling feet or the occasional twitch of his crest. “You know what? This is pretty good, Intern. I’m impressed.”

“YES!” he shrieked, flapping his wings. He froze midair with a shocked look and fell to the floor. He patted down his feathers before clearing his throat. “What I meant to say was, I’m glad you like them. We at the Biodiversity Conservation Initiative strive to make your planet as habitable as possible.”

Damn my love for small animals.

“All right, well, fellas, you enjoy this one. I’ll be in house number 5. Let’s go, Toto,” I said.

Intern froze. “What? No, you have to sleep together. That’s the whole point!”

Lok caught my arm as I headed out the door. “I agree. Stay here with me tonight. The bed is plenty big for the three of us. Right, Sol?” He motioned toward the bed, where Toto was already snoring. “Or four,” he amended.

Weariness deepened the shadows under Sol’s eyes. He pushed himself off the doorframe he leaned against. “I’ve no interest in sharing a bed with you either. Let her sleep where she wants.”

A sliver of annoyance crossed Lok’s face before it was smothered away. “Don’t be that way. As I mentioned, there are dangerous predators in this area. It would be safest for her to stay with us. Who knows what could wander inside in the middle of the night.”

“Yes, yes! Dangers abound. Everybody stay in the same bed!” Intern demanded.

“I’m sure she can figure out how to lock a door,” Sol deadpanned. He put an arm around my waist and led me out of the room.

“But—”

Sol cut him off. “Don’t be clingy.”

“It feels like you three have NO concern over the success of this project.” Intern let out an aggravated squawk and flew out the window.

Once outside, Sol walked me into the next house and closed the door behind us.

The tension in his shoulders made me think he had something to say, so I kept quiet. He peered through the window, looking to see if Lok had followed. When the coast was clear, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. “We need to talk.”

“Mmm. That’s never followed up with good news. Are you breaking up with me, Sol?”

He checked the window again, then ran a hand down his face. “Please, be serious for a moment.”

The tension in his voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “What’s wrong?”

“Lok isn’t a Roamcrest. He’s General Ghoszi Lokbaatar of the Singing Arrows, one of the most notorious war generals back on Sankatul.”

Great. Cool. Of course he is. ’Cause why would anything ever be easy? I swallowed the lump in my throat and asked, “How notorious?”

“He’s said to be the mastermind responsible for the flooding of Tynfo and turning the tide in the Broken Plains War. I’d assumed he and the rest of his ilk died in the Calamity when the spaceship crashed on Dulrock. The continent’s decimation was all over the paper for weeks. I have no idea how he survived or why he’s posing as a Roamcrest, but I need to know now if you want to stay with him. If not, we wait for him to fall asleep and run. I won’t be able to save you if it comes down to a fight.”

“Are…are you sure it’s him?”

Sol nodded. “I had my suspicions as soon as I saw the arrow tattooed on his throat. It wasn’t until he summoned his Beast using the call of the Amdora bird that the pieces fell into place in my head. That call was the greeting card used by his war band before laying waste to whatever fools got in their way.” His eyes took in my trembling form, and he pushed off the wall before placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I’m not saying this to frighten you. But you have a right to know who you’re traveling with.”

“I…Wait, but you two have been trading blows all day. What makes you so sure he’d win if it came down to it?”

“A warrior that powerful could have killed me thrice over by now. If he decided he didn’t want to share you, he could have tossed you in the air, slit my throat, and caught you before your feet ever hit the ground. Our morning spat was merely him toying with me. Notice how he never once resorted to his fire? I was hurling everything I had at him to no avail. I’m not foolish enough to think I stood a chance if he was actually trying to hurt me. Tell me now, do you want to leave?”

“Leave?” Lok’s deep voice cut through the air like a blade. My head whipped around to see him draped along the windowsill, his chin resting in his palm. “Without so much as a goodbye? Dory, you’ll break my heart.”

“Lok,” I gasped, and took a step back.

He tensed as if I’d struck him, and the ever-present grin on his face faltered. “Now, now. Don’t be that way. I haven’t done anything to hurt you, have I?” he asked with deceptive calm.

“Were you eavesdropping?” Sol hissed.

Lok took on an innocent face and shook his head. “No. Well, yes, but I have a good reason.” He placed a bundle of neatly wrapped cloth on the windowsill, then grinned. “Darling, I brought you dinner.”

“Is it true?” I asked. “Are you really a war criminal?”

“Criminal?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. “Depends on who you ask, I suppose. I’ve done what needed doing in order to win. But the same could be said for the other side as well.”

“Sol just said you flooded a city!”

“Did he, now?” His smile returned as he eyed the other Sankado.

Fear, stark and vivid, showed in Sol’s eyes, and I kicked myself for opening my big mouth. Lok brought his attention back to me, still wearing that deceptive grin. “It’s true. I did. But not without due cause, you see.” He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. “Osid, the cowardly king that he is—er, was —set fire to my people’s capital, Uslanknot. All because I was beating him at the war his father started, if you can believe that.”

He shrugged, like he was recounting office gossip instead of a war. The feigned indifference he used as armor shone brightly. “War is as war does. He burns down my city, I flood his, and on and on we fight and kill until a giant spaceship drops down right on top of us.”

“You are very nonchalant about all this,” I said.

He barked out a laugh as the armor cracked. “Why wouldn’t I be? I spend my life fighting an unwinnable war, finally turn the tide, and then…the world ends.” He ran a hand through his hair, still chuckling like it was the funniest joke in the world. “And now I herd yix and got mated to a stranger and an alien.”

He laughed harder, and it was infectious and heartbreaking. “And now I’m taking that alien on a quest to punch a bird alien who may or may not be partially responsible for the end of my old world, while in the company of her talking predator friend, yet another bird alien, and—” He paused and looked at Sol. “Sol, what did you do before the Calamity?”

“I was a lawyer.”

“A lawyer? Of course. No wonder you’re wound so tight. So I’m traveling with three aliens and a lawyer to punch a bird in the face.”

Sol chuckled, then laughed so loud and wide that it spread to the rest of us, and once it started, it didn’t stop. The giggle fit was hysterical and uncontrollable, and for some reason it was the most at ease I’d felt since I crash-landed. But Lok was right. The whole thing was absurd.

“So, what do we do now?” I asked, reining in my giggles.

“I believe you wanted to take a shower. Then sleep on your own, instead of safe and sound in my arms, where you should be.” Lok outright pouted as he crossed his arms.

“And what then? We just wake up tomorrow and keep going like everything is normal?”

He snorted. “What’s normal on this planet?”

“Point taken,” I amended.

“Are you going to kill me?” Sol asked.

Lok raised a brow, then rested his chin on his hand like he was thinking about it. “Do I need to?”

“No,” Sol replied carefully.

Lok nodded, then bid us both good night and left. Sol and I stood in the living room watching him retreat to one of the other houses. I broke the silence first. “He didn’t answer the question.”

“No.” Sol sighed. “No, he did not.”