Page 37 of I Do, or Dye Trying

“Suits us perfectly,” I said.

“Ready for this?” Gabe asked, pausing at the top of the steps of our apartment.

I nodded but then said, “Wait. We’re going to want this on film.” I pulled out my phone and walked around Gabe to go first so I could be in a position to film Savage’s reaction to seeing Sassy for the first time. I was glad that I had.

Savage raised his head high then swooped it down low and to the left before he swooped back up and then back down to the right. He walked sideways on his perch as if he was trying to get a better look at her. He raised his wings high in the air and pranced on his perch some more. I thought it might be the equivalent to a bird hard-on, but I wasn’t sure. Meanwhile, Sassy countered Savage’s every move but opposite. When he went high, she went low, but synchronized by the time they were doing the wing dance.

“Look what Big Daddy has,” Gabe said, hogging all the fucking credit. I cleared my throat. “Little Daddy went out and got you a friend, so it’s his fault if you don’t like her.”

“Is this what I can expect when we have children?” I asked. “I’ll have to be the bad dad, and you get to be the good dad?”

“Probably,” Gabe said nonchalantly. “I’ll be tired of bad-copping all day, so I will want to be the good dad when I get home.” He gave me the boyish grin I loved so much. It had been missing since the private investigator showed up with the envelope. He turned back to his boy, Savage, and said, “Can you say hi to Sassy?”

“Blow me!” Savage squawked.

“That’s no way to talk to a lady, Dirty Bird!” Gabe shook his head, admonishing Savage. “Be nice to Sassy.”

“Dirty Bird!” Sassy squawked, getting Savage’s attention. He did some more head rolling and wing walking back and forth on his perch. “Dirty Bird!” Sassy repeated.

“Sugartits!” Savage fired back.

“Oh man,” Gabe said after laughing his ass off. “I’m so glad you’re recording this.”

“Big Daddy!” Sassy said, and that riled Savage up even more. He didn’t want anyone calling Gabe that but him.

“Cumguzzler!” Savage practically screeched.

“Big Daddy!” Sassy repeated.

The confrontation went on for another half hour, which turned out to be one of the funniest times in my life. Gabe smiled and laughed so much that I knew I’d made the right decision to bring Sassy home without discussing it with him. After the birds calmed down and seemed happy to stare at one another through their cages, Gabe pulled me into a tight hug.

“What made you decide to get another bird?” he asked.

I told him the story and added, “I just wanted to do something to put a smile on your face. Besides, Savage is about to spend a lot of time alone, and I worried that he’d get anxious again. Now he has company.”

“Makes sense,” Gabe replied, nodding his head. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a bear to live with the last few weeks.” He nuzzled his nose against the outer shell of my ear and made me shiver.

“You don’t have enough body hair to be called a bear,” I told him, earning a sharp slap on my ass. “Besides, you’ve had a valid reason for being withdrawn.”

Gabe pulled back and looked down at me. “You feel like I’ve withdrawn from you?” he asked somberly.

“I think you’ve had a lot on your mind, and it’s clamoring for your attention, but I’m not implying that you’ve neglected me, Gabe. You’re trying to work through something huge, and I’m trying to give you space and the support you need while you do it.”

“Withdrawing from you isn’t the answer,” Gabe said. I was surprised by how shaken he looked.

“Withdrawn is probably not the right word,” I told him. “Distracted might be a better choice.” The glower on his face said that it wasn’t. “Babe, I’m not upset with you. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I was trying to make you feel better.” I wasn’t getting the reaction that I wanted, so I was forced to take desperate measures.

I raised my head high on my neck then swooped it down low to the left, raised it high again then dropped it down low to the right. Still, Gabe didn’t crack a smile. I had no choice but to lift my arms up like wings and shuffle back and forth. That finally got him. I added some swear words and continued to do my Savage dance.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Gabe asked breathlessly once he finally stopped laughing.

“It’s Savage’s mating dance,” I told him. “I’m thinking about using it from now on.”

“Not if you want me to take you seriously,” Gabe said, then chuckled. “Just start pulling off your clothes, and I’ll get the hint.” He hooked my belt loop and pulled me close “Seriously, I am so sorry that I’ve not been here a hundred percent. I’m going to fix it right now.”

“Yeah?” I asked, thinking I was getting sexy time.

“Yeah.” Instead of us both going into our room, Gabe went alone and returned with the envelope that had been weighing down his thoughts. “I’m ready.”