Page 23 of I Do, or Dye Trying

“The funds I’d use to buy the house isn’t money that I earned or saved. It’s an inheritance left to me by my grandparents to do something that will make me happy. That was seriously the only instructions they left me. ‘Be happy.’Youmake me happy. Building a life with you makes me happier. I’ll still have the money I’ve been saving since I was old enough to work. That won’t be the same for you so how is that equal?”

Josh nodded his head slightly to the right, and I knew what I said was sinking in. “Okay, then I’ll make you part owner of the salon.”Then again, maybe not.“I see that look,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You want me just to let you buy a house and slap my name on it without paying a cent out of pocket, yet you aren’t willing to be listed as an owner of this property and business. Why? Is my business too girly for you?”

“Don’t you even go there. I can’t believe you’d say that to me, Josh. I thought we got past my mistake.” He paled at the anger he heard in my voice.

“We did,” he said so softly I could barely hear him.

“Apparently, we didn’t if you think that I’m embarrassed by what you do or that I think it’s somehow less significant than my career. I have never implied that to you, Josh. I’m extremely proud of the business you’ve built on your own.”

“Uh oh, still using my first name,” he muttered.

“Damn right I am,” I said fiercely. It was our first real fight since the time Josh threw me out of his salon before Thanksgiving the previous year and ended thesomethingwe’d just started. Damn, I was angry. Too angry to stand there in the kitchen with him right then. I needed space, fresh air, and time to myself to get over the knife he figuratively stabbed through my heart. I grabbed Buddy’s leash off the hook and said, “I’m going out for a bit. I’ll be back.”

“You better,” Josh said firmly, but I still heard the fear in his voice. So that he had no doubt about my intention, I slid my hand around to cup the back of his neck and pulled him to me for a hard but brief kiss.

I let out a short whistle for Buddy to come to me. “Dirty Dog!” Savage squawked jealously from his cage, making me smile.

“I love you, Dirty Bird,” I told him as I walked by him. Savage lived in a large cage and we let him out of it frequently, but I felt it wasn’t enough. Hell, that mansion was so damned big he could have his own bird paradise inside.

The thoughts of creating a space for Savage brought me back around to the reason I was taking Buddy for an evening stroll. I knew Josh well enough to realize that he hadn’t meant to hurt me by striking out the way he did. He was scared about the changes in his life and falling back into old habits of projecting his fear into anger—even when it wasn’t warranted.

Instead of me telling him he had nothing to fear, I needed to find an argument that would make sense to him and not feel like I manipulated him to bend to my will. There was one part of Josh’s life where his pride never wavered, and that was his salon. His business was his first love and the fact that he offered me half of his business was a huge deal. One that I didn’t fully appreciate when he mentioned it because it surprised me so much.

To him, my perceived rejection was the same as someone calling his baby ugly. It was an insult to him. That was never my intention. What I meant was that I didn’t want ownership of something that I didn’t earn and…Oh, that’s how he felt about me buying the mansion outright.Okay, so I got it, but how did I fix it?

I continued my walk, trying to figure out the perfect answer to the puzzle that would make us both happy. I didn’t want two mortgages, and I finally acknowledged that me buying the house alone wasn’t right either. I determined that the best answer would be to talk to a banker to find a solution that would make us both happy, which meant that we would own both properties equally but only carry one mortgage.

The night was beautiful with the sunset casting shades of pink and gold over the small town. Buddy seemed to be enjoying the walk so I didn’t turn back around right away after I concluded that Josh and I would need professional recommendations to make us both happy. I let Buddy take the lead and smiled when I realized he was taking me on the same path that he and Josh took for their morning runs. The gazebo in the little park was the midway point, and I noticed that it was currently occupied.

Although he’d had his hair cut short a few months before, it still took me a second to recognize him. Emory’s body language was that of a broken man. I didn’t know what brought him out to the gazebo that night, but perhaps it was a little bit of divine intervention. Even though his vibes screamed that he needed to be alone, the anguished look on his face said he needed to be with someone who cared. It was funny that Jonathon Silver’s image popped up in my head just then because that was the last person Emory would want to see.

Buddy went to him and rested his head on Emory’s knee. I sat down beside the grieving man. I wasn’t exactly sure what to say, so I said nothing for a few minutes. I couldn’t begin to imagine the pain that he still carried in his heart from losing his husband or the toll that his visions had on him. There was nothing I could say that would make him feel better or lessen his burden, but saying nothing at all seemed wrong. “I’m truly sorry, Emory. Josh and I are here for you anytime you want to talk.”

He nodded then wiped furiously at the tears that spilled over his eyelids. “Today is the anniversary of our first date, first kiss, and the first time I knew it was okay to be gay. I looked into River’s eyes and knew he would be worth any flack I got from my family or anyone else. To not love him would’ve been the travesty, not me falling in love with another man. We were inseparable from that day forward until the accident when I lost everything. I woke up from my coma a week after the accident to find out that, not only had River died, but his family had his funeral without me. I had to get a lawyer involved for them to even tell me where they buried him, Gabe. Can you imagine?”

“No,” I said honestly. “I probably would’ve lost my mind.”

“I think I have,” he said almost frantically.

“No, you haven’t, Emory.” I knew my words wouldn’t bring him any comfort that night, but I could tell him how strong I thought he was and hope that it would at least reach through the grief. “What you do might seem unorthodox, but it’s a selfless act to make the world a better place. You set your sadness aside to help others, and that’s amazing. My brother died twenty years ago, and my family still doesn’t know who killed him. You bring closure to people so that they can start to heal, Emory.”

“It’s not enough,” he said brokenly.

“You act when you get information, and that’s all you can do,” I assured him.

“Yeah, I was so helpful to you,” he replied sarcastically.

“I know to make Josh answer the door when we move,” I said, attempting to lighten the mood with a bad joke. It worked because Emory snorted a bit. “You told me what you knew when you knew it. What else could I ask for?”

“A description of the man for starters,” he said dryly.

“That would be a good start, but I do know that someone is looking for me who might spell trouble. I know to be on the alert thanks to you,” I replied.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said then rose to his feet. “It’s starting to get dark, so maybe I should head home.”

“We’ll walk with you,” I said, “unless you’re afraid you’ll get shot by mistake or something.”

“That’s not even funny, Gabe,” Emory said, but I noticed the hitch of laughter. “Come on.”