Page 22 of Hunger in His Blood (Brides of the Kylorr #3)

CHAPTER 22

ERINA

“ D on’t look like you’re walking to your death, Erina,” Maudoric ordered, lapsing back into her role of Head Keeper. “You’ll give them all something to talk about.”

Good, I thought. I didn’t have it in me to care anymore.

“This is important to the Kyzaire ,” she said, turning to me and gently grabbing my arm. “To introduce to you into Vyaan society. Blood givers are still important members within a noble House. He’s giving you this respect.”

I didn’t know what he was doing, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with respect.

Still, I didn’t want to upset Maudoric. The party did seem lovely. It was lit with golden sconces that made the room glow and glitter. There was food aplenty, presented on a plethora of tables throughout the room, and I thought I should try every last morsel I could. It would give me something to do at least.

A thought occurred to me, hopeful. “Is Syndras here?”

I knew that she and Maudoric were friends.

My heart sank when the Head Keeper shook her head. “She’s visiting family in Kyne and won’t return until next week. But I think her daughter is expected tonight.”

“Right,” I said. I needed to visit soon.

I wasn’t used to so many people’s eyes on me when I stepped into the ballroom. I felt naked and on display in this silly dress, like a trinket or a possession placed on a shelf.

But maybe that was just the hurt.

After that night in his room, I’d felt discarded. And I was trying to come to terms with that and failing miserably. That maybe I’d read it all wrong. That maybe someone like Kaldur just took what he wanted and didn’t look back to see the effects he had on others.

Yet you agreed to this. You chose this. You initiated that moment in his room, that little voice of logical reason whispered in my mind.

He’d told me to leave, after all. I hadn’t listened. Instead I’d felt very hollow in the aftermath of that night. Made even more so when Maudoric had informed me that she’d deposited my funds for the month from House Kaalium’s accounts.

It became clear what I was. A paid whore, whether it was for my blood or my body.

And I was more than a little ashamed to admit that I’d felt sorry for myself, allowing myself to wallow a little as I tried to mend my hurt.

But this morning, I’d told myself enough . I’d willingly placed myself in this situation, and now I needed to navigate it.

There was still a small part that held on to hope. There was still a small part of me that thought I only needed to talk to Kaldur when his guard was down, to tell him how I felt. Because how else would he know?

I had hoped that that would be tonight. He hadn’t come to me in the last two days for his feedings. I’d almost thought he’d left the territory again until I’d heard he was still in the keep from Maudoric when she’d delivered my baanye and, now, marroswood .

Maybe there will still be an opportunity, I thought, sighing. I caught sight of Kaldur milling around the room, looking dangerously handsome in his deep blue vest and pressed dark trews. He stole everyone’s attention—even mine.

My heart ached just looking at him. Because it made me remember what it felt like to kiss him, to hear his groans in my ear, and feel the flood of his release inside me. To see him with his walls lowered and feel a pinching ache in my breast when I realized he was sad and maybe even a little lost. Just like me.

That was the Kaldur I wanted. Not the grinning, charming Kyzaire who effortlessly got everyone to do what he wanted.

“If Syndras were here,” Maudoric said quietly. I nearly jumped, forgetting her presence behind me. “She would tell you that that every noble in here is looking for a weakness in you. Don’t give them a reason to talk.”

My breath hitched as I turned. But Maudoric was already retreating.

Taking her place was a Kylorr female before I even could think about what I should do next.

“Salairian silk?” asked the female, eyeing my dress. “I would know it anywhere. You must be very special for the Kyzaire to give you such a lavish gift.”

I blinked, my tongue momentarily tied up in knots as I scrambled for something to say. I made things up for my stories all the time, so why couldn’t I now? Why couldn’t I quip back something clever like Kavelyn would do?

“I’m Kyda of House Azola,” the female said. She was dressed in a flowing bright red gown that matched her eyes. Her throat was decorated with a strand of shimmering black gems.

House Azola.

Lydrasa’s mother, I determined silently.

Damn.

“It was a gift I hadn’t expected,” I told her, trying to paste on a small smile. I had a feeling it looked as shaky as it felt on my features. “Your necklace is very lovely. Would you consider those gems or crystals?”

The question popped from my lips before I could retract it.

Kyda gave a sharp bark of a laugh. “These are ornyx gems from Kyne. You don’t recognize them? Surely you’ve seen them before. I heard you used to be a keeper here. Perhaps I’ve seen you helping at a few of these gatherings in the past.”

My smile felt frozen on my face when her tone registered. One slightly barbed and mocking. Prodding at me. I felt something lock into place inside me.

I was an orphan, one with no true family, and never once had I experienced wealth. I would never fit in with these nobles. And they would always ensure that I felt that way.

I didn’t know why Kaldur insisted on me coming tonight. To make a spectacle of me? Maudoric had said it was out of respect for my new position in his House, but then he’d abandoned me to fend for myself among his friends.

“I tried to avoid gatherings like this, truthfully,” I answered, my smile widening. “I always found them so suffocating in their self-importance.”

Kyda’s eyes widened. I’d stunned her speechless, and a thrill of guilt-laden victory went through me.

“I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening, Lady Kyda,” I said, inclining my head. “And you should try the laak puffs. They’re always my favorite when our cook, Saira, makes them.”

I walked away, my spine stiff, my limbs tight. Kaldur had strayed closer than I’d realized, and I froze when I saw him. Had he heard? His gaze was on me, studying me with narrowed eyes, but I turned my head forward and went deeper, unseeing, into the ballroom.

So much for not giving them something to talk about, I lamented now that my adrenaline had faded, biting my lip in a darkened corner, picking up a small piece of a spiced meat pastry, though my stomach was in knots .

What had possessed me to say such a thing?

Even now, I could see Kyda tittering with her socialite friends, casting me long looks. Her eyes were like arrows, her sneer the bow with which to shoot them.

As for Kaldur…he was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t know how long I drifted around the room, making niceties with people I didn’t know or simply being ignored. If I’d been meant to make a good first impression on Vyaan society, I’d failed miserably.

“Heard you insulted a noble,” came a familiar voice.

A jolt went through my belly. When I turned, I saw Velle standing there. She was dressed in one of our nicer uniforms—pressed dark gray trews and a silver embroidered tunic that ended at her thighs. Velle had made customizations to hers, taking in the pants so they hugged her shapely figure and belting the waist of the tunic with a matching belt so it was more flattering. Her hair was in a stylish updo, her neck on blatant display. A shimmering powder had even been dusted along her collarbones to catch the golden light.

She looked pretty and calm. Surely she was much more suited to navigate these kinds of parties, even though I was the one in silk. Salairian silk, evidently.

“I never liked her,” Velle said, nodding discreetly at the Lady of House Azola. “When I worked for them, she always thought I was trying to get into bed with her husband.”

“And were you?” I asked hesitantly.

She snorted. “No. It was her son.”

Velle felt familiar in such an unfamiliar setting. And the fact that she was finally willing to talk to me brought out hope. I knew that we had our issues and differences, but she had watched over me when I’d first come to work at Kaldur’s keep. It was really only in the last several months that tension between us had begun to spread, ever since that party we’d been serving at, where that noble male had taken an interest in me.

Luckily I didn’t see him here tonight .

“I didn’t realize you worked for their House,” I said. “You never mentioned it.”

“I’ve worked for many Houses,” Velle answered, shrugging. “It didn’t seem important enough to mention because my time there was brief.”

I nodded. An uncomfortable silence lapsed between us, each of us aware that we hadn’t spoken since that morning she’d discovered Kaldur feeding from me. It seemed so long ago now.

And I’d been…lonely. For a friend. For a companion. My old life had been separated from me the moment I’d signed the contract. Keepers I’d thought were my friends didn’t speak to me anymore. They politely inclined their heads at me in the hallway as I passed before hurrying away.

“I miss you,” I said quietly, casting a glance up at her. “I don’t like how it went between us.”

Velle regarded me. “Me neither,” she finally said.

It was as much of an apology I would get from her, but we both smiled at one another, however small.

“But I must tell you, in that dress, you did your hair all wrong,” Velle tsked, frowning at the wild waves that I could never force into submission. “If I were the Kyzaire ’s blood giver, I would want everyone to know it. So why hide your neck?”

“I thought it too obvious,” I said quietly.

She scoffed. “Nothing is too obvious for people like these. Rub their noses in it. That’s what I’d do.”

But I wasn’t Velle and I never could be. Though I had certainly channeled her energy when I’d been speaking with Lady Kyda.

“How have you been?” I asked.

“Good,” Velle replied. A sly smile crept onto her lips. “I’ve taken up with a noble, but you can’t tell anyone. Not yet.”

“What?” I asked, eyes widening. “Who?”

Velle shook her head, her smile secretive. It was like her to be dramatic, but I was surprised when she wouldn’t say the name .

“A friend of a friend,” Velle said. “That’s all I’ll say. I don’t expect to be working for House Kaalium much longer.”

Everything she’d wanted, then. It happened so quickly…just like my new reality.

“I’m glad for you,” I said quietly, eyeing the satisfaction and ease on her features. Was that why she’d approached me tonight? Because she might be leaving soon? “Do you love him?”

She laughed. “Love? Of course not.”

I frowned, even as disappointment bit into me. For a moment, I did judge her. How could she give herself to someone she didn’t love? Commit to them?

I picked at the pastry some more, popping a little bite into my mouth. Velle studied me for a long time, making me shift on me feet in uncertainty.

“What is it?” I asked, tucking a strand of hair behind my ears.

“I’m bored,” she declared. “I find these gatherings so terribly dull now.”

I supposed she would, considering her new noble.

“Want to go sneak into the kitchens and make Saira give us some of her cream pudding?”

My heart gave a little leap, mingled with nostalgia perhaps. “She made some?”

“Yes, and she didn’t serve it here. She’s saving it for us . Come on.”

Us. That sounded so lovely, like I was part of something again.

Maybe this was a peace offering. And it would be nice to visit the kitchen. Like I could pretend I was my old self.

I wanted that, I realized. I wanted the simplicity of being in a warm kitchen at night, listening to all the scandalous stories and gossip the keepers had learned at the gathering while we all giggled and sipped on spiced tea, munching on the snacks that Saira had saved us.

At least I didn’t feel lonely in those moments .

“Let’s go,” I said, and she took my hand, like we were back to normal.

“Are you sure it won’t get you in trouble with your Kyzaire ?” Velle asked. I thought I caught a flash of delight in her gaze, a small smirk on her features, though she wiped it away. Perhaps she still wasn’t quite over what had happened between us.

“I don’t even see him,” I admitted. “He won’t mind. I’ve been here long enough, and I’d rather not insult another noble when I open my mouth.”

Velle pulled me from the room, and I felt a small burst of relief the moment we were away from all the prying eyes. I dragged in a deep breath, looking around the blissfully empty atrium. Everyone had made their way into the ballroom over an hour ago.

When Velle tugged me up the staircase, I frowned, “Why are we going this way?”

“Maudoric wanted the main hallway blocked off to guests. We have to go around.”

“Oh, all right.”

We went through the West Wing to wrap around to the stairs on the opposite side. The ballroom noise still echoed through the grand walls of the keep, since the floor below was open to the upper levels, but the farther we ventured from the gathering, the more at ease I felt.

At least until we passed by the hallway that led to Kaldur’s study. Velle slowed.

“We shouldn’t—” I started to say.

“Shh. Someone’s in there,” she whispered. She crept closer to the entrance of the hallway. Kaldur’s study was the first door on the right, which I knew afforded the best view of Vyaan’s villages. “Isn’t that…isn’t that Lydrasa’s voice? With the Kyzaire ?”

I froze as jealousy pricked at me. Why was she up here with him?

Despite my better judgment, I listened. Velle crept closer to the door, which was left slightly ajar, a stream of light spilling out onto the smooth stone floor.

After a moment of deliberation, I did the same. Was this where he’d disappeared to? Sneaking away from his own gathering with his former lover?

A churning feeling began in my gut, my heart beginning to pump wildly in my chest. I tried to hold my breath to get it to slow so that I could listen to what was being said.

He’d told me that he’d dismissed her as his mistress, that I was his sole blood giver. Had that been the truth?

I didn’t know anymore. But maybe I could find out.

“I’m just saying, Kaldur, it’s not good,” Lydrasa was saying. “She insulted my mother . A noble. You need to put her in her place.”

Oh gods. They were talking about me.

My face flamed bright red.

“This whole situation is ridiculous. When are you going to stop playing with the human?”

“What have the nobles been saying?” came Kaldur’s voice.

“You know what they’ve been saying,” Lydrasa said. “Or did you think you could escape their notice when you disappeared down an alley with her on a busy morning in the square last week? I told you this.”

“I tire of these games, Lydrasa,” Kaldur growled. “I think the nobles have forgotten exactly who I am and?—”

“Oh, they haven’t forgotten anything, Kyzaire . They know exactly who you are. And you’ve had a taller mountain to climb than your brothers, yes, because of your reputation. But like I’ve told you before, don’t make a fool of your great House. Don’t let history repeat itself here. Not for a keeper.”

She spat out that last word like it was poison.

I didn’t dare breathe. My eyes were locked on a knot of wood in the door. One that was protruding slightly, one that hadn’t been sanded smooth .

“Do you love her?” Lydrasa asked. I nearly gasped. I pressed my fingertips to my lips to keep them closed.

Kaldur laughed, and it sunk something in my chest, the derision and amusement I heard in it. “Of course not. Don’t be foolish.”

“Do you care about her?”

“I like the way she tastes,” he growled. “Like a tumbler full of my favorite liquor. Nothing more. We’ve all gone a little mad for a blood giver a time or two. It doesn’t mean anything.”

A dismissive answer, and it felt like a dagger slipping slowly into my chest, inch by inch.

And yet I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t walk away. I wanted to hear exactly how Kaldur of House Kaalium felt about me.

“Have you fucked her yet?” Lydrasa asked next.

And it felt like a betrayal of my privacy when he admitted, “Yes.”

I felt like I wanted to be swallowed up when I saw Velle cut me a sharp glance. Her brow was furrowed.

“Did you like it?” Lydrasa continued, seemingly not surprised by the confession. Even I heard the flirtatious purr in her voice. “Was it better than our fucking?”

“It was fine,” Kaldur said. I nearly winced, feeling a sharp ache in my chest. So pinching that I looked down just to make sure nothing had imbedded itself into me. “She was… It was fine, zendra .”

Zendra.

He’d called me that once. Perhaps it was just a pretty little name he called all the females he encountered. That knowledge felt like ice in my veins.

“ Fine, ” Lydrasa repeated, and her giggle was delighted. “And this is who you turned me away for? A ‘ fine ’ fuck? When we’d been spectacular together?”

Leave, my mind screamed at me. This was cruel. I didn’t need to listen to it .

Kaldur said nothing in reply. Were they laughing at me? Was this whole situation just a big joke to him?

Of course it is, I couldn’t help but realize. He was so far above my station in life, and so was Lydrasa. So was every noble at the gathering down in the ballroom. They’d been born into wealth and privilege and bloodlines.

Me?

I had a made-up last name because I didn’t even know my real one.

I was nothing like them. And in Kaldur’s eyes, I would only ever be a keeper. He’d tried, desperately, to change that.

But not for my benefit.

For his .

“How long will you keep this charade up?” Lydrasa asked once her laugh died down. Her tone was hard, unyielding. Serious. “You already know what the nobles are saying. If you can’t be trusted to make sound decisions within your own keep, then how can you throughout Vyaan? They’re scared you’ll turn out like your predecessor. It took years to stabilize this territory again. And if you marry her?—”

A low warning growl grumbled from Kaldur, making even me freeze outside the door.

“I will tell you this one last time, Lydrasa, and then I will never speak about it again. She is my blood giver only . We have a contract in place. And once I decide I don’t want her anymore, that contract will be ended and I will move on with my life.” He said it all slowly and clipped, as if he were speaking with a child. “This changes nothing concerning the future of Vyaan. I am not my uncle. I remember how his actions—his selfish actions—changed this territory. It won’t be the same with me. And you insult me by thinking I would allow a conniving little keeper to wiggle her way into my bed and try to take a title that will never belong to her.”

Lydrasa went silent. I simply felt numb. Velle reached out a hand and squeezed it around my wrist, wanting to pull me away from the door.

But I was rooted like a dallia tree, who’d chosen a place of permanence, listening to two people try to cut me down.

And one of those people I’d thought myself falling in love with. Every lingering look, every sweet curl of his lips, every ragged breath against my skin…it had meant nothing.

Only now I understood. I saw the truth of what he thought of me. And I was nothing. A passing amusement. A dessert he liked to sample. Until one day when he would decide he’d had enough and then would toss me away. Forgotten.

I would—and could—never love someone like that.

How had I convinced myself otherwise? How had I been so blind to who he truly was?

“You do seem indifferent to her,” Lydrasa admitted quietly. “You barely looked at her tonight. She’s a pretty little thing, but I know she’s not your type. You’d eat her alive. The irony is that she would let you.”

Kaldur said, “She’s young. And more than a little naive. But you’re right—this life is not for someone like her. A keeper could never be a Kylaira. ”

Finally, I pulled away, tugging my wrist from Velle’s grip. And I quickly retreated from the hallway, ignoring the sound of my friend rushing after me.

“I just want to be alone,” I whispered, fighting off tears. “ Please. ”

I fled.