Page 78 of House of the Beast

Fion tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Well, the family’s been putting some pressure on me lately.

Darantha probably suspects my missing eye has something to do with this whole disaster, and she’s been trying to get rid of me ever since I brought Kaim home without his arm.

It’s best for me to leave before she manages to pin me down—and then I thought, if things were tense on my end, they must be even worse on yours.

Even though you saved all our asses, you’ve made quite a lot of powerful people unhappy, and I don’t imagine there are very many places for you to go in Kugara.

So, I thought, ‘Why not get her to come along?’ Coltrand would be a brand-new start.

And it would be nice to have a friend there. ”

I angled a look at him. “You’ll be going alone?”

“Mhm.”

Now my curiosity was really brimming. “What about my cousin?”

“Oh, Kaim will probably come after me at some point” was his easy response.

“Darantha’s been busy hurrying his marriage to Sevelie along, trying to tie him into financial stability with House Ward in these trying times.

It’s driving him insane. I don’t imagine he’ll stay here and endure that for long.

Once he realizes I’m gone, he’ll take off almost immediately. ”

I could only imagine too well Darantha’s harried attempts at damage control after Kaim had lost everything she’d been working for these past years.

Sevelie had mentioned something to the same effect, that her family’s unsubtle chiding was about to make her snap.

What puzzled me was Fion’s casual willingness to depart from Kaim after he’d gone to such lengths for my cousin’s happiness.

“Why not just... ask him to come along with you?”

Fion looked like he was trying not to laugh. “Kaim is still a little slow in some regards. I’ve followed him around for long enough; if he wants to stay together, it’s his turn to put in some effort.”

I couldn’t imagine my brooding cousin would be happy about being left behind or tricked into chasing at someone’s heels. Or perhaps he would. I was not going to pretend to understand their relationship.

“Thank you for the offer,” I said dryly, “but I’ll pass. I have my own way to make.”

“I understand,” said Fion easily. He held out a hand. “But if you ever need a helping hand, I would be glad to extend mine. It was a pleasure knowing you, Alma Avera.”

I took his hand and gave it a firm shake. Though there was still a lot I did not understand about Fion, I couldn’t deny that it warmed my heart how he had apparently formed quite a high opinion of me. “I’ll see you around.”

He left. As the door shut behind him, leaving me alone in the darkness again, I could not help the now familiar tug at my heart that reminded me of my solitude. Taking a deep breath, I turned back to the sitting room and gave it a long, hard look, searching every corner with my eyes.

The deepest, most traitorous part of me still expected to find Aster there—lounging on a chair or leaning against a table, smiling.

I would wake up at night and expect to see him sitting by my side, eyes crinkled in amusement at the mess of my hair or the drool on my face.

I would turn to say something to him about something I’d seen, only to remember that he was gone.

At times I longed for him to haunt me the way Ephrem and the guard had done. I imagined myself the new source of his ire, his ghost tethering to me the way my brother’s had, and almost wel comed the thought. Even if he hated me after what I’d done, at least he would still be with me.

But he never showed up. Neither did any of my dead. Ephrem, and the guard, and all the little shadows that had crowded me in the past were gone now, their regrets fulfilled, free to rest in peace.

And I was finally given my own peace. The quiet that I used to find only in the temple of my own mind was now real. Yesterday, I had let myself sit in the sun, feeling its warm rays upon my skin instead of as a memory in my mind, feeling the sea breeze ruffle my hair, and heard no voice but my own.

I hoped Aster, too, could finally rest.

***

SEVELIE WAS STILL IN MY ROOM WHEN I RETURNED. SHE HAD been joined by Six, and the two of them sat in the plush armchairs by the cold fireplace, discussing something quietly.

“Alma!” Six greeted me as I closed the door. He was bundled up in a new coat with a high collar and a hood that could be pulled down to hide his clockwork face if he wanted. “Sevelie says you’re almost done.”

I could not help but smile at the way he subconsciously kicked his feet as I approached. He was every bit as excited as Sevelie had described—and I was glad he finally had the chance to feel this way, after all those years in miserable service to Olissa Goldmercy. “I am. Give me five minutes.”

“First you must tell me what Fion wanted,” demanded Sevelie, the shameless gossip.

I rolled my eyes. “He asked me to go to Coltrand with him.”

“Coltrand?!” she squawked, then slapped a reprimanding hand over her own mouth. After a beat of silence, she said in much quieter but no less impatient tones, “What about Kaim?”

“He has apparently not been factored into Fion’s plans, but Fion expects him to follow soon enough.”

Sevelie muffled a laugh with her hand. “Oh, I hope so! Maybe I could leave him at the altar, so it’ll look like he ran away after. Darantha would be beside herself. Will you go with him?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Wise decision. Leave those two to their courtship.”

“When are you actually going to annul your engagement?” I asked as I bundled the last of my personal belongings into the suitcase. “It sounds like Kaim’s near his breaking point.”

“It’s been the only thing keeping our parents distracted from coming after you ,” she muttered, chewing at a nail. “Once you’re out of Kugara, I’ll tell them. I have to be the one to leave him. I deserve that much, after all these years.”

“I’d better get going, then.” I turned to Six. “Ready?”

He hopped down from his chair and slung his own backpack over his shoulders, practically vibrating with anticipation. “I’m ready!”

Initially, I was reluctant to bring someone with me—after all, I had no concrete plans for my own journey beyond my first destination.

But between the court’s investigations and House Goldmercy’s increasingly desperate bids for control, Sevelie and I had decided that Six was safest away from Sorrowsend.

And when he asked if he could accompany me, wide-eyed with hope, I had found myself agreeing without hesitation and not even regretting it afterward.

My only concern had been the money. While I trusted in my own ability to endure a meager living, I did not want Six to starve.

That was when the letter from Euphina had arrived.

Somehow, she had known that I was leaving.

She had sent the letter to remind me of my promise and had it delivered along with a hefty sum of gold.

My father’s inheritance, she had explained.

Though he had never meant to leave it to me, given that he had expected me to be dead by now, Euphina had transferred it over to cover all the expenses of my future travels.

I had asked Sevelie to come along too, but more out of consideration than anything.

Now that the gods were gone, I had a feeling she would want to stay behind and make use of all her bright ideas in the midst of this upheaval.

Sure enough, she had already begun drafting plans for her father, outlining all the new trade Avera might benefit from in the absence of the Four.

There was no one I trusted more to do so.

Checking one last time that the money had been tucked safely into my suitcase—with a portion of it divided up and given to Six to carry as well—I snapped the lid shut.

“Let’s do this, then.”

The three of us moved into the sitting room, where we had agreed this next scene would take place.

The first hint of light was beginning to color the inky sky.

Sevelie’s household staff were still abed and would remain in their rooms until the sun had risen, per her instructions.

That would give Six and me enough of a head start and give them ample defense if questioned later on about my whereabouts.

There was a train in the station that would bring us to Merey.

We would stow away in the luggage compartment, under assurances from the conductor that he would not check there for the duration of our journey.

While I had pissed off a fair amount of people by closing the umbral gate, there were some who still appreciated that I had managed to stop the umbral plane from fully merging into the city.

To my surprise there were others, too, who were even grateful for a new start away from the watchful eyes of the elder gods.

It was Sevelie who had made our arrangements, once again working some sort of magic I would never understand to sniff out these sentiments and form connections from them.

From what she had told me, it sounded like she was already building up a network of like-minded people—people who were hopeful about this new world we had been thrust into.

Avera would be in good hands with her.

“All right,” she said, with the air of a woman bracing herself for war. She hobbled over to a luxurious couch and gave its overstuffed seating a few thoughtful pats before turning back to me. “Would it work if I fell here?”

“Sure,” I said. “Though I can’t exactly arrange you in a comfortable position—just in case anyone comes to check.”

“I can deal with a sore neck. Just don’t leave me on the ground for the day.”

“All right.” I nodded at Six standing behind me. “Say your goodbyes now.”

He ran up to Sevelie and gave her a big hug, catching her off guard.

Instinctively, I bit down a grin at the surprise on her face, before thinking better of it and giving in.

It felt like it had been a while since I smiled.

So I let myself do so, taking a small joy in the stretch of muscles across my face.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” said Six.

Sevelie wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her face softening. “It was my pleasure. Keep an eye on Alma for me. She can be a bit of an idiot.”

He pulled away to nod at her solemnly. “I will.”

I rolled my eyes. “If you’re all done, we can get on with it.”

“A regular bundle of joy you are,” said Sevelie wryly as I approached. As soon as I was close enough, she grabbed me by the shoulders. I was not prepared for this and stood as still as a startled deer as she hugged me as well.

“If you tire on your travels,” she said quietly, “if you ever need a place to rest, or a shoulder to lean on—Avera will be open to you. Give me some time—I’ll make sure those stubborn bastards at home listen to me.”

I felt myself getting choked up. I hadn’t ever thought I would consider anyone from House Avera family—not the same way my mother had been. But Sevelie came close.

“Thank you,” I managed.

She pulled away and gave me a pitying look. “You look like you’re about to combust. Don’t worry, I won’t burden you any longer with my sappy speeches. How about you punch my lights out, instead?”

“Yes,” I agreed, relieved. “Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” said my cousin’s soon-to-be-ex-fiancée, drawing herself up to a dignified height. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“Sorry about this,” I said, managing another small grin. She must have caught it in my tone because she opened her eyes in surprise—but before she could say anything, I had socked her right in the jaw.

She wheezed out a decidedly undignified sound and collapsed.

I caught her before she could hit her head on anything, and Six helped me lower her onto the couch.

There would be an ugly bruise on her face tomorrow, which she had assured me she would loudly complain about so no one suspected her involvement in our escape.

She was perhaps a bit too comfortably seated, but I had confidence that no one would question a lady such as Sevelie on her ability to faint in a way that would not rumple her delicate demeanor.

And then it was finally time to leave.

The city was still asleep when Six and I made our way down the hotel stairs and out the back door.

The bedraggled decorations that had lined the streets during the Pilgrimage had all been taken down, and the sky was dark in a way that it had never been before with the glowing gate lighting it up.

The citizens of Sorrowsend were still recovering from the ordeal—but that worked for us just fine.

I adjusted my left sleeve over my metal arm and Six tugged his hood down low, and we made our way to the station.

As we walked, I could not help but notice the lightness of my chest. It was a new feeling, but one I embraced readily.

I was alone in a way that I never had been—but there was a friend at my side, even now as I escaped a city that wanted to condemn me.

I had found alliances where I least expected them and had earned the support of a family I never expected to reconcile with.

Things were far from perfect—the strife brewing within Kugara would likely come to a head before things calmed down.

Already there were rumors of certain parties plotting drastic measures to bring back the umbral gate.

But if their plans ever succeeded, they would have me to contend with. I would make sure that no one else could be hurt the way Aster had been hurt, and I would do it with the power he had left to me, his final mark on my soul.

For now I could return to Merey and visit my mother’s grave and tell her of my life without being ashamed. And after that was done—well, I would cross that bridge when I came to it. The uncertainty was daunting, but also exciting in its own way.

For the first time in a long time, I was hopeful. Hopeful that one day, I might find that peace I had wanted so badly. One day, I would be content with myself and all my flaws. One day, I would know who I was and be proud of it—whether that was Alma Ven, Alma Avera, or Alma of the Umbral City.

After all, a monster had seen the worst of me and still cared for me enough to give up his hatred in a moment of vulnerability. He had been witness to every single aspect of me, every small shame and embarrassing moment, every dark impulse that had run through my head, and he had loved me anyway.

One day, I hoped I could do the same.