Page 48 of House of the Beast

I suppressed a shudder at the memory of being strapped to that table.

“She attacked me,” I said, carefully keeping my voice even.

I did not want to fall into hysterics and scare Sevelie off.

“She wanted to temper me. To make me docile, so I would obey her and my father. Things got violent and I had no choice.”

I had expected the mention of my father to grab Sevelie’s attention. Sure enough, she frowned again and leaned forward. “Lord Zander was there?”

“No. But he is a part of this.”

“Are you sure?” said Sevelie. “Why would he do something like that?”

Frustration bubbled to the surface at the sight of her still willing to defend him.

“I told you my father isn’t who you think he is,” I said harshly.

“He had an alliance with Olissa Goldmercy. They wanted to bring me into the umbral plane with them, together, for—I don’t know what.

They were planning something.” An idea struck me, as I suddenly remembered the Mother Meister’s words about Six.

I turned to him. “Do you have any idea what that might be?”

He started at being addressed, and looked around as if to make sure I was really speaking to him.

Hesitantly he answered, “I’m not sure, Miss.

I’m sorry. I only know that the Mother said Lord Zander had found something that could help us, and that he’d reward us if we aided him in the Pilgrimage.

I was to stay with her until he was ready. ”

“Ready for what?”

“I’m not sure,” said Six again, sounding rather miserable about it. “I’m sorry.”

I tried to rein in my displeasure. Obviously, he blamed himself for not knowing—and I wasn’t trying to be cruel.

“It’s all right,” I said. I turned back to Sevelie.

“Look—I don’t know what my father is planning, or why he needs me by his side so badly.

All I know is that he wants it enough to allow a Meister to turn me into one of her Things. ”

Sevelie threw her hands into the air. “That makes no sense! You’re his daughter!”

“And you saw what he did to his son.”

That made her pause. She swallowed, wide eyes going to Six again, as if to really confirm what she was looking at.

“It just makes no sense,” she said again, voice hoarse.

“I mean—I know Lord Zander isn’t happy with the way things are.

We’d talk about what the people might need, or how the court’s system might change, after all these years of following the same rules.

But he certainly hasn’t mentioned anything about needing you so badly as to temper you!

Why would he go so far? And to preserve his son’s body too, for that matter.

” She wrung her hands, looking queasy. “You are Ephrem, aren’t you? ”

“I’m Six,” said Six, sounding unhappy at having to clarify it again. “I was born under the Mother Meister’s care.”

But Sevelie was already muttering to herself.

“I knew Ephrem. We used to play together, me and him and Kaim. This is him, even if he doesn’t remember anything.

Maybe,” she began hopefully, “maybe Lord Zander doesn’t know?

Ephrem was wearing that helmet the whole time—maybe he just wasn’t aware.

We should tell him. This is his son, after all. ”

“Listen,” I said, leaning close to make sure she was paying attention.

My patience had run out. “There is clearly more to my father’s role in this Pilgrimage than a simple play for glory.

Olissa Goldmercy said as much. She tried to drill a hole in my skull and pick out my brains—that’s the extent to which she believed in his ideals.

So I don’t care if you want to pretend that he’s innocent.

I need you to not breathe a word to him about what happened until I figure out what is going on.

” I paused, tried for another angle. “Please?”

She did not look happy about this, but after a moment, she nodded. “All right,” she said. “As long as— Six is fine with it too.” She looked dubious, clearly still of the opinion that he would want to be reunited with his family—but at least she had agreed.

I turned to Six. “Will you stay here with us for now?”

“Yes,” he said, fidgeting bashfully. “You’ve been very kind to me, Lady Alma. I’d like to stay here rather than go back to House Goldmercy if that’s all right.”

The poor thing was obviously starved for affection if he thought I had been kind. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, suddenly aware of how filthy we both were. “We’ll keep you here, and you’ll be safe,” I said, “but now I truly, desperately, do need to take a bath.”

“Right,” said Sevelie, surging to her feet as if thankful for something else to focus on. She went to the door and poked her head out. “Cora?”

A couple of the maids then came in to take Six away to be bathed. I was about to follow them out when my cousin’s fiancée stopped me with a hand to my shoulder.

“Be truthful with me. Are you all right, Alma?” she asked quietly.

Not really—but I wasn’t sure what else I could share with her. I had told her enough already, and I still didn’t trust that she didn’t have my father’s best interests at heart.

“Nothing that some rest won’t fix,” I lied. “The Pilgrimage begins tomorrow. I suppose I’ll find out what my father is up to one way or another.”

Sevelie nodded, her mouth still set in an unhappy line. But she didn’t ask me anything else—and after a moment I left her, ready to go stew in my own thoughts.

***

I RAN THE WATER AS HOT AS I COULD MAKE IT.

I ALREADY KNEW I would have to wash twice: once just to get the blood off, another time to get clean.

When I lowered myself into the scalding heat, brown and red flaked off my skin and turned the water murky almost at once.

I quickly ducked my head under and rubbed through my hair, and when I surfaced again, the whole tub had turned a translucent, rusty red color.

Left alone with my thoughts, sitting in all the evidence of the violence I had committed, I felt the guilt that had been festering inside me come rushing to the surface.

The weight of it nearly crushed the air from my lungs.

“Aster,” I called helplessly—and then he was there, leaning one elbow on the rim of the tub, chin on his palm, smiling at me.

“I thought you didn’t like me intruding on bath time,” he said cheekily. But then he caught the expression on my face and straightened up. “What is it? Are you hurt? Did she hurt you?”

I shook my head. I was not hurt—not in any way that I could properly describe.

I just felt sick, like I couldn’t stand being in my own skin.

I was aware of being naked, only barely hidden by the filthy water, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

It didn’t matter, anyway. I could play at modesty, but Aster knew all of me, had always seen all of me, and this was nothing compared to having our souls joined together so closely it had been difficult to tell where I ended and he began.

“Did we do the right thing?” I asked weakly.

Aster’s expression hardened. “Yes,” he said without a trace of doubt. “You had no choice. The Mother Meister forced your hand. You did nothing wrong, Alma.”

I tried to take comfort in his conviction, but I could not help thinking of all those bodies we had left there in that school for the spiders and the rats to eat. “Maybe I should have told someone. I shouldn’t have left them there, I—”

“Hey,” soothed Aster, reaching forward to take me by the shoulders, his movements slow so I could back away if I wanted.

I did not. He leaned in, breath mingling with the steam, his chin tilted to look me closer in the eye.

His sleeves trailed into the water, filth seeping into pure white.

He didn’t seem to care. “Calm down. Let’s say you tell someone—and then what? ”

“I don’t know.”

“They’ll want to question you,” he said, voice hard, “and you only have your own word to rely on. Everyone will know you’ve killed the Mother Meister—your father will know, and he’s not above using the situation for his own gain.

He might level accusations against you, and then they will take you out of the Pilgrimage to be put to trial by the court.

If they take your father too, your cousin will become the next heir of House Avera; if not, then it’s down to the two of them to fight for it.

Either way, everything we’ve worked for in the past eight years would be for nothing. ”

As much as I hated to hear it, I knew it was true.

It was not just one House leader I’d driven a sword through but two—no one would let me off the hook this time.

The Pilgrimage was tomorrow. I had no time for another session with the Inquisitors—or, worse, a trial.

If I tried to direct blame toward my father, he could easily claim innocence in Olissa Goldmercy’s plans, and I would have no solid way to refute him without more proof that he was as deeply involved as I believed.

It still felt wrong, to have left the corpses there and run away without a word. Like I was hiding something—and the fear of being discovered was almost as terrible as the guilt.

“People will find out eventually,” I protested weakly. “Sevelie knows—her maids know. Someone will talk and everyone will notice the leader of House Goldmercy missing.”

“They will, but they won’t be able to do anything about it until after the Pilgrimage,” said Aster, the calm in the middle of my storm of emotions.

“Then your greatest protection will be the role you have played for them all this time: the devout vessel of the Beast, hunted by others who feared her power, but who didn’t let it stop her from killing the fallen star for the sake of her god.

” He put a hand to my cheek. “They can’t do anything to you then. ”