Page 32 of House of the Beast

I blinked, taken aback by the sincerity in her voice. I was suddenly unsure of what to do. The truth was, I had little practice apologizing—and there were no good role models around to help me. My father had certainly never set me an example to follow.

I was finding it much harder to get those two little words out than I could have imagined.

“I’m... sorry,” I began slowly. “For... breaking into your personal possessions. It was a breach of your privacy and your trust.” I paused.

It didn’t feel like enough—not when she had been gracious enough to extend the olive branch.

I continued haltingly, “And I promise not to tell anyone about what I found.”

Sevelie looked relieved at first, but then her shoulders tensed again. “What... how much did you read, exactly?” she asked nervously.

“Something about a ‘television’ from Coltrand and how you wanted to bring those technologies into Kugara.”

Her eyes went tight and she brought a hand up to cover her mouth, like this was the worst thing I could have possibly said.

Maybe she expected me, a divine vessel of House Avera, to condemn her on the spot.

After a moment, she said in a small voice, “I don’t mean anything bad by it, you must understand.

I just get... frustrated, sometimes, by my place in life. ”

I could not understand why. She was everything I had wanted to be as a little girl; on top of that, she belonged to an influential family and was marrying into another. “Jullan Ward is the keeper of trade in Avera. Surely you could market these items around Kugara, if you really wanted.”

Her eyes narrowed at me. When she opened her mouth, I knew I had touched on a nerve.

“My father thinks independent thought is a plague upon ladies like myself. Besides, they don’t work here in Kugara, because they rely on something called electromagnetic waves, which get disrupted by the presence of our elder gods.

But it’s not about the technologies themselves—think of what they represent!

Convenience and autonomy for people who aren’t blessed by the divine—something Kugara sorely lacks.

But what would you know of that? You’ve grown up as a chosen vessel of the Dread Beast. You are uniquely privileged. ”

I listened with wide eyes, not sure of how to react.

The woman in that journal had felt so far removed from the well-behaved socialite I’d envied my whole life.

Now I saw her clearly. But her words stoked anger within me, which quickly boiled to the surface.

“You know nothing of what my childhood was like,” I snapped.

“Oh, please. I’m sure you’ve suffered your fair share, but you still have the freedom to do what you please—like interrupt a Pilgrim’s trial in front of all of Avera—and you are never reproached because you have been blessed by one of the Four.”

“I did that out of necessity. My father would never have allowed my participation if I hadn’t forced my way in.”

“You can’t know that,” said Sevelie.

I tried to school my frustration, keeping my voice steady as I replied, “I do.”

Her chin tilted up defiantly. “Why don’t you like your father?”

Because he killed my mother was on the tip of my tongue—but I couldn’t say it. Not when I had had an equal hand in her death.

So I merely shook my head. “You have no idea what he’s really like. All those kind words you’ve written about him—that’s not the man he is at all.”

“Perhaps I don’t know the same Lord Zander that you do,” Sevelie allowed. “But I know he has been the only one to listen to me when I’ve spoken of these things.”

A farce , I wanted to tell her. My father was using her to spite Kaim, I was all but sure of it.

Perhaps it brought him some sick satisfaction to hold an attractive young woman’s attention; I could not fathom how the minds of men worked, but I had an idea that telling this to Sevelie would not please her.

I was trying to make amends, not start another fire.

Struggling to change the subject, I allowed curiosity to get the better of me.

“Is that why you don’t like Kaim?” I asked, thinking back on the memory of my cousin dismissing Sevelie’s attempts to speak to him as children. “He doesn’t listen to you?”

Sevelie’s eyes went wide and then she threw her head back and laughed.

“Tell me, Alma,” she said when she was done. “Have you ever been in love?”

The rattle of the carriage filled the space between us. For a long, uncomfortable moment, I did not know how to answer. I could not say yes, because surely that would lead to the question of who, and I had little desire to explain things that I hadn’t shared with any soul, not even my mother.

But my heart would not allow me to say no. I couldn’t lie to myself that way.

“My life is devoted to my elder god,” I said at last.

“Then maybe you know how it feels to love something that can never love you back,” said Sevelie sadly.

A pang went through my heart. Something in my expression must have shifted, because Sevelie’s own countenance turned sympathetic.

“Kaim has eyes for one person only,” she continued, “and it certainly isn’t me.

I used to think it was a dream come true—to marry the handsome young heir of House Avera.

He was cold, but he wasn’t cruel to me. I thought that was just his manner.

Until it became very clear that he simply had no interest in me at all.

His attentions have already been given to someone else. ”

I frowned, confused. “Who?”

Sevelie looked at me questioningly. After a second, her eyes lit up. “Don’t tell me you’ve never noticed!”

“I can’t say that I have,” I said, honestly baffled. Then again, I’d had little chance to observe Kaim in the past, and whenever I did, it was the way one might observe a predator—not a subject of gossip.

“Well,” said Sevelie smugly, “you must watch him at the banquet later. I assure you, you will see what I mean.”

“I will,” I said, and found myself forcing down a grin. My heart felt light at this silly, girlish exchange. A surprising feeling, and one I had not expected to share with Sevelie.

She seemed gladdened by it as well, for she proclaimed, “Well, if you promise not to tell anyone about that, or about my journal, then I can promise in return that you will remain a guest under my roof. But only if you behave! If you don’t, I’ll have to tell Auntie Darantha about it.”

I made a face, and she burst into bright laughter.

This time, when we fell quiet, there was none of the tension that had been there earlier; I settled in for the rest of the ride, my mind cleared for the ceremony ahead.