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“I understand,” Monica says. “We all wish that love was a magic tonic to cure all injuries. Although that’s not the case, I do want to affirm some things for you, Danae.

” I sit up straighter to meet her eyes as she continues.

“You chose to upend your life in order to welcome Jason into it. You are showing him love in small and big ways, meeting his needs in both tangible and intangible ways. You are providing a safe, healthy home for him. You have arranged for him to see therapists who are helping him learn coping strategies as he learns to regulate his emotions and trauma responses. You’ve expressed that you are open to other therapy and treatment options for him—anything that could help him.

And you chose to take all of this on as a single mother.

You are a great mom, and you are the right mom for Jason. ”

Her face grew blurrier with each statement she made, until I burst fully into tears again. When I finally calm down, I look at my watch. “We’re over time,” I say. I give her a watery attempt at a smile. “When are you free next?”

Monica smiles. “I don’t have any clients after you, so how about we extend our session until we’ve reached a natural stopping point. Will that work for your babysitter?”

I shoot a quick text to Kara, who immediately responds with a thumbs up.

“For today, there’s one other thing I’d like to explore further that you seem to be tangling up with this anxiety over Jason.

I’d like to know why you have reservations about your relationship with Griffin.

From what you’ve said, it seems obvious that you care deeply for him, and that he feels the same toward you and Jason.

So, why the anxious thoughts?” she asks.

Dropping my eyes, I fidget with the hem of my shirt. “I don’t know,” I say.

“That response isn’t going to work,” Monica says, a teasing tone softening the admonishment of the words. “I need you to dig below the surface of your thoughts. Why are you so anxious about your relationship with Griffin?’

Chewing my lip, I search the flow chart of my thoughts, looking for patterns.

“It’s probably similar to my anxiety about Jason.

That I’m second-guessing my decision to date Griffin.

That I wonder if that was a mistake too.

I love Griffin for who he is . I know that I do.

He’s thoughtful and magnetic and kind. He has the ability to make anyone feel like a friend after one conversation because he asks such good questions—and genuinely wants to know the answers.

He disarmed all of my defensive walls in one date.

He’s funny and charming and protective of the people he loves.

He’s amazing with Jason. He’s . . . he’s everything I think I could want from a life partner,” I say.

“But?” Monica supplies .

“But I don’t love what he does . His life is so all over the place.

Literally, all over the country. His schedule during baseball season—which is three quarters of every year—is incredibly demanding with very little margin.

As much as I know he wants to be there for me when things get tough with Jason, there are very real restrictions beyond his control that limit his ability to actually be there,” I say.

“I know there are couples who deal with so much more time apart than we have. But this level of instability and public scrutiny is hard for me . It’s why I tried to talk myself out of liking him in the first place.

For as safe as he feels as a person, the persona of Griffin West, professional baseball player, feels very risky.

So, maybe my decision-making skills are broken.

Maybe I never should have agreed to go on a date with him in the first place. ”

Monica tilts her head, assessing everything I’ve said. I start to worry I’ve said something wrong the longer she sits there with her head cocked and eyes narrowed.

“Could I make an observation, Danae?” she asks.

Swallowing a lump in my throat, I return to nodding.

“While the limitation of Griffin’s schedule is certainly a valid reason to be anxious, I’m not sure that’s the reason you have so much anxiety about your relationship.

You hadn’t met Griffin prior to Jason moving in with you, correct?

And Jason exhibited some of these difficult behaviors prior to your relationship with Griffin beginning? ” Monica asks.

More nodding.

“You made the decision to adopt Jason as a single mother. You prepared to face those challenges alone, knowing you did not have the support of your family, with only the assistance of the friends you already had in place,” Monica says.

My nodding slows as I process what she’s saying.

“So, it doesn’t seem like Griffin’s inability to be available any time you need him should be the issue, at least, not in and of itself.

I think it’s much deeper, much more nuanced than that.

I think you’re frightened by the fact that you want him to be there for you.

He already is a safe place for you, after you never felt that way with your family of origin.

You’re afraid of losing your safe place, so your brain is trying to convince you that it’s not actually safe.

Because the thought of losing a safe place is more terrifying than never having a safe place to begin with. ”

I drop back in my chair, like her statement was a physical blow. Monica allows the seconds to tick by in silence as I mull over her observation.

“So,” I begin, voice small. “What do I do?”

Monica huffs a laugh. “I think you’re misunderstanding the purpose of therapy.

I don’t prescribe what decisions you should make.

I listen and help you see your own thoughts from another angle.

I guide you through coping strategies and point you in the direction of applicable resources.

But I don’t tell you whether or not to break up with the guy,” she finishes with a wry smile. “I’m afraid that’s all on you.”

Covering my eyes with the crook of an elbow, I moan. “Did you not hear the part where I’m terrible at decisions?”

Monica chuckles again. “That’s certainly something we can work on together.”

Sighing, I uncover my eyes. “And I suppose there’s no magic tonic for that either?”

She holds her hands up and shrugs. “Fresh out of magic tonics, I’m afraid.”