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Chapter twenty-nine

Danae

GRIFFIN

Happy birthday to Jason! Give him the biggest birthday high five from me.

ME

Thanks! Will do.

GRIFFIN

What are the big plans for the day?

ME

Just what I told you about already. Having a few of his friends from school over from 6:00-7:30 p.m. for pizza and games. He’s so excited for his first party.

GRIFFIN

Wish I could be there with you guys.

ME

Me too.

GRIFFIN

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

ME

Ooo, there’s this local ice cream place that has a flavor called Maddy’s Mud. It’s coffee ice cream with brownies, Oreos, and fudge swirl mixed in.

GRIFFIN

That sounds rich.

ME

The coffee ice cream balances out the sweetness. It’s perfection.

Ok, same question to you today.

GRIFFIN

Strawberry.

ME

Plain strawberry?

GRIFFIN

Yep.

ME

Boring.

GRIFFIN

It’s a classic. I’m a classy guy.

ME

Then what does my favorite flavor say about me?

GRIFFIN

That you’re perfect, obviously.

“Thanks so much for coming!” I say to the final parent picking up their kid. Even though we kept the invite list to Jason’s party small (since my townhouse is small), I was not prepared for the fact that parents drop kids off without staying.

It was chaos. But happy chaos.

Although, I suspect I’ll be finding pizza stains in questionable locations for the next few weeks.

Maybe by next year, I’ll have saved up enough money to rent out a fun birthday party location.

On second thought, every spare penny I have is going to be paying for therapy bills.

I doubt we’ll be having a giant birthday bash next year.

The smile on Jason’s face is well worth the effort and chaos, however.

It’s been a roller coaster of a day—he was initially thrilled when he woke up to balloons and donuts, but his mood had dampened by the time we left for school.

Cathy mailed Jason a birthday card, but there’s an inescapable reality that this is his first birthday away from his father. The first of all of them.

It’s a heavy reality for a child to not fully understand.

Thankfully, by the time the party rolled around, Jason was in high spirits. The thought of having a party and receiving presents from friends for the first time was enough of an enticement to bolster his mood. We’ll see how the night ends.

A few minutes after the guests have left, Jason is looking through his gifts again while I start cleaning up trash. A knock on the door surprises us both.

Jason rushes to the door, but I yell for him to wait for me. Looking through the door viewer, I recognize our guest and pull the door open.

“Surprise! Happy birthday, my guy!” Samantha yells, grinning widely.

“Sammi!” Jason screams, lunging at her.

“Careful, careful, you’re going to make me drop your present!” Samantha exclaims as she comes into the entryway .

Jason jumps up and down, nearly bouncing off the walls in a literal sense. “I can’t believe you’re here!”

“Of course, I’m here! I couldn’t miss your big day. Griffin wishes he could be here too,” Samantha says.

Jason’s countenance falls ever so slightly, but he perks back up. “It’s okay—he has to get in shape for the season,” he says seriously.

Samantha nods. “Yeah, it’s gonna take a lot of work to get that guy in shape for opening day,” she replies with equal seriousness before cracking a smile. Jason giggles.

“Can I open my present?” he asks.

“Yes! But let’s go to the living room, and I’m supposed to video call Griffin so he can watch you open it too,” Samantha says. Jason’s eyes light up, as I’m sure mine do as well. Samantha pauses to hug me as Jason bounds over to the living room. “You holding up okay?” she whispers.

“Surviving,” I reply honestly. “I thought you were supposed to be in Arizona for some meetings?”

“Griffin canceled my trip so I could be here tonight,” Samantha says quietly. “It was the closest he could get to being here himself.”

Tears spring to my eyes, and Samantha squeezes my arm.

“Just give me a second,” I say, fanning air into my eyes.

Samantha makes her way over to Jason while I compose myself.

By the time I join them, she’s propped her phone up on the coffee table, ready to call Griffin.

I nod when she makes eye contact with me, so she hits dial.

Griffin answers almost immediately, as though he’s been sitting around waiting for this call. Probably because he has. He’s trying to make the best of this. The thought brings a small smile to my face.

“Happy birthday, Fireball!” Griffin says, his grinning face filling the screen. Good gracious, he’s so handsome even through a video.

Jason’s enthusiastic response brings an even bigger smile to my face. “Can I open my present now?” he practically yells.

“You’d better open it! I’m dying to see what you think,” Griffin responds.

Samantha jumps in. “I’m just the bearer of the gift—Griffin was the one who picked it out and told me where to go get it. ”

Jason lifts the wrapped box and says, “ Oof , it’s heavy!” He sets it back down on the table and rips the wrapping paper off. Samantha helps him undo the small pieces of tape holding the lid of the box together, and Jason gasps when he opens it.

“The picture Harry Potter books! Look, Mom!” Jason exclaims, pivoting to show me the book in his hands.

He called me “Mom.”

I barely control myself to avoid bawling. Samantha must read in my reaction that this is the first time because an emotional smile springs to her face.

“That’s amazing, Jason!” I manage to say, voice thick. I sit down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. I can’t help but squeeze him in a little hug after that moment.

Now that I’m sitting next to Jason, Griffin can see me in the screen also. His eyes flit to mine, full of tenderness. He clears his throat and says, “It’s only the first two books for now, but when you’re a little bit older we can get the next books.”

For the second time in the past minute, I’m choked up and barely holding it together. Not only because of the thoughtfulness of this gift, but also because Griffin used the future tense. He really is committed to making this work. Committed to us.

Jason talks nonstop, filling Griffin in first on his birthday party, then on the whole day, and then on the entire past week. As he chatters, I thumb through the pages of the first illustrated book, marveling at the intricate details.

I’ve always wanted these for myself. But I’ve always been too financially practical to purchase them. Even though these are Jason’s birthday present, I know they’re just as much Griffin’s gift to me as well.

“Christin says hi, by the way,” Samantha says as Jason walks the phone around the room showing Griffin his other presents. “Her bookstore is the cutest—no wonder you love it. I told her I know you but didn’t mention my relation to Griff,” she adds with a wink.

“Thanks for this,” I tell her. “For getting the books and for coming over. This really means a lot. ”

“Consider it a sign of how much both of us care about you two,” Samantha says.

“Griff told me it’s been a tough week. It really is killing him to be far from you while this is all happening—I can hear it in how he talks.

It’s probably a good thing he doesn’t have to play much at spring training yet because I don’t think he would be doing so hot. ”

“I feel guilty that I made him feel bad,” I say with a sigh. “I know there’s nothing he can do about his schedule.”

“There’s no need for guilt. It’s important for you to express your emotions. And especially important to have people to lean on for support,” Samantha says. “But you might need to widen the net of support for when Griffin’s away. You’re not close with your family?”

I shake my head. “They’re the polar opposite of supportive.

I do have friends from book club who I know would be eager and willing to help if I told them I needed it.

And my coworkers at school are all incredibly supportive, but I’ve felt guilty thinking about burdening them with this struggle when they also have to see Jason in the context of school. ”

“Do any other staff members have kids at the school also?” Samantha asks.

“Well, yeah, of course. One of the benefits of being a teacher is having your kids there with you,” I reply.

“Then they’re all used to compartmentalizing the kids as both students and the children of their friends. I bet they’d be glad to help ease the load for you,” Samantha says, giving me a pointed look.

“You’re probably right,” I admit.

“And you’ve got me. I may not be as muscular as Griffin, but I do think I’m funnier than he is. So I’ve got that going for me,” she says. “Seriously—if there’s ever a time you need to get away, or if you need to call and vent to someone who understands, I got you.”

“Thanks, Samantha,” I say.

“P.S., you really can call me Sam, if you want,” she adds.

“Is that your preference?” I ask.

She shrugs. “I honestly don’t care. Like I said the first day, I’ll respond to just about any variation of my name. I know Samantha is a mouthful. I don’t want my long name to inconvenience people. ”

“I like it, though,” I say, smiling. “So as long as you genuinely like it, I’ll stick with Samantha.”

“Mr. Griffin wants to talk to you now, Mom,” Jason says, holding the phone out to me. Samantha catches my eye and motions me upstairs.

“You showed Griff, but I want to see all the other presents you got today,” Samantha says to Jason, pulling his attention away. I quickly sneak upstairs to my room.

“Hi,” I say as I fall back against the pillows on my bed.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Griffin replies. “How long has he been calling you ‘Mom?’”

“First time,” I reply, getting misty-eyed again.

“Wow. I feel privileged that I got to hear it,” he says. “I only wish I would have been sitting right next to you when it happened.”

“Me too,” I say. “But thanks for sending Samantha over. For changing her schedule when you can’t change yours. For picking such a meaningful gift and even having Samantha go to a meaningful store to buy the books. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.”

Griffin gives me a soft smile. “You’re welcome. I wish I could do more, but I’m always going to do the most that I can. I promise.”

Rolling to my side, I stare into Griffin’s gray eyes on the screen. “I really wish I could kiss you right now.”

“That makes two of us.”