Page 55 of Hold Me Instead (Elmwood Falls #1)

Zachary

“What the hell is going on with you?”

Zachary scraped his head along the thick beige carpet toward Jordan, his vision swimming despite lying on the ground for support. Maple rested her head on his stomach, determined to keep him anchored.

He raised the bottle of lager toward his best friend. “I’ve been drinking.”

“Ah.” Jordan flopped onto the oversized leather sectional in his sweats and hoodie. He stared at the ceiling, hands folded on his sternum. “What happened?”

Zachary shrugged, his shoulders restricted by the soft rug pile below him. “Life.”

Jordan snorted. “That all?”

Zachary sighed. “My dad signed over the business to me.”

Jordan lifted his head. “I didn’t know you’d decided that. Shit, man. Are you staying?”

“That’s the problem. It was announced for me.

Again. I didn’t decide any of it.” He waved the bottle around.

“Didn’t say I was staying. Didn’t say I was taking over.

Didn’t know it was an option. What about all the debt?

” He lifted his head slightly to take another sip, then plopped it back on the floor.

“Didn’t say ‘I love you’ back to Charlie.

Even though I probably do.” He sighed. “I do…”

“Woah, hold on.” Jordan promptly sat and braced his arms on his thighs. “What did you just say?”

Zachary closed his eyes. “There’s a mountain of debt.

Well, it was a mountain, and that’s why I got the practice instead of Charlie.

I guess that trimmed down the mountain. Now it’s more like a…

hill. I can do a hill. But I didn’t even want to do the hill.

Well, before I didn’t want to, but then I started to think it might be nice to, you know, climb the hill with someone. ”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

Zachary glared at Jordan. Why doesn’t he get it ? “The hill of debt. It’s helpful to share it with someone. More enjoyable to swim in the money too.” He paused. “Why don't cartoon ducks wear pants?”

Jordan rolled his eyes. “This isn't the time, Z. Focus . Now, the practice, we’ll get to that. What’s this about loving Charlie?”

“I didn’t say that,” Zachary grumbled.

“Okay, you’ve been a pain in the ass these last few days.”

Zachary groaned, his gaze going to his friend. “I get it. I’m a dick.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.”

Zachary laughed, but it was forced. “She hasn’t talked to me in days.”

“Charlie?”

“Charlie. Charlotte Harris. Not since Christmas Eve, when she told me…” Zachary closed his eyes, but then the memory was front and center.

Didn’t matter, thoughts of her had flooded his mind every day anyway.

He swallowed, trying to sort his thoughts.

“Dad signed the practice over to me. Skipped over her. He told her on Christmas Eve. Then she told me she loved me. ”

“No way.”

“Yeah. Said she was in love with me.” He still couldn’t process it. Especially since the words had been way more welcoming than scary. He’d wanted to hear her say it again.

“What did you tell her?”

“I…didn’t.”

“What does that mean?”

“I couldn’t say it back, Jordan. It was supposed to be temporary. That I did say.”

“No.”

Zachary groaned. “Yes. And that she should date around.” Why the fuck did I say that?

Jordan whistled, and Maple popped her head up. “You can hear that tone, huh, girl?”

Maple realized all was normal and rested her head down. Zachary petted it clumsily. “Softest head in all the land,” he mumbled.

Jordan nudged Zachary’s foot with his own. “So what happened after you said that?”

“She left.”

Jordan nodded. “And then?”

“She didn’t respond to my texts. Barely said a word to me at work all week. She has to actively avoid me. You’ve been there, that place isn’t that big. We share an office!”

“I don’t blame her. She said she loved you, and you told her it wasn’t real.”

“I never said that.”

“You practically did. Telling her it’s temporary? It’s like…the adult form of make-believe. ”

“Fuck!” Zachary shoved himself to sit with his back to the couch, and Maple repositioned her head in his lap.

“What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t ask for the practice, but now it’s in my hands. That sounds shitty, but I’d been telling myself it wouldn’t be mine for years now, you know? Then she mentioned owning it together, and that was actually appealing to me. Which scared the fuck out of me.”

“She wanted to buy in with you?”

Zachary nodded. “Dad didn’t want to pass on the debt. Felt too horrible, I don’t know. I haven’t heard all the details yet.”

“Sounds like that would be good.”

Zachary shot him a glare. “I hate when you’re right.”

Jordan laughed. “You’ll get over it. Especially because we’ve found the way to fix this.”

“I don’t remember that part of the conversation.”

“The practice is yours. You can do what you want with it.”

He groaned. “I know this.”

“Stop whining. Jesus. Here.” Jordan took the bottle away from Zachary. “That means you can sign anyone on that you choose, Z. If you want a partner, you can have a partner.”

“You’re saying I should offer her what she had suggested,” Zachary said slowly, thinking through the decision.

“Why not? If it’s something that sounded good to you before, what’s changed?”

“She loves me.”

“I think she already knew that when she offered.”

“No, I mean…what does that say to share the practice when I know ho w she feels?”

“Well. How do you feel?”

“I don’t know.”

Jordan sank into the couch. “So you’ll own the practice, but return to Chicago? Or will you sell it?”

“No. I’m not selling it.”

“And Chicago?”

Zachary looked around the living room, still petting Maple absentmindedly. “I don’t want to go back to Chicago. Nothing there for me.”

Jordan grinned. “First, I’ll just get this out of the way and say, as your friend, that’s awesome. You can crash here as long as you need while you figure shit out.”

Zachary laughed, bracing his arms on his knees. “Thanks, man.”

“You’ve clearly got a lot of shit to figure out.”

Zachary sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

“So the practice. You’re taking it on. Do you want to do it alone?”

Zachary shook his head. “No.”

“Do you want a random partner?”

“No.”

“Who do you want? Your dad?”

“God, no. No. He’s retiring anyway.” Zachary thought of Charlie, how they enjoyed discussing patients together.

How smoothly things operated, how fluidly they moved about the office.

How they had each other’s back. “I want Charlie. We work really well together, and she’s amazing for the practice. It needs her.”

“Those are all really great reasons,” Jordan said almost gently. “Doesn’t really address the ‘love’ element, does it? ”

“Did you take counseling classes or something? You sound like my sister,” Zachary grumbled.

Jordan shrugged. “I get to hone my skills at both jobs. Talking through things with children and straightening out drunk adults. Thanks for giving me practice on both. So?”

Zachary could hardly process the jab, more focused on Charlie. And his swimming head. “She won’t work with me, after telling me how she feels.”

“How do you know for sure?”

Zachary pushed up to stand and paced. Maple perked for a moment, then placed her head on the floor between her paws, promptly falling asleep.

“What if we do this? What if we go for it, and it starts off really great, because it’s been really great so far? Then what if we don’t work out? What do we do then? At that point, we’re working together, and we know that is great. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Uh.” Jordan shook his head. “Let me see if I follow—you want her, you want her to be part of the practice, but you’re worried what would happen if your relationship didn’t work.”

“Exactly.”

“I don’t know,” Jordan said.

“I don’t know either!”

Jordan watched him pace. Then he repeated slowly, “You want her. And you want the practice. So, I think the person you need to ask is…”

Zachary finally stopped in front of him. “Her.”

Jordan nodded.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it? To sign into business together? Before, when she mentioned it, she said we would figure it out. ”

Jordan shrugged. “Fuck, it’s risky as hell to go into business with anyone you care about.

Look at Mel. She’s got her bar, hired her best friend as her manager, and they fight all the time.

They somehow don’t let it affect anyone else though, they’ve made it work.

You’ve gotta decide which risk is worth taking: being with her knowing your relationship could fall apart—maybe even the practice—or working with her without pursuing whatever it is you guys have going. ”

“I can’t just ignore what we’ve got going.”

“That sounds like a pretty big deal.”

Zachary put his hands on his hips. “This isn’t like Anna. I’m not making this decision, staying in town, with the practice, because of Charlie.”

“It’s definitely not like Anna,” Jordan said.

Zachary blew out a breath. “I just feel like I’ve been down this road before.”

“Look, you’re the only one who really knows how this is different from your relationship with your ex-wife.

From my perspective? It’s very different.

You’re completely yourself around her. From the little I’ve seen of you two together, you push each other.

Also, I haven’t seen you smile that much in a really long time. ”

“My mom said the same thing.”

“She must be freaking out, then. You guys have known each other for a long time, Z. Even with time apart, that’s not nothing.”

“I didn’t realize how much I missed her,” Zachary said. “Now that feeling won’t go away.”

“That sounds like something worth looking into.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. Okay, thanks.” He clapped his hands and hopped out of the room .

“Where are you going?”

“Got some work to do!”

“It’s like, two in the morning!” Jordan called.

Zachary stalled, looking at his phone. Huh . He was wide awake. “Love waits for no one!”

Jordan laughed. “Is this the kinda shit I’m gonna hear, now? You’re an idiot!”

Zachary grinned.

Didn’t mind being an idiot when he knew he was doing it for love.