Page 48 of Hold Me Instead (Elmwood Falls #1)

Charlie

Sunlight seeped in around Charlie’s bedroom window shade, the white sheer curtains softening the glow.

Last night, she and Zachary hadn’t quite made it to her bed—in fact, they’d only made it to her floor.

She rolled over, grateful they had spilled their boneless bodies into bed to sleep, at least. Zachary was sprawled on his stomach, face nearly consumed by the berry-and-white-striped pillow, hair askew.

She scanned the contours of his arms, bent underneath the pillow, the muscles in his back exposed by the soft sheet that went up to his waist. He looked right in her bed, especially in the morning light.

A shift near his feet caught her eye, and she found Toothless changing positions on the navy down comforter, curled between his legs.

A small sleep-bark sounded, and both Charlie and Toothless popped up their heads, glancing over to see Maple asleep on her orthopedic bed, chasing squirrels in her dreams.

Charlie chuckled and flopped back on her pillow.

“What’s so funny?” Zachary’s muffled words emerged without opening his eyes.

Just absorbing how much I love this .

“Them,” she said instead. “Toothless is sleeping on you, and Maple had no problem staying here overnight. ”

He opened one eye. “Maple can sleep anywhere.”

“It’s nice.” Her fingertips skated along his face, then coasted through his hair. She reveled in his hum in reply. “How about you? You also had no problem sleeping here.”

He chuckled. “And I’m very picky about where I sleep.”

“This was night two for you.”

She rolled onto her side, wearing his white T-shirt, tucking the sheet right below her breasts. He followed her movements, heat zipping along every area he scanned, and her nipples tightened in response. He bit his lip.

“I…yes. It was the second night. Sleeping. Here.” He blinked rapidly, seeming to clear his eyes. “How do you feel about that?”

She leaned close and kissed his cheek. “I’m looking forward to night three.”

“Mmm.” He flopped out a hand toward Charlie, his fingers landing on hers unceremoniously.

She laughed, and he groaned.

“My hand’s asleep,” he moaned. “I was trying to do…this…” He shoved his fingers between hers.

Her laugh softened, and she kissed his fingers.

He grunted, a smile tugging as he buried part of his face into the pillow again. Sleepy Zachary was terribly adorable.

“I have to step out of the office tomorrow afternoon, by the way. Had to schedule PT at a different time this week.” She’d increased appointments to get her mind ready.

“Oh, okay.” He was quiet a moment before he asked, “What will that be like? ”

“She’ll check on how things are going. How much pain I’m experiencing. How my tissues feel. How well my dilator work has been going. Which, you’ve been providing me another exercise.” She wiggled her brows, and he smiled.

“How often do you use your dilators?”

“I try to at least every other day. In the beginning especially, it was hard. I had to get past some of my more depressed stages. Thankfully, my doctors understand that there are multiple areas that need focus—not just the physical, not just the mental. All of it.”

“I’m glad you found them,” he said quietly.

“God, me too.” She turned onto her back, stared at the ceiling. “I’m so grateful for them, and so extremely frustrated for women that don’t have access to the same kind of care.”

He traced his fingers up and down her arm soothingly. “If there’s anything I can do, you know, let me know.”

She smiled at him, then turned it playful. “I can show you my dilators, if you want?”

He shrugged. “Okay.”

“Oh.” She should’ve known he’d be okay with it. “Yeah, okay.” She turned toward her nightstand and pulled out the size she was working with, the largest one she’d been able to use successfully. The one that was helping her mentally prepare for actual intercourse. “Here it is.”

He frowned at the solid tube of hard plastic. “Looks less fun than a vibrator.”

She snorted. “Um, definitely. I think they have slightly better options now.” She tapped it against her hand, thinking. “Maybe at some point, I could, I don’t know, maybe I could try it with you here? Might be a way to help us move forward. ”

“Whatever you want, Charlie. I’m game.”

She nodded, still staring at the unassuming tool in her hand. “How about now?”

His head lifted slightly. “If you’re sure.”

“Yeah.” She nodded, an effort to build up her confidence in the moment. She grabbed her small jar of coconut oil from the nightstand and coated the dilator.

Zachary propped himself up on his arm. “Where do you want me?”

“Right there is fine,” she said. She slid the bedsheet down, then her underwear. Wearing only his shirt made the moment feel more intimate. Less clinical.

Her heartbeat picked up, and she realized she wasn’t nervous about the exercise, but actually excited.

For as calm as Zachary’s expression struggled to be, she felt his gaze as it traveled over her, lingering on her breasts, traveling her stomach and lower.

His hands clenched, and she realized he wanted to touch her.

His focus on what she was about to do was truly sincere.

Witnessing his struggle was genuine, personal, endearing.

A major turn-on.

Charlie’s breath quickened. She grabbed the towel she kept with her supplies and placed it underneath her.

She bent a knee, straightened her other leg, and lined up the lubricated dilator, inserting it slowly.

Zachary watched as she slid it in farther and farther, until she was just gripping the end, then as she slowly worked it around, stretching the inner tissues.

Finally, he spoke, his voice strained. “So this is how you do it, huh?”

Charlie nodded, unable to speak. Her hands were shaking, from the control of the exercise to the desire coursing unexpectedly through her. His gaze was intent, all on her. His fingers trailed ever so lightly on her side, and he glanced down and froze, as though he’d just discovered it.

He swallowed, his eyes darting to Charlie’s. “Sorry,” he breathed.

“Fuck,” she whispered. The hunger on his face, the want, sent tingles through her body.

“You okay?” he asked, voice low, hoarse.

She nodded, cleared her throat. “I've never enjoyed this before.”

He grinned, the smile crooked, mischievous. “Should I get closer?”

She bit her lip, nodded vigorously.

Zachary flipped the sheet off his body, wearing his black boxer briefs, and shifted lower, lining himself up with her waist. He inched up the white T-shirt and traced her skin, over her hips, across her stomach, down her thigh.

Her breath hitched when his fingers went between her legs, their path close to her hand, but not touching it.

“God, Zachary.” She blew out a breath. “I am so turned on right now.”

He chuckled. “I like the feedback.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her belly, his tongue coming out to trace a path lower.

“Yes,” Charlie hissed. She slid the dilator out, flopping it onto her nightstand. Her hand tangled in Zachary’s hair as he continued lower. His eyes looked up at hers, and she nodded. She cried out, her body arching as his tongue made gentle contact with her clit.

“Sweet,” he whispered, his tongue tracing around it, keeping the touch light as it traveled back over the nub. He slid his hands over her thighs to keep them still and chuckled.

“Sorry.” She breathed. “Did I almost crush you?”

He settled between her legs and held her thighs open as he grinned.

“Again, it’s good feedback.” When he pressed his face to her this time, his tongue slid up along her slit.

He started off slowly, moaning at the sounds of pleasure she made.

When her cries got louder and her hands gripped his hair harder, his tongue dove deeper.

One hand stretched to pinch her nipple over the shirt, and she arched her back with a gasp, her hand flying to squeeze her other breast. Zachary groaned in response, his tongue moving faster.

Waves of pleasure coursed through Charlie’s body, her core tightening with each moment, breath shuddering. Her mind was consumed with it, free of concern, of pain. There wasn’t time to think, she only felt.

“Oh God,” she cried. “Zachary.”

“Mmm.” He slipped a finger inside her, turning to that spot he’d come to know so well the past few weeks, and sucked her clit.

She detonated. Her body stiffened, shook, tightened on him as her pleasure skyrocketed until she was boneless.

Her eyes were closed, chest heaving, and she smiled as Zachary placed a kiss on her stomach, slowly trailing kisses up her body, one to each breast over the shirt, until he nuzzled against her neck.

His hand scooted under her, and he held her close. Tight against him. Almost lovingly.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“For what?” she whispered, staring at the ceiling.

He hesitated, pressed a kiss to her neck. “For sharing that with me. Trusting me.”

Charlie blinked rapidly, tears burning. She trusted Zachary completely. The weight of what they’d shared hit her as she realized that was the first time without pain and involuntary muscles—or fears—getting in the way.

She squeezed him closer, wishing they could stay like that forever.

** *

Charlie looked at the stack of pet supplies piled near the front desk. The collection had been going for a week, and the response from the community was extremely positive.

“That there came in today,” Maura said.

Charlie turned toward the woman, her mouth open. “Only today? That’s amazing.”

“Yep. I contacted Cory and arranged a pickup since we have so much. He was thrilled. I guess they’ve had a few bites from some of our folks looking to adopt too.”

Charlie clapped her hands together. “That makes me happy.”

Maura gave her a squeeze on the shoulder. “We’ve received quite a few donations for the Dale Fund. Daniel will be touched.”

Charlie’s smile faltered, wondering what Daniel would actually think. She hadn’t talked to him in weeks.