Page 29 of Hold Me Instead (Elmwood Falls #1)

Charlie

Charlie had tried to limit communication with Zachary. It seemed safest to put distance between them. Then he’d dropped by unexpectedly, all handsome and eager and seemingly happy to be near her. She couldn’t have been misreading that, right?

There wasn’t time to dwell on it now. Not here, not after her appointment that morning.

She turned off the car, parked in the small lot behind The Refill Mill. Releasing a slow breath, her forehead sank to the steering wheel.

It shouldn’t surprise her. The city was big, yes, but Charlie ran into people she knew all the time.

While personal experience proved that meant no place was off-limits, she hadn’t been prepared to see Magnolia step out of an exam room just as she was leaving the PT office.

They’d locked eyes, a look of shock passing over her friend’s face.

Charlie had bolted, as though her secret was printed across her forehead.

She had no clue Magnolia was going to physical therapy, and no one knew Charlie was.

There might have even been a way to ignore it, shove it under the rug until they both “forgot” about it.

With everything going on, Charlie had added an extra maintenance appointment, to make sure stress wasn’t undoing any progress.

She’d never expected to see her friend there at the exact same time! What were the odds of that ?

It was pointless to put it off any longer. She trudged toward the door, a sense of relief washing over her when she heard Amber’s voice carrying from the front. Dodging Magnolia with extra people around would be much easier.

Magnolia stood, hands pressed in front of her mouth, as she stared at a long table in the middle of the shop. Amber was sliding her hand over the wood as she walked around it, barely pausing to breathe.

“A friend from college grew up on a farm north of here, and she told me they were tearing down their old barn. Gathered up as much of the wood as I could over the summer. I was so grateful to her because people love handmade products from repurposed wood, but it’s hard to get your hands on it because people snatch it up quickly.

And especially from a barn? It’s amazing, really.

Even if you don’t live near one you want something connected with it.

I mean, the wood is great, and the pieces look beautiful.

So that makes sense. When you told me what you needed for the shop, though, I knew this was the perfect project for it. ”

Another tug to Charlie’s heart. Amber was named after Nana, and for good reason.

“Hey,” Charlie said, her approach slow.

Amber glanced up. “Hey.” She bit her nail, waiting, then put her arm around Magnolia. “Do you like it?” she asked softly.

The sheen in Magnolia’s eyes glittered as she peeled her focus from the table. “Are you kidding?” she whispered. “It’s beautiful.” She squeezed Amber into a hug, and Amber blinked her own wet eyes.

Charlie looked at the long table in front of her, the wood sanded smooth, glowing a golden honey brown. Down the middle stretched another tier, tiny etchings shaped into the supports to match the ones down the legs of the table .

“Amber, you made this?” Charlie asked.

Her cousin nodded.

“It’s absolutely perfect. I have to send this to my boss,” Magnolia said, positioning her phone. The women stepped back so she could get a clear photo. “This will look amazing with all the light from the windows.”

“It’s gorgeous,” Charlie added.

Amber smiled, a rare flash of embarrassment crossing her face. “I think it fits in well.”

“Definitely.” Magnolia scanned the store as though she’d been dropped back into reality. “Holy shit, there’s still a lot to do.”

“We’re ready, Mags,” Charlie said, offering a small smile.

“Only you, actually. Cleo’s closing the shop, and I got called into the restaurant for a couple hours. Sorry,” Amber added to Magnolia.

“It’s okay. This is a great help. Next level of setup can be done,” Magnolia said.

Amber turned to Charlie. “Before I run, any updates on your hottie vet? You’ve been shit at texting me back lately.”

Charlie rolled her eyes on a laugh. “I’ve been distracted.”

“Ooo, I love hot distractions,” Amber said, rubbing her hands together.

Charlie laughed but gave herself an extra moment, taking off her coat and setting her things down near the checkout counter.

She could tell how badly Zachary wanted to smooth things over from the previous night.

Seeing him after he’d texted with her all day, everything had sunk in—and all she wanted was to hang out with him more.

She needed to talk this out.

She let out a slow breath. “He apologized to me. ”

Amber and Magnolia glanced at each other, then Amber leaned forward. “What did he do?” Her voice was low.

Charlie waved her off. “Remember how I said he’d been different? Not really letting our friendship come back? Turns out he was harboring some resentment for how things went down with his dad, and how Daniel wanted to pass the practice on to me.”

“What!” Amber shouted.

“That’s not your fault at all,” Magnolia said.

“Which he acknowledged,” Charlie continued. “We talked through it, he admitted I was kind of a symbol for all that. But that he can’t, you know, resist our friendship.”

“So, what, just like that he’s back to being cool?” Amber didn’t hide her skepticism.

“It helps a lot, to know what was going on. I’m sure we’ll still disagree over things, workwise, but on a less personal level…

” Charlie said. “He stopped by the office tonight, though, to say hi, when he could’ve just texted me.

” It hadn’t been necessary at all. He’d come because he wanted to see her.

“Okay, that’s cute,” Magnolia added.

“Well, I still say keep an eye on him,” Amber said.

“It doesn’t sound like that’ll be hard,” Magnolia fake whispered.

Charlie grinned while they laughed, Amber in spite of herself.

“Okay, damnit, I have to go, but call if you need backup,” Amber said as she wrapped Charlie in a hug.

After she left, Charlie and Magnolia slowly looked at one another, the occasional sounds from the street carrying inside the shop.

“I’m gonna turn on some music,” Magnolia said. “Then let’s put this magnificent table to work, shall we? ”

Songs from the eighties onward played over the speakers as Charlie helped scoot over various boxes and totes, arranging it as a workstation.

Over the next hour, they set paper wrappers around bars of soap, placed labels on bottles of handmade perfumes, sealed lip balms with compostable tapes.

Little plaques were written to denote the items for display.

The lights in the shop glowed softly, a contrast to the darkness outside, the street lamps and twinkle lights dim through the window.

The refinished, original wood floors creaked as they moved around, the echo of the space dimming as they arranged products on the shelves.

As Charlie organized jars and bottles, Magnolia wiped down the cleared table.

“I had a double mastectomy.”

At Magnolia’s statement, Charlie turned away from the shelf, an empty mason jar in her hand. Magnolia set product markers on the table, eyes focused down as she went.

“I found a lump when I was twenty-five. Fortunately, we caught it early enough, but I decided then to just take them both. In my mind, that was helping me get past it all faster. And lessen the chances, you know?”

Charlie nodded, even though Magnolia didn’t look at her. She lowered onto a crate and sat, waiting.

“I opted for reconstructive surgery, a smaller cup size than I’d been…

before. I’ve had two surgeries since. The implants kept shifting, so then I had them removed altogether.

” She shrugged, finally looking at Charlie.

“I had my last surgery about four months before I moved here. My physical therapy had been going well, but I guess I aggravated it carrying things around the shop.” She glanced around, wincing.

“That he lped put me behind schedule, actually, I overdid it. Anyway, my PT back in California helped me find one nearby.”

“Wow. Magnolia, I’m so sorry,” Charlie said.

She gave her a small smile. “Felt weird not to tell you after this morning. I hadn’t intentionally kept it from you all, it’s just…

” She bit her lip. “I went from trying to stand out among the praising of my older sister and the coddling of my younger sister, to having way more attention than I could handle. I’m talking, like, somehow my whole family knew what I ate each day type of involvement.

Being in a small town where we pretty much knew everybody meant all our neighbors weighed in too.

It was refreshing coming here, kind of finding a bit of me again.

From before. If my boss hadn’t planned on opening this location where she grew up, I would’ve moved somewhere else eventually.

” She swallowed, blinking her eyes rapidly as she picked the white cloth off the table and turned toward the stand-alone, brick bar counter she had thrifted and repurposed as a checkout station.

“Anyway. That’s that. I’ll tell the others, too, but you’re the lucky first.” She turned to wink, her movements a little jerky.

“Magnolia, I’m sorry. I hope you didn’t feel obligated.”

“It feels good to share, actually. It’s part of me, I’m not ashamed of it.”

Not ashamed of it . Charlie stared at the jar in her hands, twisting the lid back and forth.

To be able to acknowledge it like that, to own it, was something Charlie hadn’t even allowed herself to consider.

It seemed far from possible, after burying it so deep in high school.

She didn’t have anyone to talk to about it, or at least, that’s what she’d thought.

What if she simply shared it? Like Magnolia ?

“I’ve been going to PT for a few years now, but no one else knows,” Charlie said softly.

Magnolia moved closer and squatted down to meet her at eye level. “Hey, same thing to you—just because I shared, doesn’t mean you have to.”

Charlie swallowed. “Is it okay if I do?”

“Oh God, yes, of course .” Magnolia sat on the ground, crossed her legs.

Charlie let out a shaky breath. “I’ve been seeing Ali there for pelvic floor therapy.

For vaginismus. As far as we know, it’s something I’ve always had, compounded by stressors and anxiety and all that.

I say that because some women experience issues after surgeries or injuries, physical traumas, that sort of thing.

” She swallowed, her heart pounding in her throat, speeding up her words.

“I had extreme pain, with no form of penetration allowed, even a tampon. I didn’t really know what was going on for years, and I went from doctor to doctor until I finally found someone who knew what I was talking about, who wasn’t just going to prescribe me medication and move on, and recognized that it wasn’t all ‘in my head.’ Once I finally found her, I was referred to a PT, and a therapist who was familiar with it as well.

These last few years have been pretty intensive in going through it all and so… Yeah.” She said the words in a rush.

“Damn. That sucks, Charlie. I’m sorry. That’s had to make romantic relationships pretty difficult. Or even scary?”

“Yes,” Charlie choked. “How do you explain that to someone, when that’s such a major part? Hard to get past feeling like something’s wrong with me. ”

Magnolia’s eyes welled, her nods slight. She rushed onto her knees, wrapping Charlie in a hug.

Neither of them made a sound, but Charlie felt the force of Magnolia’s tears match her own, their breath hitching as they held tight.

“I know that feeling well,” Magnolia whispered. She pulled back, swiping at her cheeks. “The others don’t know?”

Charlie shook her head and wiped tears off her glasses. “No.”

Magnolia tilted her head. “Not even Amber?” she asked softly.

“No, I haven’t been able to bring myself to admit it, beyond my therapist. And now you.”

She squeezed Charlie’s hand. “I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.”

Charlie squeezed hers in return. “Thanks. Same.”

Magnolia stood and cleared her throat. “I think we deserve to wrap this up and get something delicious.”

That brought a genuine smile to Charlie’s face. “You know the way to my heart.”