Page 5 of Hold Me Down (KRK Security #4)

Walking out of the house later that night felt weird—like he shouldn't be leaving Dave alone, despite the fact that Dave would kill him for even thinking that.

The whole "I'm not a child" speech would likely be a recurring theme in the next however-long, and Travis needed to make sure not to give Dave too much ammunition for it.

Independence might as well be Dave's second name, and Travis was usually right there with him, but after today… Fuck , after today he was honestly itching to cover Dave in blankets and not let him out of his sight.

And yet, he had to leave, because he had unfinished business to take care of.

He'd texted Kalei earlier to ask whether he was at home or at the office—half genuine question, half Travis being an asshole—so he now headed straight to Kalei's place.

On one hand, he wanted to have this conversation over with, and on the other, he itched to turn around and never get into it.

If only today had gone differently…

It hadn't, though. It hadn't, and while Dave had told him he wasn't to blame, Travis couldn't shake the feeling that Kalei was right. The fall might have been an accident, sure, but there wouldn't have been one if Travis hadn't pushed.

Even now, he didn't know why he'd told Dave he should be the one going up. Travis was both lighter and taller, and it would have been easier for him.

Or they could have skipped the wall altogether. Their time was good, so they might have made it to the top even without that last part… but Travis wanted it all.

He wanted to push as hard as he could—and the consequences came to bite them in the ass.

Dave was going to be laid out for months, and who knew how long it would take him to get back to the fitness level their job required.

Travis didn't even want to think about not having his partner with him on the job.

One of them did join a different op without the other from time to time when he was needed, but it only happened once or twice a year, maybe.

Everyone knew Dave and Travis were a package deal, and while many other partnerships at KRK were built on solid, deep friendships as well, no other pair had history like they did.

After all, the two of them had met in basic training and had been inseparable ever since. Nobody at their company could say the same—and most people outside of it couldn't, either.

Still, there was no way Travis was going to survive being inactive.

No way. He was full of hectic energy on a good day, and on a bad day it bordered on manic instead.

When he channeled it into work, he was fine—he could focus on the task at hand, on the person they were protecting, and on the frankly predictable rhythm of these things after so many years.

Going without it meant he would have no outlet for all that energy, and if Kalei thought Travis was trouble now…

Fuck .

Travis spent the rest of the ride coming up with things to say, to convince Kalei not to take him out of the field completely, but the closer he got, the less he believed it would work.

Kalei was stubborn and once he'd made up his mind, there was no coming back from it, especially if someone had pushed him too far.

Like Travis had.

Because they'd had those talks. He'd gotten warnings. And then he had done what he'd done, anyway.

After he parked outside of Kalei's place now, he needed a minute to center himself, so he inhaled and exhaled slowly as he stared at the simple house.

Kalei and Maleko had bought it a long time ago, but they'd never lived here together, renting it out while they stayed in a small apartment between deployments and saved up to open a security company one day.

Unfortunately, Maleko had died on a mission before KRK could open—and before the two of them could finally move in here.

On the other hand, if they had, Kalei would have probably needed to switch places, after, because he'd barely lasted a week living alone in their old apartment.

As it were, the inside of the house looked like he'd barely moved in, even though it had been years. Only the ground level was fully furnished and it didn't seem like Kalei was itching to do anything more.

Which Travis totally understood. He hadn't had to go through anything even remotely as traumatic as losing a husband to know he would be a complete mess, if left to his own devices.

Travis had lived with his parents, then he lived wherever the Marine Corps had sent him, and then he moved in with Dave—and they'd been living together ever since, with no end in sight.

Granted, there was a brief period a while ago when Dave had decided to give dating a real try and started going out, and Travis had wondered what it could mean for their living situation in the long-term.

Thankfully, the dating experiment hadn't lasted long, and things had gone back to how they should be.

The front door opening pulled Travis out of his head, and he exited the car as soon as he saw Kalei standing in the doorway.

Damn the man for his situational awareness. Of course he had to clock Travis sitting outside of his house. Of course.

Then again, Kalei had probably clocked him the moment he arrived, so maybe Travis should be grateful to have been given a few minutes to gather himself.

Or fifteen minutes, according to his phone.

Oops .

Kalei turned and went back inside as Travis got near, so Travis followed him in and closed the door behind him.

"Take whatever you want from the fridge and let's sit outside."

It wasn't a question, and Kalei didn't wait for him to say anything before heading down the corridor towards the back patio.

Resigned to his fate, Travis went to grab a beer from the fridge, but then redirected and went for orange juice instead. While the upcoming conversation might be harder with no alcohol, it had a chance to be a calmer one this way.

He hoped.

Outside, he sat down on the lawn chair next to Kalei and stared ahead as he took a sip of the juice.

Kalei clasped his hands against his stomach. "Dave's settled in at home?"

"As best as he can, I guess. Since we have no bedroom downstairs, I suggested moving his bed into the living room, but he dismissed the idea, and I don't blame him.

While the stairs will be a pain for a while, he likes his space.

I helped him up before I left, though, and he has everything he may need—including a pair of crutches, which Melissa dropped off already.

He hated them on sight, but he also knows he needs them, so. "

"He probably hates them exactly because he needs them."

"Yeah."

For all that Dave was generally a laid back, optimistic guy, he didn't do well with losing control—or his independence. Travis had a feeling that part of the healing process would be much harder for Dave than the physical side of things.

"I came down hard on you back in the hospital," Kalei spoke next, and Travis's shoulders tensed in an instant. "I should have minced my words more."

"Not if that's how you see things. We didn't come this far to throw glitter at each other's shit."

Kalei snorted. "I was angry at you both, but I was equally angry at myself. Maybe more, if I'm being honest."

"Well, that part is stupid." Travis rapped his fingers against the glass as he balanced it on his thigh. "You're not responsible for every dumb thing we do."

"As your boss, I'm responsible for your safety on the job, and if I thought you might no longer be safe, I should've benched you."

"I don't want to sit on my ass."

"You're not talking me out of benching you now."

Travis swallowed the rest of the juice and put the glass down on the deck before leaning forward in his seat.

"I'll deal with whatever you think I should deal with, but benching me isn't the answer. I'll go mad."

"Listen to yourself, man. You're only giving me more reasons to do so—or rather, you would, if I didn't already know that." Kalei shook his head. "I tried talking to you, and it didn't work. It only brought us here, which neither of us likes. So, this time it's benching and therapy."

Fuck it all to hell .

"Boss—"

"You sent Dave flying up that wall and didn't stop for even half a second to see if he needed support because you wanted to score points, Travis." Kalei leaned forward as well and stared him down. "That's not who you are."

Travis looked away. He had done that. A spur of the moment or not, adrenaline or not, he had done exactly that.

"And I know you wouldn't leave him out in the field if things were rough, that's not what I'm saying.

I'm telling you that in an everyday situation, when there was zero actual danger to consider, you were so pumped on adrenaline that you didn't think clearly.

Which means you're too far down a road I don't want to see you on, so we need to pump the brakes. "

"I would die to keep him safe."

The words were quiet and Travis's voice gritty, and he'd rather that thought stayed inside his head, but it felt like Kalei needed to hear it.

"I know that, and he knows that, too. Hell, everyone knows." Kalei clasped Travis's shoulder and gripped it tight. "Thing is, nobody has to die. It was a training exercise, and there wasn't even a dangerous scenario to go with it. And that tells me—"

"That I fucked up."

"—that you lost the ability to level down. You're always pumped up these days, and you know how dangerous that is."

Travis let out a shaky breath. "I'm not spiraling."

Fuck , how he wished he sounded more certain about it.

"You just told me you'll go mad if I bench you."

"Well, what would I even do?" Travis sat up, causing Kalei to withdraw his hand. "We don't have that much paperwork, and I'll stick out like a sore thumb."

"You'll be happy to know that you may work remotely for a bit. It will give you a chance to take care of Dave for a week or two, since you'll be there to intervene as needed. After that, we'll see. I'll find you something to do at the HQ, don't worry."

"Low blow, using him against me like this," Travis said, even though he did feel better at the idea of being there for Dave. If leaving for an hour or two to come here tonight was this hard, leaving for an entire working day would be excruciating.

"Against you or for you?"

Travis sat back, lowering himself in the chair and pretending it was a rhetorical question.

"Also, I'm serious about the therapy part," Kalei continued. "No matter how Dave's recovery goes, you're not going out into the field until you get a note from your therapist saying that you can."

That made Travis straighten in his seat again. "Oh, come on!"

"The faster you start, the quicker you'll get it, so I wouldn't stall if I were you. I sent you an email at your work address with a list of recommended specialists. You may, of course, pick someone else for the therapy itself, but then you'll have to be evaluated by one of those recommended."

"I don't need therapy."

"Said most veterans I've ever spoken to." Kalei shook his head again. "The fact is, we all need it."

"And are you going or are you sending others in your place instead?"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Travis regretted them, but it was too late, and, fuck , there went his last chance of convincing Kalei of anything.

Still, he owed the man an apology.

"I'm sorry, that was… I shouldn't have said that."

"You keep proving my point, over and over, so I hope it's becoming clearer for you, too." Kalei stared ahead into the trees, now completely black against the dark sky. "But for your information, I am. I started going three months after I buried my husband and I've been going ever since."

Well, damn .