Page 20 of Hold Me Down (KRK Security #4)

Dave turned off the TV with a huff. He couldn't pay attention to anything for even a minute, his thoughts racing around Travis, and where he was, and how he felt about their fight…

As Dave rolled onto the sitting position, he stared at the front door, wishing it to open up, to reveal Travis on the other side, ready and willing to talk things out.

Ready to forgive Dave for his stupid outburst.

The door stayed closed, of course, because life didn't work that way, and the longer he sat there, staring, the worse he would feel, so he needed to get it together.

He wasn't looking forward to getting up the stairs by himself again, but he didn't have much of a choice, unless he wanted to continue wallowing on the couch and imagining Travis picking up some hot stranger at a bar for something easy and fun.

Because Dave clearly liked to torture himself.

Not anymore, though.

He grabbed his crutches from the side and was about to lift himself onto his feet, when there was a quiet noise outside and a moment later, the front door opened.

Travis was back.

Damn , maybe life did work that way, after all, when given enough time.

Dave's heartbeat sped up as they stared at each other for the longest time without uttering a word.

Don't mess this up, don't mess this up—

"I'm sorry."

They both said it at the same time, with Dave maybe half a second ahead, and then there was a beat of silence again, and the tension broke, just like that.

Dave's shoulders almost hurt when they relaxed, but he didn't care, instead offering a little smile to Travis, who nodded and smiled back.

"Okay, then." He quickly shrugged off his boots and a jacket before coming to sit on the couch next to Dave, facing him. "That was a promising start."

With a chuckle, Dave put his crutches aside again and sat back to face Travis, too.

"I'd say so, yes. But there's more where this came from, to be clear. I know I have some explaining to do."

"So do I."

"Yeah, no." Dave shook his head. "That's gracious of you, but we both know better."

"You have more explaining to do—how about that?" Travis ran a hand through his hair. "About today, at least. I have a… larger issue."

Dave's eyebrows shot up at that, but he didn't want to get derailed. Any excuse would be an easy copout, a way to put off something that really needed to be said.

He took a deep breath.

"You know I've always been… fiercely independent."

"Of course. That's one of the best things about you."

That sent a warmth through Dave's chest he really had to ignore if he were to get through his plan.

"Well, sometimes it's one of the worst, too. Because it's not—"

He looked away, his gaze falling on the small pile of books that had been there on the side table from the day after his accident.

Why were the words somehow escaping him now?

"My injury isn't that bad, considering everything, and yet I've been struggling lately, and it pisses me off."

"I get it. I'd be climbing the walls—and falling on my ass while doing so." Travis snorted. "Seriously, it would have been a disaster."

"Yeah, well, this doesn't feel like a tremendous success, either.

" Dave waved at himself. "I suck at accepting help, and it's even worse than I thought," he admitted quietly.

"I've never been good at it, but this whole thing, especially the last few days…

I don't know. It's been driving me to the brink, and I guess I finally fell over. "

"Hey." Travis clasped a hand on Dave's shoulder. "You had a bad day—"

"Or two."

"—or two. It happens." His hold tightened briefly.

"You've been doing well with accepting not only my help, but also Ian's mission to feed you.

You've done everything the doctors and Melody told you to do, and then some.

Considering how deep that need for independence runs in you, the fact that you didn't go off earlier is quite an accomplishment, if you think about it. "

Dave grinned at Travis's teasing tone, something unclenching in his chest and allowing him to breathe easier.

"Well, you were working hard at distracting me, so there's that."

"I was happy to provide such important assistance at this difficult time."

They both laughed, one setting the other off, and for a minute there, it felt easy again, and good. It would take no effort at all to lean in for a kiss, to pull Travis closer, to jump to the make-up sex and forget everything else.

But if Dave didn't say his part now, he might never get it out.

"There's no one in my life I trust more than you," he told Travis, voice serious again.

"You know that, and a bunch of people know it, too.

That's not a secret. But even though it's a no-brainer for me to put my life in your hands in the field, it's apparently much, much harder to say, 'hey, can you help me go upstairs, please'.

But then," he added when Travis opened his mouth, "you offer, and I still can't easily say, 'sure, let's go'.

I was trying, but there's only so much I can take. "

"Like I said, you held out for two weeks. That's more than I would've."

"I hope we'll never find out."

Travis shrugged. "Either way, I know I haven't been making it easy on you, hovering and trying to guess your every move. I overdid it, and I'm sorry."

"I overreacted big time." Dave shook his head. "I shouldn't have snapped at you last night, and I definitely shouldn't have said what I said today, either."

"I was determined to give you more space today, but when I saw you on that bench, I—" Travis winced. "All I could think of were the multiple scenarios of what could have gone wrong."

Dave nodded, glancing down at his hands.

"I broke our rule. I fucked up, and I know that.

It's like my mind was only focused on one thing—a proper challenge that would make me feel like I accomplished something, anything .

Thinking about it now, I'm frankly embarrassed by this whole thing, but when I was in the moment…

I don't know. My blood was pumping, I was figuring things out for myself, and it felt good. "

"Yeah, I'm guessing that's exactly why Kalei wanted to bench us, because my thinking was similar all those times he got pissed at me before. And I know I sound like a hypocrite when I lecture you about safety, but—"

"No, you were right. I broke our rule," Dave repeated. "If you broke it, I'd be pissed, too."

"Looks like we both sometimes do stupid shit out of frustration, whether we're aware of it in the moment or not."

Tempted as he was to ask Travis more about his side of it—in the past, Travis had always denied there being something other than adrenaline pushing him to act out a little too much—Dave knew it would only pull them away from the main point.

"Apparently so. Either way, my issues aren't your fault or your responsibility to solve."

"Are you going to therapy behind my back?" Travis blurted out, only to grimace a second later. "Sorry. Sorry, it just sounded like something my therapist might say."

Dave snorted and rubbed his thigh.

"Which means I've been talking to Colin way too much lately. I told him he was using a lot of therapy-talk, and now it's rubbed off on me."

"It's not bad, for the record." Travis withdrew his hand from Dave's shoulder and tangled his fingers in a lose hold in his lap. "I'm starting to dig it."

"Therapy?"

Travis rolled his head in a way that wasn't a nod but could be, at least in part.

"I don't enjoy the part where I have to talk about things, but the reframing is helpful. And pointing out new perspectives, too. Hell, sometimes even the obvious ones, like what you said about my issues not being your fault or responsibility. Of course they aren't."

"I said it the other way around, but sure.

Hearing it out loud does make it sound obvious.

Still, since those issues aren't anyone's to solve but mine, I want to do better with it, so, here we go.

" Dave took another deep breath. He could do it.

He could. "I'm frustrated, because I want to be independent, but the truth is, I also want other people to see me as independent, and strong, and like I don't need anyone to help me.

I trust you with my life, but I don't want you to think of me as—"

He pressed his lips shut, words sticking in his throat.

"Fuck, Dave." Travis reached out again, this time catching Dave's wrist and squeezing it. "You're one of the strongest men I've ever known, but even if you weren't, I wouldn't think less of you now. I wouldn't think you're weak."

Here it was. The word that still couldn't make its way out of Dave's mouth.

"You are all those things you described—independent, and strong, and determined to be self-sufficient," Travis went on.

"That's not who you have to be day in and day out, however—both because that would be impossible, but also because it's not all that you are.

You're so much more than that. I'd give you a list if I didn't think your head would grow too big. "

Chuckling, Dave stared down at their hands and wondered if Travis could feel the jump in his pulse or the quickened rhythm of it.

"Most days, I know that," he admitted. "I go to work, where we're all more than that, and I like people there for many different things.

But then my stupid leg gets broken, and it's suddenly as if my world narrowed to what I can and cannot do, and if I'm neither strong nor independent, I'm not quite sure what's left. "

As Travis tightened the hold on his wrist, Dave lifted his gaze, looking straight into Travis's bright blue eyes, only to be met with his narrowed, singular focus.

It took Dave's breath away.

"Here comes a list, then," Travis said in a gruff, low voice he rarely used outside of sex.

"You're funny and quick with a comeback.

You're efficient. Most days, you read me like an open book, whether I like it or not.

You're one of the top tacticians at KRK, and I'm pretty sure Kalei only tasked me with reviewing the procedures because he knew you'd get involved.

You're also the sexiest fucking guy I've ever seen.

I never get enough of you, which is something I never had, with anyone.

And I'm not just talking about sex, although, that, too, for sure.

But I'm never tired of you, period. I could talk to you for hours, or not say a word for hours, and it honestly says something about my intelligence that it took me this long to realize I'm in love with you, but I get it now. I do."

Dave's heart was pounding wildly in his chest now, and he turned his hand in Travis's hold to grab him, too, desperately needing the contact.

"Say it again." Barely above a whisper, but that was all he could do. "Please, say it again."

A wide smile bloomed on Travis's face along with a rare flush, and, damn , Dave wanted to kiss him so badly.

"I'm in love with you. Whatever you want to do with this, or not, that's fine, but I thought you should know."

"You asshole, come here." Dave pulled at their joined hands, and Travis moved closer until he was hovering a breath away from Dave's lips, as if waiting for him to bridge that last bit of space.

And Dave did, because how could he not, after a confession like that?

He started slow, brushing his lips against Travis in more of a tease than anything else, but then he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, tasting Travis again after what felt like forever.

It had been at least thirty hours since the last time, which seemed like a horrible oversight now.

Travis cupped the back of his neck, and something in Dave relaxed even further, that last knot of tension releasing as Travis licked into his mouth like a man on a mission, determined and not giving an inch.

When they pulled back to get some air, they were both breathing hard as they stared at each other, and Dave didn't know where to look—at Travis's bright eyes, his flushed cheeks, his smile…

He realized he hadn't seen Travis so happy in a long time.

Dave could definitely relate.

"Tell me again."

He ran a hand up Travis's chest to his shoulder, squeezing the hard muscle there. The body was familiar, but the words weren't, and Dave still couldn't quite grasp the magnitude of what Travis had given him just now.

"You know, I don't want to make assumptions, but if you had something to say, I'd love to hear it, too." Travis ran his thumb over the soft skin behind Dave's ear, sending shivers down his body. "But I'm in love with you, either way. If you're not there—"

"I'm there," Dave cut in, not wanting Travis to doubt Dave's feelings for even a second, now that they were safe to share. "I've been there. I'm in love with you, too."

Travis kissed him at that, hard and hungry, as if trying to catch the words straight from Dave's mouth.

He didn't have to, though. Dave would happily repeat them, over and over again.

Preferably forever.