Page 14 of Hold Me Down (KRK Security #4)

Dave had to pretty much throw Travis out of the house on Sunday morning to make him go to the bi-weekly basketball game with the guys, because Travis was ready to forego any amount of fun for…

Dave wasn't even sure what. Travis was either trying to punish himself or resisting leaving Dave alone, and Dave hated both of those options.

Unfortunately, once Travis had finally left, Dave was tired and cranky, and honestly ready to throw in the towel and bury himself in bed until his damn leg healed itself—or until he combusted out of sheer frustration.

The list of all the things he couldn't do—normal, everyday things, not even anything strenuous—seemed to only be growing.

He couldn't get to the bottom drawer of the freezer, or drop to the floor and retrieve his favorite pen from under the couch.

He couldn't easily change out of his sweatpants after he'd spilled a few blackberries on them, which meant they were probably going to stain for good.

Hell , he couldn't even watch the very last minutes of the Eastern Conference Finals because he badly needed to pee and with how long it took him to get to the bathroom these days, waiting until the end of the game was out of the question.

By the time Travis returned, Dave was lying on the couch, holding a pillow to his chest and staring at the TV with an intensity that a reality show about selling stupidly overpriced mansions definitely did not deserve.

"Everyone misses you," Travis told him as soon as the door clicked shut behind him.

"It made me wonder if we shouldn't host a little get-together, actually.

We could barbecue some food—or rather argue with Kalei until he inevitably takes over—drink some beers, and then stuff ourselves full only to complain about it afterwards. "

A part of Dave liked the idea—they'd rarely hosted more than two or three people at once but always had fun at Kalei's when he threw company-wide barbecues.

Not seeing everyone for almost two weeks now had made Dave miss them and really appreciate the built-in social life at work.

While a few people had come by to see him, and others texted and stuff, it wasn't the same.

There was a bigger part of Dave that didn't want the team to see him like this, though.

He knew it was stupid, of course, but it was also the truth.

He wouldn't be able to do any actual hosting or mingling, forced to sit back and watch as Travis and others easily handled everything around him.

To top it all off, he would be no fun. He was used to being the life of the party, ceding ground only to Martinez, but Dave didn't have it in him now.

Hurting and frustrated, he was a moping mess unless Travis distracted him properly, which wasn't a viable plan for recovery—or for anything, really.

Still, it was the only one Dave got, these days.

"Hey, you alright?" Travis stepped to the couch and squatted next to it.

Another thing I can't do , Dave thought and sighed, slowly turning onto his back and staring at the ceiling.

"I'm in no shape for a party," he finally admitted, out of several discarded options for a response. "Maybe some other time."

"There's no shape—"

"Then I'm in no mood," Dave cut him off without looking away from the ceiling. "Honestly. It's a good idea once I'm better, but not now."

Travis didn't say anything for a long moment, then rose back onto his feet.

Dave rubbed his eyes. Shit . He had to stop mentally listing everything Travis could do that he couldn't or else he would lose his mind—and possibly a friend.

He could almost hear a screech in his head at that, and didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Wow , he was seriously moping if he'd gone this far.

Needing a distraction, he finally met Travis's gaze. Dave was definitely not in the mood for sex, which meant…

"How about we order a pizza or two?"

Travis stared at him for a few long seconds before nodding.

"Pizza it is. With cheese sticks."

Now a smile came a little easier. "Yesss. You know the way to a man's heart."

"To yours, definitely."

All too well, I'm afraid .

"As much melted cheese as our arteries can sustain, and then some," Travis added, turning away as he pulled out his phone. "Coming right up."

Dave ignored a familiar twinge of disappointment, since he really should have known better.

He'd already had as much of Travis's love and attention as he was ever going to get, and while it wasn't the kind of love Dave had hoped might develop as time went on, it was better than anything he could get from anyone else.

He'd tried that, after all, a few months ago. It didn't go well.

And yet, he couldn't get rid of the last remnants of hope of something shifting, of Travis one day realizing the same things Dave had—that a romantic relationship wasn't so hard if you met the right person, and that they'd both met the right person already, on a sunny afternoon eighteen years ago.

Closing his eyes, Dave pulled the pillow he was still holding closer to his chest and took a deep breath, then another, trying to push back that feeling of not enough. It would only lead to resentment, which was the last thing he wanted.

Colin would be proud Dave actually remembered some of the lessons from marriage therapy he'd tried to instill in him.

"Done," Travis announced from up close, and Dave opened his eyes, startled, only to see Travis leaning over the back of the couch. "Food should be here in twenty-five minutes, so I'm gonna shower real quick and be right back. Unless there's something you need first?"

Dave shook his head and watched Travis leave, before slowly sitting up and rolling himself onto his feet—one foot, really—while gripping the arm of the couch for balance.

There were many things he needed help with now, and while he didn't like it, he had no choice but to accept it. He could do other things, however, even if slower and more unsteady, so he wasn't going to bother Travis with them.

He was going to white-knuckle it through this recovery no matter what.

* * *

Of course, white-knuckling it and trying to do things on his own wasn't so easy when he had a partner trained in paying attention to his surroundings.

Not only would Travis hand him a glass of water before Dave could fully sit upright from his slump to reach for it, but he also fetched him the second package of cheese sticks, a paper towel, and the remote Dave dropped when he tried to grab the paper towel roll from the coffee table.

It was honestly embarrassing how clumsy Dave was now, but Travis didn't comment on it even once.

Which was the worst part of it, in a way, because if Travis had teased him, Dave wouldn't have even raised an eyebrow. That's what they did, after all—constantly ribbing each other and not taking each other too seriously.

But there was little to no teasing tonight, both of them in their heads—or maybe Travis was really that invested in following the ridiculous plot of the show they'd put on.

The crime was convoluted, the prosecutor's case was sketchy at best, and while Dave had checked out of the show halfway through the episode, he'd seen enough to know the cops had mishandled critical evidence.

Finally, when the episode was over, he decided to put himself out of his misery at least for the day, and go to bed early. There was hoping tomorrow would be better, but for now, he was done.

Waiting until Travis busied himself in the kitchen with the pizza boxes and plates, Dave stood up on his own again and grabbed the crutches. He knew he had no chance of going upstairs without Travis noticing, but he could at least get a head start.

Or not.

"You heading up?" Travis appeared in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, and when Dave nodded, he stepped closer immediately. "Okay, let's do this."

"No," Dave protested too loudly, stopping Travis in his tracks. "No, thanks, I'll be fine," he added in a softer tone, even though he didn't meet Travis's gaze as he put his crutches on the first step.

"I thought we went over this—"

"Well, that was before, now it's later, and I want to do this on my own, okay?"

Dave snapping was a truly rare thing, so it made them both pause. He immediately felt guilty, of course, but he was determined to stand his ground on this one.

"Sorry, it's… I really need to do this myself."

For a minute there, Travis looked like he was going to argue.

Then, he nodded.

"Okay."

Still, he didn't move from his place already at the bottom of the stairs, so after a couple of seconds of staring, Dave resigned himself to asking.

"You're not going to watch me go up, are you?"

Narrowing his eyes briefly, Travis shrugged. "Humor me and my overbearing tendencies."

How about you humor me and back off , Dave wanted to say, but he thankfully swallowed the words back. He really was tired of his own bullshit today.

"Fine," he gritted out before facing away from Travis and climbing the first step, then the next one, and the next.

It was slow going, and his arms ached more than when he had Travis to lean on, for sure, but he was doing this. He was going up the fucking stairs on his own, and it might be a silly thing to be proud of, but tonight, Dave would take it.

He needed that win.

Unfortunately, his body wasn't as happy with him, and he was a sweaty mess of tight muscles by the time he got to the top of the stairs.

How ridiculous was that?

"You good?" Travis spoke up from below, and Dave would bet everything he owned that if he asked Travis for help now, the man wouldn't even blink, wouldn't throw it in his face, because he understood Dave's thirst for independence more than perhaps anyone Dave had ever met.

And yet, the words wouldn't leave his mouth.

He was already depending on Travis for so many things that he couldn't handle anything more tonight.

Tomorrow, maybe. But not tonight.

Even if it meant a shower that would last forever or a half-assed massage of his thigh because Dave couldn't get the same angle Travis had and couldn't dig as deep.

"I'm good," Dave told him without turning back. "See you tomorrow."

It wasn't until he was in his room and sitting down on the bed for a minute to give his body a break that he realized it was going to be the first night since the accident that they wouldn't sleep in the same bed.

There was a pang in his chest at that, then another when he realized it was all his doing. He'd made it sound like Travis wasn't welcome in his bed tonight.

And sure, Dave had zero desire to have sex, but they could have just gone to sleep.

It wasn't like they'd had sex every night for the last two weeks, there were two or three nights in between when Dave had fallen asleep pretty much the moment his head hit the pillow and woken up in the middle of the night to see Travis asleep next to him.

For whatever reason, he'd needed a break from everything tonight, though. And now he had it.

If only it felt better than it actually did.