Page 36 of Here in My Heart (Here Together #2)

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

She might have said too much. But for once, regret didn’t hang around in Ade’s consciousness.

She was glad to have created a cocoon of calm in which Sylvie could focus, and after they’d peeled themselves away from each other’s lips, they both got some work done.

By Monday, the equilibrium of their fragile in-the-moment relationship was back on track.

The successful afternoon at the marine center had been followed by a weekend of easy contentment.

Ade was dreading the latest of her student counseling windows, but she settled in her office, ready for the first of her appointments. Her misgivings about her own abilities clung on, but this was a chance to show up for her students and quiet her self-doubt.

Madison turned up twenty minutes late. Having already begun to worry, Ade’s concern tripled when she saw the state of her. Her limp, greasy hair fell against her shoulders, and her eyes were red, with dark shadows hanging above her gaunt cheeks.

“What’s going on with you?” Ade feared that the reprimands for the faked attestations had been worse than expected. “Are you okay?” Silly question, given the obvious physical evidence.

“Just tired,” Madison said, her voice croaking with a clear lack of rest.

“Please, come and sit down. I’m worried about you.

” Ade immediately clocked the red lines on Madison’s arms: a sign that she’d been cutting herself.

Helping her with that was way beyond Ade’s expertise and pay grade.

But she couldn’t abandon her right now; she was obviously in crisis.

“Hey, I’m going to ask you some questions.

You don’t need to answer me, but if you want to talk to me, it’s just between us.

Though I do need to tell you that if I think you might be at risk of any harm, I’m gonna need to tell someone else about it, okay? ”

Madison nodded, as if she’d resigned herself to the conditions of their meeting, and that might just be the reason she showed up.

Ade nodded at the marks on her arm. “Have you hurt yourself, Madison?”

Madison gave a whimper of acknowledgment.

“You want to talk about why?”

“Not really.”

“You planning on doing something more serious?” Ade asked, not really wanting the answer.

Madison met her eye contact. “No.”

Ade believed her. But she had to make sure. “Are you thinking about it?”

Madison shrugged. “If I wanted to, I would’ve done it by now. Trust me.”

That did not make Ade feel a ton better. “What can I do to help?”

“I want to go home, but my folks say they’re not willing to pay the airfare, and I need to suck it up. They said I’m homesick, and I’ll feel better when the weather improves.”

Sounded like something her dad would say, and her pops would get mad about. “How do you feel about all that?”

Madison stared at her filthy shoes. “Trapped in this shitty place with no real friends and no one to talk to. I can’t understand half of what people say to me. The work is too hard, and the schedule is almost double what we had last semester.”

Ade’s computer of a brain returned a blank file. Damn it . Madison was sitting right there in front of her, expecting her to solve her problems. What would Sylvie do? Ade cleared her throat again. “I don’t think I have an answer right now.”

Madison rolled her eyes. “Great. Thanks.”

“Wait.” Ade started to pace and flapped her hands, which helped clear the fog in her mind. “I don’t think either of us need to have all the answers.”

Madison screwed her nose up.

“It sounds like you’re feeling really lonely out here,” Ade said.

“I miss home.”

“And the pressure of classes is mounting.” Ade practiced the reflection technique her therapist had taught her to clarify meaning when she struggled to grip a social situation.

Madison nodded.

So far, so good. “What do you think the options are?”

Madison picked at her pink nail gels. “Go home.”

“That’s one option. Are there any others?”

“I guess I could reduce my class load. We talked about that before Christmas.”

Ade didn’t want to get into what had happened before Christmas, fearing the guilt about the faked report cards would worsen Madison’s current mood.

But tweaking her schedule was pretty safe ground.

Even Sylvie couldn’t deny that. “I can definitely help with your schedule. I’ll speak to the faculty admin today, and we’ll see what we can do.

What else? Have you spoken to anyone about how you’re feeling? ”

“Nuh-uh.” Madison shook her head. “But I think Greg is a good guy. The others are pretty toxic.”

“Greg is solid, I can attest to that.” Ade nodded, finally on firm ground. She sat back down, leaning back, not wishing to crowd Madison and cause her to panic. “What about the cutting? Can we do anything about that?”

“I’ve always done it. It’s nothing new.” Madison pulled her bag on her lap. “I’ll try not to, but I can’t make promises.”

“I get that.” Ade was out of her depth with this, but she pressed on.

“Promise me one thing, okay? Stay safe. Keep it clean and try not to get infected. And if you do feel worse… I mean, if you think about hurting yourself, come and talk to me or someone else. I’ll make a referral to the well-being team. ”

Ade continued her sessions, pushing the worry about Madison to the back of her mind until the end of the day, when she downloaded to Sylvie on their way home.

“It sounds like you handled that really well,” said Sylvie.

“I just asked myself: what would you do in this situation?” Ade shrugged.

Sylvie grimaced. “I’m not sure you should stake all your hard conversations on what I would do. I often get things spectacularly wrong.”

“I don’t think so.” Ade squeezed Sylvie’s hip, enjoying the proximity on their commute home by tram. “Once I tracked your voice in my head, I just leaned into my instincts.”

“Sounds like a tough session. Did you report it to the well-being team?”

“I filed a report right away.” Ade flicked the screen on her phone. “They got back to me with a referral link that I can send onto Madison.”

“Good. Tell her I’d be more than happy to talk to her too, if that would help.” Sylvie rested her hand on Ade’s thigh. “Not that I want to step on your toes. You’re doing a good job.”

Ade looked down at her toes and the clear gap between her feet and Sylvie’s. “I know.” She closed her eyes to the crowded tram and focused on the gentle sway of the car. When she opened them, the orange lights of the city’s street lamps were speeding past the windows.

“You okay?” Sylvie asked.

“I’m going to miss you while we’re away.

” Her head pounded with the heaviness of the day, but the flicker of pride in her chest was enough to keep her going.

Rather than retreat to the solitude of the marine lab, today she’d faced her fears and dealt with the most human of problems: someone in pain, hurting from loneliness and overwhelm.

Ade had been there. She’d climbed the spiral that Madison was trying to clamber out of. She wanted to be there when Madison needed her most. She wanted to prove to herself and others that she could stand on her own two feet and not just be a grown-up but also a helpful person.

But most of all, she wanted Sylvie to see her and value her. Ade already ached from Sylvie’s impending absence. Would Sylvie’s essence stay in her heart when she wasn’t by her side?