Page 32 of Here in My Heart (Here Together #2)

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

“It’s a few shifts at the bar,” said Steph, dragging Ade by the sleeve down the tall, thin alley.

Ade blinked away the glare of the streetlamp. “So you’ll be sticking around for a while?” She’d do just about anything to escape Steph’s clutches and head back to Sylvie’s for a quiet evening in.

“Yeah, for as long as they’ll have me.”

“But you’re supposed to be traveling this year, not working in a bar. What’s Dad going to say?”

“He’ll have to find out first, won’t he?” Steph glared. “It’s just a few weeks to top up my travel fund, and then I’ll be out of here. Maybe less if I can pull in some tips.”

Ade counted the paving slabs until they reached the threshold of the Irish Tavern.

“What’s up? Think I’ll cramp your style with Sylvie?” Steph approached the bar. “Hey, Dermot.”

The oversized bartender’s face lit up. “Hello there, Stephanie.” He looked at Ade. “This must be your twin.”

“It sure is.”

“Two of you? Jesus, what a package.” He extended his chubby hand to Ade. “Nice to meet you. Welcome to our little slice of Ireland.”

“Thank you,” Ade said, enjoying his warm and kind voice.

“So your sister here is joining us for a few weeks. Will we be seeing you too?” Dermot asked and gave a kind smile.

“I’m here now,” Ade said.

“Well, that’s grand.” He chuckled and filled another glass from the large brass pump. “What can I get you both? ”

“A diet Coke and a pint of Guinness, please,” Steph said.

“Grab yourselves a booth, and I’ll bring them over.”

Ade followed Steph to the back of the bar, grateful that the evening crowds had not yet gathered. “I’d like to invite Sylvie up to my place, and I’d rather you and I weren’t sharing a bed.”

“Well, that told me.” Steph laughed, brushing off Ade’s concern. “I’ll make myself scarce, I promise. Plus most of the shifts are evenings and weekends, so you’ll have plenty of time to entertain your new friend.”

“She’s not a friend.” The word stuck in Ade’s throat. It wasn’t nearly adequate to describe the depth of the feelings she had for Sylvie.

Steph squinted. “What do you mean?”

“What does love feel like?” Ade asked. “Romantic love, I mean. Not like Dad and Pops.”

Steph’s mouth hung open. It was a rare moment that her sister was lost for words.

“I need a real drink for this, Ade. Hang on.” She turned as Dermot set down the pint of Guinness on a flimsy coaster, then she lifted the glass to her lips and gulped four times. “What the fuck is happening with you?”

“What do you mean, happening?” Ade scratched her head. “I just asked you a question, and you haven’t answered it.”

Steph leaned back, smiling. “Okay. Romantic love?” She picked at the cardboard coaster. “I’m no expert. I’ve only really had one serious, and seriously flawed, relationship. But I can tell you how I felt.”

“I’d be grateful.” Ade nodded.

“Initially, pretty intoxicating. Like I was addicted to her. I had a thirst that I just couldn’t quench.”

Ade nodded. “Yes. That’s it.”

“That’s not it.” Steph touched her hand across the table. “That’s desire and attraction; it’s not love.”

“Why are you telling me what isn’t love? You’re not answering the question.”

“I’m sorry, I was getting to it.” Steph held her hands up. “Love is…wanting to be with someone so much that you think you might fade away without them. When you’re not with them, you do fade a little. Then they walk into the room, and your whole body and mind is turned on like a light switch.”

“Is it like you didn’t know you had something inside you, like a treasure chest? And when you see that person, it’s like they’re the only one with the key? No one else could have unlocked it.” Ade wasn’t good with metaphors, but that was the best she could do.

“Is that how you feel?” Steph asked, taking another gulp of her drink.

“Maybe. I’m trying to put it into words, but the concepts are tricky.” Ade spun her ring. “Is it like finally being understood without having to say anything?”

“Yeah. I think it might be.” Steph rubbed her eye.

“Are you crying?”

“No, you idiot.” She giggled. “Is it that serious between you and Sylvie? Aren’t you just hanging out?”

Ade laced her fingers together. “We have been hanging out. But the more we hang, the harder it gets to leave.”

“Have you told her any of this?” Steph asked.

“With my words? No.” Ade was pretty certain that her body had communicated all of it, and more.

“What has she said?”

Everything . She’d said everything and nothing. “I can’t work it out. When we’re together, it’s amazing. But we haven’t talked about how we’re feeling. Not really.”

“So it could be casual for her?”

Ade flinched. “I really hope not.”

“What’s her story? Is she a serial monogamist or a casual fling kinda gal?”

Ade didn’t know. How did she not know? Doubt sprouted in her mind, growing rapid, tangling roots. “Do you think I’m just a casual hook-up for her?”

Steph blew out her cheeks. “I don’t know Sylvie all that well. She’s much older than you, and she lives here. I mean, what could a future look like? It’s not like she’s going to come back to Monterey and live in the annex with us, is it?”

“Fuck.” Ade hadn’t thought the logistics through.

“Sounds like you have some talking to do with your new gal pal.” Steph swirled the diminishing black liquid in her glass. “Hey,” she reached for Ade’s hand, “I like Sylvie. I think she’s special too.”

They were joined by two more of Steph’s new bar friends.

Ade wondered at how her sister could collect acquaintances like ticket stubs, accumulating several for each city she visited.

When the crowd and the decibels increased, Ade made her excuses and headed back to the apartment.

At the Place St Roch, her feet took her toward Sylvie’s apartment.

She buzzed the intercom, desperate for Sylvie to be in so she could satisfy her latest craving.

Sylvie waited at the entrance, her hip cocked, a wide smile, and her hair tumbling out of place. “I thought we were having a night off?”

Ade looked at the floor, not proud of her inability to abstain for just a single evening. “That’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be.”

“Oh, yeah?” Sylvie swayed her hips on the way inside. “Lucky I was in. I have a packed social calendar.”

“You do?” Ade hovered. Should she leave Sylvie to it?

“No.” Sylvie turned and put her arms around Ade, pulling her into a long kiss. “I’m kidding. The truth is I’ve been pining for you and trying to distract myself with polishing furniture.”

The chemical smell made Ade’s eyes sting. “It’s kinda strong.”

“Is it? I haven’t sprayed it in the bedroom.” Sylvie took her hand and led the way.

Ade willingly followed, aching for Sylvie’s mouth against hers again. But she also wanted to talk. Steph’s words twisted like a corkscrew inside her head. She perched on the edge of Sylvie’s bed, kicked off her shoes and pulled off her heavy winter coat. “ Can we talk first?”

Sylvie kneeled on the bed behind Ade and slipped her arms around Ade’s torso. “Of course. What’s on your mind?”

“Stephanie.” Ade swiveled onto the bed to face Sylvie and took her hands.

“You want to talk about your sister right now?” Sylvie smirked. “You never fail to surprise me. Just when I think you’re the most consistent person in my whole world.”

“I’ve just been with Steph, and I was asking her about…” Ade stumbled on the right words. Could she admit the strength of her feelings to Sylvie without her running from them?

“You can tell me.” Sylvie stroked the back of her hand, leaving a warm trail.

“I was asking about how you know when you feel something for someone.”

An understanding silence hung in the few inches between them.

“What are you feeling?” Sylvie asked.

“I can’t put the rights words together,” said Ade. “But it’s unfamiliar. I haven’t felt it before. Steph said it’s like an addiction.”

“I get that. I couldn’t give you up right now.”

“Really? Me too.” Ade released the air from her lungs and the tightness from her body with a long breath. “What does it mean?”

“I don’t know. This is a first for me too.” Sylvie folded her arms. “I know you think I’m the older and wiser one here, but the reality is I’ve never allowed myself to get close enough to someone to feel this way about them.”

Ade followed the lines of stitching on the bedspread, grappling with her feelings like they were a math problem that could be solved. “It’s new for both of us?”

“I guess so.” Sylvie caressed Ade’s cheek. “We might need to work it out together. What are you thinking right now?”

“I want to kiss you so bad. Like all the time.” Ade grinned. “I want to wake up with you. I want to walk into campus with you. I never want to be away from you.” Out loud, all that sounded crazy. But it was the truth.

Sylvie looked away. “What about the summer when you have to go home? The odds are stacked against us.”

“What do you mean?” Ade asked.

“We live on different continents. The clock is ticking on your time here.”

“You could come home with me.”

A raspy, almost bitter laugh escaped from Sylvie. “That’s exactly my point. You live your life exactly as you should: you’re young, and life is about you.”

“You’re young too.” Ade put her finger to Sylvie’s lips, wanting to hush any more barriers.

“I’m closing in on forty, and my career is here. In many ways, we’re on different tracks, and we have to think about the future.”

“But I want you.” Ade cupped her cheek. “I want you now. I don’t know about the future, but what’s in this moment matters to me.”

“You have me for now,” Sylvie tapped a line of kisses on her fingers, “if not forever.”

“That can’t be enough.” Tears pricked at Ade’s eyes. Had she found the love of her life only for it to be fleeting?

“It might have to be, darling.” Sylvie kissed her lips.

Ade dropped her gaze. “That makes me so sad.”

“Why? You’re the one that tells me to live in the present, not the past, nor the future. We can enjoy every single moment from now until you go home.” Sylvie walked her fingers down the buttons of Ade’s shirt until she reached the waist of her jeans. “Every. Single. Moment.”

Sylvie was right. If this was all they had, Ade couldn’t waste it.

It’s not like she could uproot her life and move to California.

And Ade couldn’t fathom a permanent move away from her support network.

She leaned into the welcome kiss and tried to banish the future from her mind. The present was here to be enjoyed.