Page 54 of Hell Bent (Portland Devils #5)

“Perhaps,” she said, “Sebastian would prefer waiting in his car as well.”

I looked at him, and he said, “Whatever you want.”

“Or,” my mother went on, “we could do the logical thing. Which is for you to say goodnight to him and allow us to have an honest conversation.”

“Well, no,” I said. “As my car is back at his place, and so are my clothes for tomorrow, and so is my food for tomorrow.”

“Are you living with this man?” she asked, her tone sharper.

“Nope,” I said. “I’m staying at his place on the weekends. I’m warming up my tea. You can share it if you like, Sebastian. Want me to put yours in, Mother?”

She consented to that, looking resigned, and when I pulled the mugs out again, I told Sebastian, “Let’s sit down,” and slid into the dinette. He slid in beside me, and it was good to have him there. Embarrassing, but good, if you see what I mean.

My mother slid in opposite me, and if I’d thought I’d throw her off, I’d underestimated her.

She didn’t look at Sebastian, just asked me, “Is that outfit appropriate, do you think? A tight leather skirt? A sweater that’s falling off you, and no stockings?

That’s not how I brought you up to dress. You look like a?—”

“Well, no.” That was Sebastian. “She looks like a beautiful woman who went out to dinner with friends.”

“Friends,” my mother said.

“NFL players,” I said. “And their partners. I’d never have considered myself NFL-girlfriend material, yet here we are.”

“We’re just people,” Sebastian said. “And not all the same.”

I said, “I get that.”

“Just saying,” he said. “As it’s been mentioned a couple times here. You’re not your job, and I’m not mine. And neither are any of those other guys.”

I said, “Right. You’re right. I know it.” And tucked my hair behind my ear, because I was embarrassed. Was I a snob? “Except—” I hesitated .

“What?” he asked.

My mother said, “This is not the point.”

“No, but it is,” I said. “OK, it’s hot that you’re so good at something so physical, of course it is, and you being a celebrity and making lots of money doesn’t exactly repulse me, even though I’d have said it would. I think what really gets me is how hard you work.”

“Well, that’s a new one,” he said. “And I’m not a celebrity.”

“You were in the paper today,” I said.

“It’s Portland. It’s the home team. I wasn’t in the New York Times.”

“No,” I tried to explain. “Not just at football. You work that hard at everything. He has his nephew living with him,” I told my mother, “because his sister’s dying.

That’s hard, and he’s been so strong. So dedicated to doing what Ben needs.

And with me, too. He’s just—” Wait. I should be talking to Sebastian.

Not as comfortable, but I looked at him and said it.

“You’re just so there. You’re willing to fight if we have to.

You’re willing to talk it over. You’re willing to do this, for that matter. And you see me. I don’t embarrass you.”

“How would you embarrass me?” he asked.

“Excuse me. Electrician? Mud on face? Hard hat? Carhartts?”

“Nah,” he said. “That was just funny.” And grinned.

My mother said, “That earring is Chanel.” Her tone a little sharp.

“Yes,” I said. “Sebastian gave it to me for my birthday. The necklace, too.”

“Hmm,” she said. “You do realize that professional sports are notoriously unreliable as a future income source. I work with a few former players. The ones who haven’t already spent all their money. That’s why it’s only a few.”

“Always a danger,” Sebastian agreed .

“Mother,” I said, “I’m dating the guy. I’m not marrying him! Why are you quizzing him about his financial status?”

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian said. “I’m not sharing my financial status with anybody whose business it isn’t. Which is just about nobody. I’ll tell you, though, if you like.”

“I don’t like,” I said. “Because it is none of my business. But what I said is true. I can take care of myself.” I told my mother, “I have over two hundred thousand invested.”

She said, “How?—”

“With Charles Schwab,” I said. “In a no-load index fund, because I learned your lessons well. I put in at least twenty thousand a year until I went to college, which was easy, because I was living in a trailer and paying no rent. It’s been earning that compound interest, and as you know, the last couple of years have been good in the market.

I own the trailer, and I own my truck. I’m fine, and I’ll be fine.

Could you trust that you and Dad raised me right? Please?”

She said, “But your condition.”

I sighed, pushed a hand through my hair, and said, “I know you love me. I know you worry. And, yes, I’ve had a little pain. I’m on the books at the hemostasis clinic at Oregon Health & Science University, and I’ve already had an infusion when I needed it.”

“I knew it,” she said. “I knew it.”

“And do you know what Sebastian did when that happened?” I asked. “When I finally told him? He was mad at me for not telling him before or asking for help. Exactly like you. And he bullied me into letting him help. Again, just like you.”

“So he can do it,” my mother said, “some man you just met, but I can’t.”

“Yes,” I said. “Because you’re my mother, and I’m a grown woman, and he’s my …” I had to stop, then. I didn’t know what word to fill in here .

“Partner,” Sebastian said. “And you count on your partner for that kind of thing. Cups of tea. Ice packs. Dinner in bed.”

“And you haven’t had a bleeding episode,” my mother said.

“Well, yes,” I said. “I have. I had a bloody nose. Not the end of the world, and Sebastian was great about that, too. I’m fine, Mother. I’m fine. If I’d had that bloody nose without him, I’d have done exactly the same thing, and I’d have been fine then, too.”

She didn’t say anything. She just looked uncomprehending.

Stuck. Almost lost, and I got one of those world-flipping moments, when you see everything the other way around.

I took her hand across the table, gentled my voice, and said, “I know it’s hard to see me doing things that seem dangerous.

I know you worry. I also know that I need to grow up and change this deal we have.

I need to call you more, to talk to you not just about how I’m doing, but about how you’re doing.

I need to step up. If I want to be a full-grown adult, I need to stop complaining and step up. ”