Page 67 of Heartland

“Rickie,” I growl. “Don’t psychoanalyze me. You didn’t even know me before.”

He shrugs, as if it’s just so obvious. “Look—you asked me what to do. The answer is that you have to decide if you’re brave enough to try out this thing with Chastity. Because a friendship can survive one night of ill-advised sex. But it can’t survive denial of feelings.”

“Who’s doing the denying in this scenario?” I have to ask.

“You are.” He laughs. “Chastity already knows her feelings.”

“Do I want to hear them?”

Rickie’s smile turns wry. “I don’t know if you’re ready.”

I put my head in my hands. This conversation is getting too heavy. “You think she has a thing for me? Like really athing?”

“I don’t want to put words in her mouth,” he says quietly. “Maybe you can ask her yourself. But first you have to win back her trust.”

“By apologizing.”

“Maybe,” he hedges. “But here’s your real issue—you did lie. You pretended you weren’t attracted to her. You lied to Kaitlyn to save face. You made this mess, and her anger is entirely justified.”

“Then I guess it’s time to grovel. I’ll call. Today.”

“She won’t answer,” Rickie predicts.

“I can’t apologize by email. That’s just cold.”

“Flowers?”

“Isn’t that a cliché? Chastity would prefer that I spent the money on something more useful. Like our business. She needs so many things.”

“Like what?”

“A computer. A phone. The right version of her textbooks.” I shake my head. “This is why I can't be casual with her. I know too much. She doesn’t deserve a guy who just wants to get a little drunk and screw around. She needs someone to take care of her.”

“Don't we all, though?”

“Can you just stop being the philosopher king for a second and tell me I'm not an asshole?”

“You’re not an asshole... usually.”

“Oh, for fuck's sake.”

“In this case I think you've been an asshole to three people. Chastity, Kaitlyn, and yourself, too.”

“Anyone else you want to add to the list?”

“Nope, that will do.”

I pull out my phone and try Chastity’s land line.

It rings and rings with no answer.

Twenty-One

Chastity

I spendthe rest of Monday hiding in my room, feeling weepy and very sorry for myself. Every time I remember the things that Kaitlyn said, I just want to die.

I know she was laying it on thick—she was intentionally cruel and trying her best to wound me. But it worked. She didn’t have to even try very hard, because the truth hurts. A lot.