Page 65 of Heartland

“Just get a little,” he insists. “We’re going to eat really well while you tell me what stupid thing you’ve done now.”

* * *

We do eat well. But the gourmet food doesn’t make it any easier to explain what happened. I begin by stumbling through an outline of what transpired between Chastity and me. Not that it’s easy to explain the way we went from arguing to…

My pulse jumps when I picture Chastity naked and begging me to fuck her. Did that really happen?

“I’m not half as surprised about the sex as you are.” Rickie snorts as I tear my napkin into little shreds. “That was just overdue.”

“Yeah, maybe, but…” I don’t know how to explain it without being crude. “I wasn’tgentle. It was wild and—” I swallow hard.Use me, she’d said. And now I’m worried I did that exact thing. “And before I got a chance to talk to her and make sense of it, Kaitlyn turned up.”

“Oh shit.” Rickie whistles under his breath.

“I think she heard the whole thing. And she did not take it well.” I tell him every horrible thing she said.

“Ouch,” Rickie says, getting up to pour water from the tea kettle into both our mugs. “So you're upset because Kaitlyn told the truth?”

“No!Jesus H.” Was he even listening? “I’m upset because Kaitlyntwistedthe truth. I never said Chastity was unattractive. And it’s not like we sat around discussing her.”

“Whatdidyou say, then?”

“I told Kaitlin that I wasn’t attracted to Chastity. It’s not the same thing at all.”

Rickie carries the mugs back to the kitchen table. “It’s not exactly the same, no. But it still wouldn’t be that easy to hear from the guy you just handed your v-card to.”

I let out a groan, because he’s right. “The only reason Ieverdenied my attraction to Chastity was that Kaitlyn wouldn’t shut up about it. We never would have had the conversation if she wasn't insane.”

“Is she, though?”

“Yes!”

He drops tea bags into the mugs. “Are you attracted to Chastity?”

“Of course I am!” I shout, jumping out of my kitchen chair. “We just about burned her bed down last night.”

Rickie pretends to duck. “Well, now we're getting somewhere.” He pushes a mug of tea toward my side of the table. “Sit down, hothead. I’m only playing devil’s advocate. And in this case, the devil isn’t too hard to find.”

“Fuck.” I collapse into the chair. “I’m the one who didn’t want to screw up our friendship. And now I’ve detonated it. But before it all went wrong, it was…” Hot? Amazing? Incredible? All those words sound flip.

I’ve had a lot of sex before. I like adventure, because I’m easily bored. So I’ve basically tried everything. But it’s been a long time since I’ve been sointimatewith someone, since I’ve had that kind of clawing, desperate sex where I’m so stuck in the moment that I hope it never ends.

But they always do. And this one ended spectacularly badly. I don’t know how to come back from that. “What do I say to Chastity? If I can even get her to talk to me. Kaitlin was so harsh.”

“Kaitlin is a bitch,” Rickie agrees. “But her feelings were hurt. And she thinks this validates her world view.”

“What world view is that?”

“That you were emotionally unavailable to her.”

I make a noise of disgust. Her behavior today didn’t exactly make me wish I’d been more open. Good lord, the girl cannot be trusted.

Rickie’s tea smells hot and spicy, and it soothes me. That’s the benefit of living with the campus eccentric. Good tea and constant conversation. He rarely leaves the house, and he’s never too busy to talk.

“What are you going to do about Chastity?” he asks now.

“Apologize a hundred more times.” Obviously.

He clicks his tongue as if I’ve said the wrong thing. “But then what? More sex?”