Page 114 of Heartland

“It could happen,” Leah says gently. “Let’s just see. There’s no need to panic. You’ll have time to get used to this idea. I’m sure you’ll realize what a gift we’ve been given.”

A gift. I didn’t ask for this gift. I just want to stay in Vermont and be near Dylan and figure out if I can make a go of my business degree.

Leah pats her belly, where a baby bulge is just beginning to show. She’s just crazy enough to try to open a nonprofit women’s shelter and have a new baby and move across country at the same time.

She needs me. It’s selfish not to go and help others the way that Leah helped me.

So why do I want to lie down on the floor and weep?

* * *

It’s a difficult day for me after that. Maeve is as hyper as I’ve ever seen her. She knows she’s one day away from Santa Claus, and nothing can calm her down. Not even when I lend her my phone to draw on.

Dylan has texted me, too.Do you miss me yet?

He really has no idea. I feel queasy every time I think about moving away from here.

I don’t return his text, because I don’t even know what to say.

Meanwhile, I have to wrap the gifts I got for the Abrahams. I take Maeve upstairs with me, and I let her use too much tape on the wrapping for the hat I made for Isaac and the scarf I knit for Leah.

There’s a stuffed moose on the top shelf of my closet, too. But it’s hard to feel Christmas joy when my heart is breaking.

This is only my third Christmas ever. We didn’t have Christmas at the Paradise Ranch. I didn’t understand what a big deal it was until I worked at Walgreens and watched the entire store transform into green and red and gold a few days after the unsold Halloween stuff was carted away.

I don’t want to go back there. What if I’m minding my own business in Laramie one day, and one of the Levi brothers drives down there for something? It could happen. What if they find me and decide to snatch me off campus just to teach me a lesson?

For the first time in my life I feel soafraid. It was never like this when I actually lived there. I evaded. I coped. Even the beating I received made me more angry than scared.

I don’t want to go back. I can’t.

“Chassity?” Maeve asks in her small voice. “Read me about the chipmunks?”

“Sure,” I say, because I never turn her down. “Where’s the book?”

She fetches it, and then we curl up on the sofa together. Maeve has a stack of Christmas books. This is the stupidest one, but also her favorite. Go figure.

We turn the pages and I read with only half my brain.

The other half is panicking.

Thirty-Six

Dylan

For twenty-four hoursI’ve smiled my way through decorating the tree. I drove my mother to the grocery store so she’d have someone to load and unload groceries. I’ve milked cows. I’ve cuddled goats. I’m basically Mr. Christmas.

Until we’re standing outside the barn, where Griffin starts in with his questions about the future.

“How did that computer programming class turn out?” he asks.

“I fought for a B, but I won’t be taking another one. It’s not really my thing.”

“Oh.” His face falls. “How much time do you have left to declare that major. Two weeks?”

“Yeah, so?”

“What’s it going to be?”