Page 105 of Heartland

Or Dylan, either. But I doubt I’ll have a choice.

* * *

That evening I’m in my room, writing my very last composition essay. The professor loves my stuff these days. On the last one he wrote:This is so raw and beautiful. Great expression!It stuns me to receive praise for all the scary ideas in my head.

The class doesn’t have a final exam, either, which means my only tests will be in Spanish, my small-business econ class, and algebra.

Totally doable. My first round of finals is still scary, but I feel like I can make it through my first semester of college without failing anything.

When I get up to get a drink of water, I find Kaitlyn standing in our bathroom, using the mirror to touch up her lipstick.

“Oops, sorry,” I murmur, even though I have every right to be here.

She glances at me, but I don’t get the scowl I’m so accustomed to. “You can have the bathroom. I’m just going.” She drops the lipstick into her purse. She also grabs her toothbrush and a contact lens case and drops those in, too. Then she glances at me. “I’m out of here for the night. So I guess you don’t have to make yourself scarce.”

“New boyfriend?” I ask a little too hopefully.

“Something like that,” she says. “He’s a hockey player. Hands off, okay?”

“Jeez, Kaitlyn.” I let out a nervous laugh. “I’m not—Dylan and I were friends for a long time before, you know?” I can’t stop talking, because I feel strangely guilty about Kaitlyn these days.

“Actually, I was kidding.” She gives me a smirk. “Dylan always had a weak spot for you. And lord knows you’re a goner for him.”

I swallow hard.

“But when he moves on, you’ll have to go looking for your own hockey player, you know? I don’t envy you. It’s hard being the person who’s more in love.” She snaps her bag closed and shoulders the strap. “I prefer things the other way around.”

She’s ready to leave, but I’m standing here with my empty cup, feeling unsettled, because she’s right. I always wanted what she had with Dylan. But now that I have it, I understand her a little better. She lost him, and then she was sorry.

I’ll be sorry someday, too. “How do you stop?” I hear myself ask.

“Stop what?”

“Being the person who’s got it bad.”

She nudges me aside, but her expression is more gentle than I’ve ever seen it. “If you figure it out, let me know.”

* * *

After she leaves, I text Dylan.You won’t believe this! Guess who found herself a hockey player? She’s out for the night. And she took her toothbrush with her.

I’m truly happy for her. I wonder if she knows that.

Dylan interprets this news a different way.Goody. I’ll swing by later after my study group for bio. Unless you’re too busy? I’ll buzz from the lobby to make sure you’re done studying.

As if I’d ever turn down a visit from Dylan. And the prospect of seeing him lights a fire under my ass. I’ve almost finished my essay when the house phone rings.

I leap off the bed to answer it. “Hey there!”

“Hi yourself,” Leah says back to me. “You soundreallyhappy to hear from me.”

Oh shit. A beat goes by while I try to reorient myself. “Of course I’m happy to hear from you.”

Leah laughs. “Uh-huh. Who were you really expecting? What’s his name, Chass?”

“Leah,” I gasp.

“What? It’s so obvious that you met a boy. Why else would you be gone every night? Just promise me he’s a nice boy, and he knows his way around a condom.”