Page 72 of Hate the Game (Playing Dirty #1)

***Savannah***

“Wow.” Blaire sat back on her bed and then grunted and adjusted the pillows piled high behind her. “That’s kinda badass.”

I froze in pacing a hole through her rug. “What?”

“You were willing to leave home, go undercover, spend months somewhere that you hated, all in the name of your love for your brothers. That’s badass, Vannah.

If you expect me to get furious on behalf of my brother, you’re barking up the wrong pregnant teen.

Maybe I would’ve been angrier if you’d gone through with it and trashed Jax’s name but you didn’t.

You’re a good person. You got to know the guys and shifted your judgement.

You’re the best kind of journalist. You clearly have integrity and enough humility to change your mind. ”

I found myself scowling at her. “Don’t compliment me, Poppins.

Look at me. Look at the mess I made. Look how many times I’ve come here crying to you without telling you the whole truth.

I’ve been an awful friend. I suck. And I’m holding myself together okay right now but in a few minutes, I’m going to start crying again and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.

You don’t deserve this shit, this….mess I’ve made. ”

She rolled her eyes and waved me off. “You’re my best friend.

Everyone else here sucks. You made a mistake in not trusting me immediately but you had a lot riding on it.

I’m not upset, Vannah. Not at you. I am, however, incredibly pissed at my brother.

And his stupid friends. If they thought I was hard to deal with before, just wait.

I’m going to make them wish they’d never heard of you, men, or USC.

Those pricks. I can’t believe they seduced you to try to trick you into not writing your article. That’s low.”

I sank to the floor across from her bed and rubbed my temples.

“It’s my fault. All of this is my fault.

Now I’m not going to have a career, my brothers are going to hate me once they find out I’m not doing the article and why, and I don’t even have the guys when I think that was the silver lining keeping me sane.

Even when I was hiding from them, I knew they were still looking for me.

I think I tricked myself into believing that in the end, all of this would be okay because I’d have them in some way.

I thought they cared about me. I thought I was special.

And now I know… I wasn’t special. I’m not special. Not to them.”

“Savannah. When Cass told them who you were they had options. They could’ve confronted you with the truth and still gone about the interviews without the pretense.

They still could’ve shown you who they are.

They could’ve called it off, told my dad, and gotten you booted out of here.

They chose the option they did because clearly, they wanted a taste of you.

They were assholes for doing it. And they’re assholes now for letting Cass be the one to tell you.

And they’re even bigger assholes for doing all of this and leaving you feeling like shit.

The moment I’m not pregnant I’m kicking ass. ”

“I’m so sorry, Blaire. You have bigger things to worry about than me and my shit. I did this to myself. You shouldn’t have to fret over it.”

She snorted and threw a pillow that I was too sad to dodge.

“Are you kidding? You idiot. I did this to myself. I got myself knocked up and you fret over me. It’s the same thing.

You are so quick to think the worst of yourself, Vannah.

Every time you come here you fret over me.

You check if I need anything nonstop. You cleaned, you brought me food, you even rubbed my feet that one night!

I’ve been so lucky to have you around. As much as I hate that you’re hurting and I hate that my idiot brother is part of the reason I’m so glad to have you back.

I love you. We’re going to need to work on how you value yourself, though. ”

I hugged the pillow to my chest and when I opened my mouth to reply all that came out was an ugly sob. Since it wasn’t easy for Blaire to get down on the floor with me she motioned for me to join her in bed and then she held my head in her lap and stroked my hair while I sobbed.

“This is good practice for when the baby comes.” She giggled and then snorted when her laughter bounced my head around. “Sorry! At least I know not to do this with the baby. I’m shaking you all up.”

I laughed as I cried or maybe I cried as I laughed. Either way, I was a mess. Eventually I sat up and hugged Blaire. “Thank you for being willing to care about me even when you maybe shouldn’t. I was here to take your family down.”

“Meh. Honestly, it could afford to be knocked down a few pegs.” She sighed and gently patted my cheek.

“Why don’t we watch a few sad movies, cry ourselves out, and order in enough pizza to kill a man?

After getting all the crying out of the way maybe you’ll realize that you deserve to be angry right now.

Maybe you’ll even embrace that anger and scratch your name into Jax’s truck.

Hopefully a few hours in bed with me will make you drop the idea that I should hate you. ”

I sniffled and shot her a weak smile. “Are you coming on to me?”

She laughed and pressed a sloppy kiss to my forehead. “I always said I wanted a girl my brother had slept with. Said me never.”

I didn’t even know where my phone was but when Blaire’s started blowing up a few hours later she turned it off and I buried my head in her shoulder and pulled the blanket up higher.

“They’re going to be so pissed when they realize I sent a text to security downstairs asking that they not be allowed in the building.”

“You did?”

“Hell yeah, I did. They need to suffer. They did something horrible and if they don’t have a few days to think about their actions, they’ll never learn. Assholes.”

I decided to ignore it. I didn’t want to know. I just wanted to watch movies that made me sob for a reason not my own and stuff myself with food until I passed out.

“Seriously, Vannah, I’m probably a terrible person for how much I’m enjoying this. Do you know how hard it is being Jax’s sister? Everyone always thinks he’s perfect. It’s infuriating. And now you’re here and he’s messing up all over the place. He needs to feel this to keep himself humble.”

“I think it’s possible that we could both be better sisters.”

She scoffed. “Your brothers let you move states to chase vengeance in their name. My brother is a jackass who lets our dad control him. None of them deserve great sisters. They all need a swift kick in the ass. Now watch the movie.”

“Yes, ma’am.”