Page 47 of Hate the Game (Playing Dirty #1)

***Savannah***

“Wait. So why this tree? Does it not make you sad?”

Jax shook his head as he laid back and tugged me with him until I was curled into his side. “Nope. Those were some of my favorite days. Getting away from Dad for a while was fun.”

“Is it hard to play for him?” He was so warm around me and with my head on his chest I could hear his heartbeat, steady and deep. I wrapped my arm over his stomach and breathed in his unique, comforting scent.

“Some days it’s the best thing in the world. When he’s in a good mood, it’s fun. He’s still a fucking drill sergeant but he can laugh and joke. Other times he’s the biggest asshole and I seriously regret not accepting an offer from any other college.”

“Is it worse during games? I saw him the other day and it was painful to watch.”

He sighed and tightened his hold on me. “It’s especially bad during big games.

He feels pressured to win, of course. I get it, to a degree, because he can be fired if we don’t play well.

The pressure he puts out, though, is insane.

It’s toxic. Wait until the bowl games and shit this year.

You’ll see him show his ass. Last year was an especially fucked up time with him. ”

“What do you mean?”

“During the Texas game he was riding us so bad that I could barely see straight. There was some new guy with the college who was making noise about getting new blood in the program. Dad’s been there for so long that he freaked.

Football is his entire life and USC football is in his blood.

Before that fucking Texas game that new asshole made some comment about replacing Dad if we didn’t bring home the championship.

” If Jax noticed that I’d stopped breathing, he didn’t acknowledge it.

“That entire game he was making calls that went against what I thought made sense. He pushed too hard and for no reason. By the end of the game we were all just fighting to get off the fucking field. I thought about walking away from football after it.”

I felt sick to my stomach and more than a little confused. I sat up and hugged my knees to my chest, unable to look at him. “What was he doing?”

“There were times when I wasn’t sure if he wanted to kill us or if he wanted us to kill Texas.

We made mistakes that made me scream like a fucking lunatic at us.

Worse, we made mistakes that got people hurt.

On both sides. I’ve watched the game footage and it’s hard to recognize my dad.

He looks like a serial killer losing his shit on the sidelines.

He publicly ripped almost every member of staff a new asshole and then moved on to us and even people in the stands.

It’s humiliating. I’ve never been happier for a game to end. ”

My chest was going to cave in. I sucked in gurgling breaths as panic threatened to suffocate me. Hearing him talk about the Texas game was a mindfuck. I had the version of events that my family supported but Jax sounded sincere. He sounded guilty about people getting hurt.

“You okay?” He sat up next to me and wrapped his arm around me. “You’re freezing, Savannah. Why didn’t you say something?”

I was being so weird and I kept waiting for him to put things together but if he noticed how strange I was acting, he let it go.

“Come on. It’s time to get you back to the dorm. It’s going to be bitterly cold on the back of the bike.” He swore. “Shit, Savannah. I should’ve paid more attention.”

I let out a shaky laugh. “You gave me an orgasm, talked to me, and called my ex a fool. You were great.”

He pulled me to my feet and rubbed my arms to warm them. “Feel free to request the orgasm at any time.”

I considered it. It was a terrible idea but my body was so numb after hearing him talk about the Texas game that anything that felt good had to be better. No matter what it did to my mind.

“Jesus, Sav. Stop looking at me like that. I have to get you somewhere warm. No matter how much I want to bury my face between your thighs, I can’t.

” Without giving me a chance to attempt walking on my shaky legs he picked me up and cradled me to his chest. “Next time we’ll make sure you’re dressed for the weather. Maybe get you a pair of leathers…”

I looked up at him and realized he was teasing me. I forced a laugh and rested my head on his shoulder. There wouldn’t be a next time when he figured out who I was and what I was doing. Nevermind that I wasn’t supposed to want a next time.

Back on the bike I held on even tighter to Jax but it had nothing to do with sexual tension that time.

Instead, I held on tight because I knew there was a good chance I’d never be behind him like that again.

I had a few months left at USC but that time would fly by.

And then they would find out that I’d been trying to hurt them each and every time they opened up to me.

I was a wreck by the time Jax pulled up next to his truck and insisted on starting it with the heat running while he stored his bike.

No matter how horrible I felt, holding Jax while the motorcycle vibrated between my thighs made my body come alive.

The ride back to campus in his truck wasn’t a lot better.

He kept stealing looks at me, looks that were a mix of concern and hunger.

“Savannah?”

I jerked as I snapped out of my thoughts and looked over at Jax. “Yeah?”

“I need to go to my dad’s. I snapped at him before I picked you up earlier and I need to apologize or he’s going to make everyone suffer at practice tomorrow. I’ll drop you off at the dorm, okay?”

I nodded. “Yeah, thanks. Good luck with him.”

“Are you okay? You seem off.”

That was an understatement. I was losing my ever-loving mind. “I’m good. I didn’t realize how cold I was.”

He laughed quietly. “Little liar.”

I turned to face him and found the smile on his face so charming that I couldn’t help smiling. “Idiot.”

“So, we’re good? I didn’t push-”

I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid across the bench seat so I was next to him. Resting my head on his shoulder I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut as he intertwined our fingers. “You didn’t push, Jax. I promise. I’ve just got a lot on my mind. Nothing bad about you, though.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. Unfortunately, I’m starting to believe that you really are a good guy.”

He squeezed my hand and laughed. “Unfortunately?”

“Yeah, unfortunately! You’re not supposed to be hot, kinda funny, a great kisser, know the best diner, and a good guy. It’s not fair when the rest of us are just out here existing in the land of bad attitudes and cellulite.” I grunted. “The least you could’ve done is be an asshole.”

He pulled to a stop in front of the dorm and shut the truck off so he could pull me into his lap. My ass hit the steering wheel and the horn went off in what had to be the most humbling moment of my life. I cringed away from him, horrified and feeling like a freaking whale.

Jax didn’t let me get away from him, though.

He cupped my ass and tugged me over so I was straddling him.

The horn went off several more times until he got me where he wanted, eyes bright with laughter.

“I agree with the assessment of your attitude. It can definitely be bad at times. As for the cellulite? If that’s what makes this ass so goddamn perfect, then I want to build my house in the land of cellulite. ”

I cupped his face and stroked my thumbs over his cheeks. It was time for a shave but I liked the rough rasp of his beard. “I don’t understand anything anymore.”

He seemed to understand that I was talking about something much larger than whatever was happening in his truck. “You’re smart. I have faith that you’ll figure it out.”

I swallowed a lump of emotion but there was no fighting down the confession bubbling out of me. “I need you to know something… Things happened with me and Cole. And with me and Ryder. Saying it out loud makes me feel like a wh-”

“Don’t fucking say it.” His intensity shut me right up.

“Unless and until you decide you want to date one of us, you don’t owe any of us exclusivity.

However, it’s a lot easier for me to say that when the other two guys you’re seeing are my best friends that I love and trust. If it was any of the other assholes on the team I might have more of an issue. ”

I ran my thumb over his bottom lip and shook my head. “I don’t know what it is but it’s only the three of you. I would never touch anyone else.”

“Good.” He nipped my thumb and smiled. “Do you realize you’re grinding your sweet pussy on me?”

I had not realized. “Oh, god. I have to leave now.”

He laughed and helped me out. We managed to honk only twice more in the process and then I didn’t wait around to see if anyone had watched the humiliating exit I’d just made from Jax’s truck.

I ran inside to the soundtrack of his laughter.

My body was on fire with desire and my mind was on fire from the revelation I couldn’t ignore.

He wasn’t the monster I’d believed him to be.