Page 63 of Hate the Game (Playing Dirty #1)

***Savannah***

Ishowed up at Blaire’s door with a hastily packed bag and enough shame to fill every dorm on campus. She answered the door smiling, n o idea that I was about to explode a lifetime of pent up self-hate at her feet.

“Hey! I was just about to call you. I made-” She gasped when she finally looked at me and saw the tears in my eyes. “Oh, god. What happened? Who do I need to kill? My brother? Ryder? Cole? Who? Name them and I’ll take them out.”

I slipped inside her room and dropped my bag at my feet.

The sound of all my toiletries banging around normally would’ve concerned me but I couldn’t care, not when I’d just been caught acting like the biggest whore in the entire state of California.

“Me. Take me out. I… I… Oh, god. I keep doing this, Blaire. I keep coming to you falling apart. I’m sorry.

I’m such an asshole. It’s not like you don’t have your own shit to deal with. ”

She tilted her head and rolled her eyes.

“Cut it out. Go take a shower and wash your face. Your makeup has never looked worse. And I say that with love because normally it’s perfect.

Get this silly idea that you’re inconveniencing me out of your head while you’re in there.

I live for this. You think I don’t have the rest of the day to panic about my own shit?

This is a relief. If either one of us should be apologizing, it’s me, for how much I appreciate the distraction. ”

She moved to hug me and I held up my hands. “No! Not until I shower.”

She looked at my makeup again and reeled back in horror. “No. No! Savannah! Go shower! If you have what I think you have on you, I’m going to vomit. It’s Jax’s, isn’t it? No, don’t tell me! Just go shower!”

When I got back to her room after scrubbing myself raw she was sipping at something from a mug and staring out of her window. I sat on the floor in front of her and stared down at my hands in my lap while my hair dripped down my back. “I’m sorry.”

Blaire passed the mug to me and sank to the floor beside me. “Hot chocolate. And you have nothing to be sorry for. I mean, I am traumatized that I saw what looked like splooge on your neck and it was possibly my brother’s, but I’m repressing that memory.”

“Don’t say splooge. God.” I shuddered and drained the rest of the hot chocolate. “I am sorry, though. I just… I can’t be there right now. Or maybe ever again. I’m humiliated, Blaire.”

“You can stay here for as long as you need to.” She saw me start to shake my head and grunted.

“I mean it. It gets lonely here. Everyone treats me like pregnancy is contagious. My brother and dad sure aren’t trying to hang out with me.

You act like a burden, Savannah, but honestly, you’ve made this year so much more tolerable for me.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when you leave. ”

Tears filled my eyes and I scooted over so we were side to side, leaning against her bed.

“Same. Hanging out with you has been the one thing getting me through. And if you’re serious about your offer, I may take you up on it.

I can’t go back to my room. At least not until enough time has passed for everyone to forget about what just happened. ”

“Now I need to know what happened. Everything. Don’t leave anything out.

Maybe just use a different name when you talk about my brother.

Paul, maybe?” Gasping suddenly, Blaire crawled across her room, pregnant belly hanging low, and opened her mini-fridge.

“I had enough stuff to throw together no-bake cheesecakes. And maybe it’s too much but I topped them with chocolate pudding.

I added tahini on mine because my current pregnancy cravings are out of control. ”

I took the cheesecake pudding concoction and scooped a too big bite into my mouth. I sank a little lower against the bed and moaned. “I truly don’t deserve you.”

“Now if we could just convince everyone else that I’m as great as you think I am.”

I swallowed my bite and stared over at her.

She was perfect and it made no sense that people couldn’t see it.

She was funny, smart, playful, and so kind that it made me want to be a better person so I deserved to be in her presence.

She made desserts like a goddess and she had a Mary Poppins bag. People were clearly stupid.

“What? Why are you staring at me like that?”

I put my dessert cup down next to me and sighed. “I wish we were both lesbians. Life would’ve been so much easier if we could just fall in love and be together. I’d use my trust to buy us a little house by a river somewhere and you could make art while I write books or something.”

Blaire burst out laughing and the wild, carefreeness of it made me join in. She wiped her eyes and fought to gain control but it wasn’t easy for either of us. “God, that would be nice, wouldn’t it? Would you claim my child as your own?”daughter and we’d teach her the dangers of footballers.”

“Fuck, yeah. I’d be Momma S or something. We could homeschool the kid and things would be perfect. There wouldn’t be a football in sight. Obviously, we’d have a

“Okay, I’ll try anything once.” She nodded at her stomach. “That’s what got me into this mess to start with.”

I grabbed my cheesecake again and blew out a breath. “Once I tell you what I’ve been up to you won’t want to try anything with me.”

She reached back in the fridge and pulled out a bottled cocktail. “I knew there was a reason I never threw these things away.”

I took it happily and took a deep breath. “You know I slept with Ryder the night before I flew back to Texas. Well. I slept with Cole last night. And then… I was returning a favor for Paul, if you follow me, and Cole walked in on it… In your dad’s office.”

Blaire’s face went through a series of emotions but she ended with excited shock. “Holy shit! Holy shit! What happened?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and saw the moment like it was happening right in front of my face all over again.

Jax’s pleasure filled face shifting to horror as he came on my face after his best friend walked in.

Cole’s clenched fists. I hadn’t been able to look at his face.

I didn’t need to to know that he was disgusted with me.

I told all of it to Blaire and by the end I was hugging my knees to my chest and sniffing.

“What kind of person does that? What kind of person sleeps with two guys in one weekend and gives the third a blow job? Something is wrong with me. I thought my last boyfriend was the problem. I thought he was a piece of shit who made everyone think I was a filthy slut but what if they just knew it? Like, what if they could just see it on me?” I wiped my eyes and let out a bone-deep sigh.

“People have always assumed things about me because of the way I look. And now I’m living up to their beliefs. ”

Blaire moved to wrap her arms around me and held me tight, her belly trapped between us.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You have three men chasing you and you’re letting yourself live a little.

No one asked for exclusivity, Vannah. If they’re upset at you over this, it’s their own fault.

You’re not a filthy slut. You’re fucking wonderful and I won’t hear anything different. From you or anyone else.”

I leaned into her embrace. “I wish I could believe that.”

“You will. I’ll be sure of it.”

“I can’t face them, Blaire. They’re probably sharing notes right now and talking about how easy I am. I’m just so embarrassed.”

“You don’t have to face them. You’re staying here. We’ll take care of each other.”