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Chapter Ten

Llywelyn

The doorbell rang and I ran to get it, mini vacuum cleaner still in hand. I opened the door. Alaw grinned from outside and held up two big carrier bags full of the cleaning supplies I had asked for. Dinky jumped up at her and got some awkward scratches behind her ears.

“Let’s go, big brother!” she said. “You better have the kettle on.”

“I’ll put it on now,” I muttered.

“Good boy.” Alaw barged past me and into the kitchen, filling the kettle herself and popping it on the stove. Dinky scampered past us and into her bed in the kitchen.

“I don’t know why you ask for anything when you clearly think you can do things better than anyone else,” I said.

“Because if I ask, maybe you’ll remember next time.” Alaw started to unpack the bags as she spoke. There was bleach, glass cleaner, all sorts of air fresheners and smelly things I hadn’t asked her to grab.

“What’s all this crap?” I asked.

“Y’know, gotta make sure your house is ready for your mystery visitor.” Alaw pushed the other bag to the back of the kitchen counter and I wondered what could possibly be in it. “The mystery visitor whose name is James, Glynis’ grandson, the visitor from London…”

I didn’t even bother asking how she knew. Everyone knew everything in Hiraeth, I had no idea why I’d even bothered trying to hide it.

“You’ve done a good job in here though,” she said as she looked around. “Really spritzed it up for your boo.”

“He’s not my boo!” I protested, perhaps a bit too forcefully. “And anyway, I hoover and polish weekly.”

Alaw snorted. “OK, whatever. Where do you want me to start?”

I pointed her to the sink and counters and I started scrubbing the slate floor. It was a companionable silence for a few minutes before Alaw spoke again.

“So, tell me about him,” Alaw said. When I carried on scrubbing as I tried to come up with an answer, she carried on. “I mean, from what everyone is saying, he sounds nice. And handsome, from some reports.”

“Very,” I replied. And because I’d already got myself into trouble just for admitting it, there was no point holding back now. “And lovely, too. It’s not just his looks, it’s his smile. How he carries himself. Just…”

“He sounds great,” said Alaw. “But what are you going to do when he leaves?”

“Wow, thanks. Buzz kill right there.”

“No, but seriously - do you know what you’ll do?” The kettle started whistling.

“No.” I stopped scrubbing, and Alaw poured hot water into a cup. “I don’t know what I’ll do, and I’m not even ready to think about it.”

“Well maybe you should,” Alaw said.

“Do you not think I deserve just to have a guy here for one night?” I asked. “Can’t I just enjoy one night with him before he pisses off back to London to do whatever and whoever he likes? Can I not just have a quick fling with someone I genuinely really like?”

“And therein lies your quandary,” said Alaw. She always liked to use bigger words when she was problem solving, like it somehow made her sound more old and wise.

“What quandary? I don’t have a quandary. “ I started my scrubbing again, a little bit harder and faster than before.

“You care. And you like him. And one night isn’t enough for you, it never will be. You could have had any number of one night stands with the men in this village. But you never have, as far as I know. Because you were holding out.”

“How do you know I haven’t been shagging around the village since you went off to Swansea?” I asked. “It’s not like I tell you everything.”

“Llyw, we’ve always told each other an unhealthy amount of stuff. Like how I lost my virginity to Alun in the back of his truck.”

“You did not!” I shouted, more in shock than anything else. “Alun, the mechanic? I thought he was gay!”

“Oh my God, I thought I’d said years ago!” Alaw laughed. “And God no, not every bloody man in this village is gay, much as it feels like it. Mac who works with him is, though.”

“Wait…” the pieces in my mind seemed to be clicking together like a puzzle. “Is that why you’re back in the village. Is that why you’re not staying here with me?”

Alaw blushed. “Yes.”

“Bloody hell Alaw, how did that happen?”

“Well, Alun was down for a course in one of the big garages in Swansea for the weekend and we texted for a bit.”

“When was this?” I asked. I hadn’t;t known my sister come back here for ages.

“Six months ago…he’s been coming down almost every weekend. I figured, since I work from home, that I should come up here for the week. I’ve been staying in the flat over the garage with him.”

“Well, I’m gutted you never told me…but happy for you.”

“Thank you. I don’t like keeping secrets from my big brother,” Alaw said.

“Well at least I should see more of you now,” I said.

“Well…about that. Alun has been talking about me moving back up here. So much of my work has been remote recently that I hardly need to go back to the office. He’s looking at buying one of the houses down by the beach, maybe renting the space out above the garage to someone else.”

“You’re joking! You’d leave Swansea to come back here?”

“Hiraeth is my home. Always has been and always will be. Anyway, when you going to convince lover boy he’s better off here?”

“I don’t want to,” I said. “I mean…I want to, but I don’t want to hold him here.

James has so much ambition and a huge career in London.

It’s not fair on me to have him here. I don’t even have a proper job for God’s sake, I’m struggling just to keep a roof…

” I tailed off as I realised I had said way too much.

“Struggling to keep a roof over your head is it? You bloody idiot.”

“I can’t help it if I’m poor, can I?” I felt like a child but I’d already said it now. “I have no education past GCSE, Mam and Dad left me with a creaky old cottage in the arse end of nowhere and a town full of people who need my help.”

“A town full of people who, if they want your help, can just pay.”

“T-they do…”

“Don’t you lie to me Llywelyn. Alun said you fixed a hole in his roof the other day and refused anything more than 20 quid. For 3 hours work and materials! If he charged anything like that for his work his garage would have gone under years ago.”

“But he’s a friend!” I said. I remembered James being shocked at my rates just days before and realised that maybe he was talking sense.

“And I know the school have been looking for a permanent caretaker. I know for a fact the deputy head has mentioned it to you several times, and you keep ducking the point. The people of this town want your help, and they want to help you too. But you’re too bloody stubborn to do more than survive.

” There was pity in Alaw’s eyes. “I know how difficult this is. God knows I ran away when Mum and Dad died because I couldn’t cope with the way people in this village looked at me.

But it’s different now, we’re not teenagers any more.

You should be working to live, not living to work.

And maybe then you wouldn’t feel so intimidated by a man who has the tiniest bit of drive behind him. ”

I stopped my scrubbing completely. “You’re probably right.”

“Probably? I am right and you know it.”

“You’re a smug cow when you think you’re right,” I said. I could feel my lips turning upwards. Perhaps I was good enough to keep James around. Maybe I had a little bit of life sorting to do, and maybe he’d say no. But it was worth asking him.

“Good thing I brought extra then, because me being right is gonna rock your world tonight.” Alaw reached into the second bag, pulling out a set of nice mugs, new bedding and what looked like a fabric laundry basket collapsed down.

“I can’t resist a bargain, me. And you’re not sleeping with someone in your childhood bed. Time to start sleeping in the master.”

I was about to retort but it died on my lips. She was right. I’d left the bedroom untouched long enough to respect Mam and Dad’s memory. Most people lost their virginity in their childhood bed I was sure, but then again most people probably weren’t losing it in their 30s.

“Thank you,” I said. Alaw just smiled.

“By the way, I’m kidnapping Dinky,” she said. “Don’t want her mentally scarred by the noises coming from her Daddy’s bedroom. I’ll make sure she’s brought back in one piece by Sunday.”

“You can’t just kidnap my dog for a whole weekend! Who’s to say she even wants to go with you?”

“Well I’m trying to convince Alun that a puppy would enrich our lives , and if you think she doesn’t want to come with me…” she turned to where Dinky was laying in her bed. “Want to come and stay with auntie Alaw? With plenty of walks and cuddles and treats?”

Dinky jumped out of bed and jumped up on Alaw, whimpering with excitement. “Traitor,” I muttered.

“That’s settled then. We’ll get done here, I’ll take the mutt and you can enjoy your mystery man’s last night. See if you can get him to stick around.”

“I’ll try,” I promised.

◆◆◆

Hours later, when the sun was setting and Alaw had left me and the house shinier and more sparkling than ever, I looked over it with pride. The cottage might be old and it might have its problems, but I was proud of it and the life I’d built.

I glanced into my parents’ - no, my bedroom now.

Alaw had worked her magic with the bedding and it didn’t smell abandoned any more.

The setting sun peeked through the window and bathed the bed in a golden glow.

My heart thumped with anticipation. I wanted to do the right thing and romance James when he got here, but equally I wanted to get him through the front door, rip his clothes off and throw him straight onto the bed and not let him leave until he had to.

I was sure there was a compromise between the two somewhere.

I sniffed my t-shirt and recoiled a little bit.

The process of getting the house fully cleaned had obviously not done me as many favours.

I stripped off my t-shirt and trousers and walked to the bathroom, throwing them in the little laundry basket that Alaw had brought with her.

I realised then that she hadn’t just been helping me make the house look nicer and cleaner - she had been preparing it for two people. Making it a home.

I turned on the shower and stepped into the tub, letting hot water fall over me and soothe my fast beating heart.

I would be seeing James later in the night, and even the thought of him was getting me semi-hard.

“Down, boy.” I muttered at myself. I had plenty of insecurities about pleasing him - I would be the most recent in a long line of lovers for him, and he had surely had the best - but just thinking of him and the times we had shared soothed my fears.

As I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel from the railing my mind was filled only with thoughts of him.

Little did I know then that he was already gone.