Page 15

So we did. We walked all the way along the cliff edge.

I pointed out to him the charred spots where teenagers from all the local villages came to light fires, and over the cliff edge where puffins occasionally nested.

He asked questions about the area that I did my best to answer, and told me stories of his life back in London I found almost hard to believe.

It was hours later and we were lit only by the moon when we circled back to the van.

James pulled his hand from mine and I realised we hadn’t once let go the whole time. “Going to drive me home then, big boy?” he asked.

“Nah, just going to leave you out here with Dwynwen’s ghost,” I said. Dinky whined.

James poked me with one finger until I was backed up against the van. “You better not, the rewards could be great for you if you just do as I say.” He leaned up against me and kissed me deeply. It felt suddenly like the only warm part of my body was my lips.

“Noted,” I muttered. “Let’s go then.”

◆◆◆

The whole van ride back felt like an age. My foot was vibrating on the pedal and my hand jumping from steering wheel to the gearstick every time I had to make a change. I was making a conscious effort not to put my foot down and speed down the lanes like a madman.

I risked a glance over at James, who seemed to be vibrating on the same frequency as I was. I wanted to reach over and touch him, but knew if I did I wouldn’t be able to contain myself any more.

“Where are we going to…?” I wanted to invite James over to my house, but didn’t want to admit I was still sleeping in my childhood bedroom, or have him on my parents’ old bed. That would be a real buzz kill for him, I was sure.

“Nain is out for the night,” James whispered, then laughed. “God, I really am like a teenager aren’t I? Sneaking you into my nan’s house for a quickie before she comes home.”

I laughed with him too. Was I being stupid, worrying what he would think of my house then? It didn’t matter, anyway. I drove us up to Glynis’ house. It was dark, and was obvious no one was in. I felt the buzz start up again, if it had even left me.

We walked toward the house together, not quite touching, but our hands kept brushing up against each other and it felt like static electricity.

Dinky whined to remind us she was still there as if trying to kill the moment.

“Put her in the living room,” James whispered as he opened the door with a creak.

“Why are you whispering?” I asked.

“No idea. Just feels like I should.” The house was warm and James shrugged his coat off to hang it in the hallway and I did the same.

I popped the dog into Glynis’ living room and told her to settle on the sofa, then closed the door.

James was waiting by one of the doors in the hallway and followed him.

As he entered the room, he pulled his jumper off.

He hadn’t bothered to turn the light on, so I could just make out that he was wearing a white shirt underneath that I wanted off him immediately.

I realised that was within my power if only I could be confident enough.

“Hey,” I whispered. I touched James’ shoulder and he turned.

I hooked one finger between the buttons of his shirt and pulled him slightly towards me to kiss him.

Once we had started kissing, I tried my best to undo the buttons.

My hands were shaking a bit, betraying my lack of actual confidence, but I just kept kissing James till they were all undone.

I hadn’t seen his body properly before, but now seeing it in the dim moonlight filtering through the window I wanted him more than ever.

His body was smooth, and he didn’t have much muscle but his arms were wiry.

I felt myself exhale slightly as I saw the bruises that still hadn’t actually healed down one side of his body.

“Are you OK to…” I started, but James cut me off.

“I don’t want to think about that right now.”

“Then let me help you forget.” I pushed him back toward the single bed until he was sat on the edge, and I shimmied him out of his jeans.

There was a visual bulge in his tight white boxers and I palmed it as I kissed him.

James groaned and arched slightly into my touch, so I pushed down slightly rougher and his moans got louder.

James managed to undo my belt one handed and I batted his hand away as soon as he did. “My turn,” I said between kisses.

I pulled the waistband of James’ boxers just down slightly to release his cock and kissed down his neck until I was at eye level.

It had been a long time since I’d done anything like this, and it had always been a quick and awkward fumble in a hotel room.

I’d never really tried to be sexy before, and I didn’t know really how to do it.

I got down on my knees and brought myself eye level with James’ penis.

It was a bit smaller than mine, with well trimmed pubes.

It curved slightly one way. I was afraid of getting this all wrong, but I was there and ready to go.

I wrapped one hand around it as I fumbled with my own fly, pulling my aching cock out of my jeans just to stop it straining so hard against them.

I put my lips to the head and James moaned. Buoyed by an early success, I slid it slightly deeper, keeping my hand wrapped around it as a buffer and moving up and down gently.

“Fuck, that feels good,” James said. Feeling more brave now, I took my hand away from his cock and moved it to his balls. I played with them as I toyed with taking it deeper into my mouth. “Yes, like that.”

I tried way too quickly to take it all then and choked.

I pulled back, worried I had ruined things but when I looked up James was looking at me with lust glazed eyes and an easy smile.

I tried again, and choked. I realised my own cock jumped when I choked too.

Was I enjoying giving this as much as I enjoyed getting it?

I hadn’t thought that would be how it worked.

I kept bobbing my head up and down his cock, palming at my own throbbing cock at the same time. Giving him pleasure was getting me off more than I thought possible. I gripped at the base of my shaft just to stop myself from cumming before he did.

His moaning and gasping giving me even more confidence, I let the hand on his balls wander backwards, and I brushed over his taint and to his hole.

“Yes,” he moaned. “Touch me there.”

Without lube, I was limited in what I could do, but just pressing one finger against James’ hole seemed to do the trick. Whereas he’d been lying pretty still, he now bucked upwards gently into my mouth. “Fuck, Llyw. I’m going to-”

I pulled away as he came, cum shooting into my beard and onto my face. I was surprised to know I liked that too.

After James had finished I finally let myself finish too, standing up quickly to wank myself and finishing all over James where he lay on the bed. James burst into laughter.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry-” I started. I was mortified that he was laughing. Have I done something wrong? I thought.

“No, no. Just getting covered in cum in my grandmother’s house wasn’t how I anticipated the night going,” James said. “You were…amazing. Fuck, it was good.”

He stood up so his naked body was almost touching my clothes and wiped at my beard with one hand. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

James led me to the bathroom, turned the light on and and stepped into the shower.

Feeling suddenly less confident after finishing, I used the sink to wash myself up, cleaning off my face in the little bathroom mirror.

When I was done, I turned to dry my face and caught a glimpse of James in the shower.

He really was beautiful. He caught me looking and smiled, and it made me want to smile too. I didn’t know what my feelings for him were, not really, but I knew it would hurt when he left the next day.

As he got out of the shower I handed him a towel. “When was it you were planning on leaving again?” I asked.

“Officially? Tomorrow…but I checked the train times for Aberystwyth and I should be able to make it back on time to London Friday afternoon and work late if I get the first train that morning. I wouldn’t mind staying an extra night.”

“Do you want me to drop you to the station in the morning?” I asked.

“No, I couldn’t possibly ask you to come here so early to pick me up.”

“I meant…I’d like you to stay at mine. I’ll drop you off in the morning.” It felt stupid to ask, I knew I was pushing for more time which we didn’t really have. But I wanted James. And if I couldn’t have him for longer, I would just have him for now.